The Last Lonely Cullen
by Demon13
Summary: The only mateless vampire in his coven, Edward spends his days wandering the Earth searching for his soulmate. Carlisle thinks he's found her for him in the form of the Chief's daughter. Will Edward and Bella find a way to love one another?
1. The Last One Alone

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Hello Everybody!**

**Long time no see, but I am returning here to for now! **

**The editing process is still ongoing but I'd like to put the story back up because of all the enthusiastic encouragement I've received to get the story back up as soon as possible.**

**Thanks to all who continuously mailed me to let me know that you were still waiting and thanks to Broken Nightingale, who is amazing, plain and simple. **

Chapter 1- The Last Lonely Cullen

Edward's P.O.V

Eternal Life.

Most people dream about it, but they do not understand its curse.

Throughout life many people have the idea of what it is their existence means. Every _human_ who walks this earth either has a purpose, or is searching for one. The things in this world to live for are plenty, some live for money, some for beauty, the more material things that seem to push into the forefront of the minds of almost all on this earth. Even those who are like us, other vampires take pleasure in some of these earthly pleasures.

But there are others, the lucky ones. The most fortunate of them all live for someone else. All their lives spent pleasing, being with, _loving_ another being that returns the feelings.

All my life I have wanted this. All my life only _that_ have I wanted.

Of course as every story goes, mine is the tradition of want but cannot have, and if I do have it, I do not care for it. One hundred and eight years I have walked here and found anything to take my mind off of the fact that wherever I walked, I walked there alone. Music, my only true passion took me to many directions when I became bored with life. I studied biology and medicine as it progressed and now held two up to date doctorates. Many years of my life were spent studying psychology, sociology, chemistry, _anything_. Decades of my life were spent on education as an attempt to distract myself from my longing.

The only thing I wanted was a mate, all my families money, all the distractions in the world were no longer enough. I wanted someone to walk beside, to love, to live with, to have and hold as totally my own.

One hundred and eight years alone.

_One hundred and eight._

Never could someone hold my attention long enough, never were there thoughts that were not shallow or showed the true ulterior motives of a person who would approach me. Never was there, or would there be a someone for me like I wanted. And so here I sat, in a big house with three couples...Here I sat, knowing that this year in school would be no different, knowing that I would walk through everyday unfulfilled like I had.

The loneliness I felt emanated from me, most saw it as hostility, but to the few who new me they saw the ache that swam in my eyes.

"Edward, you don't have to go back to school. I know how much you hate it there." Esme, my 'mother' stood beside me and leaned her head against my shoulder. I had been standing in my room glaring at the woods for hours, hating that I would be returning to Forks High at eight am. School was extremely tedious now. History class was a joke, having lived through almost everything they taught. Math had not posed a challenge in almost a decade. Worst of all, were the people. Shallow, horny teenagers, who could only think of themselves and how to get whatever they wanted at any expense.

"I know you hate to have to hear the thoughts around you. We can try convincing Carlisle to take you on at the hospital." I shook my head and smoothed Esme's hair out. All she ever did was worry over how I was miserable from my loneliness.

"No Mom, Dad says I cannot pass for twenty-five, and he is right. I simply cannot look as old as he can." My mother nodded and cursed my forever seventeen looks.

"It is true Son," my father, Carlisle said walking into my room. "I do not mean to stick you in high school over and over, but this is our life. We have chosen to live this way." I nodded.

"I know."

'_Maybe you will find her this year. You cannot give up hope Edward!'_ Carlisle's thoughts penetrated my mind and I shook my head. My mother sighed, used to used communicating silently but hating being left out.

"There is no hope Father. Why would there be someone for me at school? They are all human, and I could not be a mate to a human!" Carlisle shook his head.

"Do not be so sure."

"You are fooling yourself Dad." I murmured and turned my gaze back out to the woods.

"You are the one who is fooled my Son, if you cannot even give yourself the chance to explore that thought." I snorted with laughter. Carlisle grabbed my shoulder. "I don't appreciate mockery, Edward." I nodded.

"I apologize."

"Edward, Darling?" My mother looked up at me and I wrapped an arm around her firmly. Esme had taught me that affection was the best comfort I could offer her when she was upset over my feelings. "You need to at least try." Sighing I turned to hug Esme properly and whispered,

"Okay, I'll try." A white lie, nothing I would feel bad about telling. My parents turned and walked from my room, their hands finding each others as they turned into Carlisle's office. I whined in the back of my throat, a low uneasy sound. How wonderful it would be to hold someone's hand.

There was only so much I could resent my parents for the amazing relationship they shared. Carlisle had been there for me when no one else had, he was my creator. In the height of the Spanish influenza I became infected, and begged by my mother he had pushed his vampiric venom into me. Three days later I woke, cold, hard as granite and hearing the thoughts as well as the voices that were around me.

Esme had come only two short years later, when I was unconcerned about love. She had taken to treating me as her own son the minute Carlisle changed her. I was happy to have both Carlisle and Esme in my life. Things simply were not complete without them.

As time moved on our family grew and expanded, and was now as complete as we would know it. With Mom, Dad, my two brothers Emmett and Jasper, along with their mates, my sisters Rosalie and Alice, our life was as structured as we could make it, and as different from any other vampire's that one could find.

"Come on Eddie! It's time to go to school!" Emmett's voice boomed even at his normal talking level all the way from downstairs.

"It's Edward!" I yelled and forced my eyes away from the woods. Today would be a long slow day, but I would have to get through it somehow.

The drive to school in Forks was short, shorter than usual because of my insane love for fast driving. We usually took my Volvo as it was the least conspicuous my our many vehicles. My tiny sister Alice, the psychic was bopping to some insane new age music on the radio and laughing as her husband reached forward to grab her hand and hold it firmly in his. Jasper was the newest to our lifestyle of attempting to blend in with humans and struggled greatly. The blood lust he felt was intense and sometimes overwhelming but he forced himself to be strong. We filled our need for blood by hunting animals and though we are never quite satisfied, we are able to be strong just on animals alone.

"Cheer up Edward." Jasper said as we stepped out into the parking lot.

"You like this just as little as I do," I said as we split up. Rosalie and Jasper were posing as seniors. Emmet, Alice, and I were all juniors and thankfully, were all in the same homeroom. We stood comparing schedules in the hallway before the bell would ring. No teachers here liked to have more than one Cullen in a class, but it was inevitable in such a small town. Alice and I had history together, and Emmett was in my calculus class. Rosalie would probably be taking the same level Spanish as I would and as usual, I was in Biology by myself.

"I may hate this place too, but I at least try to pretend I'm happy."

"You have something to be happy for!" I snapped and walked out of the building.

'_Jeez Ed, I'm trying here.' _he thought to me. '_I only want to see you happy.'_

Moving quickly I parted the crowd as I made my way into first class. Longing eyes of the same shallow, unimpressive girls followed me. I cringed and sat at the back as I usually did. Settling in I knew this year would be like every other, disappointing, and lonely.

"Edward dear, I wish you'd play something less melancholy, everything will turn around for you..." My dear mother Esme's thoughts came to me. I frowned and continued my tune. Music was my only release for my constant grief that consumed my entire life. There were days like this when I truly felt that I did not belong with my family. Today, my sister Alice had Jasper, they were almost unbearable to be around. Their thoughts recently seemed to be of only each other and they were so strong I could not block them out for long periods of time. Though they were not publicly affectionate their minds ran wild with various scenarios that brought me to my knees with a cross between disgust and jealousy.

Emmett and Rosalie...were the worst. I knew it was not true but sometimes it felt like they were shoving all of this in my face. Broken walls, broken beds, loud moans and screams penetrating the silent still nights. It was enough to drive me insane. On those night loneliness pounded out of me and I curled up in my room with my music full blast. Dark claws tore away at my insides and I was sure that I did not have a heart anymore. Emmett was much too kind hearted to do this to me purposely, but my aching emptiness only got worse when I could hear him and Rose.

Hours were spent longing for some type of love. I did not want one that was as loud and flashy as Emmett's and Rose's, nor did I want something kept so hidden as Alice and Jasper chose to live. I wanted a love that was strong enough that humans looking at me with my mate would simply be able to tell that we were in love, that we were everything to each other. Sighing I pushed harder on the piano keys, making the sound ring more clearly through the house. Dreaming only made me feel worse sometimes.

Everything had been this way almost as long as I could remember. We were one big family, our charade never changing over the many places we moved to over the years. Esme and Carlisle the loving parents. Jasper and Rosalie were supposed to be twins. Alice, Emmett and I were all from different families, with a different tragedy striking each of our parents. But in reality it was just a big love fest everywhere we went. Three couples...and me.

I let my tune come to an end that did not sound quite right. I could not be bothered to fix it now thought. I heard footsteps approach me and turned to see my mother.

"Please Edward, keep playing." I shook my head and made to stand. "Please Dear, you are so talented and I love to hear you play." I sat once again and began to play one of mother's favorite pieces by Beethoven. "Won't you play one of your compositions?" I shook my head and continued the song for her. I felt her hand rest gently on my shoulder and sighed to myself. I hated to see mother so upset because I was hurting, but nothing could cure my pain. I was supposed to be alone like this, it was just the order of things. "Son, are you so sure that no one here catches your eye?" She sat down on the piano bench and let her head fall against me instead of just her hand.

"I am positive Mom. I know what I am looking for in a mate. Plus the other vampires we have seen around here are nomadic. They have no desire to share our lifestyle or our home. I do not want to leave you all. I love you too much to go, and yet staying kills me more and more everyday." She nodded and grabbed my hand as I finished playing.

"You'll find her soon Edward. She's out there, I promise you that she is out there somewhere." I felt another presence in the room and saw as well as smelt my father coming closer .

"Father," I greeted and stood. He came to rest a hand on my shoulder and lean his forehead against my temple.

"Your mother is right my Son. I _know_ there is a girl for you. She may be closer than you think." '_in this very town Edward.'_ his thoughts finished his sentence. I raised an eyebrow.

"I know every vampire that has passed through here. I'm not interested Dad...I need a certain something...I'm waiting for something special." He nodded and smiled.

"I wouldn't have it any other way Edward. You deserve the best, only the best. I know you will find her." His smile was knowing, and confident. Carlisle was always confident, too much so about this.

"Dad-"

"Edward,_ keep an open mind_." he stressed, I shook my head, '_Son, just...be positive for once. I promise that __**soon**__ everything will change._' My mother smiled at our exchange and I narrowed my eyes as immediately my father began to block my thoughts from his by reciting the bones of the human body.

"Maybe you should take your own advice, an open mind could help me right now. What is it you hide from me Carlisle?" He met my eyes but shook his head. "You know of another one of us I could meet?" again he shook his head.

"Edward, please just be opened minded. Things are going to change so soon. Forever it seems I have longed to see you happy and you will be Edward."

"Show me your thoughts! You are hiding something!" His block came down momentarily and all I caught was a flash of brown eyes. Not vampire, definitely not. Vampires eyes were red, unless it was a member of our coven. Because of the animal blood our eyes turned a light shining honey colour and slowly turned to black as we became hungrier.

"Have faith." My mother said. "What is it you want in a mate Edward? Ideally what is it you see beside you?" My mother took me over to a small love-seat and sat me down. I stopped to think about it, attempted to conjure up some mental image. I started to speak, saying the fragments that came to my mind.

"She would be...soft against me...like silk...and warm...dark hair....she would always want to hold my hand...and we could run together...and love each other in the forest." I paused and my mother smiled. "She would....be so kind...and comfort me when I was down...like I would do for her. We would struggle through life together...but it would be worth it. Her voice would be able to calm my fears...sometimes she would let me coddle her and treat her like my queen." My mother took my hand. "Maybe we could help you teach others to live like we do, and sometimes we would just spend days curled up, completely lost in each other."

"You can have all of those things, never give up hope for her." Esme whispered.

"Mostly," I continued, "I'd want her to tell me she loves me everyday...more than once a day. She would tell me just because she would know how much it would make me smile."

"Your hopes are beautiful Edward,"

"Do you think someone will love me mother? Everyone I meet sees only my face. Instantly they look at me and see some form of twisted beauty...too perfect to be real...that's what they say. Then they are afraid. Jasper says my hatred of life is apparent in my expression...it scares the humans more."

"It does Edward...maybe you should try to be soft. Your siblings had mates turned for them. Do not rule that out for you." I shuddered at the thought. How Alice and Rosalie lived with themselves...I did not know. Condemning someone to this life is something I never intended to do. I looked for my mate as other vampires that wandered past our place of residence. Of course I looked at the humans...and some of them were more than beautiful. Their beauty would not rival that of my sisters but for humans they were exceptional. Their beauty though was only skin deep. They constantly deceived one another, turning on those they were supposed to hold dearest. I would never be able to love someone so shallow...so callous. The people of Forks, Washington were like all other humans. Nothing special.

My parents stood and I smiled up at them. The dreaming of my non-existent mate usually made me feel happier if I could let myself hold onto hope.

"Don't worry Edward. Just trust me as you always do." My father said. I nodded and he clapped me on the shoulder before leaving with my mother. I stood quickly and moved back to my room, intent on listening to a new album I had bought. When I got upstairs though the aching inside of me returned. Over my music all I could hear were my siblings. Their voices were low and loving, full of caring. Whining, I stood and ran back down the stairs.

"If you're leaving again you better come home Mister!" my mother called as I moved out of the front door. She knew I would return, but for now I had to be away. Carlisle's thoughts of brown eyes had confused me, and the sound of love in my house would only disrupt my thoughts of how familiar those eyes were the more I thought about them. The woods around us were thick and good for thinking. Humans were far, and few in these woods because of the high population of carnivores, we just chose to stay clear of the set out paths and had our own hidden away spots.

The grass felt soft beneath my feet as I ran. The trees blurred by and I forced myself to go faster. I wanted to be away from everyone. I just wanted to have my mind quiet for once. To finally just be alone with _only _my thoughts and not the rest of the worlds. Pushing faster everything around me smeared together like a water colour painting. The cool air was heavy with impending rain again, and it thrilled me to be outside. The bubble of elation I associated with a good run in the woods never failed to help me level myself out when I was feeling particularly upset.

I stopped when I reached a familiar part of the woods where no humans had ever traveled. I threw myself down onto a rock and heard a loud crack break the pristine silence of the forest. The rock had split under all the force I'd put into it. I sighed and moved down to the grass. Welcoming the silence, I stretched out and gazed into the cloudy sky. Finally away from all the happy couples...and yet still alone, still by myself. I turned my head to the side and wished desperately to have someone laying beside me. Someone who would love me like I could love them, but no. I was a monster and was undeserving of love.

I cursed my existence, and hissed trying to release my anger. I hated everything about being a vampire. I hated having to kill to live, having to hide from the sunshine. Never any connections with the living because we can't be remembered, and every four years we pack up and move away to another dark or rainy locale. Forks, Washington where we lived now was almost perfect. Rainy, but not cold, and just enough sunny days for us to take as family time from school. Though it seemed nothing special to me, because at the end of the year, or next we would be leaving. I sighed and continued my brooding. Everyone in my family always told me I was too moody and too full of drama for my own good. Maybe this was true, but other factors hindered me from having a mate.

Emmett always told me that I was far too picky. That I should just give the next female vampire that wandered through a chance, that I would find love if I actually _looked_ for it. Jasper told me that I had to have faith in the fact that love would find me. Alice was usually silent on the matter, and tended to let me talk instead of talking at me. Rosalie never mentioned the subject except in her own private thoughts. Now my father was stressing that a human to be transformed to spend eternity by my side was the best bet. The thought seemed horrendous to me though. Rose and Alice had both had a mate made for them, I was not sure I could do this.

Emmett was the first of the two. Carlisle had willingly turned him when Rose had brought him home covered in blood after a bear had attacked him. Three days later he woke up and was smitten with Rosalie. The same went for Alice and Jasper. Alice had simply seen Jasper coming into her life, she _knew_ he would be her mate regardless of what course she set herself.

How could they be happy? How could they find and deserve love? Why didn't I? Why was I still alone? Why was I the only lonely Cullen? These questions had haunted me for many years and I was sure that answers would not come quickly, if they came at all.

Not for the first time in recent days I closed my eyes and desperately wished that I could sleep. Another curse of eternity, we must be awake for every single bit of it, no rest, no peace. We didn't need it of course, but it would have been nice. I continued to "rest" as I called it and feel the early September sun shine down on me. I grumbled to myself thinking about this month. We'd only started school last week. Another nine months of courses I'd already taken...maybe I really should go to university after I graduate again, it would be easier to study something I'd never taken before. The new sciences evolving like gerontology were rather interesting, or maybe I would study criminology. The planning of this was nice of course, but it would not hold my attention like I wanted.

No matter where I went or what I did, nothing seemed to satisfy me at all. Piano, running and laying here in the wilderness were the only things remotely interesting in life. Sometimes I'd come here and stay for days, or weeks until I was dragged home by my mother who threw a fit every time I talked about leaving. My parents were truly wonderful people but they did not understand the lonesome pains that ran through my body every time I had to see them all together. Whenever Rosalie and Emmett ran would randomly stop whatever they were doing to share a gentle kiss, or whenever Carlisle and Esme would share long meaningful stares across the rooms. Not only did I see it but I had to hear the thoughts that fueled these things, and everyday it just seemed to get worse.

Distantly I heard someone approaching, and tried to ignore the sound. If it was an animal it would catch scent of me in the woods and run off. I wasn't hungry enough for a hunt so I would leave it to wander. I knew it was not a human because the tantalizing scent of hot, salty, blood was close enough. Once more I tried to focus on Carlisle's thoughts of chocolate eyes.

I was jerked out of my own thoughts by Alice's intruding ones '_EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!! FAMILY MEETING NOOOOWWWW!!'_ Would the curses of this life never end? Dealing with the thoughts of all those around me was entertaining at times, but Alice liked to shout at me in her head. I growled low in my chest, hating my sister for coming to interrupt when I had only left a little over an hour ago. Alice was my favorite of my siblings, but she knew how to push my buttons even better than Emmett. Her small pixie like frame made her look the youngest of us all, but her sophisticated sense of fashion helped her age as every year went by. Rising from my patch of soft grass , I began to make my way back to the house at a fraction of the pace I'd used to find this spot. About a mile ahead I found Alice perched on a boulder looking like a small fairy and waiting for me. She pounced onto my back as I walked by and I shook her off, snarling at her.

_"You've been such a grump lately, what's your problem Ed?"_ Her golden eyes pierced me. Part of me felt bad for upsetting Alice, things so rarely got her down. She slipped her hand into mine. My answer sounded harsher than I meant it to,

"You're the one who knows everything before it happens, why don't you tell me why I am the way I am?" I cringed as I heard the ice in my own voice.

"_It's not my fault Edward, and by the way you're driving Jasper crazy. Your despair really puts him out." _I frowned and Alice stopped me and hugged me around my stomach. I sighed as I wrapped my arms around my sister.

"I'm sorry...I just really cannot help this sometimes. I've...been thinking about going to spend some more time on my own."

'_So I've seen...You don't need to leave us Edward. Just...be open minded.'_

"Why do people keep saying that to me?"

'_Because you __**need**__ to keep and open mind. Everything we ever do for you is out of our love for you. You just have to trust in that.' _ I nodded trying to peer into her thoughts but she was shielding them from me.

"Look," Alice said speaking out loud for the first time since she'd come to find me. "Carlisle and Esme are miserable when you're like this, they want you to be happy. We all do... Edward," She cut off and looked at me again. Her fingertips smoothed over my forehead and onto my cheek. I smiled.

"Things are so hard in a house so full of love Ali. I wish I could just not care like I do, but I really do feel worse now than ever."

"You shouldn't wish you didn't care Edward. If you didn't care you'd be some kind of monster." I wrinkled my nose. I was a monster, technically we all were but my brothers and sisters, to me they represented the good things about being human. They were amazing to be around and were as considerate as vampires in love could be. As much as my hatred of loneliness made me resent them, I loved all of my family more than anything. "Come now, Carlisle wants us home soon."

We continued towards our home, slowing to a regular human pace as we lightly skipped over the rocks and fallen trees in the woods. Every once and again Alice's thoughts flashed into my head, some memories of times I had been happier, others of more recent times when I had been avoiding the family. My curiosity was peaked when her thoughts turned into a vision, and I saw myself smiling and composing a song on my piano. It then switched to me standing at the alter of a church, my expression one of ease and pure contentment.

"What are you seeing Alice? I don't understand." Alice just shook her head and her high soprano voice chuckled, echoing through the forest. After this she remained silent as we made our way into the house. I glanced around looking for my family, and followed Alice as she walked past the kitchen and into our dining room. This dining room was there purely for a prop in case human visitors were to stop by, but I doubted that would ever happen. It was easier for us to stay separated from the humans. They feared us, though did not understand that their fear was a natural survival instinct.

I glanced around the room and noticed my family, except Rose and Emmett were all sitting in their usual spots for family meetings. Carlisle sat at the head of the table with Esme on his right. I sat to Jasper's left while Alice sat to his right. Emmett and Rosalie were standing but usually would sit across from Jasper and I.

Everyone's thoughts engulfed me again, sometimes walking into a room full of people was overwhelming, but I was so attuned to my family that it was easier to pick through and hear the individual voices.

"_God, I don't know why Carlisle thinks this will help._" Rose was muttering furiously in her head. My curiosity was peaked and I assumed it had something to do with the family meeting. Emmett's thoughts were their usual, he was thinking about his new video game system, and about how best to beat Jasper soundly to earn some serious bragging rights. Alice, strangely was still blocking her thoughts, and Jasper was forcing a calm over Rosalie's anger.

The air in the room felt unnaturally tense. My mother was sitting straight as a pin and humming lightly, she too was trying to keep her thoughts to herself. I felt awkward and unsure by not knowing what was going on around me at all times.

I looked up to lock eyes with my father, waiting for him to start the meeting. I fished around his thoughts, trying to figure out what this was all about. I quickly became confused when I saw a series of images that looked vaguely familiar, maybe from a TV show I'd watched years ago. I raised an eyebrow at him which let him know that I was looking through his mind. More clearly pronounced now, I saw those dark brown eyes that held no sparkle or warmth. Looking further into his mind I saw the vision of a dark haired girl, she was feeble, tired, afraid...the images seemed to be part of my own memory as I looked her over. Yes this human was familiar to me, I knew her. I wondered what she had to do with us as Carlisle began to speak.


	2. The Family Meeting

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Well, here's an updated version of Chapter 2! Chapter 3 has undergone some CRAZY changes (so much that I'm still writing it) But I'm hoping to have it up to you soon!**

**Thanks for all the love!**

**Again thanks to my wonderful friend BrokenNightingale who makes my world go round when it comes to writing!**

**I would also like to thank Akaalias who sends me interesting PM's and was willing to stick with me and let me explain my unreasonable Bella.**

**Well, enjoy!**

Chapter 2- The Family Meeting

Who was she? I'd never heard of this girl before, and in Forks, Washington everybody knew everybody.

_"The Chief's daughter..._" I heard briefly in Carlisle's thoughts. Chief Swan had been the head of the police force here in Forks for a number of years. I focused in on my Father more '_He'll be so happy, I just know it,'_ I swallowed in unease. Chief Swan's daughter...it felt familiar, her eyes seemed like those of a person I knew. But what was she to us? She was just another ordinary human. Probably exactly like Jessica and Lauren, or any other girl from school, always giggling, thinking of nothing but themselves and shopping...it grew very old very fast to listen to their internal monologues.

So why were we here again? What did this slightly familiar human have to do with anything? Carlisle was speaking as I sat with my thoughts, I turned my attention toward him fully to try and understand what was going on.

"...now you all know I would not gather you here unless I wanted to talk about something important, and this is _very important_ to _all_ of us. Our first major topic of discussion would be you Edward." My face hardened and my eyes fell down to stare at my hands. Jasper attempted to ease me with his empathic abilities and I shuddered into a more relaxed state. It only lasted momentarily, and I knew it was my brother's way of reminding me to be calm. It was hard to not be upset at this moment though. Carlisle had felt that I was making my family so miserable, we needed to meet and have some kind of intervention. A small feeling of self loathing slipped into my thoughts. I never wanted to make my siblings or parents upset, but it was unavoidable at times. Jasper of course was just open to my raw feelings, Alice was too in tune with me to not notice when I was longing more than usual. Emmett and Rose were discreet in their comfort but always offered a kind word, or a firm hand when I needed to rationalize myself.

I looked into Carlisle's eyes. I could not read what exactly was swimming in them, but Carlisle was just like that. No matter the situation or circumstances surrounding anything, my father was calm, demure and very level headed. Even when Esme went to pieces, Carlisle just took her in his arms and hushed her until she came around. Through my long time with him I had yet to see him fall apart over anything.

"_You knew this was coming Edward, you must have..."_ he thought directly to me and then continued out loud.

"Edward, your hostility is hurting us all. We cannot stand it any longer. Remember, you're not the only one who can feel your emotions. You hurt Jasper with your anger, which in turn hurts Alice, which again turns and hurts Esme and myself to see our children so upset." More guilt and self hatred washed over me and again Jasper forced other emotions over me.

'_This is what hurts me Edward. Not just the raw feelings but the fact that it is __**you**__ who feels them. You can't blame this all on you. You just have to try harder for us, and be open to what is going on here.' _ Jasper thought. I nodded slightly and noticed Alice bite her lip out of the corner of my eye. "Relax," her husband purred at her and smoothed her hair softly. Alice was working furiously to block her thoughts and Carlisle quickly claimed my attention again,

"Son, you can't do this to us anymore." his words were not meant to hurt, but they did. Carlisle loved me and I knew that, but his phrasing only made me feel worse.

"Well at least Emmett and Rosalie are perfectly content with my feelings. They receive no backlash." I snapped at Carlisle. I did not mean for it to be a snap. It was becoming too hard to control myself. I felt like a child who did not know any better. The fact of all of this was I knew what I did to my family. But it was a vicious circle that just made me more upset. I was miserable because I had nothing to truly live for, no one to love, no one to take interest in me that knew me, and these feelings hurt my family. Then after hurting them, I felt worse for hurting them, which in turn hurt them more, and made me feel more isolated. Nobody could win in this. I was completely trapped and held suspended in time by my own misery, a mix of loneliness and self hatred. I knew I really should try harder, but primarily I was quite selfish. I loved them all so much, but I wanted a different type of love, or maybe even lust would satisfy me now. I had never known proper love, though after living how I had, I knew what it was. The only real love I knew was the love of my human mother Elizabeth and my vampire coven. Everyday I just floated through this existence if you could call it that. It was more of the same, nothing ever crossed me that could inspire me to love and sing and be free like all my family.

"You and I both know that's not true" Carlisle whispered as he moved his hand to Esme's shoulder. She leaned into him and I grimaced. I turned my eyes to Emmett who spoke,

"Ed, we both know I hate to see you this way. If I could find out what was going on and help you know I would." his words were firm, his thoughts offended that I believe he did not care. I folded my features to look apologetic. Emmett gave me a smile.

"I would too Edward, you are my brother after all." A rare kind word and smile came from Rosalie and if my heart could break I was sure it would have. I knew I must _really_ have been antagonizing the family if Rosalie took a glimpse out of her and Emmett's bubble to notice. '_We both care for you Edward. Just listen to us for once. You may be lonely but you don't seem to do much to remedy the situation.'_ she added. I frowned and cast my eyes towards the floor. My circle of thoughts started again before I could ever think to hinder them. God, why did I do this to all of them? Why could I not just become a selfless saint, just to better my family and make their lives a little less stressful? I buried my face into my hands and sighed loudly.

"He's doing the self loathing this again." Jasper whispered with a half smile I caught his thoughts as they flooded into my mind "_You know Edward, you're way too over dramatic, we're here to make you happier, not make you feel worse. Don't hate yourself for what you can't control. You were human once too remember? Everyone needs love, and no one blames you for longing to be loved."_

"Edward, stop!" Alice whispered. She stood and was standing behind me, a hand on my should in one fluid motion. My hand found hers and I felt a wonderful comfort in her touch. Her hands felt what I thought human to human contact would feel like. They were neither warm, nor cold. The touch was not too soft, or hard. The intention behind the touch was what brought the warm feeling into my chest and I clutched onto my sister with enough tenacity to make Jasper give a restless growl beside me.

'_Reflex, pay it no mind.'_ he thought. '_I know you need it.'_ I smiled and patted Alice's hand before releasing it. Alice returned to her seat and I thought over the last few minutes. Looking back to my brother I slumped back in my chair and raised an eyebrow. I had seriously done something weird to my family. First kind words from Rosalie, now the usual witty and high sarcastic Jasper was speaking sentimental words of understanding and love. I scanned around the table and locked eyes with each other member of my family. Each bright and gold, matching my own. I smiled after looking at them and I received smiles back. It felt good to smile at them, and it felt good to sit with them here like this.

"There's my Edward, there's my oldest Son. I wish you would smile like that for us more." Esme whispered just loud enough for us to hear. I felt a little embarrassed and was very thankful that at this moment I lacked the ability to blush. Carlisle then spoke again taking all the major focus off me.

"So to get more to the point Edward. I know why you've been feeling the way you have been, and I want to help as much as I can. I am your father and I love you very much." Carlisle kept our eyes locked while we spoke. His words touched me as I knew them to be true. "You were my first son, and I'm glad you are still with me today. Every time you left to wander your mother and I were so afraid you would choose not to return to us. You _belong_ here Edward. You _are a Cullen._ This you know."

"Of course." I nodded, wanting him to know that I had no desire to leave and stay away. I only moved away from the coven for small pockets of time to gather myself and return with my head held as high as I could manage.

"Again I will say that we all want to see you happy Edward. We feel like we have found a solution." Carlisle paused and I wondered where this was leading. His face was strained and he was slightly unwilling to go forward. Esme touched his shoulder with encouragement. I opened my mind to his thoughts but he was shielding them from me I think, because all I could see was that human girl. Her dark hair was down in front of her face, shielding it from view mostly, she was quite small, and still vaguely familiar. He continued, his words more stern,"Well Edward, we'd like you to keep and open mind about what we're about to tell you. Okay?"

"To be quite truthful Carlisle, you all keep saying that to me, and it is making me anxious. When have I not been open to your suggestions before?" My father gave me a soft smile and nodded.

"This is true, we just all want to stress it because this may seem quite...unorthodox to you. Though, it was quite popular when you were young actually...." My eyes widened and I felt a lump move up in my throat. When I was young?

"Define young." I whispered.

"Human," he replied softly. I swallowed and sank my teeth into my bottom lip. The world had grown and changed so much since 1918. I waited for him to say whatever was coming. My hands clenched and unclenched as the suspense built.

"Please, do not leave me hanging with this."

"Edward, we've...well... we've _found_ a mate for you."

_**Silence**_

My face went blank with shock as did my mind. They had _found_ me a mate? What did what mean? Did I not get a say? I knew what I wanted for a mate, and it was just too bad she simply did not exist. Some would call me picky, but did I not have a right to be picky in this instance? This was the counterpart to my existence I was talking about?

A horrific thought struck me and I felt the need to wretch and be sick had I been able to. What if they told Tanya I would be her mate? She was from our sister coven in Alaska. Many decades had shown us that she wanted to have relations with me. Tanya was beautiful but I could never love her, just as she would never love me.

My shock was quickly giving over into anger. I attempted to calm myself but it seemed impossible. How could they do this? How dare they? How could they? When? How? _Who_? This girl? This girl who Carlisle was thinking of? _**A human?**_

"Edward?" Esme asked leaning forward to take one of my hands. I looked at her and then back to Carlisle. Their eyes were alight with happiness. All of my siblings we watching me closely with gleaming looks. Their thoughts told me they were honestly happy that they had found someone for me.

'_He'll finally be able to stop brooding!' _ Emmett thought while picturing us all running together and laughing as we did when I was able to force myself away from my depression.

'_She'll change his whole outlook on life, I just know she will.' _ Alice was buzzing with excitement, visibly shaking almost. Jasper was watching me carefully, intent on keep my emotions in check. The only person who seemed to be as appalled by what was happening as I was, was Rosalie.

'_They're insane to think he'd go along with this. He's so angry already. Hmm...good luck Edward.'_ I shook my head as Esme whispered my name several times.

"Just...explain please...?" I mumbled. Carlisle of course was the one to begin.

"Since you started acting like this Edward, I had Alice keep and extremely close fix on your future. We wanted to know if anyone would be able to come into your life that could change the way things are now-" I cut him off here.

"I know that Carlisle, I _agreed_ to that, but is _**this**_ necessary? I wish I could understand how you saying you found me a mate means we have to have a whole family affair over it."

"If you would allow me to continue Edward, please?" I nodded. "Anyways, our lovely little Alice saw something Edward. She has seen your life partner, your _true_ mate."

"Any why could she simply not show me this? Again I will ask why it is so important that we are conducting this like some business agreement?"

"Edward, you are making this very complicated. Please, hush!" Esme scolded me and I folded my arms over my chest in defense. Of course this was hard. Everything my family was saying to me was vague and terribly difficult to understand. Glancing at my sister, I noticed she looked guilty about not coming directly to me.

"I would have come to you Edward," she whispered, reading in my expression that I was studying her. "But I knew you would object. Carlisle made this work. I knew that going to him was in your best interest. You've trusted me for years, you can trust me now." Her brow was knitted together with pleading and I nodded, still trying to remain calm. "I've seen you with her Edward. You will be _so_ happy. Everything will fall into place...you won't have to be alone anymore."

"Wait Alice, your visions are completely subjective! They change as our minds do. You say yourself that you are never one hundred percent certain." How could my father, Carlisle Cullen, the most intelligent person I know rely completely on visions that sometimes were swayed by what Alice wanted, not what she knew to be true? How could he rely on something that could change as fast as a typical humans mind.

"Edward please just listen" I nodded my head and let Carlisle continue. "So Alice saw you with this girl and told me of it. I asked for Alice to sketch out a picture of what she saw, and almost immediately I recognized the girl. It was a girl I met three years ago when she was here on vacation." he paused letting me take this in. I nodded for him to continue. "The girl I know you see in my thoughts, that is her Edward. She is yours, all yours.The things your sister has spoken to me about, Edward they are beautiful. You should be happy right now Son. Your wait is over." The human girl swam through his thoughts again. Her big eyes seemed to be his main focus and I frowned more deeply. I figured now was a good time to start arguing.

"But Carlisle she is _human_! I cannot be a mate to a human!" I sprang from my chair yanking my hand from Esme's. They were actually going to do this to me? Try and make me be with this girl, this _human_ girl who I could not love without fear of breaking? I felt Emmett's presence behind me and before I could escape he pushed me back into the chair. I snarled at him and my mother gave me a stern look. I lowered my eyes to my hands and clenched them tightly into fists again.

"Edward, listen to your father."

"I cannot be with a human, Mother! If I touch her just the wrong way she will break! I want a mate forever, humans do not have forever. This is ridiculous, and I find it cruel that you would all do this to me."

"We would never be intentionally cruel to you Edward Cullen, you should be ashamed of yourself to think such thoughts about your own family." Esme's tone told me of how deeply I had offended her. Carlisle snapped his fingers, commanding my attention. Offending his wife was a capital offense in this house.

"Edward, do not ever say anything like that again. You know how things will pan out. As I did with Emmett and Jasper, your mate can easily be given this life. Your arguing is only making this painful. I would appreciate you apologizing to Esme, _now._" I growled low but whispered an apology. Of course I hated to offend Esme and she rose from her chair to come stand behind me, Emmett stepping aside to let her in his place. My mother patted my head gently. Carlisle was still looking at me with hard eyes, it was rare that he actually stepped up and treated us like his children, but there were occasions that called for it. I would admit that I was out of line in offending Esme, and I would take his scolding with as much grace as I could muster right now.

"She'll be one of us Edward, don't worry." Alice said smiling. '_She will __**want**__ to be one of us Edward. We won't have to force her.'_ I stood in anger and my mother stepped back.

"I would never condemn someone to this life! You all know I wouldn't! Being what we are is...not right. We cannot just take humanity from someone. Alice you must be mistaken. Nobody _wants_ this!" I yelled referring to the life of the damned.

"I do." both of my brothers said immediately.

"I love our life Edward." Alice said. "We all struggle, but it is worth it. You'll see that soon. I promise!" My sister was pleading with me silently now. Rosalie smirked and spoke.

"I agree with you Edward. To turn her would be foolish! To even bring her into our lives would be. We condemn her by introducing her to Edward as a potential mate! The Volturi will kill her if we do not change her!" I smiled at Rose and thanked her for her support.

"I will not allow either of those things to happen. Carlisle we cannot invade her life for her to _maybe_ be right for me and then have her choose some form of death if we do not fit together."

"But you_ will_ fit together. Edward! I _**promise**_." Alice stressed.

"Yes, you will fit together Edward." my father stressed to me and I sighed. "Plus, she already knows of our kind." I raised an eyebrow in question. "She was attacked in Alaska, Tanya's coven somehow found the strength to suck the venom from her blood. You remember the visit when the Denali's eyes had some red in them? They saved her." Carlisle said his expression becoming stern as he heard me voice my defiance.

"Yes they _**saved**_ her, I won't be the one to take her soul!" I snapped angrily.

"See Carlisle? He already cares for her well being!" Alice said smiling she grabbed Jasper's hands and smiled.

"I do not care for her! I don't even know this girl! I can choose a mate for myself!Your visions are fleeting Alice, I am sure in a week they will be gone!"

"You're wrong!" she argued. "They started in the summer! I've had more than one too! She's tied to the family Edward! I have visions about just her now too! And I only have visions that have to do with us." I snarled and Emmett grabbed one of my shoulders again.

"Edward, there is not really a need to argue. Chief Swan's daughter, Isabella, is going to be your mate. She will make you so happy, if you would just listen to us you could be happy."

"What do you mean 'no need to argue'?" I yelled, a mocking tone entering my voice. "I will argue until I win. There is no need for this! You are interfering with the very basic nature of things. One is not simply given a mate Father! I am supposed to find her and just know that...she is something I simply cannot do without. Her very presence would steal the air from me, would make the world stop spinning. This girl would consume the very air I breathe, she would be everything. I fail to see how you could find that for me!"

"Edward Anthony Cullen. Stop arguing this instant!" I growled at my father and my mother smacked the back of my head.

"What did I say?" I snarled at her.

"Edward, calm down!" Jasper said forcing me to.

"Now are you going to listen to us? This is they way things are going to go Edward. I have promised you several times tonight that this is the proper order of things for your life. An arrangement has been made on your behalf, and you will honor it!" My curiosity was peaked. Carlisle let us sit in silence for several minutes until I spoke,

"What do you mean? Could someone please just lay this out for me? Can we stop being vague and letting out only little bits of information sporadically? Please?"

"We have told you almost everything Son. Yes, we are sure this is the woman you will spend eternity with, yes we found her and you did not but I promise that you will grow fond of her, and quite fast. There is only one minor detail that we have left out."

"What is that?" Silence rang in the room except for the buzz of thoughts that were shielded from me." "Somebody? PLEASE?" I yelled.

"Well, we've gone so far as to plan right up to the wedding Edward." Esme finally said when no one else seemed like they would speak.

"Wedding?" I asked, a menacing tone seeping into my voice. "Wedding? You believe I will actually _marry _ this girl?"

"We told you Edward, that this sort of thing was common-" I hissed angrily, cutting my father off. If he said what I though he was about to say, all my sanity and humanity would surely be lost.

"Yes" Carlisle began "As I was attempting to say before you again rudely interrupted, I said it was quite common in your time, and it was Son." he took a slow breath and I found myself holding mine. "You two are set to be married to one another. A legal agreement between me and her father, Chief Swan."

Anger shook every last part of my body. This seemed almost beyond comprehension and I found that everything was moving slowly before me. I felt suspended in disbelief. They were just going to marry me off like I was some possession? Growls erupted from my chest. Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I threw his arm off and turned to strike, but before I could Jasper had me on the ground.

"Calm down Edward, let's talk about this!" he yelled. I hissed and Jasper hissed back feeling the anger that was seething through my dead cold body. My hand gripped his throat tightly and Alice squealed. Cracks appeared in Jasper's stone skin and my mother's shriek combine with Alice's sobs brought me out of my angered cloud. My brother hissed as I watched the crevices in his skin heal. Emmett shifted slightly, ready to hold me if I lashed out again.

"Jazz!" my sister cried and held her mate to her.

"I am fine Ali. Just as indestructible as you." Alice looked to me with terrified eyes. She had not expected me to act out with violence. She knew as well as I did that to die we must be torn apart and burned, but to see Jasper broken would devastate her. Being broken was painful and I knew Jasper could feel how sorry I was. Turning to my father I glared and shook my head.

"I will not do this Carlisle, not someone I don't love. You cannot know who I will love." I stared at my father. He just half smiled back and shook his head at me. I heard him call me a silly child in his mind, and I gnashed my teeth at him.

"You've yet to meet the girl and get to know her. She is quite a young lady Edward. Give it a chance, you should understand that you shouldn't judge people until you know them." Carlisle scolded me and I felt a small amount of shame surface, but was easily drowned by my anger. "Edward, this won't be easy. She's had some problems in the past. You need to just have faith and give this a chance." Anguish pinched me as I felt a slight betrayal by my family. I stood here with only Rosalie on my side. Everybody was shoving me toward something I clearly was fighting against. Yes, I wanted a mate, but _**no**_ I did not want to have one chosen for me. This was something just for me, my mate was supposed to be my choice.

"**NO!**" I yelled. "Carlisle, take it back! Cancel it! Something! I will not do this!"

"It is done Edward, be a man and stand up to this. Have faith in your sister." I turned to Esme who had always had a soft spot for me and pleaded.

"Mother, don't do this. Please, Esme, _please!_"

"Edward..." it was clearly killing her to say no to me. "I...will stand beside your father. He knows what is right for not only you, but for all of us." she walked to me and cradled my face with her hand. "Oh Edward, trust us, please?"

"No," I whispered. "You have to see that you're wrong." I took a step back from my mother and she cringed.

"Edward, don't you dare leave us over this." she scolded.

"You leave me no choice."

"You better come home to us!" was the last thing I heard as I ran out the door. Running with everything that I was, I let my thoughts filter through my conversation with my family. What had I done to deserve this? Was I so hard to put up with that they just figured they would give me to_ anyone_? Did they even know what I wanted in a mate?

Anger coursed through my body as if it was blood. I grew more and more angry as I flew through the forest around my house and kept going, running away from my family who had just taken away my freedom, who had so freely given me to a human girl who would not love me, and who I could not love.

I stopped running 20 minutes later after crossing the state border and sat down. Would this really be that terrible? All I'd ever wanted was a mate, and Carlisle had been right, I hadn't met her and I didn't know her. My fists clenched and I frowned. Yes, yes it would be that terrible. I hung my head. ....but Alice had seen us happy together. No. She was wrong. Although she rarely was I knew that I could not be happy with a human. Yes _**human**_ she would stay. I would not put someone else through this. If she had to be married to me a monster. I would not let her suffer through it for eternity. My one good act as a husband would be to let her grow old and die to escape from the horrors of my life. But I couldn't focus on those thoughts. I would not marry her, because she did not deserve something that bad, no one did.

I lay back and looked at the sky. I didn't have class again tomorrow so here is where I would stay to think. I reveled in the silence and stared at the stars. I would soon have a Mrs. Cullen, something I'd always longed for....but someone who I could never love. How did this happen? Why did it happen to me? Was God so sick he'd condemn a human girl to my presence? I closed my eyes and shoved these thoughts from my head. I wouldn't think about this anymore, not tonight. Tonight I would count the stars and revel in the solitude the night brought me.


	3. Acceptance

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

**Hello again!**

**Yes, I know, I was supposed to update at least weekly this time but I just couldn't turn this chapter around the way I wanted it to. Finally though it's been added to, (a lot, it's about 6000 words longer than its' original writing) and has the BrokenNightingale stamp of approval. I hope you enjoy. This adds a whole new dimension to the beginning of the story. I look forward to your thoughts!**

**Demon**

Chapter 3

I was laying in my "rest" state just listening to the nothingness. All I could hear was the occasional twig snap as some small animals ran over the forest floor. I sniffed and took in the heavy air, it was deep, thick and piny. The earth smelled sweet and heavy. Clouds drifted overhead and I knew it would rain soon. I longed for another rainy week in Forks. The water felt so warm against the cold stone of my skin, I felt almost human in the rain. Hmm...human...that girl... She had been troubling me since I had arrived here. Again I forced her away from my thoughts. She _was not_ going to be my mate. No matter what Carlisle said this was _my_ choice. I would not let him make it for me.

Closing my eyes I let my hands run over the air, imagining the keys to my piano. Mozart always knew how to calm me down, and if I focused on his songs long enough this brown eyed human girl would fade away. She would cease to be anything to my family, if I could just play her away with my music.

Finally, I felt a little bit of peace welling inside me. The thought of music helped but a thought occurred to me that had touched parts of my mind long before now. Maybe this was what I needed, to leave my coven and be nomadic like the majority of our kind. It was overtly tempting to do more than flirt with this thought today. How could I be a husband if I was not there for the wedding? How could I marry if to everybody but my family, I did not exist. If I disappeared Carlisle would be forced to tell Chief Swan that I either died, or ran away from home. Of course the chief would feel like this was partially his fault, as most humans would feel, but he would move on from it. The poor girls' soul would not be forfeit if I got up now and ran away. I would not be forced to marry someone I did not love, or could never love if I found the strength to pull myself up from this soft patch of grass.

Of course it was hard to be alone. Even though I was without a mate I was fortunate enough to have a family. Spending time with them was what had kept me sane over the past two decades. Alice and I loved to hunt together in the night, sometimes staying out well into the darkness to see who could point out more constellations. My brothers spent countless hours dragging me outside to wrestle and challenge me to games of skill, always losing as I heard what they were thinking before it happened. Esme and Carlisle just loved to dote on me and fuss over everything I did. I loved them all so much, it broke me even more to think that if I left, _this time_ I would not be able to return...ever.

I'd left once before when I was young and rebellious. Filled with hatred at Carlisle I left him and his way of life The naivety I exuded was beyond description. Only four years into my vampire life and of course I thought I knew best, that what I had knew because I knew the thoughts of others was deeper and more important than what Carlisle could possibly know or understand.

For a few days shy of eight months I hunted the scum of the human population. Murderers, rapists, cheaters, liars, thieves, anyone who hurt children, or ruined others with drugs. I sought these thoughts and began to hear them clearly wherever I went. The world was filled with awful people. They met their end with me, and they met it in a way that I made painful for them. During these days the true monster within me was unleashed. I lusted deeply for blood, but only the dirty blood of the foulest creatures on the Earth. I thought I could still control which type of humans I wanted to hunt, but I was wrong.

On a dark Tuesday night in Germany I was roaming the streets, looking for a man who's thoughts were aimed only at finding a certain woman he had known and hurt her. While rounding a corner I was knocked back with the impossibly beautiful scent of human blood. It was light, salty, feminine and warm. Looking ahead I saw a woman on the ground, bleeding. Her thoughts were begging for someone to find her, but I suddenly could think of nothing but her blood. She had not harmed anyone, and had been minding her own business when she had sustained her injuries, but I did not help. Walking to her I knelt down and she whimpered for help, and praised me for coming. My lips moved to her wounded abdomen, and from and innocent woman I drank until she died there in the street.

Having realized what I had done I moved back to the hotel and fell to my knees. This had been against everything I had ever believed. Her dying thoughts had plagued me for days until a week later I looked into a mirror. The ruby of my eyes, the sharpness of my features made me look so different from what I perceived myself to look like. I would not even be able pass for human. From that moment on I vowed to never taste blood again, and began to beat the monster in me back deep inside of me.

I returned Carlisle hoping he would take me back and help me learn to control myself like he could. He took me back with open arms I was not expecting and worked hard with me for almost a decade before I was under as much control as I was now. It had been many years I had tasted a humans blood, and I had no real desire for it anymore, I was more in control than anyone in my family except for Carlisle. In that one respect I was happy because I knew I could keep myself from being tempted to taste Bella, though I doubted we would be in close proximity for any long periods of time

These thoughts made a general feeling of unease settle over me, already I felt unbearably lonely as I looked around the empty woods. If I could cry I would have had tears in my eyes. I did not want to have to go. I wanted to stay with them forever. Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Esme...everyone. They meant well I know that now after letting my anger slip away. _My mate_ though...this was something I should be able to choose. I wanted someone who could love me like I could love them, fiercely, passionately, willing to give up everything and anything the moment I was in need. I wanted a woman who would be proud to call me hers, who liked more than my looks, who wanted to see what I could be, see past the monster I am. I saw the human girl swimming in my head again and sighed to myself. Her features were blurred from the images in Carlisle's head but still so familiar. I wonder what she looked like clearly now. Then again, why should I care? I knew that this human girl would not be able to be what I need, never could something as extraordinary as the bond shared by mates blossom between us. If she had been attacked by our kind how would she ever trust me? How could she love me? Or even just hold my hand?

Slowly I sat up and put my head into my hands. Frustration, anger, pain, loneliness and hurt were swirling inside of me, but nothing could be done to stop it. How did one carry on after having something like this done to them? How could they actually make me do this? Part of me wanted this to be the answer to everything, wanted to have this girl walk into my life and be everything I'd ever dreamed of. Someone who would let me coddle her on occasions, would lay with me and shower me in affection. Who would hunt with me, sing with me, sit with me while I played piano. I wanted it all, and I didn't feel remotely selfish about it. I searched for this miracle girl in every town we went to, and sometimes left to seek her away from my family, but not once had I found someone who could even peak my interest.

My thoughts were stopped as I could hear someone else's thoughts now, and I was so attuned to them it didn't take me long to identify them as belonging to Jasper.

"_Ed, come on! It's been 9 hours, Esme's getting worried. She wants you to come home, Alice saw that you're thinking about leaving again. You really wanna rip us all apart this bad?_" I shook my head. I saw Jasper appear from between the trees. He tasted the air around him to feel my mood. He knew I was calm but that his presence had shaken me. I still needed to be alone. I followed him with my eyes as he approached me. My brother sat beside me, gave me a wicked smile and continued, "_Plus Isabella is coming to meet you on Wednesday, and there are some things Carlisle says you need to know..." _I nodded and rubbed my temples firmly as he pushed on my shoulder with his fist. "_Come on Ed, you__** know**__ you want to meet her!_" I raised an eyebrow and forced myself to speak.

"I take it her name is Isabella?" I asked saying her name with more acid than was necessary, I could not really blame her for this predicament, she did not ask for this either. This was all Alice's fault, Alice and Carlisle. Both were bent on making me even more miserable than I already was. Maybe we could at least be friends through this. Maybe we could find solace in each other by being forced to marry someone against our will

"Yes, Isabella Marie Swan. I'm surprised you don't remember her she was here three years ago on vacation, just after we arrived. I'd have thought that you would remember her, she made an impression on you while she was here with you." Jazz said raising an eyebrow at me. I scoffed, an _impression_ on me? That was laughable.

"A human is a human is a human. They are all the same Jazz. What is so special about her that I'd remember? Was she actually not shallow and maybe thought about something more than herself?" Jasper shook his head at me and started to walk back towards the direction of the town of Forks.

"Come on Ed, if I go home without you it's Carlisle who will come looking, and I think at this point that's the last thing you need. He's already pretty upset with you."

"I don't care if he is upset with me Jasper! He's attempting to ruin not only my life, but the life of an innocent human girl."

"We all want you to be with her Edward. Anything that will take away the pain you feel. You know it's killing us all. You liked her then, you'll like her now. You just viewed her as a child before, you would have easily fallen in love with her had she been any older." I snorted with laughter. "On your feet Edward!" I followed him reluctantly and listened as he explained to me in his head.

"_Think back Edward, your memory is the strongest of all of ours. How can you forget something so close? What happened here __**three**__ years ago? That man, Lonnie from Port Angeles. You have to remember! The lowest of their kind, I remember you used to hiss at the TV after the news every night...when they showed a photo of little Isabella all beaten up you actually broke the TV. __**All**__ those innocent girls... Three dead, 14 others scarred permanently, their virtue ripped from them...think Edward," _ Jasper let his voice in his head fade, and all he did was picture the faces of the girls Carlisle had us help take care of them in the hospital. They all screamed and cried, recklessly slept. Now I remembered her, her face had seemed familiar because we had met before, and spent four solid days in a hospital room together.

She was the last one to come through and had immediately clenched onto my hands while my father spoke to her. She had begged Carlisle not to call her father but he was obligated. The remembered image made the area near my stomach twist and burn. I looked between the image from Carlisle's head and my memories I'd mostly pushed away from right after we had moved to Forks. Straining now I remembered trying to feed the poor girl, how she had been scared, silent, but would scream out for someone to come the second I would leave the room. It was easy to force myself to forget these memories when I wanted to. That man had been the biggest criminal in this part of Washington for the past several decades. He had touched and ruined many lives.

It had been Carlisle who had done away with Lonnie in the end. Taken him out of state, drugged him and left him in a police station. He was charged with crimes in several states, but never saw a penalty for any of the horrors he committed here. He was currently serving two life sentences for murders he'd done out of state. I had been so bothered by the whole ordeal that I flew to Texas for the trial.

My thoughts moved away from the past and back into my current predicament. I was marrying a human girl who had not only been attacked by vampires but was probably extremely afraid of all things male. I let out a long breath, well...life was about to get interesting, there would definitely never be a chance for me to again say that life on earth was dull. Hopping over a log I bit my lip and welcomed the calm my brother was pushing at me. No matter how much I thought about this it seemed so many levels of wrong to me. Where did dad find someone like this for me? And where did he get off thinking she would be perfect for me? Somehow I didn't picture my soul mate being an emotionally scarred girl who was probably going to be very afraid of me. Alice must have gotten knocked in the head, or maybe this girl was an anomaly and was tempering with the accuracy of her visions? I rubbed my temples as too many questions floated around my head. and turned to Jazz.

"Let's get home, I guess I need to prepare as best I can, and then find some way out of this."

"Maybe you could just accept it. You never know, you two might be good for each other if you could just stop thinking that it's going to be wrong and give things a chance you may just watch your whole life turn around." He turned and caught my arm. "Stop being so negative."

"I'll try," I lied. We both took of running towards the house.

Jasper and I made it home in record time, and when I got in I inclined my head towards my sisters who were in the sitting room and headed immediately to my piano but was called back.

"Edward, you get to meet her on Wednesday." Alice chirped. I sighed.

"Yes Alice, I know."

"Well? Aren't you excited?"

"Mmm, yes. Ready to explode with the happiness. Always wanted to have a wife chosen for me you know, it just fills me with joy."

"There's no need to be snappy with me!" she said. "You're going to love her!"

"I am not!"

"Really Alice," Emmett interjected, "Edward doesn't have emotions that aren't sad, melancholy, or anger. He doesn't love anything or anyone. He's incapable." I snarled and I heard Esme make a noise of disapproval from somewhere else in the house.

"Yes, of course. I can't love anything." I agreed, not willing to argue with Emmett's teasing. I walked away as Alice thought me an apology and I began to play my piano, again letting the notes work their magic.

"_Welcome home Son,_" I heard Carlisle's thoughts. I smiled as I looked around the room. Yes this was home alright, but my thoughts made my smile fade away as I felt the walls close in. It felt expectant now, wanting almost, as if the house knew someone was coming here, someone who was coming to stay. I wondered what life would be like with a wife, I'm sure at some point I would adjust but...I would always still feel this way. My head filled with pictures of strained silences, long cold nights, touches without affection, and the awkwardness of sitting with the family, the only couple not actually in love. When I had finished several songs and the music was no longer working to calm me, I stood and followed my mother's thoughts, wishing to apologize for making her worry again. Esme was still sitting at the long dinner table, her hands clasping each other and her fine features pinched in sorrow.

"I'm sorry Mom." I whispered as I walked to her. She took me into her arms. I hugged her and looked down into her eyes.

"I'm sick of you leaving us Edward. You're my oldest son, it would just kill me if you didn't come back one of these days." I nodded and squeezed her tightly.

"This time you shouldn't blame me. You all knew I would contest this, and yet you've done it anyways." Esme rubbed my upper arm and looked up at me sadly,

"_Just give it a chance Love. She needs time, patience, and affection. Ask Alice to show you the visions, please Edward. You can be so happy, if you let yourself. She is such a lovely little thing...well, she will be."_ I released her a took a step back.

"Alice can be wrong sometimes Mom...I don't understand why you guys would do this to me. Jasper reminded me of who she was...She's broken emotionally. All I'd do is break her physically. If you cannot bring yourselves to think of my well being then you should at least think of hers." Esme let her head drop as she sighed. She walked away to her and Carlisle's quarters on the second floor of our house where I could still here her sad thoughts that begged me to give it a chance. I had hurt her by implying that I did not believe she was taking my well being into consideration.

I moved to my room at superhuman speed and put on some slow calming music to try and soothe my mind. I had three days before I met a woman who was supposed to be my mate. Together forever, a bond that can't be undone. As far as I knew about arranged marriages, you could not divorce out of them. Plus I didn't want to be part of a broken marriage. There had to be away around this. Maybe if we could hold it off she was eighteen...then she could say no and no one could contest it as she would be a legal adult. But what excuse would we have for holding off the wedding. Saying we wanted a fall wedding would only see us married in the next two months. There would be something for us to use as an excuse. I smiled to myself in victory. Obviously all I had to do was stall. Tell them that we, for some reason, just had to get married later and later and later. Maybe I'd pass it off on not knowing each other well enough, or maybe I'd plead the college case, though Carlisle might put a stop to that. Either way I felt that this had to work. If she was a legal adult no one could make her do anything, end of story. Both of us would be free to return to our regular lives away from each other.

A soft knock came just outside my door and I immediately sat up. I inhaled lightly and could smell my father. I sighed knowing that some form of lecture was coming and muttered,

"Come in," I stood as Carlisle opened my door and walked toward me.

"Edward, please I would like to talk to you." I smirked,

"I'd gathered that much Carlisle, you were never one to just sit with me, you always talk." Carlisle's face twisted with restrain from reprimanding me.

"There is no need for your sarcasm, I understand that at the moment you're upset. As I said, I would like to talk to you, but I do not want you to get angry and leave again. Esme was afraid you were not going to come back. You know how bad she gets, she was simply frantic, wouldn't hunt, wouldn't come out of the house at all actually." I stared guiltily back at Carlisle as he crossed the room. We sat together on the couch in my room and he spoke again. "May I begin?" I nodded hesitantly. Knowing I had hurt Esme was painful to me, she was one of my absolute favourite people, but what had been done was what I had needed, my time alone had at least let me let go of my outward aggression.

"Dad?" I asked and he began,

"Edward, you and I both know that Alice is very right most of the time. I truly do understand you having some resistance. I would have been completely shocked and a little concerned if you were willing to just jump in with both feet. Son, you should be able to trust all of us with this after all of these years together. Alice constantly watches your future, she wants nothing but happiness for you. You shouldn't fight this, I know it may not be what you want to hear but I'm just trying to do what's best for you. I'm stepping in to be the real father now. As my son I think you should respect my word." My face was hardened after my father's speech and I felt like I was going to hear this speech many times over the next few days. He put his hand on my shoulder and continued, "You've always been so out and right in your own way. I should have known you would protest as you did. This girl Edward, she deserves a chance though, she is lovely Edward. Very lovely. The visions of which Alice has spoken of are amazing Edward." I let my eyes slip from Carlisle's. No he was not my _real father_ but he was as good as. I wanted very much to trust him but... I couldn't with this. This was something so important to me, something I had longed for since 1927. This search for a mate had consumed the whole of my life. So long I searched, and now someone was just being thrown into my arms, and somehow I was supposed to catch all the little pieces I was sure she was in. Did they honestly expect for me to take them and put her back together? I shook my head and sighed. This whole thing bothered me a lot. My eyes flew back to my father and I had to ask something that had been bothering me since I had left.

"Was I so bad that you just thought you could make it all go away by forcing someone on me? I didn't mean to hurt you, any of you...it was just hard Dad, I wanted to be in love too..." Carlisle chuckled and shook his head while squeezing my shoulder with the hand already laid there. "Watching all of you together made me so...jealous." I admitted softly, "I wanted it so bad, but I didn't want to pull you all apart in the process. Was I..._that _unbearable?"

"No of course not. It was Alice's visions that helped me make my decision. You know I have complete and total faith in your sister. She has been wrong maybe once, but she's been seeing you with this girl for a long time. This isn't going to go away Son." I nodded and frowned at the ground. "These visions and the fact that I knew that Charlie was getting frustrated with his daughter made things easier. I'll admit the Chief was hesitant about actually marrying you two instead of just introducing you and insisting you try dating. He knew that his daughter, Isabella would need the big push of marriage to actually get to know you. He's been having trouble with her for a while. She's not going out on her own just hiding at home, and Charlie's getting up there in age. He can't take the stress, it'll wear on his nerves and his heart."

"So you're having me marry his daughter for his health?" I whispered.

"No Edward. I'm having you marry his daughter because you belong together." I snorted. "Anyways," He continued, "I proposed the idea several times to Charlie. He thinks it's the only way to get her to be with a man, and make a life for herself so he gladly accepted after several meetings between us."

"You had meetings about this?"

"Mostly while Bella was in the hospital." I nodded once.

"And he is perfectly willing to give his daughter away to a monster?" Carlisle cleared his throat in disapproval. He hated that I thought our kinds were terrors of the earth.

"He knows you're an upstanding young man and I assured him you would be nothing short of a gentleman with his daughter. We've talked everything out, from the father side of things, this will go off without a hitch." Carlisle smiled at me and I felt a growl begin to rumble in my chest but I pushed it away.

"Without a hitch? _Seriously?_ Without a hitch Father? Did you ever wonder stop to wonder how this would work Carlisle?" His eyes went wide, wondering if he has misspoken, I stood from the couch, " HELLO? She is HUMAN! And so..._broken, _in the worst way for a human. She's been through the worst of everything, she's probably at home hating me right now! You have got to be losing your mind! You expect me to love this girl and yet...How can I love something I can't touch, or hold close? How can I love one who cannot love me? I would rather be how I am now, than have someone here beside me who only sees the monster I am. Jazz reminded me of what happened to her. We would never be like Rose and Em or Alice and Jazz...or you and Esme..." I let my words die and hung my head. The thought killed me. I was going to be with someone, and totally alone at the same time is Carlisle actually made me see this through.

"Son, give it time, you have forever and she will too, Alice has seen it. Things will be wonderful between you two. Isabella's heart can be brought back to life only by you. You just wait until you meet her Edward, she's meant for you."

I ran my hands through my hair. It seemed that my father was talking nonsense. His thoughts only surrounded this girl and I together. He was so adamant about it. Knots formed in my stomach and I took several deep breaths to calm myself.

"You've got to be crazy." I whispered soon and my father shook his head.

"I'm a lot of things Edward, crazy is not one of them. I know this is right. It will be even better for you when she's a vampire-" I cut him off by hitting the wall and shouting.

"NO! I do not care what anyone says, I will not have that girl changed! She will not suffer as we do! Carlisle her life has already been the picture of a horror movie and it's about to get a lot worse thanks to you and that little psychic! I am not changing her! She will be human! If you wanted me to have a vampire mate, you should have found the mate that way!" Carlisle was on his feet and moving toward me quickly. He threw me into my couch and stood in front of me, forcing me to stay seated.

"If you will not change her, I have decided that I will do it myself. There is not a way for you to carry on with her as a human. When you fall in love with her, the thought of her dying with kill you. I had no issue changing her, hust as I had no issue changing your brothers." I shook my head and hit the wall again. "Alice says she'll want you to do it."

"You can tear me to pieces and burn me before I will let my venom near her. She will remain untainted. Never will our poison come into contact with her."

"Kissing shall be interesting for you if you won't even let it touch her skin."

"There won't be any of that either."

"You have to kiss her Son, it's tradition at a wedding."

"Are you trying to hurt me?" I whispered, "Does it make you feel good to see me hurt? I would love to have the opportunity to kiss someone who wants me Father, you are wrong this time. You are blinded by your own will."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because Edward, I only have your best interest at heart. Could you not give her a chance? Would it kill you to just meet her and base your decision off of getting to know her?"

"If I thought I would change my mind then yes."

"Be reasonable Son, she has been so isolated, she could use a warm touch."

"A warm touch is the last thing she will find with me!" I snapped, but gave him a half smile.

"Cold hands, warm heart my Son." Rubbing my temples I sighed angrily.

"Father, please?"

"Please what Edward? This is happening, whether you like it right now or not. You will love her, she will love you, all will be well. It would just be easier to accept this I promise."

"How is this supposed to work?" I yelled

"Just as any other relationship, except...there's no decision to split when things aren't working. You'll just be forced to settle, plus after you're married you won't fight as much."

"But what about everything that's happened to her?" I argued.

"I'm glad Jasper reminded you of what happened. Physically you will need to be extremely patient with her. She isn't going to be rushing into anything, I can guarantee you that. The scars from that are terrible Edward, more painful than your memories of your change. She lives with it everyday and you must let her go about things her own way for a while." I looked back to Carlisle to see he was truly trying with everything in him to make me consider this. His thoughts were saying the same things over and over again

"_If only he'd just give it a chance, they'd be so happy someday he must understand how much it'll be worth it in the end..." _I wanted to snort with laughter at him but I resisted. He would not appreciate mockery of what he believe to be a genuinely good idea. M whole family was turning delusional though, maybe they all woke up and took crazy pills, or maybe I had actually fallen asleep somehow in my resting state and was dreaming? Carlisle and I had always theorized that we could become more and more human if we did not separate ourselves from them so much. Even with just not drinking human blood our coven had softened our features and been able to act and feel more human, resisting more and more of our primal urges unless we were all alone together.

My father was looking at the floor, his usual calm look still plastered over his perfect face, but his mind was still reeling. "_Might as well tell him about the legal part, then he'll understand more..._"

"What legal part? I thought it was just like a verbal consent situation," I asked feeling that the simple plan I'd constructed earlier was just about to be taken out of play before it even got started. How could he make this a legal issue? What was going to happen if Bella and I just simply refused, legal meant consequences, ones I would have to go along with for years for appearances sake. Panic settled in the pit of my body and I sat rigidly, listening to Carlisle speak.

"No Son, there's a whole contract drawn out. Charlie and I as the legal guardians make the conditions and you both are to abide by it. Of course some of them are standard procedure for arranged marriage. There are several selective ones though that we've added. For instance, Isabella is newly 17, you are forever 17 so you must marry before the year is out as she cannot pass the age of 18-" I cut Carlisle off,

"What if we just don't get married, I mean, what are you going to do about it?" This was an answer I was interested in hearing, if I could find away around the penalties than it would be as simple as just not meeting this girl, and the easiest way to not meet her was to threated Esme that I would leave until they promised to leave this girl out of my life.

"Well Son, the penalties are also listed in the contract, if Ms. Swan refuses you she must turn to the church to serve her life as a sister, and she may only leave at such time when she decides to be your wife." I raised an eyebrow. This was harsh, she had to dedicate her life to me, or to some form of God. Sighing I sat myself down on the floor across from my couch and sighed.

"And if I refuse?" I whispered. A small grin came to play on my face. Realistically, what could he do? I was faster, I was not stronger than him but he could not force what he could not catch. Not even Emmett and Jasper could stop me when I really needed to get away. Carlisle seemed to notice my train of thought through my expression and a worry line creased his forehead. His thoughts became hesitant and sad.

"You really are going to have to try you know. Before I knew about all the consequences of this I jumped into it with Charlie, we were both in agreement that it would be the best thing for both of you, and I didn't think that you being a vampire would make any real difference to it except that in a year or two we would fake Bella's death and move away." It was my turn to have worry lines crop up all over my face. "Well, we thought long and hard about this, but Esme brought something to my attention that makes whatever I could do to you seem like nothing."

"Father? What do you mean?" He paused and looked sad then continued

"Esme did some research and this is not the first time vampires have had their mates assigned although this is the first time the assigned mate has been a human... Edward... I am sorry son, but...the Volturi get involved if you refuse her. It is love or death." My eyes bulged and my jaw almost dropped. _The Volturi?_ So it was marry this girl or die, take her soul and damn it or forever leave earth? Well I guess this didn't give me much of a choice. I felt an even deeper betrayal than before and narrowed my eyes at the floor. Carlisle was sitting across the room waiting patiently for my reaction, expecting it to be worse than when he had first told me about having a mate. Clasping my hands I attempted to remain calm, though it seemed impossible. I spoke,

"So you want me to have this girl so badly that you hang a real death over my head to make me take her?" I whispered this and stood and turned my face from Carlisle. My family had set me into something that I _had_ to do, or I _had_ to leave this world. The very thought of this caused a great pain to move through me. No more fights with Emmett, no more hunting with Jazz. I wouldn't be around to play my piano for Esme when she was sad... no more getting dragged to a mall by Alice to carry her shopping bags...Okay, I could deal with not ever having to do that again...no, actually I couldn't. I love to watch Alice smile as she dashed through stored buying hoards of new clothes. We spent hours together in record stores and had once traveled the country to go to every location of her favourite fashion boutique. There was no way I could give up what I had here. My family had been so good to me, I did not want to have to leave them.

My thoughts then came to an abrupt halt here and it felt as if the air had been knocked out of my dead lungs. I was mentally struck dumb. The simple fact of what was happening was that I had no way around this. I had to accept it. It was what it was. I turned to face my father again and fisted my hair. His eyes were frantic.

"I only found out after Son, you know I would never bring them upon us. They already don't like that so many of us live together like this." I nodded my head and pinched the bridge of my nose.

So here was the new story of Edward Cullen,

I'm getting married to a complete stranger in less than a year. Before this time next year, I would have a Mrs. Cullen by my side. I closed my eyes and tried to see Isabella Marie Swan standing beside me, I couldn't. All I could see was me standing with a girl, her back turned to me. A tug pulled down on my heart and I felt choked. My life was about to get so much more complicated. A wife, a _real wife._ Sighing I let my eyes roam the room wondering how to take this.

Carlisle rose from the couch and walked forward toward the door. He called Alice's name and she lightly danced into the room and over to land lightly on my couch.

"I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you for this," I whispered feeling my eyes crinkle with dry tears. I could not cry but my body wanted to. The most important thing to me, and my family was making the decision for me.

"Please Edward?" she held out a hand and I took it, sitting beside her to lean my head on her shoulder. Carlisle came to stand beside me and looked down,

"Son, just look into Alice's mind." I shook my head in disbelief but turned to face Alice and let her vision take over my thoughts.

_**I was laying in my special meadow surrounded by flowers my face sparkling in the sun. My shirt open with a small warm pale girl laid across me singing softly. She smiled up at me and I kissed her cheek. A furious blush came over her and she snickered. I saw her walking towards me and tripping, I caught her and she placed a kiss on my lips as thanks Me teaching her how to dance Flash. Her teaching me to play guitar. Us driving together, hunting together, in bed together, our bodies one as she clung onto me with all the strength she possessed. A soft voice whispered my name, followed by a gasp- **_

My mind snapped away from Alice's vision. I thought I was going into shock. My mind was reeling and I could not let the vision go. Soft brown hair, the smile the lit up her whole face while we had dance, the look in that girls eyes while I made love to her...She looked so perfect to me in those visions, nothing short of a goddess...Alice must have been mistaken, that was not the blurry images I remembered of Isabella Swan.

"Edward?" Carlisle voice caught me and I looked to him. He seemed to notice how much the vision had affected me. His smile was smug, but anxiety still hid in his thoughts.

"So I meet her on Wednesday?" I asked. Carlisle smiled more warmly and nodded.

"She'll be here after school. She starts Thursday." I nodded. "So you think you could give this a try?"

"Alice could still be wrong Dad, don't have blind faith." I whispered, still focusing on the movie of Alice's vision playing in my head. My teeth sank into my lip as again I saw the the deep brown eyes drowning in pleasure again. It was Carlisle who again interrupted my thoughts.

"Try. Please. Just try." He walked out of my room after that and I heard his thoughts continue downstairs. Alice ruffled my hair before following leaning onto my shoulder now and squeezing my hands firmly.

"This is going to be exciting." she whispered and followed Carlisle out. I was left to replay the vision to myself. A small shudder ran through me. Some of the images would not leave me now. All I could see was our lips locking, her hands twining with mine, her arms folding around me, protecting, loving, wanting. I whined low in my throat and tried to shake myself.

_'Don't be sad Dear,'_ Came Esme's thoughts. _'You'll be just fine.'_ I left my room and headed to Emmett's listening to my mothers reassuring words. I wasn't sure how this will be alright but I would have to try. I was not ready to leave this world forever.

"Em, let's go hunt. If I'm going to date a human it's best not to be thirsty when she arrives." I walked to Emmett's room and opened his door. My brother jumped up and clapped my shoulder before running past me to say a quick goodbye to Rosalie. A long hunt would do me some good, it would settle my mind for meeting this girl.

I was about to walk through the front door when I was stopped by a shriek of my name.

"Edward!" I turned to see Alice trotting toward me, her eyes filled with anxiety.

"Make this a quick hunt Edward." I watched her thoughts flicker in and out between my own, my heart sank in my chest.

"Alice?" Jasper and Carlisle said looking up from the family sitting room.

"Carlisle we all should hunt actually, we need to be strong and hold together. The Volturi are coming here, tomorrow." Carlisle cursed under his breath as my mother raced to his side and linked her arm into his.

"Well, let's head out and prepare ourselves."

The air in the sitting room was so tense I was sure that movement would cut it. Alice shifted restlessly while grabbing Jasper's hand. Rosalie was controlling herself, doing whatever she could not to yell at Carlisle. She hated that the Volturi were coming here, she too blamed Carlisle for the predicament of my marriage to Isabella Swan. Containing herself was proving difficult as my father whispered soft words of comfort to my mother who hated to be involved with the Volturi in any way.

"Mother, calm yourself." I whispered.

"Yes Esme, please?" Jasper forced a calm over her and she smiled.

"Thank you Jasper,"

"That's that I'm here for."

"You have no need to be nervous Esme. We have done nothing wrong. We will walk away from this just as we are now. All we have to do is be honest. She knows about us, no one else does. That is where we are in the clear. She knows of our existence can easily be changed is necessary." My mother nodded confidently, soothed by the words of her husband. I sighed, how wonderful it must be to be comforted so fully simply by the words of another.

"They're coming, but it's not Aro, Marcus, or Caius." Alice whispered.

"Jane." I said looking into my sister's thoughts. She nodded and the rest of the room shuddered slightly. Jane was a powerful vampire, she had the ability to make people think they were in the greatest agony of their lives. Our family feared her for we had no protection against her. I shuddered as she approached.

We were all sitting close together in our living room. Easily the largest room in the house, Esme had filled it with bright colours, lots of furniture for us to laze about on and a large entertainment system to keep us occupied. I felt that this was not the proper setting for such a meeting. The dining room would have sufficed, with it's dark colours and straights lines, it was rigid and reminded one of a place of business unlike this room. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper occupied the large 'L' couch while Esme and Carlisle were sharing a love seat. I stood beside my parents, my mind to restless to allow me to sit still. We waited patiently as Jane came closer. Her brother Alec was with her, and so was a Volturi enforcer, Demetri.

"Let us do the talking Edward," Carlisle said quietly. I nodded. What was I actually going to say? I knew less about this actual situation than both Esme and Carlisle. I had no problem with them doing all the talking. "Come in," Carlisle said simply as he heard them approach the door.

The Volturi were very similar to all of us in appearance. Pale skin, angular, beautiful features, but their eyes were crimson and full of malice, such a contrast from the golden amber that twinkled from all of my family. They feasted on humans in Italy, and took no shame in it. Regularly, they mocked us for our so called 'wrong' way of living. They believed that in denying ourselves our lives were pointless and void of pleasure.

"Cullens" Jane greeted. She was still the same as she had always been. Childlike in appearance, having been changed at the tender age of fourteen and allowed to live when the Volturi discovered her power.

"Jane," we all said sternly. The tensity of the air doubled and I heard Jasper's thoughts as he struggled to balance things out. The Volturi hated us because we were the only group of vampires beside them. They figured that one day we would rise up and take their position of Lords of the Vampires from them. Carlisle, Esme, all of really had no interest in being associated with other vampires other than ourselves and the few in Alaska.

"Rumor has it that you've told humans about us," Jane said formally. Her mind was filled with only disdain as she walked into our living room, Alec and Demetri following her silently. "You know the penalty Carlisle, you can exist among them as long as they don't know who you are."

"You misunderstand the situation."

"There is no misunderstanding, if a human knows, then you will die." Demetri who stood as wide as Emmett but was shorter flexed his muscles. Emmett let out a growl.

"Don't challenge me Cullen!" Demetri spat and I moved to take a step forward as Emmett made to stand up.

"Boys, _sit down!_" Carlisle said. He stood, towering over Jane and looked down at her. I stepped back, respecting his wishes. "If you would care to listen, Jane, as I'm sure my old friend Aro would expect of you." Jane smirked but the malice glinted in her eyes. She hated us but knew Carlisle was right.

As a young vampire he had stayed with the Volturi while trying to make his way with his new life and discovering that he could survive on the blood of animals alone. Carlisle and Aro were civil and extremely respectful of each other. Aro knew that Carlisle _could_ challenge his position. Though he was not as old as Aro he was just as intelligent, just as knowledgeable about the world and the way things worked in the modern day.

"Of course," Carlisle sat back down by his wife as Jane moved back toward her companions.

"Now, as for what you have heard. The situation is not as complicated as it seems. You see, Edward has chosen a mate, and the one fact you may have heard correctly is that yes, she is a human." The grin that covered the faces of the Volturi associates was wicked.

"So you have broken our law then!" Demetri was positively gleeful at the prospect of a fight.

"And from what we've heard she was chosen for him, not chosen by him." Jane added. My father smirked and rubbed his chin.

"Where are you getting your information from?" Carlisle wondered out loud. When no one answered he continued, "Yes, fine. It is true. Edward's mate was more or less given to us by her father. We use that term lightly. Edward has agreed to take her as his bride." I nodded with a strained smile, it was not registered in the thoughts of the others that I looked anything but happy at the prospect of being married. "Plus, she already knew of the existence of our kind." Alec spoke next,

"Either way, her life is forfeit. She cannot know of us."

"She is to be Edward's mate!" Carlisle said. "You cannot take her life if she belongs to him in that way." I nodded. I did not know this girl but I did not want her to die.

"How do we know he truly cares for her? She is not here with you now," Jane said, her voice flat. Her mind was flashing full of different questions to ask, determined to get the truth of the situation and follow through on the orders to either destroy us, or Isabella Swan.

"Of course I care for her. Just because she was chosen for me does not mean I am heartless. This is not the first time you have seen mates paired together. Esme says it has happened before." I spoke softly. "Her name is Isabella, we're getting married. You will not touch her." I kept my tone firm and protective. Carlisle thoughts sang my praises and I smiled, making it seem like I was smiling as I thought of this girl.

"Well," Jane started angrily. Her thoughts told me that she had been hoping for a fight. I wanted to smirk. "When do you intend to change her then?" I shifted, completely uncomfortable with this idea still. To change her would be the same as killing her. The Volturi vampires noticed my hesitation in answering. Jane smirked, "Of course, you know she _**must**_ be changed."

"We intend to do it after the wedding." Esme said calmly. Carlisle elaborated, his thoughts only of getting these other vampires out of his house and away from town. Deeper into his thoughts I saw that he had truly been thinking about the situation more, and that this was how he saw things panning out in the future,

"We need to make it believable, we can't have her just run away with Edward. Her death needs to be faked, I need to build up my strength to actually change her, she needs to be properly ready to leave humanity behind, these things take time." My father explained, Demetri growled.

"Before the year is out!" he said. "She must be changed." Though Demetri longed for battle with us he was also concerned about the penalty they would all face if they left us here and word got out that we indeed were vampires. The wrath of the Volturi would not only be on us, but on them for not stopping the possible threat when they could have,

"That is not your call!" Carlisle said. "We will send a notification when Edward and Isabella set their wedding date. She will be changed after that!" I had to speak, wanting terribly to attempt and save this girls' life. The least I could do was save her soul.

"We can keep her away from the public eye if she wishes not to be changed." Carlisle glared at me angrily.

'_They were getting ready to leave! Don't jeopardize this!'_ he hissed in his thoughts. I turned back to Jane.

"Isabella understands the sacrifices that come with this life, and if she chooses not to take them then she also understands that her life will be led in secrecy, somewhere with very very few other humans. Either way, nobody will know about us." I paused before continuing. "Isabella has a choice to make that I will not take from her," I stressed this. Jane eyed me closely.

"You amuse me Edward," she snickered.

"She will not be changed against her will."

"She will if you want her to live at all." Alec said sternly. "_Humans_ cannot know about us. She cannot be human and be married to you. If you insist on this union then by default you insist on her change to one of our kind." Carlisle interrupted us, this meeting had carried on too long for his comfort. He was ready for Jane and her companions to leave.

"A decision does not need to be reached immediately."

"We will discuss this condition with Aro, I'm sure you will be hearing from him." Jane said. Carlisle stood and reached to shake her hand stiffly.

"We are in agreement then that no law was broken?" he asked. Jane nodded but added,

"It is of interest to us of how she knew of us before. If you have not broken a law, then someone else has." my father was quick to answer.

"She was attacked, by who we cannot say, she survived somehow. Maybe there was no enough venom in the wound to actually change her. She has the scar though, so there is no doubt she was bitten." Carlisle was confident in his suggestion. There was no was he would tell the truth that it was indeed our sister coven who had saved her from becoming a vampire. Jane scrutinized my father and then my mother with her blood red eyes. Her thoughts told me she knew they were lying. Luckily, she did not press the subject. Jane remained silent for several minutes which was making Demetri restless.

"Well what are we going to do then?" he soon asked her. She turned to me and smiled in what would have appeared to be a whimsical way, if I could not read her thoughts.

"Congratulations on your engagement Edward." She giggled, thinking me weak for marrying a human at the request of people who were not even my real parents. I narrowed my eyes and she giggled again. "We will take our leave for now but be assured that you will hear from us again. Her family is not to know about you, keep it to her and we can keep the peace."

"We guarantee that no one else will know." Carlisle said sternly and motioned toward the door. Jane did not move to leave, instead she turned back to me.

"You must know Edward, that now that you are contracted to the girl you must marry her. The fact that she knows of our kind by another vampire or coven of vampires is irrelevant. It now rests with you to make her protect that information. She knows of you, so now she _must_ marry you, her leaving you would be too risky." I nodded slowly, feeling an uncomfortable cold run through me. Marriage or death. No choice...maybe there was no difference between the two. "As she cannot leave you, you cannot leave her. If you do, you will be killed under the assumption that you were reckless with the secret of our existence, as for your mate, she will either be changed or killed. I will leave that as her choice."

"We won't need to worry about any of that." Carlisle said. "We will see you _after_ the wedding." he stressed and again motioned to the door. Jane inclined her head only just the slightest bit.

"You will hear from us when Aro deems it the right time. Cullens, always a pleasure." with this they turned and left. Carlisle leaned his head into Esme's, Jasper let out a long low breath and let himself fall across Alice's lap.

The air finally cleared when Alice finally had a vision of the Volturi deciding to return to Italy. "We just dodged a bullet. You all know to act perfectly human around Chief Swan when he is here. This cannot slip out at all, and we'll have to hope to god Isabella doesn't say anything to her father." Esme said softly,

"She won't." Alice chirped. I sighed, I had yet to meet this girl and she had already become such a large part of the family it seemed.

"The only way to guarantee that she won't say anything is to end this silly arrangement." Rosalie spat angrily, speaking for the first time in days. "You know this won't end well. For once, Edward is actually right. You'll do him more harm then good before this is all over."

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm not interested in dying because of this girl." Rose said and then removed herself from the room. Emmett followed her with a small frown.

"Edward, I suggest you take the next day or two and prepare yourself for your meeting with Isabella." Carlisle said turning to me. "You'll need to be calm and collected for when she gets here. Now, this has to work out."

"You've condemned us all." I murmured. "I hope you're willing to live with that when they kill us all before you."

"Don't think that way Edward." my mother scolded. "Things will be fine. Go clear your mind and maybe pick out something nice to wear. You'll want to impress her father as well." My family began to disperse from the living room and soon it was only Alice and I still there.

"Things will be okay Edward."

"I can't accept this."

"You defended her life without knowing her. You'll find it even easier after you meet her." Shaking my head I began to move upstairs.

"You just keep telling yourself that." I growled.

"I'm not telling me, I'm telling you." she laughed and skipped up behind me. "You'll be thanking me soon."

"We shall see."


	4. Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

**Hello Everybody, long time no post eh?**

**I know, this re-write has gone worse than the original posting, but I've been waiting for my beta to get back to me. Sadly, real life is interfering with the betaing process of my story. I've decided that I will post the next few chapters without the highly valued opinion of BrokenNightingale who honestly has made this story what it is with her help. **

**So the next few chapters are not looked upon by any eyes but my own. Therefore, even though I tried my best there will be some mistakes. Feel free to point them out and I will attempt to correct them.**

**Thanks to all of you who are still reading. I hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 4

The twenty-four hours I was waiting to meet Isabella were turning out to be the worst of my existence. My nerves were beyond frayed and I found myself jumping at noises and Jasper and Emmett were doing whatever they could to make me feel worse.

"Isabella and Edward sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-" Emmett sang as I moved from the study where I had been with Esme. I stopped and looked over the open staircase down onto Emmett who was on the bottom floor.

"Emmett! I've told you before! There will be no tree climbing! No kissing! And no love between Isabella and I!" I screamed.

"But there'll be marriage!" he smiled and pranced over to Alice who was sitting in the living room.

"And there's no need to rule out tree climbing Ed! It's a fun pass time." Jasper added. I sighed and rubbed my temples. He laughed happily.

"Someone please remind me why I haven't lit myself on fire yet?"

"Because you love me." Esme said popping her head out of the study. Esme's eyes were soft and her thoughts pleaded with me. '_Go to school in the morning, relax. Everything will go smoothly if your father can work his usual magic.'_ I nodded.

"And Son, because if you die, she dies too." Carlisle's voice was solemn. The extent of the Volturi's involvement with the situation of my marriage bothered him more than he was letting on to anyone.

"Yes, but that is your fault, isn't it?" I snapped. Carlisle registered a major sting of pain in his thoughts.

"If that is how you see it,"

"Oh, it is Father,"

Wednesday morning came too fast, and my nerves had not gotten any better at all. My stomach was twisting and turning with the thoughts of the meeting that was to take place today after school. I wondered what I was supposed to say, and do. I'd never really been in a situation even remotely close to this before, I gave a nervous laugh at this thought. It would be absurd to experience anything close to this, even in my century on Earth.

"Calm yourself Edward, just remember the vision you saw. This does not have to be hard." Jasper said as we got into my silver Volvo to head to school. I felt Jasper reach out with a wave of calm and I thanked him for it many times. I could not let myself get so worked up. I needed to be very collected and gentle tonight. This human was to be mine, and all odds were working against us (except Alice's visions). I needed to show her that even though through this we could not be lovers, we could at least get along for the sake of my family, To do this I had to be very patient, kind, speak in a low voice, and had to remind myself not to touch her.

Alice had told me that at first she would be withdrawn but would become more open to me and find herself liking me before long. This had caused me to snort loudly tell her to keep her vision in her own head.

"You know things might be easier if you listened to me." Alice mumbled from the back seat. "I'm not wrong Edward! She's not going to respond to you if you don't know how to handle her! I can help you!" I gave a small hiss and Jasper growled at me for threatening Alice. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Don't challenge me when it comes to her." he said. Alice crossed her arms and sulked.

"You just can't accept the fact that you're wrong, now leave it please." I snapped and Alice huffed loudly in the backseat. Jasper slipped his arm behind the seat and took his wife's hand and I saw her smile at the instant comfort. I felt jealousy rise in me but tried to force it away before Jasper could say anything, I was unsuccessful his face folded into a smirk.

"See, if you listened to Alice you could have this too." He whispered and I sighed, pressing down more on the accelerator to faster get out of close quarters with two couples.

After arriving at school I went straight into my English class. I tuned out the teacher and tried to block out the thoughts around me. The noise of inner monologues faded to a low buzz. I breathed in deeply and pretended to copy notes on A Midsummer Night's Dream. Today was already going too slow. I found myself anxious for tonight to come. By no means did I _want_ to meet Isabella Swan, but I would if it meant this anxious pit into my stomach would go away.

The bell rang and I quickly left the room. My thoughts were firing off at lightning speed and I didn't know what to focus on. Pictures of Isabella swam into my mind, some memories, some I'd taken from Carlisle's thoughts over the last few days. I felt my stomach give another lurch and tried to clear my head, the thoughts of others penetrated my mind

"_There's a new girl coming..."_

_ "So Isabella Swan is coming back to live?..."_

_ "I hope she hasn't gotten any prettier..."_

They were all thinking about Isabella. I smirked to myself when I realized it had been Jessica who'd wondered if she'd gotten prettier or not. She being so small minded of course would worry about a new girl "stealing her thunder", though I never understood why she had 'thunder' I thought she was just like any other human, nothing special. In fact if one looked straight on to Jessica her nose was too small for her face, and her eyes were a light watery blue without sparkle. Not attractive.

The day continued on just as this. Thoughts swirled around the Chief's daughter, some remembered her as the quiet girl who came here for the summers, told lame jokes but was easy enough to get a long with. Others wondered why she had been away for so long, and now suddenly she was moving back to stay for good, something she had apparently sworn she would never do. Other people's memories of her were different than mine, she looked so small to me in their eyes. At thirteen she had looked like a very young thirteen, easily being mistaken for ten or eleven. Now fives years later in Alice's blurry visions she had transformed into a women. I would have been lying to myself to say I was not curious to see what she looked like now without the mist of Alice's visions and the fleeting, semi-blocked thoughts of my father.

The last bell of the day finally rang and I thought that this day had felt entirely too long and short at the same time. I felt sick, and my hands were actually shaking with nerves.

"Focus Edward," Jasper said washing some confidence over me.

"Thank you," My brother nodded and we drove home together listening to Emmett complain about how he had to restrain himself so much in gym class, and how he had to pretend to not know French. Rose tried to comfort him by saying that he could always go wrestle me or Jasper to use up his energy and was welcome to speak French to her anytime. He eyed her and smiled

"I have better ways to use energy" Rose laughed and I grimaced. Always surrounded by couples and I was still alone. Emmett's and Rosalie's thoughts turned romantic and longing broke out through my distaste for their presence. I groaned slightly. Alice turned her head to smirk at me.

"_You could be just like those two you know!_" she spat at me in her head, I chuckled without humour.

"Alice, no one wants to be like Emmett, except Emmett, and that's one of his major flaws." Emmett swatted at the back of my head and told me to lighten up. "I'll lighten up when you get serious, not before." Emmett chuckled at me and Alice joined in. I felt Jasper altering my mood to one of more ease, and I felt my hostility and jealousy float away. "Remind me to keep you around permanently when this girl gets here." I said as we pulled into the driveway.

"Consider it done brother, whatever makes you a little less tense about this." We all got out of the car and walked inside. "You know that things will be alright Bro, Alice has told me-"

"Stop right there," I murmured. Jasper nodded, his thoughts touching on irritation and sympathy. My father called me into the sitting room and I told him I would be there in a few minutes. I ran up to my room to change into a tight green sweater and dark jeans, hoping this would be appropriate attire for meeting my future wife. Pausing to look in the mirror I tried to force out a soft smile but I could not. I could not be happy about this. I would just try to keep a straight face when she arrived.

"Edward!" Esme called the minute I stepped out of my room. "Go put on a shirt and tie! You'll want to _impress_ Chief Swan, not have him think you're just another teenager! Carlisle has been talking you up, and you need to live up to the expectation." I sighed,

"Mother, this is fine. What if Isabella is not dressed up to see me? Then I'll look like an idiot!" I did not want to get dressed up for a woman who was not going to care. She would think I was attractive anyways, all humans did. Esme debated silently. She sighed and then looked me over.

"You're right Dear, you look fine." She paused and cradled my face between both hands. "Such a handsome boy, she's just going to love you."

"Mother-"

"Don't you dare try to make me feel bad for complimenting my oldest child Edward!" I nodded and followed Esme downstairs silently, listening to her thoughts. She still was wanting me to wear a tie simply out of respect. Guilt washed over me as I felt I had disappointed my mother and Jasper looked to Esme.

"You're making him feel guilty. In all honesty Esme I'm sure that that's pretty much the last thing he needs right now." My brother smiled up at me and punched my shoulder as he came to stand beside me. "I got your back." I smiled and we bumped fists before walking into the sitting room.

"She'll be here in 15 minutes Edward." Alice said to me. I swallowed nervously and ran my hands through my hair.

"Try and smooth out your hair Love, not make it look like a lion's mane." My mother chided softly. I sighed and stood still as Alice flitted to me and adjusted my hair so it looked like her version of good.

"Why are you jumping to criticize me at every turn tonight?" I hissed. I was under enough stress without Esme doing this to me. She frowned.

"You're mother doesn't mean to Edward, she is simply nervous." Carlisle said.

"Come sit Edward, the Swan's will be here soon" Esme said attempting to smile at me. I complied to my mother's request for me to sit. I kept my back straight and drew slow deep breaths.

Now in these last few minutes time was choosing to move eerily slow. I closed my eyes and tried to relax myself. All of my family was soon gathered into the sitting room and waiting patiently for the sound of crunching gravel and the smell of the burning gas from Chief Swan's beat up police cruiser.

"Now remember, Charlie does not know about vampires, so full human okay? Everyone move slowly, speak with modern slang, we can't give away anything."

"Jeez Dad, you talk at us like we've never been around humans before! Relax, we're about to meet our new sister. It doesn't have to be so hard! We know how to act, just chill!" Emmett said. His wife gave him a scathing look and her thoughts filled with anger. She thought that this Isabella was going to wound me more than I could imagine. I raised an eyebrow at her but she looked away.

"I know Emmett, I just like to be cautious."

"I know." We stopped talking, Alice and I were staring at each other. She was watching visions of our entire family dancing through her head as the future swirled between many different options. I noticed that I was still mateless in them. This gave me an odd shot of hope combined with loneliness.

'_You're feelings are way too complex. If I felt all you did all the time I would explode.' _Jasper thought. I wanted to laugh, he felt exponentially more than I did, my feelings were just more unusual than his.

"Four minutes" Alice said breaking the silence that had filled the room. I started to breathe deeply again, though it did nothing to calm my nerves. I could not remember ever feeling this nervous before. The questions that had been plaguing me these past few days were kept running through my head. How could this work? Could Alice's visions have any truth? Could I actually make this girl love me so much she would _want _to give up her humanity? Could we work through her emotional scars of her encounter with Lonnie and be a_ real_ couple?

Jasper, who was becoming my favorite person to have around reached out with a wave of calm. I sighed and glanced at him to show my appreciation for his talent. He nodded back and came to stand behind the chair I was sitting in. The close proximity let me feel the full effects of his ability. All my nerves were gone and I began to gain a little confidence in the meeting that would take place in a few minutes. I could get through this, and I could try and make this girl feel as good about this as she could. I reminded myself of all my questions. Logic brought me the answers. No of course we would never be a real couple, no of course she would never want to be what I was if it meant eternity with me. But we could get through tonight.

Alice came to join Jasper behind me. Immediately she tried to push a new vision of Isabella and myself at me. All I caught was a flash of a kiss and my thumb brushing a tear from pale skin. A growl rumbled through me and she sighed.

'_Edward! These are things you need to see! It's your future' _I sighed, I was tired of this argument.

"No Alice, it's what you're guessing for my future! You want it so bad you can see it. Now keep your visions to yourself as I requested of you earlier. This is hard enough without you." Alice looked offended by my words but at the exact moment I did not care because a knock sounded on the front door and Esme rose to answer it.

"Hello Chief Swan, Isabella," Esme said as she answered the front door. I closed my eyes and took in one last deep breath. "Welcome to our home,"

As Esme and the Swans' approached the room I rose from my seat, my manners kicking in even before my mind could think about it. They would think it was odd that I had jumped to my feet in the presence of a lady, but my father didn't even reprimand me in his thoughts.

The moment felt entirely too heavy but I forced my eyes open and there before me stood my mother, Charlie Swan who I'd seen around town and behind him stood Isabella Marie Swan.

My eyes went wide and something deep inside my chest cavity shifted with a sensation I had not ever felt before. I had been right to assume that these last five years had changed her drastically. Still, she was such a tiny thing, maybe 5'4 at the tallest, and skinny, almost too much. Not overly curvaceous, she was making her still feminine shape even less defined by wearing a billowy skirt and a bulky knit sweater. Her hair was long, tied in a low ponytail that fell almost halfway down her back and was the colour of roasted chestnuts. The wide doe eyes that stood out to me matched. Contrasting her dark eyes and hair was her smooth clear skin, that was so white she may have only been two or three true shades darker than myself. She must religiously hide herself from the sun to be so pale. Her blood was rushing under her skin and I could see it move through her. My eyes moved over her quickly but it seemed to take forever to really take her in. I felt my stomach lurch and I held my breath,

This girl was beautiful.

No,

This girl was _the most_ beautiful.

The world may have stopped spinning, but it was Jasper who took me back into our reality. His body was vibrating with the new emotions that had stirred in the room but I was too caught up in the beauty of the human in front of me to notice exactly what was happening with him.

"Charlie, Isabella, this is my family" Esme said. Carlisle immediately rose to put an arm around his wife after shaking Charlie's hand. Jasper was holding onto his head as my father went around the room introducing everybody. "This is Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie's twin brother Jasper, beside him is Edward's sister Alice." Charlie nodded to them in turn and looked out of the corner of his eye, watching his daughter stare at her feet.

"Bella," he whispered. She looked up and stepped up beside him. He placed an arm around her and stepped her toward me. This extra step brought her even closer and my eyes wandered her slowly. The stirring I had noticed in my chest grew more intense as she stood before me and now it was the scent of her that I noticed in place of her beauty. It was the most heavenly thing and I felt my eyelids become heavy as wanting to taste her overwhelmed me. She was earthy, and deep with floral touches. Lilacs and roses combined with the clean smell of the woods after rainfall. Warmth like nutmeg and cinnamon hit my tongue as I opened my mouth minimally to breath her in. No one had ever smelled like this before and part of me wanted to grab her and just have a small taste, just a drop to satisfy the wanting that was cropping up inside of me.

'_Snap out of it Edward. Focus.'_ my father snapped in his thoughts. I tried to think of her beauty in place of her scent. I could not lust after her smell. I would never drink from a human again. I would never hurt this girl.

"Isabella, this is Edward." Esme said gesturing toward me. I inclined my head slightly and gave her a small smile. She turned her head away as if disgusted and rung her hands.

"How do you do?" I asked in a gentle, quiet voice. Silence rang in the room. I tried to focus in on her thoughts. The internal voices of my family and the Chief raged in my head, but from Isabella, there was only silence.

I doubled my efforts. I could hear everybody in the room clearly, but not Isabella... Her mind was shut to me. How? This made no sense. In all my years I had never encountered someone who could keep their mind from mine permanently. I glared at her and involuntarily scowled a little. I instantly regretted it as it seemed to frighten her a little. Charlie took several more steps toward me with Bella who kept her face turned away and made a low noise in protest that had I been human, I would not have heard.

"Bella," he whispered to her "This is the young man I told you about, Edward." she nodded at him and then looked at the ground. She would not look me in the eyes. "He won't hurt you." Taking her hand slowly he held it out toward me and I studied him, seeing that he wanted me to take it. Tears welled up in her eyes and Isabella took her hand back. Her body began to shake slightly. Carlisle stepped up.

"Are you okay Isabella? Are you going to have panic attack?" Carlisle's mind flashed to recent hospitalizations Isabella had been through due to severe panic. I wanted to cringe as he remembered her so weak. She looked pathetic in these memories. Bella pushed herself into Charlie and shook her head. "You have no reason to be afraid of Edward. He's a very gentle man," Charlie again tried to extend Bella's hand toward me.

"No," she whispered and the Chief sighed. I felt a pang of loneliness run through me then. My mate was standing before me, but would not look at me or touch me. She stared at the ground while I stood there not knowing what to do or say. This was not the beginning everyone had hoped for. Rosalie and I were proved right already. If this girl would not even _look_ at me or just touch my hand, how could she be my wife?

"Why don't we all sit down and get to know each other a little better?" Carlisle suggested. He offered Charlie the seat that I had occupied before. Alice and Jasper moved from behind it and moved to the couch with Carlisle and Esme. That left the love seat that was not occupied by Rose and Emmett for Isabella and myself. I gestured toward it, indicating for her to lead the way but she shook her head and went to sit on the arm of the chair her father now sat in. I walked to the love seat and sat down, hurt obvious on my face. My eyes immediately fell on Isabella. Her father was looking up at her.

"Bella, we went over this before we left the house. Go sit by him, he's your fiancé now. He's not going to hurt you." Charlie attempted to muffle his voice so we would not hear him, but our vampire senses helped us pick up on every word. Isabella's eyes wandered over to where I was sitting. She looked very nervous, with her shoulders hunched and her arms crossed in front of her. I tried another small smile to encourage her. Slowly she rose and walked over to the love seat. She sat as far away from me and possible. Charlie gave her a disapproving look and she slid marginally closer to me. "Bella," her father sighed and rubbed his temples. He was embarrassed that his daughter was acting this was in front of my entire family. Isabella slid even closer to me.

The tension in the room was tangible. I was hoping Jasper would reach out and ease the room up a little bit but him and Alice were conversing in very soft voices. I let their thoughts flash into my mind and saw that Alice was discussing the so called obvious affection I harbored for the fragile girl who sat beside me. She was so nervous she had started to shake. Jasper's face was contorted in pain, and I listened to his thoughts as he leaned into Alice. Isabella was causing this and he thought to me,

'_Something is so wrong about pain of this magnitude Ed, you have to help her...'_ He leaned his head into his wife's and sighed softly attempting to deal with the presence of Isabella and her pain.

My eyes moved from Alice and Jasper back to Isabella. She was peaking at me out of the corner of her eye. Smiling didn't seem to put her at ease at all so I left my expression blank and just looked at her, taking in her features even more. She had big round expressive eyes, and a small nose, her lips were pale pink and just perfect for her face, but there was a deep crease mark in the bottom one, she was obviously a biter. For a human this girl sure was beautiful, it truly was a shame that we were not meant for each other. Her looks struck me as no one's ever had. She was more beautiful than Rosalie, than Alice, even more than Esme. Our eyes locked and I couldn't help but to smile at her, something about this girls beauty overwhelmed part of my senses. I silently cursed my father for bringing this one into my life. She could have it so much better.

I relaxed into the love seat a little and let myself breathe and drink in her scent. It was amazingly strong, floral like. I felt the little monster inside me pick up his head from his slumber, but I beat him away again. Isabella slowly moved her hands up to take out her hair allowing it to hide her face, and I was hit with the scent of strawberry shampoo. Her natural scent was temporarily blocked from me and the angry burn that had come into my throat died for a second. Her blood smelled amazing, I never wanted to be away from that scent again. My internal struggle was making me bite my lip softly. I should have went hunting this morning as well, but I did not know of her tempting smell then.

My eyes traveled over her and wondered why something so beautiful was so tempting as well. I shook my head slightly, I could get used to this scent, if we were together enough I would become used to the burn. It was tempting yes, but amazing at the same time. Nothing had ever smelled so sweet to me. My eyes continued to linger over her and noticed a crescent shape scar that sparkled slightly in the light on her wrist. That was where she had been bitten. Her eyes followed mine to her scar and she covered it with her sweater quickly.

I wonder if she remembered the attack in Alaska. Did she know what we were just by looking at us? Did Charlie know what he had signed his daughter up for when he had given me her hand? I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my father talking I turned to look at him and caught the last of his sentence.

"...how best to go about this so they can know as much as possible about each other before the wedding" Charlie was nodding and I cursed myself for not paying attention earlier.

"Well I have no real objections to your ideas from before, but she can come home on weekends if she'd like." Charlie responded to Carlisle

"Of course, of course. Well it'll be a month or two I think before we take it that far, they should get to know each other at school first I think, give Isabella a chance to make some more friends before she becomes bogged down with wedding plans." Esme said smiling. I saw Isabella scowl at her father and I smirked at how cute she looked when angry.

"What do you two think?" Carlisle asked. I looked into his eyes and smirked again. Did it really matter what we thought about whatever he was talking about? We had no choice in this anyways. He gave me a curious look, wondering what my smirk was about and I was going to tell him but I was interrupted when Isabella spoke for the first time since arriving. Her voice was urgent, but soft. When she spoke warmth moved around in my chest cavity and I felt a pull to lean toward her. Resisting I listened,

"Dad, I don't want to move away from our house! Why don't you want me around like you used to? What do I do that makes you hate me so much that you're marrying me off? I can be better!" she whispered these last words. "I can be good." She looked so pitiful as she pleaded. Esme sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat. Charlie flushed and looked to my father,

"May I have a private word with my daughter? I'm sorry she's acting like this, she has days where she reverts to being a young child. I promise she doesn't mean to be insulting."

"Dad!" Isabella hissed and a blush crept up her face, turning her skin the loveliest shade of pink and I let my eyes fall close with the pleasure I felt at the rush of her blood. When I opened my eyes again Charlie had turned to give Isabella a severe look and she just hung her head.

"Bella, come on."

"Of course, please feel free to use the kitchen or dining room, we'll just wait for you here." Charlie took Isabella out by the elbow and and I let out a long breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"So Edward, what do you think?" Alice asked almost bobbing up and down on the spot with excitement. I frowned and replied

"What do I think of what Alice?", of course I knew what she meant, She scowled at me and I smirked back

"Of Isabella, obviously"

"She's human" I said staring at her with a blank expression.

"You're trying to be difficult!"

"Edward, give us some kind of real answer," my mother said. "What do you think of her,"

"She smells good."

"Edward!"

"What do you want me to say? I don't know _anything_ about her, she's said all of three sentences since she's been here, and she doesn't appear to like me very much at all. Am I the only person who noticed that she wouldn't even look at me? That she would not touch me!" I couldn't help but let the hurt show in my voice when I said this.

I had known that Isabella would not like me. I saw it coming from a mile away, and it was just a bad reminder that I was marrying someone who would never love me. Never would I ever be able to just contently lay with someone all day as Emmett and Rose did frequently. Never would I chase a lover around the house, laughing and joking finally catching her only to scoop her into my arms and kiss her passionately as I'd watch Jasper do countless times to Alice. A new wave of sadness hit me and I glared at the ground.

Isabella and Charlie came back into the room and again I immediately stood before I could stop myself again. When I had been younger it was always proper to stand when a lady entered the room. I'd never really bothered with Alice and Rose, and I had trained myself not to do it in school. But this beautiful human commanded my attention. Isabella looked at me like she thought my standing for her was absurd.

"You see? I told you he was a gentleman, no go sit by him and _take his hand_." Charlie said. Isabella made her way over to me and sat down. I settled myself beside her with deliberate slowness to make sure I would not frighten her. I noticed that we were sitting considerably closer than before and that it seemed to make her uncomfortable, but Charlie was staring at her so she made no attempt to shift away. Trying to ease her I slid down to give her more room, and her eyes searched mine, curiosity obvious in her expression. I just smiled and folded my hands together. Charlie's eyebrows were pushed together in frustration as he noticed I had moved away from Bella. Thinking it would be stepping over a parental line to reprimand me, he turned to my parents. Not knowing how to phrase his wanting me to slide closer to Isabella he instead said,

"I'm very sorry about that Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen" he made his way back to his chair.

"Please Chief, call us Carlisle and Esme." Esme said and she reached to take Carlisle's hand.

"Alright, but only if you call me Charlie. There really is no need for titles since we're basically family now." Carlisle and Esme beamed and Charlie returned their smiles.

"So where were we?"

"Bella has agreed that it would be best for her to move in possibly in the end of October or start of November."

"Wonderful!" Alice said "Mom, can I decorate her room for her?" Esme smiled but shook her head and Alice's face fell.

"Alice dear, Isabella will be sharing a room with Edward." she said. I glanced at Isabella to gage her reaction to this. She looked horrified at the very thought. She unconsciously shuffled away from me and peaked at me from the corner of her eye again. I stared at the floor, hurt by how much this seemed to upset her.

"Isabella!" her father reprimanded instantly. "Honestly, I don't know what to do with her anymore." Charlie said to my father. Bella sniffled and pressed her hands together and hid her face in embarrassment.

"She's just scared." I said and Charlie looked up,

"Excuse me?"

"She's scared of me. You cannot be mad at her for being afraid!"

"Edward, I'm not sure that this is time for you to argue about anything."

"I'm not arguing, I am simply saying that nothing is going to happen overnight. I think it is...unfair to expect us to start acting like a couple immediately whether that is...sitting closely on the couch, or whatever else. We need to adjust."

"You're seventeen?" Charlie asked laughing. I nodded. "I can already tell you're going to be good for her." Bella grimaced beside me and I nodded again not knowing what to do.

"Thank you, Sir." A heavy silence filled the room and Emmett was growing restless in his seat. He looked around and decided to speak,

"So...yeah. This isn't awkward or anything. In case anyone else is wondering."

"Very nice Emmett," Alice said. She stood and skipped over and plopped herself in between Isabella and I. "Hi!" I smiled as I watched Bella look at my sister and bite her lip.

"Hi," she whispered.

"I'm Alice,"

"Bella,"

"So what do you like to do Bella?"

"I like...books."

"I like to shop. We're going to be great friends." Charlie was watching this exchange with interest and smiled.

"Oh yeah?" I thought this was rather rude of Isabella and so did her father.

"Bella hates to shop."

"Then we will shop for books,"

"Alice, I think you're scaring her." Emmett said.

"Edward likes to read too you know," Alice said talking right over my brother. "I bet you like the classics. You look like a classic lover. Edward has a great collection. I bet you he could recite Wuthering Heights to you. He loves East of Eden too."

"You're really loud." Isabella whispered and I laughed.

"Alice is incapable of being quiet."

"Alice, please Love, don't overwhelm Isabella. That's the last thing she needs."

"We can talk later," Alice said and smiled widely.

"Mhmm," Isabella looked away and I watched her search the walls for a clock. My sister turned to from my future wife to lean her head on my shoulder and we shared a smile. She wanted so desperately to break the tension that filled the room that she was willing to let Isabella think she was really weird.

As another silence took us I watched Charlie Swan. He was hoping that Bella would have been more accepting of me, maybe talked to me. He thought I was a nice boy, quiet, but maybe that was just because I was nervous. My mother noticed his worry in his face and whispered softly to Carlisle who patted her hand.

"Edward, why don't you take Isabella outside and show her our gardens so you two can get to know each other a little while we make some arrangements? It may be easier to become comfortable with each other if we're not staring at you." Esme offered and looked to Charlie for his approval of the suggestion.

"That's a wonderful idea Esme" said Charlie.

"Of course Mother, would you like to accompany me outside Isabella?" I spoke to her directly. She seemed shocked to hear her name from my mouth. I stood and waited for her. Slowly, Isabella got to her feet beside me and I gestured for her to lead the way to the door.

"Bella, he's not going to hurt you." Charlie said again. She did not seem to like the thought of me behind her because she kept her eyes on me from over her shoulder. Isabella cleared her throat when she noticed that I had my eyes trained on her body and I shot my eyes up to lock into hers. She glared and I whispered an apology.

We walked out into the warm evening air. It was heavy and filled with an impending storm. Isabella had turned to face me and she was staring. I became slightly uncomfortable under her gaze I shifted my weight a little and cleared my throat, trying to ease my own tension. Isabella took a step away from me and looked up at the cloudy sky.

"Uh...our gardens are over here," I said pointing to the side of the house farthest from the driveway. Esme always kept a lush, green lawn with flowers of all the colours one could think of. I hoped that Isabella would like them, at least it would give us something to talk about.

"I think we should stay here, where my father can see me out the window." she said dropping her gaze and turning back to the window to look inside. She waved to her father and I saw Charlie motion for her to keep going with me. She turned. Her eyes found my feet and I felt another wave of pity for Bella. She seemed to love her father, and he was shunting her off to me. "Never mind, just... show me the gardens I guess." Fear was radiating off of Isabella, her steps small and quick as she moved beside me. I stretched out my pace so three of her small steps equaled one of my long strides. As we walked around the house and I could feel her grow more and more nervous. She pulled her hair back into a low ponytail and glared at me when she realized I was again watching her. We had a small bench set in our gardens and I motioned to it.

"Would you like to sit?" I asked keeping my voice low and soothing. She seemed to relax a little bit as she let herself fall onto the bench. There was a silence and I turned myself towards her slightly. I watched as she looked up again at the sky and back around to Esme's flowers. She bit her lip as her eyes traveled over the late blooming lilies. Standing I walked and picked two of Esme's Casa Blanca white lilies, and brought them back, handing them to Isabella. She took them tentatively and smiled at then when she believed I wasn't looking. Her small nose inhaled deeply from the sweet perfume of the flower and I smiled,

"You like lily flowers?"

"They're my favourite." her voice was soft and she admired them, twirling the stems in between her fingers.

"Tell me about yourself?" I asked folding my hands in my lap and leaning towards her a little. Bella's body tensed and her eyes found mine again. There was no trace of a smile on her face. She pulled away sharply and her face showed me cold hostility and she spat out an answer at me.

"There's nothing to say. You and I both know we're only here for our parents. I don't like to be close to people, especially not people like _you!_" I was taken completely aback by her words and I was surprised when I felt a pain shoot through me. Her words had cut me like a knife. My hurt must have shown on my face. Her features softened a little but she did not apologize for her cruelty. An ache pulsed through my entire body and I turned from her slightly. This tiny, soft human was cruel, her hostility pushing through her fear without warning. "I know what you are..." she said after a small silence. "I've run into people like you before. I know what you eat."

"I know, I can see the mark." I whispered looking anywhere but her face. I turned my body away from her completely now and ran my fingers through my hair. Why did they have to do this to me? Why did they pick the one girl that would have to hate me so much? Bella lifted one of her flowers to feel the silky petals against her cheek. I found myself wondering if her cheek was soft like a flower petal. She interrupted my thoughts,

"How come you and your family haven't killed us yet?" she asked as she turned to stare at me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. Maybe that was why she had been so nervous tonight? She was waiting to be murdered by what she assumed were thirsty vampires. Between being attacked by those other vampires and Lonnie she probably expected it from everyone. I kept my eyes trained on the earth before me, and answered

"My family and I, we're different from others of our kind. We only feed off animals and we choose to exist among humans." I turned to face her and made myself look into her eyes. "Not all of us are so terrible, I would never even dream of feeding from you."

"You won't hurt me?" she asked sounding a little anxious.

"As I said Isabella, I would not dream of it." I whispered.

"I don't believe you,"

"Of course you don't."

"Don't you dare say that like you know anything about me!"

"I apologize," I murmured and ran my hand through my hair. "I am sorry Isabella."

"Yeah, right." She tore her gaze from mine and turned back to her flowers.

"There is no need to be rude." I whispered.

"Well...I'm sorry then." I nodded.

"It's okay," We fell silent and I heard her shift beside me and sigh every few minutes. "Isabella, I-" I began as I turned and started to reach for her.

"_Don't_ touch me!" she yelled, fear swimming into her eyes and crippling her features.

"I—I'm sorry Isabella, I didn't mean to upset you!" I choked out. I stood and took a step towards her and she took one back. She dropped her lilies in fear and continued to step away from me. "Please, don't be afraid, I am not going to hurt you. I wouldn't!"

"Stay away from me... please." she whispered. I sat back down on the bench and motioned for her to do the same. We sat in silence and I strained my mind willing it to be able to hear her thoughts, but it was a losing battle. Something inside of me was aching and desperate to reach out and find some form of comfort in the creature beside me. The beauty and scent of this girl intrigued me, and her silent mind though frustrating, was calming to be around. Finally I could be with someone, but be with my thoughts alone. I sighed and then inhaled her scent deeply. Her eyes flickered to me.

"You've done that a few times tonight."

"I have." I stated simply. Isabella looked confused and I just shook my head, leaning forward to rest my elbows on me knees. I noticed her watching me and I turned my head to face her.

"Isabella-" she cut me off

"You can just call me Bella, no one calls me Isabella, unless Charlie's mad at me."

"Oh, okay. Bella." I said testing it, I liked the way it sounded when I said her name. "Bella." I whispered again, "What are you thinking? You're nearly impossible for me to read."

"It's not important." I frowned and sat back up straight. Her eyes were focused on my body and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're staring at me." I observed and Bella became slightly flustered

"I um...yeah- I'd like to go back inside now." she got up and began to head towards the house. I continued to sit on the bench for a minute then got up to follow her. Stooping to pick up her flowers I grabbed three more and turned to see her retreating figures. I ran to catch up to her and she moved faster, clearly wanting to be away. I frowned and slowed my pace, even though I could have caught her if I had wanted to. She was obviously determined to be away from me so I let her go. Bella entered the house ahead of me. When I got inside I found that everyone had moved from the sitting room to the kitchen. Charlie was having a cup of coffee and talking to Carlisle still.

"I didn't know that she would act like this even in front of you-" Bella stomped into the kitchen, realizing they were talking about her. She interrupted her father.

"Dad, can we please leave now?" Bella asked. I saw my father and mother frown slightly, but Bella paid them no mind. I walked up behind her and held up the flowers in front of her. She ignored them,

"You're supposed to be getting to know Edward, Isabella." he muttered taking another sip of his coffee. It was obvious from his mannerisms that Charlie was embarrassed by Bella's behavior again. He looked to me and my flowers that I was now holding down by my side. I smiled at him as much as I could and Bella followed her father's gaze to me. She looked down at the lilies and bit her lip. Holding them out to her again, I watched as she took them in her hands and gave them a soft smell like she had outside. Turning back to the island that was surrounded by my family she spoke,

"Dad, _please?_" Charlie looked hopeless as his eye wandered over his daughter. He looked back to me and I think even he could see how hurt I was by the rejection that I'd known was coming. It was good that she had rejected me. We could never be together with her being a human. It may have been a good thing, but it hurt. It hurt like hell.

"I think you and Edward should be spending as much time together as you can, he's going to be your _husband_ Bella. Best to start getting to know him now. You two have only been outside for a half hour."

"I know Dad... I just...want to get lots of rest for school tomorrow."

"Bella its only 5:30," Bella's forehead creased with anxiety over her father's determination to keep us together for the evening. "You and Edward keep talking for a while, we'll go soon I promise." Isabella nodded her head and turned back toward me.

"Would you like to go back outside?" I asked

"No, I just want to be home." she said as she walked past me and back into the sitting room. I looked up to Carlisle. He had a slightly pained expression on his face and I could tell he was sympathetic towards me. My mother looked thoroughly upset and she tried to smile at me. I glared at Carlisle and hissed so low that Charlie couldn't hear.

"She hates me you know, now you're making us both miserable." I turned and was about to follow Bella into the sitting room when I was called back by her father.

"Edward?" turning I came back to the island and he sighed. "Don't give up on her."

"Sir?" I raised an eyebrow and he began to speak but stopped as we heard Alice yell

"Hi!" to Isabella again. "Where's Edward?"

"I don't know,"

"I'll find him!" Alice skipped into the kitchen and laced our fingers together on one hand while leaning her head against my upper arm. I smiled down at my sister and leaned my head onto hers.

"Is she always that happy?" Charlie murmured to my father. Carlisle nodded. "Anyways, Edward. I know that this is going to be hard, but I promise that it will get better."

"I'll... try?"

"Yes you will Edward." Carlisle said firmly.

"She's a nice girl...sometimes." Charlie said.

"I'll work on it Chief," he nodded.

"Why don't you get back to your fiancée?" Esme asked. "I'm sure she wants to talk more."

"Yeah...no. She doesn't." I said but turned and walked out of the kitchen. Alice squeezed my hand tightly before I left.

"May I sit with you Isabella?" I whispered as I stood in the doorway to the sitting room. Bella was lounging on the chair her father had sat in and was admiring the paintings on the walls.

"It's Bella, Edward. And yes, if you _must._" she poured acid onto her words and I felt that acid make a layer over my heart.

I knew that we could never be together, and I knew that Bella would never love or care for me, but it was still rude of her to be so blatantly hateful without giving me a chance as a person. I knew I was a monster, and I regretted ever taking a human life, but Bella had to understand somehow that I _could_ be good...I _wanted_ to be good. We sat in an uncomfortable silence. I glanced at her and saw that she_ again_ was staring at me out of the corner of her eye.

"Bella, why do you look at me when you think I don't notice? You've been watching me out of the corner of your eye all night." I gazed at her until she brought her eyes up to look directly into mine. A small blush seemed to creep over her face and she shook her head a little. I stared at her and waited for an explanation, finally she gave me one.

"I uh...don't trust you. You say you're not going to hurt me but...how can I know that you don't actually hurt humans?" she said quietly. Again this was something I expected but it still hurt all the same. My beautiful human mate did not trust me. We couldn't even be friends without trust. I had to show her,

"Look at my eyes Bella." she did.

"They're gold." I nodded.

"If you remember anything about what happened to you..their eyes-"

"Red...blood red." I nodded again and gave her a soft smile.

"You don't? Ever..?"

"I won't hurt you. I won't hurt Charlie. Nobody in this house will."

"Maybe I'll believe that soon." Sighing, I turned from her and stood up so I would not have to look at her anymore. My eyes instantly missed her beauty but I pushed the thought from my mind. Anger and resentment towards my father boiled up inside of me, hatred at Alice for her stupid gift filled my head. I ran my hands through my hair,

"Edward?" Bella whispered my name quietly. I forced myself to turn and face her. My name had never sounded so sweet as it fell from someones lips. Her voice was made to say my name, I thought of Alice's vision. I tried to wipe away the hurt look from my face but I knew that she could still see it, and part of me wanted her to. People should not go around acting to hateful to someone who was trying to be nice and make the best out of a bad situation. I understood that Bella had her issues with men, who wouldn't after going through what she had? But I did not do that to her, so why blame me because I was a man? I could not help that. I would_ never_ violate her in such a way. I would do anything to protect _anyone_ from that hurt.

"Yes?" I spat and I saw Bella flinch as she heard the anger in my voice. My thoughts were quickly making me lost control of my anger but I reigned it back in. Bella whispered,

"Don't...uh take it personally or anything, I don't really trust anyone except Charlie..." I just nodded my head and did not bother to try and hide my hurt anymore. It wouldn't do any good to hide it. She frowned at me, and almost looked sorry, I didn't believe her look and she tried to speak again. "Edward I-"

"Save it." I cut her off and walked over to the chair her father had occupied. Why? Why did I have to have a mate picked for me? Why did she have to be so beautiful? Why did the terrible things that made her not trust have to happen to her? I glared at the floor and curled my hands into tight fists I looked down at my powerful hands and hated myself for the strength they held, I wanted to be able to be like Isabella, and be a regular guy. One who could hold her, and teach her how to love me. I fisted my hair and tugged on it trying to ease my hurt,

"I'm sorry..." Bella whispered and she shifted down to the end of love seat closest to my chair. She leaned forward slightly and again she whispered. "I'm sorry Edward." It was barely audible and I glanced at her to see that she was hanging her head. I stood up with intentions of going to try and comfort her, but I stopped and reminded myself that she didn't like to be touched and she shouldn't want my comfort anyways.

"I-don't...don't be sorry Isabella" I said looking down at her,

"It's Bella" I sighed and nodded. Bella watched me with her eyes and flinched visibly again as I started to move. I walked to the stairs and turned to face her. We were both silent for a few minutes, all that could be hurt was the chatter of my family and her father in the kitchen. I opened my mouth several times to speak but could not seem to find the right words I wanted to say. Finally I willed my voice to work,

"Bella...I'm not that bad, we could at least be friends you know..." I whispered. She gave no sign that she heard me. "Look, I know that you could never lower yourself to think of me as more than some guy who happened to ruin you life-"

"What do you mean _lower_ myself?" she asked defensively

"Well Bella, you act very hostile and high and mighty. I know you look down on me because of what I am but...we're a good family, we are not bad people. Do me a favor and at least be nice to my siblings. Alice wants to be your friend, give her a chance," Bella's mouth was hanging open in shock at what I'd said, but said nothing herself. So I continued my way upstairs.

"Where are you going?" she called after me when I had reached the top. I ignored her and continued to my room. "Edward?" her voice called again and I stopped as her sweet voice said my name again. I looked down over the stairs as saw her standing at the bottom.

"You seem to dislike my presence, I'm just trying to make you more comfortable." Again Isabella did not seem to have words to reply to me, so I continued and let the rejection and hatred I felt from her wash over me.

"I – Edward...Charlie will get so mad at me."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Don't...please. I can't stand it when he's mad at me."

"Just blame me for it Bella. I'm the one walking away." I snapped. Ascending the stairs I gave her a fleeting glance as she ran her hand over her hair and sniffled. Entering my room, I laid down on my big black couch and let small dry sobs out. Edward Cullen, the lonely Cullen. At this moment in time I knew I'd be alone forever. Eternally bound to someone who would never love me.


	5. My Attempt at Friendship

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

Chapter 5

I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening listening to the goings on in the house. I didn't hear another word from Bella, but her father stayed and talked to Carlisle for quite some time. They both seemed very excited at the prospect of Isabella and I getting to know each other and seeing what would grow after we get used to the idea that we will be getting married. I stopped listening after that. I was _sick_ of the word marriage after hearing it so much over the past week. I could live with being alone, I had perfected living without properly existing down to an art, it was my specialty. I did not feel like I had anything to live for, and now that I had something I was _supposed_ to live for, but it just couldn't be. Bella would never want to live for me, I'd be surprised if she ever spoke to me again. I closed my eyes and let my sadness take me. What easily could have been minutes or hours later I heard the door of my room open.

'_Oh Edward,'_ I heard Esme's thoughts. She came toward me and I turned into the couch to try and signify I was in no mood for company. Esme either did not notice my reluctance for company, or did not care because her thoughts focused only around comforting me. One of her petite hands reached out and rubbed across my back. The sensation was soothing, and this was not the first time I had sat with my mother while she tried to comfort me over being so lonely. A feeling inside my stomach told me it definitely would not be the last. Even though I welcomed her need to take care of me I felt she should leave me be. Carlisle was going to be furious with me, and I would not put him and Esme against each other.

"Mom...please. I am old enough to deal with this myself." I murmured. I loved my mother so very dearly, but I was also embarrassed that she sat here with me while I sobbed over a girl I did not even know. This situation was simply fraught with massive amounts of complication. It was bound to turn us all against each other before it was over. This girl was so strangely alluring with her human beauty and her closed mind. But mother and father had gone about this all wrong. Esme frowned and ceased her rubbing.

"Edward, you are my child, I'm just trying to help. You're my oldest son, and I love you so much Dear. It just tears me up inside to see you like this. You know I only want you to be happy." I turned back around on the couch to face her. She smiled gently at me and I let out a long sigh as I ran a hand through my copper hair. Esme's hand found mine and she squeezed it tight. She leaned down and kissed my temple and I'm sure if I could blush I would have. Esme ran her hands over my hair, and sighed,

"My poor Son, I would do anything to make you happy you know?"

"I know Mother," I whispered. She bit her lip and cupped my cheek. She smoothed out my hair and gave me a warming smile. Esme always knew how to make me feel better.

"I take it that Isabella is not to your liking?" she looked down into my eyes. This question to me was absurd. I let my mind run over Isabella again. She was soft and fragile, so heartbreakingly _**beautiful**_... but so cold and angry. I thought about how she told me she watched me because she did not trust me and a fresh wound opened up in my chest. I winced. This should not bother me as much as it did, but I was unable to help how I felt. If it hurt to think of her distaste for me then it hurt, and I could not help that. In this situation I could not do _anything_. I could not change Isabella's mind. I could not change Carlisle's mind. I looked back to my mother and tried to give her an accurate answer.

"I do not know her enough to like her or not. She was very defensive, hostile even." I paused, Esme has shown me time after time in the century we had lived together that I could tell her anything. I continued, "She does not like our kind. She thinks I am going to hurt her." I sat up and Esme gave my hand another tight squeeze. "I could never hurt a human, you know that Mom... Although I will admit that her blood is unlike any other scent. It's so..._potent...floral. _Her scent shakes me to my very core." I shuddered slightly at the memory of her blood and the strong angry burn my throat had felt when I had really let her scent consume me.

"I hope her scent isn't all that you noticed." my mother was teasing me, she had noticed the way I had watched Isabella. "She is beautiful Esme, more so than anyone else." I whispered and my mother smiled at me. "Never have I seen a creature as captivating as her...her hair, her eyes, those lips... her body...God...her _everything._" I closed my eyes and saw Isabella before me, I had to smile at the sheer physical perfection of the girl in my minds eye. I let my smile fade as I remembered her actions. How could someone so beautiful be so mean to someone she did not even know, or even want to get to know? My mother leaned her head against mine and smiled. She nudged me gently and I opened my eyes,

"Give it time Edward. You know that things settle with time." her eyes willed me to want things to work with this girl, as did her thoughts. '_You know that this could go so well Edward. Isabella just needs some work. Charlie seems to like you Edward, he said very nice things about you.'_

"Mother,-" I started but cut myself off when I heard someone else approaching the room and Carlisle came in moving faster than human pace. This was unusual for him. He walked and sat beside us on my couch. I could hear in his thoughts that he was anything but pleased with me. Esme gave Carlisle a stern look, and I could tell she was communicating to him that if he was hard on me, he would be in the doghouse for several days. My hand gave hers another tight squeeze and she reached to brush my hair off my forehead again.

"Well Son, would you care to explain why you just walked upstairs and left Isabella by herself for several _hours_ in our sitting room?" I left my expression blank and turned my face from his. "She was just sitting there, picking hairs off of her sweater. Charlie is less than impressed Edward! I expected a lot more from you! You've practically embarrassed me! Do you know all the wonderful things I've been saying about you? You acted like an actual child tonight Edward. I cannot begin to tell you how angry I am with you." I leaned my head into my mother again and Carlisle's thoughts came into my head as Esme kissed my forehead.

"_Don't run to your mother to protect you from your actions, you have no excuse for what you did! Where was my gentleman son down there? Explain yourself Edward Cullen!_" I snarled at my father's thoughts and Esme shushed me and raised an eyebrow at her husband. Carlisle sighed, frustration oozing off of him. "Edward Cullen, I am waiting for your explanation."

"Carlisle..." Esme warned and rubbed my cheek.

"Esme, don't you dare defend his actions."

"Look!" I yelled interrupting him. "She just _does not like me_ Dad, she _doesn't even like our kind_. You are only hurting her by forcing this, I could not care less if you think this is some grand idea. That girl _**hates**_ me. Why don't you point your judgmental gaze at her? I think I would come out on top if you compared the two of our behavior patterns." I caught Carlisle's frown out of the corner of my eye. He was already arguing with me in his thoughts. "You cannot change the fact that she hates me."

"Nobody hates you Edward." my mother whispered. I laughed, this was such an Esme type thing to say. "I don't anyways. I love you."

"I love you too Mom," she smiled and pulled me into her more.

"Esme," my father said rubbing his temples.

"Don't you dare reprimand me for telling my son that I love him. Edward is hurting Carlisle, and I won't let you yell at him. Even you know that all of this is not his fault."

"Do you atleast agree with me that it was not a very nice thing for him to do?" he whispered, searching her eyes for some help with his unruly mate-less son. "I mean nothing can truly excuse this. Sure, Isabella was a little less than cordial tonight, but-"

"Carlisle. Think of your daughter. Think of what has already happened in this house." Esme snapped. She was truly angry with her husband now. Carlisle grimaced and reached for one of her hands.

"That, my Darling was-"

"It is the same situation, don't you dare tell me it is different. It is not like Edward will stop trying." I raised my eyebrows at my mother. "Edward, Isabella is your mate!" she stressed.

"Either way," my father began, bringing us back to the conversation. "Edward, it was hardly a very gentleman like thing to do." Carlisle scolded me.

"I _know_ Dad, I do not handle blunt rejection well. You would not do well with it either... no one does." I let my voice get lower as I spoke, and realized that her rejection and mistrusting ways had really hurt me more than I wanted to admit. Again this was getting to me too much. I let it go, looking to my father. Carlisle nodded and let out a long breath.

"What do you think of her?" he asked "Or did you even try to get to know her?" I sighed.

"She is beautiful...humans are usually so plain but she is lovely to look at, and her scent it unbelievable." My father nodded, "She is also the most confusing girl I have ever met." I looked up into Carlisle's face and he had one eyebrow raised. "I cannot hear her thoughts, at all. No trace glances, not even when I try. Her mind is completely blocked to mine. I didn't know what to do or say all night. I am so used to taking my next move off of everyone else...it must be hard to not hear the thoughts of others." I paused. "She was unforgivably rude and I could not even fish through her mind to find anything to ease her. Carlisle this is wrong." He ignored me.

"Fascinating..." Carlisle whispered ignoring the last three words. "Nothing at all? No images...just nothing? No actual words?"

"Not one word," I murmured.

Esme and Carlisle both seemed shocked at this. I too was confused about it. Isabella Swan was the_ only_ exception to my gift. After one hundred years of living all over the globe, only she could keep me away from her thoughts. What kind of shield did her mind have? Why was it there? More importantly, was I ever going to be able to get through it?

My thoughts turned to her completely and I bit my lip. Isabella Swan...a girl who had lived through terrible horrors. Was I just the next bad thing to happen to her? Something inside me did not want to have to believe that. I _wanted_ to be good for her. I really did...but was it _her_? Or was I just desperate for a mate at this point? Here I was being handed everything I had asked for in life, a mate. It was like Alice had just gone on one of her shopping trips and come home and handed her to me. Prepackaged with no searching involved. Happy birthday Edward, we got you a girl this year. Keep her safe, try to ignore the scent though.

I wanted to laugh at this thought. I am sure it did not happen like that. Though it was just as certain as Alice's visions. I found myself liking the idea of Bella but was I just running from loneliness? Who knew? I shook my head and tried to make all the unanswerable questions in the world go away. All that mattered was that I would try to be a gentleman from now on. I would apologize at school in the morning and work on a basic friendship. We would be more like friendly strangers with how much she seemed to want to not be close to people. But I promised myself one thing, and that is I would always be there should she need someone and maybe one day she would trust me.

As I thought all this a small smile crept onto my face and my parents raised their eyebrows.

"Something you'd like to share Edward?" Esme asked.

"I...I tried last night, I really did. I am sorry for just walking away. I will try to talk to her tomorrow at school, but you both must understand...she's so...angry and I do not know how to do this. I do not know _how_ to be with her, or show her that I can be her friend. She will resist every attempt." They both seemed very happy that I was willing to continue working at this for now. They stood to leave saying their farewells in their head but I asked Carlisle to stay behind. My mother swooped down to touch her lips to my cheek.

"Stay strong." she whispered and with a last brush of my cheek, left the room. Carlisle sat back down beside me and I turned to him.

"Father I have a question about this...arrangement" I began. He did not say anything so I took continued. "Must we make her one of us?" I let my eyes plead with him and make him see how crazy it would be to force our way of life on her. I know I did not know Isabella all that well, but I knew she would not want to give up her humanity. After being attacked by one of us, how could she ever turn that around and ask to have our life?

"You heard the Volturi Son, right now this is non-negotiable. She will be a vampire, and you'll love it when she is."

"You think me so cruel Carlisle? You think I would do this to someone? You think I would curse someone with our life?"

"Like I cursed you, Edward? Do you hate your life with us so much that you still cannot see any good about living like you do?"

"What have I got to live for?" Carlisle's face actually twisted with anger and stress.

"You have Isabella Swan to live for. Whether you like it right now or not. She is your mate and if you would stop being so hard headed you would listen to Alice and do what you're told to. Isabella is going to love you, she is going to be one of us and is going to spend eternity by your side." Carlisle was doing everything he could to keep himself in control. I had never seen him so upset with me.

"Stop Dad, you know I'll play along with your little game because of the Volturi. She'll be killed...I can't live with that on my conscience." I thought of the Volturi catching the sickly sweet scent of the Swan girl, she would not survive a moment, I was surprised Jasper had let her get away. "There has to be a way around this if she doesn't want it." I whispered.

"Have you considered that possibility that she will want it Son?"

"She hates us, Dad. All of us, simply because of our nature. She hates you, Alice, Mom, Emmett, whoever it was that attacked her, Tanya, Irina, Kate, all of us. Any person living as a vampire is on her hate list. Why would she want to become one?"

"Time changes people." Carlisle was growing weary of arguing with me. Both of us just sounded like a broken record to each other. Never in history had our family argued this much. My father was ready to leave. "Look, work on things with her tomorrow. You _will_ try to be good to her, and you will apologize to her and her father. Charlie will be back here with her soon."

"As you wish."

With one last irritated look Carlisle left to find Esme and persuade her to let go of her anger with him. I laid down to wait for morning, thinking of deep chocolate eyes and the scent of spicy flowers.

The next day we decided to take Rosalie's car to school and I was thankful for once to not have to drive. The car was completely noticeable, and stuck out in the parking lot, but it was her pride and joy so we took it out now and again. Who wouldn't be proud of a BMW convertible?

I strolled into the main office building intent on waiting for Isabella to come and pick up her schedule. I allowed my self a small smile when I saw her talking to the secretary. So soft and beautiful, such a fragile creature. I let my eyes wander over her as she leaned over the desk looking at a map of the school. I felt a low growl building in my chest as something that might have been physical desire shot through me. I stopped and pushed that from my mind, beautiful as was, that was not something I should be thinking about. Her mouth watering scent drifted towards me and a small pool of venom spilled into my mouth. I swallowed it quickly and walked up behind her. I inhaled deeply and then whispered to her,

"Hello Isabella," I said kept my voice gentle and velvet smooth. Her words from yesterday rang clear in my and I had to force my calm with her as I remembered the instant rejection and disgust she had for me. She quickly spun around and dropped her books she had in her arms.

"Oh!" she gasped in surprise as she had not heard me come up behind her. I had to remember to make my presence known to put her at ease. Unnatural silence disturbed humans. "Um...are you talking to me?"

"You are the only Isabella here correct?" I asked with a small smirk, I quickly collected her books and handed them back to her. She hesitantly took them from me and I smiled for her. Her face molded into an expression that could curdle fresh milk. I took a deep breath,

"You have quite the nerve to just waltz up to me after you left me alone last night!" She said turning to grab her schedule from the secretary. I watched her huff and walk out of the door and down the stairs. This was going to be harder than I thought... I caught up to her quickly and stepped in front of her.

"It was quite obvious you did not want my company. Your words to me were anything but kind. I do know that I shouldn't have just left you though. I came here to find you this morning and apologize." She stared at me and shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, get on with apologizing Cullen, I need to find my first class." I was shocked at how she was just brushing this off. Did she really already have such a strong dislike that she would just push my attempts at friendship away? I threw my eyes to the ground and felt anger surge through me at the use of my last name. She spat it out as though it was a derogatory term. Only one other person called me by my last name, and it was someone I was definitely not fond of. I brought my eyes back up to her and whispered,

"I am so very sorry Bella. I know it was very rude of me to walk away without an explanation. Someday I will tell you how I was feeling and what made me do it, but if I told you now it would not make a difference. So I shall save it for the day it will." I paused to see if she would accept this. Her face remained blank and apathetic. I continued "Would you please accept my apology and maybe we can try to be friends? We are here together whether we like it or not, so why can't we make this more bearable? I can be a good person Bella, I am sure if you gave me a chance we could get along." She smirked and glared. Had I not been a vampire I would not have noticed her look falter when I stood up straighter. This was an act. She was afraid.

"We aren't friends because you don't know...you wouldn't understand Edward. I'm not good for you and you're _definitely_ not good for me." Her voice softened as she said this and I was happy to hear her use my given name. She looked back into my eyes and I saw the small girl from three years ago in there, and then she was gone. "You were designed to use me for food, not a wife. I remember the others." she spat, her hostile exterior immediately resurfacing after her momentary lapse.

"We are different Isabella, I'll prove it to you with time. I would never hurt you." Bella shook her head.

"Just stay away from me while we're at school Cullen! I'm sure you'll see enough of me outside of it. I'm going to class now." and then she walked away from me and left me stunned and aching slightly on the inside. Her beautiful scent was gone with a small gust of wind and I felt a familiar empty feeling.

I looked at the ground as I walked into my first class I had with Alice. My sister seemed to be able to tell immediately that my encounter with Isabella had not gone to plan. She let me stay with my thoughts for several minutes but soon started in on me. All through history Alice and I worked on a project that we had been assigned the week before. I was sorry for this because all she wanted to do was talk about Bella, and I had no way to escape because we did not have a lecture to copy notes from. I wished she could leave me to the silence she had allowed at the first of the lesson.

"Edward Anthony! Why won't you just look at the visions! You would know what to do then!" she asked for what actually was the 37th time in the last 22 minutes.

"Because Mary Alice, they are not true and you know they aren't! You know you are all just hurting me more by doing this! You dangle a beautiful human in front of me and you chose the one who would never _ever_ want me back! I would rather be how I was before! I just...she will never love me okay? Drop it!"

"You're not even giving it a chance Edward."

"Because I know it's impossible! That woman _**hates**_ me" I hissed menacingly wishing she would just drop the subject. For once she actually did and I was left to the thoughts of the others in my class. They were all about Bella of course. In a small town like this someone new was always big news. I let my mind drift with the people around me

_"I wonder why she's so hostile I mean just cuz she's new doesn't mean she has to be a bitch..."_

_ "I wonder if she'd like a new friend, maybe I could ask her to each lunch with me and Ben..." _ I smiled as Angela Webber's pure and always friendly thoughts came through. Angela would be a good friend for Bella. Someone who was patient enough to wait through the angst and fronts Bella threw up around her.

_ "Man she's hott, I wonder if I could score?"_ This last thought angered me and suppressed a growl that wanted to rip itself from my throat. Bella had suffered the horrors a man could inflict on a woman. I would not let it happen again. She wanted me to stay away but I would not let this one with the vulgar thoughts get near her. I followed the thoughts back to the person I knew it would be. Mike Newton. He would not go near the soft, breakable beautiful human girl Bella. I would keep close to her but only in ways that she would not notice me. I had seen Mike take on too many girls only to sleep with them and break their hearts, and Bella would not become one of them.

The next two classes passed agonizingly slow for me as I followed Isabella progress throughout the day. She got lost on her way to the English building and ended up in the chemistry lab and the gym before finding the right place. I laughed quietly to myself and Emmett who was in my class with me gave me a weird look. I wrote him a quick note explaining what had happened and he chuckled with me.

"She'll be a neat addition to the family, I bet she'll be the world's first lost and clumsy vampire." I hissed at my brother and refused to speak with him for the rest of the class. I also followed Newton's train of thought as it mostly settled around Isabella. He thought mostly vulgar and ungentlemanly like things. He was always internally debating on how he would approach her. He decided that the class after lunch would be his best bet. It was one of two classes they had together. Luckily for me they were the same two classes he had with me as well...

My class before lunch got let out early and I decided I would wait outside of Bella's building just in case Mike decided to make his move early. She immediately locked her cold brown eyes with my amber ones when she came out of the building but just walked on by. I sighed and let five or six people come between us and I headed into the cafeteria with the rest of the school.

This was the most boring part of the day for me. I could not eat of course but we had to sit and pretend to make us fit in more. I sat down at the usual table with my family and watched Bella go through the lunch line. She picked up only carrot sticks and a milk. I frowned. Humans usually ate more, why did she have such a small appetite? Alice waved to her cheerfully.

"Hi Bella!" she made a small smile back. At least she was complying with my wishes to be civil to my siblings. Alice had told me that her and Bella were going to be great friends, and that eventually Jasper would even grow on her, but I had my doubts.

"_Uh...okk why did Alice Cullen just wave to Bella? That is so not fair she's here for __**a day **__and the Cullen's warm up to __**her**__ of all people? She's so dull compared to them, gross to look at even. I just knew it, she's going to walk in here like she owns the place and think she's all that." _Jessica Stanley's thoughts were nothing at all like Angela's and I was upset that Bella seemed to be content with Jessica as her new friend. Alice waved Bella over to us and she looked hesitant, glancing at the floor and her cheeks flushing a deep pink. She was led away by Jessica who sat her at the largest table on the far end of the cafeteria. Alice frowned and Jasper put an arm around her. Bella noticed Alice's dismay and her forehead creased in confusion.

"All in good time my little pixie, all in good time." Alice nodded and curled up against Jasper who was shooting happy feelings into her. My eyes floated back to Bella and her group unconsciously. I watched as they were joined by a crowd of people who flocked around Jessica trying to soak up some of her so called 'beauty'. I was glad to see Angela sitting across from Isabella, but my head swam with rage as I saw Mike Newton sitting on her other side.

Mike was laughing and joking while leaning in close to Bella smiling. I smirked a little to myself when I saw her pull away from him and heard his thoughts turn angry when she told him she needed her personal space. He continued to try and flirt with her but I could see that Isabella was growing more and more uncomfortable. Jessica was glaring daggers at her since she'd carried a torch for Mike for the past eight months. I let my eyes wander over her face as she interacted with the people around her. Angela had seemed to be the only one noticing Bella's discomfort with Mike and I was so thankful when she stood up and asked Bella if she'd like to head to class early so she could show her the Biology building.

My eyes followed Isabella as she made to leave the cafeteria, I think she felt my gaze because she locked her eyes with mine just before she walked out the door. I waved and saw her eyes narrow into a small glare. I let my head hang and sighed. Alice placed a hand on my shoulder and a vision of hers made its way into my mind before I could stop it.

_**I picked Bella up and spun her around. She giggled and threw her arms around my neck. Our lips met in a chaste kiss. She was crying and I sat in front of her cooing at her to ease her pain. We were laying on my couch "Do you trust me my Bell?" "Yes Edward" Bella curled up in my lap her lips pressed to mine hungrily- **_

I stopped Alice's vision in its tracks. A low growl began to rumble in my chest. I told her again and again to keep it to herself, but no she just had to torture me with dreams and make believe. I was gripping the table in the cafeteria so hard I could feel my fingers leaving impressions. Jasper tasted my anger and washed a mellow feeling over me.

"Stop toying with me Jazz!" I hissed and I turned my glare onto Alice. Jasper stood and hid his Alice from me and I too stood, confronting Jasper. Alice got to her feet and pushed Jasper aside, but he wrapped his arms around her protectively from behind her.

"I'm sorry Edward, I've never seen that one before, honestly" Alice said. I looked into her thoughts, it was true this was a new one even for her. "I'm just trying to make you see Edward. I just want to help you be happy. She's destined to be one of us, and you know that you have a chance. You just have to take it." The bell rang and Jasper growled at me before grabbing his book bag. "Don't Jazz, he has every right to be upset, even if he didn't he would be, such a damn drama king." My family made to leave the cafeteria and Jasper shoved hard into my chest before I could walk away.

"She can't help them. Don't make me get angry Edward. Threaten her again and you won't be here to have a mate. Stop being so selfish. You could really help this girl. Man up and don't give up so easily." He was standing mere centimeters from me. I clenched my hands into tight fists.

"Jazz!" Alice called. He caught up to her quickly.

I made my way to the biology building with my hands in my pockets and my shoulders hunched. I knew I probably looked as upset as I felt, because the humans around me parted as I drew closer. I nodded to Mr. Banner as I entered the class and walked to my desk at the back of the room. I was the only person without a biology partner this year, and I knew that this meant that Isabella would be made my lab partner. A small smile crossed my face as I realized that this may be the perfect chance to start a basic friendship. Isabella was up at the front of the room talking to the teacher Mr. Banner. He was handing her books and asking her about her biology class she had taken the year before in Arizona. I heard her say she was in the advanced program. So she was beautiful, _and_ smart. My eyes raked over her and I took in a slow breath tasting her faintly in the air around me. She looked up and saw me staring I gave her a small smile and inclined my head towards her as a sign of acknowledgment. She turned her back to me. I frowned.

"Ms. Swan our only empty seat is in the back with Mr. Cullen. He'll be your lab partner for the year. Maybe you can actually give him a run for his money at the top grade in my class. If you'd please take your seat the lesson is about to begin." I saw her turn toward me, her face pressed into tight lines of worry. She walked to our desk and pulled her stool to the far end of the table and sat down. I frowned and noticed that she was even leaning away from me. Did I disgust her so much? My smile slipped away and I leaned my head towards her.

"Hello Isabella," I mumbled. "How has your first day been?" she ignored me and kept her gaze focused on the teacher who was explaining the procedure to a lab we would be doing for the afternoon. When he finished speaking he came and passed us a box of slides and told us to begin. I immediately set to work glancing now and again at Isabella who was pretending that I was not beside her. I sharply inhaled a breath and Bella glanced at me, wondering why and she gave me a quizzical look.

"Hey Arizona" Mike hissed at her from the next lab bench over. Bella glanced at him but then turned back to our lab. "HEY!" he said again and I saw Bella actually flinch,

"Mike, I'm trying to work, please." Mike's anger at being snubbed off by a girl he wanted showed on his face. I allowed myself a small smile. Isabella caught this and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you smiling about?" she spat.

"I'm just happy you are my lab partner, that's all." I quickly lied. I was not sure I really wanted her to know that I was very happy about her staying away from Mike. His reputation for having girls and only keeping then around to get one thing was worse than any other guy's...and from what I had heard he got what he wanted in any way he could. Bella glared at my response.

"And why would that make you happy? We _don't like each other_ Edward. Just because we're..._engaged"_ she poured acid onto this word as if it was physically harming her and continued, "does not mean we have any reason to have any interaction outside of what our parents force. Did you not hear what I said this morning? Rumor around here is you're supposed to be smart. You don't act like it around me though." I winced and put down the slide I had in my hand. Bella sighed, frustrated with hers and I leaned over to look into her microscope as she consulted her list.

"The cell you have there is in telophase, and you mean just because _you_ don't like _me_." I said. I didn't not like Isabella. Maybe I was just masochistic, but I felt a pull to her. I wanted to protect this girl who had suffered through the worst life could throw at her. I wanted her to feel something about me. So I would keep being pleasant, and try not to let the hurt that she caused me show. I saw her glance at me out of the corner of her eye and put telophase on her sheet when she thought I was not looking.

"You can't like me Edward, you don't know me." she whispered, replacing her slide.

"But I don't _not_ like you Isabella, I want to be your friend."

"Please it's just Bella okay? I've told you that before. And what reason have I given you to like me? I've made it very clear I don't trust you, I don't trust your kind. I don't like you and I don't want you to like me!" she snarled at me. I frowned and turned my head.

"There is no reason...I just-I...feel-Isabella I-" the words would not come to me. I did not know how to explain to her the whirlwind of feelings that shot through me. Every word she spoke to me was a new physical wound for me to nurse, but I found myself loving the sound of her voice and the effect it had on me. I felt the sudden urge to reach out for her like I had last night and I had to stop myself.

"Edward, what are you saying? You're not making any kind of sense."

"Isabella...Bella." I corrected after she shot another look at me. "I...want to...protect you. I feel the need to keep you safe. I want to make you smile. I want to be happy with you for our sake, and the sake of our families. I want you to see the good in guys like me and to keep you away from guys like _him_." I said gesturing toward Mike.

"Do me a favor and keep me safe from yourself. You're made to kill me Cullen! Not take care of me! How could something so scary make me smile? If you really wanted to keep me happy you would stay away. Protect me from the hell your family is putting me through and just stay away from me." the bell rang and she grabbed her stuff and was about to run from the room. In her rush she tripped on her stool as she slipped off of it. I immediately stood and reached my arms out to catch her before she hit the ground. I pulled her back to her feet and she grabbed the table. Bella tore herself from my arms and began to tremble. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but fear. I held my hands up and backed away.

"I am sorry Bella, I just didn't want you to fall. Please do not be frightened. Bella I would never hurt you!" People were now turning to stare. I took another step away from her and she turned and quickly walked out of the room but not before turning to me and looking me in the eyes and whisper

"Just stay away from me." I cleaned up our lab bench and returned the slides to Mr. Banner. He looked at me and I could hear the questions going through his mind about what had just occurred at the back of the room. I headed into my last class of the day and took my seat beside Emmett. Isabella entered and Mrs. Fraser, a no nonsense woman motioned her to one of two empty seats in the room. Bella looked around and sat on the opposite side of the room instead of in the empty seat in front of me, but I knew better now than to hope she would sit with me.

The last class of the day was torture. I listened to the thoughts of those around me. They all centered around Bella and why she had looked to me and told me to stay away from her. Mike Newton's thoughts were very smug. My lip curled and I almost growled and pounced on him when his thoughts turned vulgar again. Emmett raised an eyebrow at me and I quickly scribbled a note to him about Newton's thoughts. It surprised me when I saw him tense up and glare at Mike. Why was he upset? It was not his Rose Mike was thinking about. His thoughts turned angry,

'_Ed, if he touches her, he's dead.'_

I smiled at my brother and wrote a thank you to him. To Emmett, and most of my coven, family was everything. His defense of her showed me that he considered her family already. Emmett wanted Bella to be his sister very badly, Alice had told him they would get along famously.

I turned to look at Bella and was startled to find she was looking at me. She looked even paler than usual if that was possible. My forehead creased with concern and I grimaced. I could not help her if she was on the other side of the room and I had to know what was wrong. I saw her face change but she continued to stare at me. Her eyes were wide and wondrous, she looked as if she had only just seen me and was having the reaction most humans had to my appearance. I shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable with her unwavering gaze. She finally turned her head back to the board and I turned to look at Emmett again. He had seen the way she looked at me and knew I was wondering about it.

_"I don't know what that was about either. Maybe you should ask her about it the next night her and Charlie come to visit."_ he thought to me. I nodded my head slowly and stole one last glance at her before copying the notes that were written on the board.

I wanted to be able to hear her thoughts so bad it was driving me insane. What did that look mean? What was she thinking about me? Had me touching her brought up bad memories of her attack in Alaska? Had she come to the same realization that we should just make the best of this? The bell rang and I immediately stood and headed for the door.

"Someone's watching you again Edward." Emmett whispered and jogged ahead of me to scoop Rosalie up in his arms. I smiled at my siblings and then turned to where I felt eyes burning into me. Bella was looking at me softly again. When she noticed I returned her gaze she climbed into her truck. As she drove by us to leave the lot Emmett and Alice waved and Isabella held up two fingers in recognition. Jealousy touched me as I knew if it had been me to wave, she would have purposefully looked the other way.

The soft looks from Bella at the end of the day danced around my head for the whole drive home. Unanswerable questions prodded the back of my mind and I sighed. Isabella would surely somehow drive me to insanity at this rate. Soft stares combined with harsh and hateful words. What a confusing little thing she was.

"You just gonna sit in the car Eddie?" I looked and realized we were home.

"Emmett, don't call me Eddie, I'm in no mood." I snapped.

"You're always in no mood. Eddie. Did you know you used to be fun?" He threw an arm around Rose and they headed into the house. Alice and Jasper began running and I knew they were going to hunt. I decided that I should hunt too since I would probably be seeing Isabella again soon, and her scent pooled venom in my mouth like no other humans could. If I wouldn't have had 90 years practice of control, I probably would not have been able to hold back from draining the delectable red liquid from her veins. I shivered at the thought as I began to run full tilt towards the mountains hoping to find a carnivore instead of having to settle for deer. I let my instincts take over and wipe all thought of today's fresh wounds that were Isabella's words to me. Tomorrow I would just keep trying, and hope for better results.

The following day at school I fell into a feeling of hopelessness. I walked around with my head down and my hands in my pocket. My own reflection mocked me in the puddles as I walked from my car to the buildings of our school. My first three classes were slow and I forced myself to not think about Bella once. My notes were meticulous, and my focus upon the class never strayed when I could help it. Alice had remained silent on the subject of my future wife, but it did not stop her having her own personal thoughts about the subject.

"_I can't believe this, if he'd just listen and if she could just ...urgh! Why do these things have to get so complicated?_" I looked over to her and saw true concern on her face. "_I hate that all I've ever wanted was to make him happy and now all I've done is make things worse._" As the bell rang signaling lunch I placed my hand on her shoulder and leaned down.

"I am sorry Alice, things... are just confusing for me right now. I-I don't know where to go from here." Alice nodded and gave me a slight nod. "You're still my favorite sister. How about a smile?" She flashed me a quick grin and I threw an arm around her. We walked out of our building and began to make our way to the cafeteria when I saw Bella out of the corner of my eye. I abruptly stopped walking and saw that Mike Newton had her backed up against a building. Alice's eyes widened. I saw her stare off into space but with the mesh of voices around me I could not focus enough to catch her vision.

"Intervene Edward," she whispered and kept moving towards the cafeteria. I hesitated. Bella wanted me to stay away. "_Intervene, he's about to take it too far. She'll thank you, believe me._" With more confidence I moved towards Mike and Bella. Standing behind him, I could hear what he was saying,

"Maybe I could show you around town sometime..." he offered moving closer to Isabella. I saw Bella hang her head and flinch away from him as he forced his way closer to her. I walked up directly behind Mike and grabbed his shoulder. He turned around and grimaced as he saw it was me who'd grabbed him. Bella looked up and locked eyes with me and I saw half a smile come onto her face but it was instantly wiped away.

"Can I help you Cullen?"

"Like you could ever help me. I am here for Bella," my mouth curled into a smile and Bella stepped forward and I was amazed when she moved behind my back and stood so close to me I could feel her breath on my back. I turned my head to line with my shoulder and saw Bella breathing slowly through her mouth. Unconsciously her hand grabbed the hem of my shirt and clenched it tightly in her fist. "Do not be frightened." I murmured to her. She glanced up at me and then tore her eyes away. Her hand left my shirt and my attention was brought back to Newton.

"Bella and I were talking."

"Funny, I did not see her doing much talking. Save your advances for someone who is interested Newton. Leave Bella be."

"How do you know she's not interested-"

"Leave her be." I repeated. Again I looked over my shoulder and saw Bella cowering behind me slightly. Mike smirked at me and moved around me to better see Isabella but I blocked him off and lightly shoved him into the wall of the building behind him. My hand wrapped around his collar and fear tainted his already filthy smell. "Learn what personal space is, respect it. _Especially_ when it comes to her." I spat at him.

"What's your interest in her Cullen? What makes her so special?"

"Everything!" I growled and turned back to Bella. "After you," I murmured and nudged her lightly with my elbow. Bella looked up and me and we both began to make our way into the cafeteria. I was content to have her walking beside me and when we walked into the lunch building together my family smiled at us. Bella looked up at me and chewed her lip nervously. I smiled down and her and her eyes still had lingering fear in them. She leaned in closer to me and whispered,

"Edward...thank you...I...he came out of no where and he's kind of persistent..." I held up my hand for silence and she closed her mouth.

"You do not need to thank me for that, I won't let him hurt you." she nodded and turned away from me to walk over to Angela. "Bella," I said and she stopped, taking a few more steps back to me and then freezing. "If he _ever_ bothers you again, please tell me. You are welcome to use me as a threat against him. I will not see you hurt by his hand, or words." Bella attempted to stutter out a few words and a light rose flush touched her cheeks. Fire burned in me but I put it to the back of my mind.

"Thank you," was all she managed.

"Bella," Jessica called. "Are you coming?" she turned and looked back at me. Her mouth pulled up at the corners in an attempt at a smile and then she was gone over to Jessica. I let her go, smiling at how nice she'd been.

The rest of that day went without much incident and and I did not get to see Bella again. I laid down on my couch hoping the following week would get better, and maybe I would have a chance to be close to her again.

"Son, Bella is coming over for dinner again tonight, I assume you will play nice." I smirked at my father.

"I shall play only as nice as she does." His eyes narrowed and he walked up to me.

"Edward Anthony, you will be on your best behavior. This girl is your future. It is in your best interest to be the gentleman Esme and Elizabeth raised you to be." I nodded and narrowed my eyes. Carlisle was very good at making me behave when he brought up my birth mother. I thought that in this situation it was a bit of a cheap shot. "Your brothers tell me she was friendly to you once at school this past week." I smiled slightly.

"I made Michael Newton leave her be, she even touched me. She grabbed my shirt in fear."

"Ah," Carlisle said smiling. "So she can see you as a protector. This is a good start." I shrugged. In a perfect world she would see me as that. Bella had given me her curious soft stares all week. She stopped beside me sometimes when Mike Newton walked by her, and stood closer to me with her back turned to him during biology. Words never passed between us, but she was calmer. She still wanted me away from her when I was not there to scare off Mike, that much was clear. But this must have counted for some type of progress.

"Maybe," I murmured and turned from him. Walking downstairs I found my brothers waiting on the couch. Immediately they jumped to their feet and latched onto my arms.

"Outside we go Edward, you need to work off some tension." Emmett yelled.

"Time for a good old wrestling match to get the loving and lusty vibes going for you." Jasper said smiling.

"Jazz, that doesn't make sense-" he cut me off.

"Who cares? You need to loosen up a whole lot. How can you expect Isabella to relax if you can't? Show her that you can be happy. She'll follow suit." I allowed my brothers to drag me outside and into the side yard. Emmett proceeded to throw me to the ground while Jasper stood away, waiting his turn.

"Alrighty Eddie. Do your worst." I crouched down and shook my head. I _should_ be inside preparing for Isabella's arrival. I _should_ be thinking of things we might be able to talk about, especially after my rescuing her from Newton. She owed me a hint of kindness now, more kindness than soft looks. I _should_ be doing all of these things and more, but this is what I wanted, to relax with my brothers. "Come on Edward, be fun like you used to be." I smiled and sprung over him. He growled. "No fair! You jump too high!" I laughed and dived for his legs. He got out of the way and I was back facing him quickly. This was better than fretting over Bella. I could be happy this way.

"Chicken? Can't take a hit?" I asked laughing.

"Shut it!" He charged me and I jumped up quickly. Before he could turn around I tackled him and wrestled him down into the mud. He threw me off and easily I came down on my feet. One again Emmett came at me and caught me by the arm. I moved with him as he made to throw me down. I forced my weight into him and took him down too. Jasper, who grew anxious watching us, jumped in to join the fun and threw me off of Emmett only to tackle me to the ground the minute I stood up. Fingers came around my throat and Emmett lifted me up just to drop me back on the ground.

"Boys!" we heard Esme calling from inside. We ignored her and carried on with our rough housing. I had Jasper pinned quickly and Emmett stood laughing. I could not help but to join in. "Boys!" we heard again. This time the sound of crunching gravel followed it and Charlie's police cruiser came up the driveway. Immediately I stood as Bella and Chief Swan got out of the car, and then I was laying with a cheek pressed into the mud. Emmett roared with laughter and I heard my name being said.

"Edward? Boy, are you okay?" It was Charlie walking toward us with Bella trailing behind. I sat up and kept laughing with my brother. The look of concern fell from Charlie's face. I jumped to my feet and inclined my head slightly toward Bella as a sign of recognition. Her scent hit me and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Isabella was still as potent as I remembered. My eyes found her pulse point and I longed to push my nose into her and just inhale the flowery scent that hazed around her in a thick aura. Turning my thoughts from her smell, I held out my hand to shake Chief Swan's and then re-thought it. "Maybe after you get washed up." I nodded. "Bella," he said bringing her forward, "Aren't you going to say hello to Edward?" she swallowed and looked down at my feet.

"Hello." her voice was hushed.

"Hello Bella, how are you this evening?" Bella snuffled her feet and looked over at her father.

"I'm- I'm okay. I think." Charlie eyed her and she cleared her throat. "How-how are you tonight?"

"I'm well, thank you," I gave her a soft smile as she finally lifted her eyes to look at my face.

"Hello Charlie, Bella," Mother was walking toward us. "Would you like to come inside?"

"Yes, thank you. Edward, you will walk Isabella in?" he asked. I nodded. "Not going to just leave her in the living room again, are you?" he asked. His eyes were laughing but his tone firm.

"I understand that I was unforgivably rude to Isabella. I have apologized accordingly."

"It doesn't matter Dad," Bella murmured. I watched her ring her hands and stare at Charlie's feet.

"It does matter, but I know why you did it Edward. I've had words with Bella."

"_Dad!_" Bella hissed. He held up his hands as he and my family moved a head of us. Bella's eyes trailed after Charlie and her heart began to flutter in her fear.

"Do not be frightened." I whispered. Taking a step away from Bella I held out my hand to signal we should walk. She began to move toward the house quickly. I easily kept her pace and she swallowed loudly as her eyes glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. When we stepped inside we moved to the kitchen.

"Edward why don't you go clean yourself up and then you can take Bella out back to eat?" Isabella tensed beside me and her eyes pleaded with her father. He looked at her sternly and she bit her lip.

"Mother, please. The evening is starting to grow cold. We might catch a chill if we eat outside." Esme nodded and thought to me,

'_Do you not want to be alone with her?'_ I jerked my head slightly toward Bella and mother noticed her tension. Bella relaxed visibly upon my mothers agreeing for us to stay in with the family. She looked at me with questioning eyes. It was obvious to see she did not understand why I had asked to stay indoors. It was decently warm outside still. "If you will excuse me Bella, Chief." I turned and ran upstairs to take a quick shower and throw on some new clothes.

When I arrived back downstairs the family except Rosalie and Jasper were sitting in the family room. Charlie and Bella had dinner plates on their laps and I noticed Bella was picking through her food. My face twisted with concern at how tense she seemed to be. Part of me wondered if I could make some excuse for her to leave, but for right now I was content to look at her. Her beautiful face lifted up and she saw me. Her features folded into something between a forced smile as if she were in pain and a grimace, as if she were sick to her stomach. I looked at my feet.

Instead of choosing the empty seat beside Isabella I sat by Emmett who immediately engaged me in conversation. He seemed to be able to sense my tensity and wanted everybody to be at ease. That was how life was to Emmett. Light, easy and fresh. I noticed the near silence in the room besides us as we spoke about school. I looked around to my father and noticed Charlie had stopped eating to watch me as well.

"Edward," my father said. "There is an empty seat by your fiancée." I nodded and got to my feet knowing he expected me to go sit by her. I sat beside her and she choked on her mouthful of pasta.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. She nodded and began to eat as a means of not talking to me. I wanted to continue my filler conversation with Emmett. It made this easier, but I would have to talk too loud for the cold silence of this room. My voice would not sound right speaking out alone.

"So kids, how is school?" Charlie asked. Bella shrugged. "Do you two have any classes together?" I nodded.

"Bella was assigned to be my biology lab partner, we have calculus together as well."

"Good, good." her father said nodding. He took another bite of pasta and turned then to compliment my mother. "Great pasta Esme."

"Thank you Chief, excuse me, Charlie." They smiled at each other and now it was Carlisle's turn to try and spark conversation between Bella and I.

"What do you plan to do after high school Bella?" She swallowed her food and set her fork down.

"Well...um Dr. Cullen,"

"Please Bella, Carlisle." she nodded.

"Uh...Carlisle...I guess I uh...have to get married." she bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah. Married." Charlie sighed.

"I'm sorry she's so rude like this. I swear I tried to raise her better." Bella let her head fall and I gave a forced chuckle.

"Funny, I too am getting married when I'm done high school." Bella nodded.

"What a coincidence. Maybe...since we both have to get married...we should marry each other?" This was the best attempt I had ever heard Bella make at humor and I smiled.

"That, would be a neat idea." I said. She stared at her feet and Carlisle smiled at us. "What do you guys think?" I said looking up at my family.

'_See Son, was that so hard?_' I almost answered him but put my hand over my mouth. Carlisle laughed.

"What I meant though Bella was career wise." she nodded and tried to smile.

"I um...don't really know anymore. I uh...wanted to be a teacher. But I don't think that would be right for me anymore." My father nodded thoughtfully.

"It can be trying. Esme here was a teacher once upon a time." Bella's eyes found my mother and she gave her a soft smile.

"Maybe...we could talk about it sometime?" her words shook as they fell from her lips and Bella seemed to fear her own suggestion. I was impressed I must say. Bella was being considerably better here than I expected.

"Of course Isabella."

Our chit chat continued throughout the night. Bella was mostly silent and slid away from me marginally when her father wasn't looking. I let her move and looked over her mostly when she would not see me looking. I spoke to Charlie when I was spoken to and Emmett threw a few sports questions at me when he felt I'd been silent for too long. When it came time for the Swan's to leave I met Bella at the door but stood several feet from her.

"It was nice to see you again Bella." I said loudly enough for our parents to hear. My next words were quieter and just for her. "I will honor your request for school Isabella, thank you for being so nice to my family." she looked at me and nodded.

"Edward..er...Cullen." I bit my lip and crossed my arms over my chest as she used my last name.

"Would you please use my given name? I know you may hate me for the rest of your life, but please. Do no spit on my last name, it is not only mine." I looked over my shoulder to my mother and father who were still speaking with Charlie.

"I will." she looked awkward and shuffled her feet. "I wanted to thank you again...about Mike...he's really-"

"If he ever bothers you again you can tell me you know. I will deal with him accordingly. I meant it when I told you at school. I want to protect you from guys like him." A blush hit Bella's cheeks and the deep pulsating burn in my throat flared angrily. Attempting to push it away I looked at her and spoke. "No one deserves to be harassed."

"T-thank you. I...you don't have to take care of me you know."

"Just protect you from his filth. Take it or leave it. I will not act unless asked." Without another word from Bella, Charlie came and grabbed my hand.

"Goodnight Edward, we will see you again soon." I nodded.

"Goodnight Chief." The Swan's took their leave and I heard Jasper breathe a deep sigh of relief upstairs.

"That was much better behavior Edward." Carlisle said sweeping past me with mother. I climbed the stairs to my room behind him and flopped down onto my leather couch. I grabbed my journal and thought about what to write. My thoughts were only of Bella. She had captured more of me tonight. She took a little piece of me every time I laid eyes on her. My eyes drooped and I smiled as images of cream, roses, silk, and warm brown danced behind my eyelids. Bella consumed my mind all that night, and well into the morning until I saw her again at school.


	6. Breaking the First Wall

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

Chapter 6

A week passed and nothing of great importance happened. I had only spoken to Isabella once since she had come to my house for dinner because I was complying with her wish to stay away from her. Everyday I watched her as she moved through school She stayed close to Angela and her boyfriend Ben. My eyes were trained on her all through lunch, and it was amazing to see her with my own two eyes, rather than through the eyes of my classmates. Watching Isabella was soothing, yet painfully agonizing. Everyday I found something else that made me so much more curious about her, and made me _want her_ for my own. On Tuesday I noticed that Bella bit her lip while she gathered her thoughts to give a teacher the answer to a question. Thursday showed me that her hips swayed with more exaggeration to the right as she walked, and when she tripped it was usually her left foot that was leading her.

My brain enjoyed playing tricks on me and telling me there was a silent connection between Bella and I. Energy flowed from me into her when I stood near. It was tangible to me, so really_ there_ that I could reach out and touch it. Her life was a new force that added meaning to mine. She taunted me with her eyes that somehow moved upwards to mine every time I would pass her in a hallway. Bella's body sang to me and she did not even realize it yet. My thoughts were becoming far too clouded by her...and I did not want to do anything about it right now.

We had been engaged for a few short weeks, yet I felt as though I knew her more than that. It was as if I had known Bella for a long time and then she had moved away, and now had returned for us to be reunited. There was something familiar about her, like a groggy memory long forgotten from before I was a vampire.. Though I was unable to read her thoughts she expressed them well enough on her face. It seemed I could talk of nothing but Bella when I spoke. The only people I tried to hide it from were my parents. It would not do me well to get their hopes up that I was growing fond of her. Though my thoughts of her were only good, hers of me were still as they had been. Around me she was only unsure, unsettled, and unhappy.

Bella Swan, so lovely. How could I ever stop thinking of her now? Her features were still just as intriguing as they had been when I first met her. I was gifted with the pleasure of feeling the silk of her hair as she almost tripped leaving her chair in biology class. Other than that we had no physical contact, no anything, and I was worse off for it. The thoughts that ran through my head were only enough to sustain my happiness for limited amounts of time. For a while I had been staying out of the house as much as possible because the new feelings of self hatred and anguish from Bella's coldness were torturing Jasper worse than ever, and I did not want to hurt my brother. When I was around and he was not with Alice he would send me a relaxing wave every ten or twenty minutes. Every time I saw her, I remembered the vision of us together and hated everyone and everything for not being able to have her as my proper mate. I tried so hard to pinpoint the exact feelings I had when it came to this confusing silent minded creature, but I could not narrow it down. Anger, adoration, physical desire, want, happiness, loneliness, hurt, and rejection, all swamped me whenever she locked eyes with me. Every time I saw her continue to talk to Mike Newton even after what he did made me usually break whatever it was I was holding. This brought up strange questions about my abnormally strong hands when I accidentally crushed a full bottle of water I'd been holding in the cafeteria. Sure she avoided his eye and flinched away from him if he dared get closer to her than three feet. She did those things to me as well. But Bella _spoke_ to him. She had not said a single word to me since the night as my house. Mike had her voice. From her, I had nothing.

Unconsciously I found myself looking at Alice's thoughts at random intervals throughout the day. Sometimes she re-saw the visions she previously had of us and I wondered if that meant we were still headed on the path towards making those things happen. I laughed at myself with the pure absurdity of this thought. Bella would never want me like that, she would not even want to be in the same room as me. I was nothing to her, just some guy her father wanted her to marry...a pain in her side...a stone in her shoe.

Jasper had taken to shooting confidence through me when Bella came close to us in school. He wanted me to go talk to her again. I'd almost approached her at one point but when I was about to touch her shoulder Angela had called her away and I was left looking and feeling quite like a fool. I did very much want to speak to her again. Her melodic, perfect voice was something I rarely heard and when I did hear it, she was talking to Jessica, or Angela, or Alice. Bella seemed to be most comfortable with Alice out of all of us, and sometimes she would stop by our lunch table to have a brief and polite conversation with her, her eyes straying to me occasionally. Her beauty was quite striking to me at these times, I was not sure if it was ever something I would really ever get used to. I didn't really want to get used to it. I liked the tight feeling that came into my chest when I saw her. Of course the tight feeling was short lived, it was quickly replaced with the hurt and rejection she threw at me in our first two days together.

Isabella and her father were supposed to be coming by our place today and she was to be staying the night. I could not help but wonder how this would go over. Esme had went out and bought a queen sized bed with a wrought iron, rose vine design headboard for my room. When I had first walked in to see it I was paralyzed. Standing there looking at it, I recognized it from Alice's vision. My mind was again locked on the expression on Bella's face in the vision. A look of ecstasy and love, twisted with unbearable pleasure. Bella looked so..._right_ under me like that, we were perfect in the vision of our love making. Seeing her with me stirred something deep within my chest and it made me smile whenever I thought of it. Something primitive happened to me, I could only growl in wanting to see that look on her face now. Though I loved the vision I had to associate with it, I asked Mom to return the bed almost everyday. I received a knowing smile from her, and I could read her thoughts that told me Alice had been so wonderful as to share the details of her vision with my family

"Isabella will need a place to sleep Edward. Now stop asking." This was true, but I figured that Isabella would be more comfortable outside of my room, away from me. I hoped I was wrong, I had a small suspicion that I _could_ be, but it was a long shot.

Over our week of silent, charged non communication Bella was persistent with her soft stares. Bella stared at me as I stared at her... a lot. It was not a stare a lover would give the object of their affection, but it was also not a piercing or menacing stare that I would expect from her. Bella stared at me like she had on her first day of school in our last class together. Isabella looked at me with a curious eyes, almost like she did not believe I was real. I intended to confront her about this tonight. I wanted to know what she was thinking so badly that I strained my brain continuously to try and penetrate her mind. Of course I did not have any success so far with reading her mind. I was jumping through minds constantly to see if she mentioned anything about me to anyone but as I suspected, she had not.

When at school I avoided the minds of Jessica and Lauren who had taken to clinging to Bella, all while silently hating her for the attention she seemed to get from everyone. They thought mean and unkind things about her which angered me. I mean... Isabella, putting the outward hostility and hate aside was _angelic_ to me. Somewhere inside I knew there was a sweet, kind, girl who could love the world if she tried. It was just very, very, very deep down. Bella was a double edged sword to my existence.. The pain of loneliness I had known my entire immortal life was intensified ten fold. I was more unpleasant to be around then _ever_ sometimes. There were days where all I could do was lay and write in my journal about the stunning beauty of the flowery scented human who I had been given for my mate. Sometimes I would torture myself by replaying the movie of my memories of her in my head. Alice would always sense my brooding and interrupt me when she could.

"Stop it Edward. Bella's right in front of you. You just need to wait for her to reach out and meet you half way."

"That is so easy for you to say Alice! You and father, you dangle this tasty morsel in front of me Alice, oh yes you do. But you pick the one that is just out of arms reach, just far enough so I can never touch her." She frowned.

"She will love you!"

Other times though, when I let myself have small hopes for the two of Alice's visions I had seen I was on top of the world, maybe even higher. Jasper liked to bask in my happiness when I allowed myself the chance to see Bella smile in my minds eye. Just thinking about it right now had me grinning like an idiot here in my calculus course that I shared with both Isabella and Emmett.

The people around me seemed uncomfortable by my uncharacteristic goofy smile. I heard them all think I was plotting something against them all and I had to fight a laugh. Emmett who was sitting beside me chuckled slightly as he glanced at my face.

"_Thinking about a certain someone there Ed?"_ he asked in his thoughts. I inclined my head slightly pretending to look at my paper, then looked up toward the ceiling. Emmett would know I was nodding. "_She was looking at you again, maybe she was thinking about you too?_" he flashed me an Emmett grin. I nodded. Maybe Bella had been thinking of me. But what would she think of me? She only thought bad things of me. I slowly let the smile slip from my face. I simply could not continue to let myself get carried away like this. I always ended up feeling so much worse after. In the back of my mind I was hoping for tonight to be different for us. I wanted to get home and maybe see Bella laying in the bed Mom had bought her..._that_ would be enough to make me smile for weeks.

"_Come on Eddie, don't stop smiling now! It's so rare to see you happy"_ I glanced to Emmett and pulled the corners of my mouth up into a half smile. I let my eyes flicker to Isabella, and as I thought I'd caught in my the corner of my vision, she was staring at me _again_. Her eyes immediately shot towards the board for a few seconds and I let my eyes linger on her. Bella was glorious in a dark purple sweater and her hair pulled over one shoulder. My teeth sunk into my lip. She glanced back at me a minute later and found me still looking at her. Her eyes locked to mine instead of quickly flashing away. I felt a charge build up in my stomach again. This _meant_ something, it _had_ to. I inclined my head slightly towards her and raised half of my mouth into a crooked smile. Holding my breath, I expected a glare in return but was shocked when she too inclined her head and lifted her hand just ever so slightly. She turned back to her paper.

Well, here I go with hope again. That was the friendliest interaction we ever had, a thought of her possibly deciding it was time for us to talk again filled me with hope. I broke out into another grin that I am sure made me look like the world's biggest idiot, but right now I could not care. I realized I was staring at Bella and tore my eyes away from her beauty to grab the last few notes before the bell would ring.

"_Why was Cullen staring at Bella that way? Urgh that idiot chooses to show interest in the girl __**I**_ _want. Hmm, maybe I can just rub it in his face when I get her into my bed before she even __**considers**_ _getting into bed with a freak like him!"_ Mike Newton's thoughts ripped into my head and I squeezed my pencil so hard the wood and graphite turned into a very fine powder. I was lucky no one besides Emmett noticed this and I tried to inconspicuously sweep it off my desk.

The bell rang and I got out of my seat and headed to my Volvo faster than I probably should have, cursing myself for my little mistake. I tossed to keys to Alice who looked shocked because I never let anyone drive my car, _ever_. The truth was I was way too angry to drive right now. Isabella would _never_ be with Mike Newton, she was not his to think about like that. She was..._mine. _There it was. I had tried to avoid thinking this for a long time but I had to say it to myself. I made my claim on my beautiful human mate. She was mine, no other man was supposed to have her. A low hiss escaped my chest as I felt the overwhelming need to make my claim on Isabella known. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to let these thoughts pass as fast as they had come.

Something deep inside me was stirring as I tried to put these thoughts away, and I recognized him well. Monster Edward, Animal Edward usually only came out when I ran into the woods to feed, but this was a little different. He had heard and recognized the claim I had just staked on Isabella Swan. _She was mine_, and no other male was ever allowed the privilege of her touch or affection now. Even if she did not want to love me, I would have her by my side always, that part of me _**demanded**_ it. In time he would make her see...I shook my head again and cursed myself. Isabella was _not_ an object, therefore I could not _own_ her. She was her own woman...or thats what I was going to tell myself from now on. I could not own her as Emmett owned Rose, as Carlisle owned Esme. Bella was not one of us. She would not understand this part of my nature. My feelings for her were growing too intense too fast. I had to stop this somehow, I could not delude myself into actually thinking of Bella as my mate. Mates were in love, they lived for one another. After being together, being separate was just _**not**_ an option. It was an eternal bond shared by two beings. What I had with Isabella Swan was completely one sided. I would not let my thoughts of Isabella as being _mine_ continue. Though if I did see her in that bed at home...that might be easier said than done.

"Edward? What's wrong?" came Jaspers voice from the back seat. I just shook my head and stared out the window as Alice drove at breakneck speed towards our home where I would be spending another night getting to know Bella. When we arrived Jasper repeated his question and I sighed.

"It's just hard to not know..." was all I said in reply. He nodded his head and we all walked inside. Jasper called for Carlisle. Esme came down to stairs to inform us that he had been paged into the hospital and would return shortly after six o'clock.

"Esme," Jasper said. He was the only one of us who chose not to call Carlisle and Esme father and mother all the time. Reading his thoughts had told me he felt undeserving of them as parents and it eased his mind to think of them as friends and mentors more than actual care givers.

"Yes Jasper dear?" Esme replied

"Would you consider it too rude if I...stepped out tonight while Edward's mate is here?" he asked. His tone was hushed and light, he did not want to offend me by wanting to be away from my mate. His eyes caught mine momentarily but he tore them away quickly.

"No, it's no problem at all...Jasper Love, does Bella _tempt_ you?" My mother whispered, taking Jasper's hand in hers. Jasper was the newest to feeding on animals and resisting human blood was hardest for him. He was making progress, but with Bella I understood, her scent could knock the air from _my_ dead lungs.

Alice was looking up at Jasper with shock. She obviously had not seen him asking to not be here tonight, and this conflicted with her plans as she wanted to get to know Bella better. Alice told us that her and Isabella were going to be very good friends, but separation from Jasper was very hard for her though.

"Jasper! Why?" Alice whined sounding like a small child. Jasper quickly took Alice into his arms and whispered his apologies. She stuck out her bottom lip into a pout and he sighed,

"No Esme, I can resist her blood it's just her..._pain_ it is unrelenting and constant. It's like being ripped to shreds and sewn back together over and over again. I've never felt something like that before. That girl...Esme...she'd be better off dead then existing how she does... Adding that with Edward's anguish, its..._too much_ for me right now. I will never be able to get used to something like that...something needs to be done to fix her." He looked ashamed to have to admit this. I felt terrible for putting my brother through this. It was my fault Bella had to come here. Alice too looked upset that her lover was hurting so much.

"Jasper I am sorry," I whispered stepping to his side.

"It's alright Edward. I'd be suffering if I was experiencing what you are. I could not just easily sit by while my mate rejected me over and over. You are much stronger than I brother..." He finished, but continued speaking to me with his thoughts. "...Y_ou __are the only person I know who could handle this. You need to fix her Edward, and I know that only you can do it. Give that girl your heart and good things can happen here. Trust in Alice, and trust in Isabella. Let yourself love._"I smiled at my brothers thoughts. I grasped his shoulder and told him I'd see him in the morning. He nodded and looked down to Alice, so tiny wrapped in his arms. His eyes screamed apologies he would not say in front of us and I quickly pushed his thoughts from my mind, not wishing to hear how humiliated he felt.

"I go where you go Jasper, I'll spend time with Bella later. She may be my sister, but you are my lover." Alice said, and together they left the house heading for the woods. Esme and I moved to the sitting room to await the arrival of Charlie and Bella. Emmett and Rosalie were watching the news on our flat screen that was in the corner of the room. Emmett grabbed the remote and flipped it over to the football game while pulling Rosalie onto his lap.

I sat down in the love seat Bella and I had shared on her first night here. I relaxed into it listening carefully for the sound of the police cruiser pulling up into the driveway. When I finally did hear the tires over the gravel I smiled slowly, and unconsciously at the prospect of being able to rake my eyes over the beautiful girl. Esme immediately noticed the change in my features and her own smile was spread across her face.

"I'll go meet them at the door" she said. I sat up straighter and Emmett turned the TV up enough for Charlie and Bella to hear it. When Esme walked into the room I immediately jumped to my feet as Bella followed behind her. Charlie walked over and shook my hand firmly. Again, I was surprised to see he was not phased by how cold it was.

"How are you Edward?" he asked smiling

"Very good Sir, and yourself?" I asked trying to sound like the perfect gentlemen Esme had raised me to be. My eyes flickered to his daughter and he noticed, his smile getting bigger.

"Good my boy, very good," I moved my eyes back to him and he leaned into me. "I'm glad to see your eyes wander to her. Give her time." He clapped my shoulder and turned to Emmett who was watching football. "So maybe I won't miss the game after all!" He said smiling. He strode over to a chair and placed himself in it. Emmett immediately began to ask him questions about his favorite teams. I turned away from them to face the angelic creature who was still hovering by the door. I made no move toward her, nor did I speak a word. I was wondering if I was supposed to just act like I did at school. Was I supposed to stay away from her even when we were at my house for nights our parents had planned so we'd get to know each other? Had our last night together here meant that we could be nice to each other? Who should make the first move? Did she _want_ to talk to me? What about today? What about that nod in class?

"Please sit Isabella, this is basically your home now too, there's no need to be shy dear." Esme said walking toward Bella and gesturing for her to take the place beside me on the love seat. I was still standing waiting for Isabella to sit before I did. She walked over to me and took her seat and I followed, deliberately moving slowly. We sat in a silence that was anything but comfortable. Esme had gone into the kitchen. She came back with a mug of coffee for Charlie and some cocoa for Bella.

"Here Isabella, would you like some cocoa?" my mother asked, her voice low and soothing, trying to ease the obvious tension Bella had.

"Please Mrs. Cullen, just call me Bella, and yes thank you very much." She gave Esme a tentative smile and took the mug from her. The only sound from the room was the football game and Charlie and Emmett's animated conversation about it. I gripped my knees tightly trying to look anywhere but at Isabella's face. The air was thick with her scent and the little monster inside me was pleased with the flowery smell that filled the room. Tension was making my muscles actually ache, and I needed to distract myself. I looked to the game and tried to follow it and I was shocked when I heard Bella speak to me.

"So Edward...how has your week been?" she whispered as her finger traced the lip of her mug. I couldn't help but to smile.

"It was okay I suppose. How was yours Bella?"

"Good," was all she replied. I nodded and gave a small smile and turned my face away from her again. It was then that I noticed Charlie was glancing at us every half a minute or so. He actually stopped and gave Bella a rather pointed stare before turning back to the game. Bella looked extremely uncomfortable. She attempted to take a sip from her cocoa but it was too hot and she burned her lip.

"Ow." she whimpered softly. I resisted my urge to reach out and touch her. I clamped my hands down into the love seat and looked at her. She had her fingers pressed to her lip where she had burned it.

"Isabella, may I? Please?" I asked gently extending my hand. She tensed but saw that her father was watching so she nodded her head. I knew my cold skin would soothe the burn so I placed my thumb to her bottom lip and let my hand and fingers rest against her cheek after her father had looked away. Her warmth was so filling, and I swallowed a growl of pleasure. I had never had any physical contact with a human before, not since I'd drank blood of a human anyways, and this feeling, this glow of heat that simply radiated from her was the most calming and wonderful thing I had ever felt.

"Does that help?" I asked in a small gentle voice, as I pressed my thumb slightly more into her lips. She nodded her head stiffly brushing her lips against my thumb. I gave her a tentative smile. She did not return it. Fear was pouring out of her eyes and every muscle in her body was visibly tensed. I looked away from her and removed my hand from her face instantly missing the warmth. My fingers itched to be back on her skin, the energy I felt from her was flowing between us. She whimpered and I guessed that the pain had flared in her burn again. My hand twitched as I instantly wished to comfort her.

"May I see your cup please Bella?" She handed it to me looking confused. I wrapped both my hands around it. The mug was absolute torture against my cold skin but I did not let it show on my face. After two minutes the liquid had cooled down sufficiently and I handed it back to her.

"Is that better?" she took a small sip and nodded her head. I attempted to smile at her but it got lost on the way to my face and it ended up as the same crooked grin I'd given her in class today. I noticed Bella had a night bag laid down by her feet. I'd have thought she would have talked her father into letting her come home for the night, but I was getting a sense that Charlie was damn adamant about Bella being with me, and wanting to be with me. Esme seemed to notice the bag too and she spoke.

"Edward dear, why don't you take Isabella, sorry dear, _Bella_ to your room and give her a small tour so you two can talk and she can have everything ready for the night? Isabella's hands tensed around the mug and my forehead creased with concern. Knowing it might be a bad move I brushed my knuckles against her knee.

"You don't need to be afraid." I murmured leaning my head towards her. "I'm here to protect you remember..?"

"Yes, Bella why don't you get settled for the night, and you and Edward can get to know about each other some more." Her father agreed with Esme. The fear I'd seen before filled her eyes again and she started to shake very slightly.

"Okay Dad," she whispered. I very gently and slowly reached across her and picked up her small black bag. I stood and she followed clutching her mug and staring at the floor. I led her to the stairs and up to the top floor. We followed the hallway all the way down and entered the room on the right, which was mine. She looked up as we entered the room and gasped. I hoped this was a good sign...maybe she liked it? I felt nervous all of a sudden. Bella was the first person other then my family members to ever step foot in my room. More importantly, she was my mate. Her opinion of this private place _mattered._ Now that I thought about it, eventually her opinion on everything mattered! Knots formed in my stomach and it was as if I had been punched. This girl had changed so much already for me. Where did we go from here? I looked down at my feet and put my hands into my pockets.

"This is my room," I said lamely. She was staring at my wall of Cd's. She looked them over and smirked,

"You have _a lot_ of music..."

"It's accumulated over the years..." was my genius reply. After close inspection she looked to the other long wall of books. Her fingers danced over the spines, her eyes in nothing short of awe at the sheer number of them. I watched her linger on my first editions of the classics. Her perfect lips formed a soft 'o' as she pulled out a copy of Pride and Prejudice I had been given by Carlisle many years ago. She delicately fingered the pages and breathed out a soft whisper of 'Wow...' I shifted on my feet and Bella looked up to notice how intently I watched and she quickly put the book back in its' place.

"I'm sorry Edward...I should have asked first..."

"No!" I said shaking my head. "You are very welcome to read any of the books and listen to any of the music here. Please consider these things yours too." Her eyes softened but were confused. "What good are possessions if one has no one to share them with?" She nodded and gave me a small shrug as if to agree. "What is mine is now yours. Everything here is...ours." Her blush graced her porcelain cheeks and I was choked by a deeper burning in my throat. She finished her inspection of the walls by looking out of the all glass one and into the woods. Her lips pressed into a very forced smile when she turned back to see me still staring at her. I returned the smile but with more warmth and she swallowed. Bella turned then to my couch and bed. She looked back to me, to the bed, to the couch, to me, to the bed and back to me.

"I'm...um...I'm..._sleeping_ _with...you_?" her voice was broken and much too high, sure signs of fear. Her breath rate increased greatly and her heart began to thump loudly against her chest. Bella was going to start panicking. I put her bag down by the end of the bed.

"Not technically no," I said hoping to ease her tension. Instead I only seemed to worry her more. She took in a deep breath. Thoughts reached the edge of my mind. '_Edward, what's going on up there?'_ Father was concerned. Should I call for him? Bella interrupted my thoughts,

"Edward what do you mean _not technically?_" she was starting to back away from me. I immediately took at step away from her to help pacify her.

"Uh...our kind _can't _sleep Bella..." this seemed to slow her progression into panic. I kept talking to her. "None of us can."

"You don't sleep...ever?" she whispered,

"I haven't slept in almost a century." I told her. She seemed shocked, but she continued to ask questions. "So if you don't sleep... why... do you have a bed?"

"Esme bought it for when you stay here with us. We are supposed to be getting close to each other...you know...like husband and wife... so she assumed that I would choose to lay with you while you sleep." Bella's knees almost buckled as the rest of her body tensed. Taking a deep breath she pressed further away from me and her heart hammered against her chest. Her breathing was rapid and becoming unstable. I held a hand out and shushed her.

"_**No**_, I'm not sharing a bed with _you_. I'll...I'll just tell Charlie I feel sick and I'll g-go home." She moved to grab her bag and make for the door, but I grabbed it first. I let my eyes plead with her and kept my hand up to stop her movement.

"Don't Isabella, please. You can stay. I will be on the bottom floor of the house while you sleep. I promise." She looked very skeptical. "Isabella, I swear it to you!"

"I don't trust you," she whispered. Biting my lip I let my head hang and felt the pain of rejection rip through me. Things had actually been going well up to this point. She hadn't been hostile or overly defensive. Bella had been _nice_.

"I'm not that bad..." I whispered. "If you could just give me a chance...I'm okay I _really_ am!"

"Just leave me alone!" She yelled, fear taking over. I turned to walk out of my room to leave her but my father and Charlie met me at the door.

"Edward, what happened?" Carlisle asked. '_I heard the conversation, this is for Charlie's benefit. She's fragile Edward. You did __**nothing**__ wrong.' _

"She just hates me." I said and tried to push through them. Carlisle grabbed my arm and Charlie held my elbow.

"This happens." Charlie whispered. "She'll adjust, just _give her time!_" Chief Swan moved into the room and walked to Bella. "Isabella, what is this about? You know Edward won't hurt you. He's going to be your husband." he spoke in a hushed voice as my own father kept a deadly grip on me. I relaxed. I would not leave if they could calm Bella down.

"I'll be happy to run her to the hospital Charlie," he said. "It would be a safe preventative measure to ensure she does not have a full blown panic attack." Bella paled and looked to her father.

"No! No! I'm fine. Edward says I'm sleeping _here_ Dad! In _his_ room." I decided to speak up and defend myself.

"And I told you Isabella that I will sleep downstairs so you will be at ease."

"Nonsense Edward, you shouldn't be kicked out of your own room. Bella, I've explained this to you. Remember that you and Edward are getting married! Sharing a bed is part of it." Bella bit her lip and folded her arms over her chest. "Again I'm sorry Carlisle."

"No apology needed. It's a big adjustment, for _both_ of our children."

"Sir," I interrupted. "If Bella would be more comfortable sleeping away from me then I think it best for now. We have only known each other for a short while, this is moving _very _fast. I think that both of us would like to take this at our own pace." Charlie looked me up and down, raising an eyebrow. His thoughts were skeptical. '_Maybe he doesn't think she's attractive as I thought...would it be better to have them stay together?...wouldn't want Bella to kill him in his sleep though...'_ I bit back a smile and glanced at my father.

"Well, at our house we only have the one room, if you stay over you'll have to stay together. For now, while you're here...do what you please. Carlisle?"

"Wonderful. Bella are you sure you'll be okay?" She nodded quickly. Charlie guided her back toward me and she shook slightly.

"I am sorry I frightened you." I murmured and she nodded while averting her eyes.

"Bella," Charlie said and inclined his head toward me. Bella put on a brave face and nodded.

"We'll talk it over...right Edward?" she whispered. I nodded and stepped back to allow Charlie and Carlisle to leave the room. After they left a small silence fell and tension hit us harder than ever. Breaking it, Bella whispered, "Edward...I-" she stopped and looked at the floor. I put her bag back on the floor and moved to sit on the bed. She stood continuing to look at the floor and then she shifted her eyes up to me. She had that same look her her eyes. The confused one, that looked like she recognized me. Her eyes traveled over my face and something tweaked in her them. A small sparkle, another glint of what seemed like Bella warming up to me. There was no hate in her stare. I decided that I might as well confront her about this staring that had taken place all week now. It would take us away from what had just happened, and answer a burning question.

"Bella, why are you looking at me like that? You have been doing it all week and I cannot read you enough to understand why." She snapped her gaze away and a small blush crept over her face. Again, I inhaled deeply and could smell the blood pooling in her cheeks. The scent was delicious and unconsciously I took a step towards her wanting more of the smell to engulf me. Her eyes flashed at me and I realized what I had done. "I'm sorry Bella, please...you just smell nice..." I'm sure if I could blush I would have. This was not what I had meant to say to her, even if it was the truth. She stiffened visibly.

"You're not going to-"

"Isabella I would never ever hurt you, my control is second best only to Carlisle's. I will never, ever harm you. You _will _see that in time." Instead of the scoff or snort I was expecting at this, she eased slightly and I could see her muscles slowly relax. "Bella, could you please answer my question from before? Why do you look at me that way?"

"Well...the other day...I saw you...and...Edward, I remember you," she said quietly. My face twisted in confusion for a millisecond and then what she said made sense. She remembered me from the hospital three years ago. When Lonnie's cases came through the hospital one after the other Carlisle needed help to contain the patients. Some of them needed someone to stay in the room while they slept to make sure Lonnie would not come back. Some wanted a hand to hold on to, some of them we just had to restrain when they thrashed and screamed in their sleep.

I had been the one to take care of Isabella and it was truly disheartening to sit there with her but I did. She stayed in the hospital a little longer than most, at first she was too scared to let Carlisle touch her. So we had to sedate her to to perform the initial exam. When she woke up she was terrified, the drugs given to calm her had induced nightmares and those dreams were just her memories of the attack. After she calmed down she didn't want to be left alone but also did not want to be touched. I sat with her for four days. Barely ever did she speak and after the first several hours she slipped into what was almost a catatonic state. Sleep did not come easy to her. I sang, hummed, told children's stories that I knew. Eventually she drifted off but it was always such a chore to make her sleep. Bella would just stare straight ahead, and I remember having to sit on the edge of her bed and force food on her. She only accepted it after I told her that if she didn't eat I would have to give her an IV to make her get nutrients.

Isabella had been Lonnie's last victim. I remembered the day she left the hospital. Her mother had come from Arizona to take her away and promised her she would never have to come back to Forks if she did not want to. The look of anguish on Charlie's face, and his thoughts of how his wife had left him forever and now he'd lost his daughter too would make the toughest man weep. It was hard to watch him lose everything, not as hard as watching Bella though. She had walked over to me before she left with her mother. She just looked up into my face and opened her mouth to try and form words she could not say. I just nodded my head and she knew I understood. She walked away such a different person. She had been just thirteen at the time, less than a month away from her birthday, but when she moved away from me, all the beauty of her childhood was gone. It had been taken from her. Every shred of innocence ever possessed by her was just...gone. Her small figure walking out the hospital doors, head hanged low, she looked shamed and broken...and I figured I would never see her again.

Really looking at her now I realized she had changed so much and that was why I hadn't recognized her right off from the visions. Bella had gained a little weight making her not look so sick anymore. Her hair was longer, her cheek bones higher. I let my eyes wander her body and swallowed slightly as I looked over her full chest, perfect waist and down her legs. So beautiful, she looked like something out of a fairy tale to me. I moved my focus back to her eyes and saw that she looked more uncomfortable than ever. Her face was contorted with anger and anxiety, and I immediately reacted.

"Bella...? What- What have I done this time?" I asked my voice betraying how upset I was that I had upset her. I searched her face hoping my eyes lingering over her body had not given her the idea that I was _that_ type of guy.

"_**Don't**_ look at me like that! You have _no right_ to look at my body that way! Get away from me!" She was backing up faster and faster now. She hit the wall and the fear in her eyes multiplied as her body sensed it now had no place to go. I held up my hand and whispered to her, trying to ease her mind,

"Isabella, please I'm so sorry, I will not hurt you like he did! I wouldn't do that. I ...I care- I could never hurt you." I backed away from her slowly putting myself into the far corner of the room. My knees betrayed me and I sank to the floor while grabbing fistfuls of my hair. Why? _Why_ did I do that? Why could I not keep my thoughts and feelings to myself? I have to be a gentleman, I simply could not let my eyes wander as they pleased. Yes she was lovely to look at, more lovely than I imagined a human could be, but no she had a past with men. I had to show her how to trust again and I needed to go at her pace, make it go slow. Bella needed to see that I could follow her and we could move along into a relationship where we were comfortable and caring toward one another...who was I kidding?

"Isabella I'm so very sorry! Please forgive me, it will not happen again. It was very rude of me." I said to her while pulling at my hair.

"What makes you think you can look at me like that?" she was still backed into the opposite wall. I looked into her eyes and saw anger dancing with fear. Her tone was an attempt at harsh, but her voice was too hushed to sound angry. I effectively scared her, now I had to make it better.

"Bella...Isabella. I-I know I should not have...you're just so...so-" I stopped. Would telling her I thought she was beautiful only fuel her fear that I might handle her how that terrible other man did? How could she think me capable of such a heinous act?

"I'm what Edward?" she said her voice taking a curious tone and becoming a little stronger, she caught my eyes and held my gaze.

"You're...you are so very _beautiful_ Isabella. I am sorry I did that to you. I know I should not stare, but you are the most beautiful human I have ever laid eyes on. Even more than that! You're more beautiful than any other vampire I have ever seen. I just...let my mind get carried away a little. You...look like a creature of heaven... like an angel Isabella." I whispered these last words and waited for Bella's reaction. Her eyebrows climbed her forehead and a small hint of color touched her cheek and forehead. Bella bit her lip and looked like she was trying not to laugh at me. I pushed my face into my knees and gave a small inaudible sigh.

"Very funny Cullen. You and I both know that the look you gave me means you only want one thing." Taking my head from my knees, I glared at her.

"Please Bella, my last name is not for you to spit on!" I whispered fiercely. I had told her this before.

"I'm-sorry. Edward, my point is, you being a man means that you are capable of hurting me. You're programmed to hurt people, more so than any other teenage guy around. Your eyes stay with mine! Got that?" Did she really think I was that bad? How could she when she barely knew me? Then again, she seemed to treat everyone except Charlie like this. So at least she didn't just hate me, the girl in front of me hated the whole world.

"Isabella Marie Swan. I will never hurt you, I'll be eternally sorry for the mistake I just made. I promise you the day I touch you, you will want me to. If that day never comes then I guess we will be like this..." and I gestured to us with my hand "Forever." I heard my voice break slightly at the last word and she gave me a strange look that betrayed her thoughts. I knew she was wondering why I was hurting, she was completely blind if she could not see that it was her fault. Could she be so blind as to not see the affection that was harboring in my heart? Could she be so cruel as to be angry with me for having these feelings that came out of nowhere? Two weeks ago I was alone. Alone, unhappy, but existing. And then somehow I find myself wanting to see this woman protected. Whenever her scent was near me I just wanted to enclose her in my arms, and tell her that I would always make everything okay. I let out a tiny noise of frustration at my confusing feelings and closed my eyes to lean my head back into the wall.

"What do I need to do to make you believe that I only want to make you happy?" I whispered more to myself than to her. No answer came from her so I guessed she did not hear me. "Will you forgive me Isabella? Please?" I could see in her eyes that she was hesitating then her face softened.

"Yes Edward, I will..." She would not meet my eyes when she said it but I half smiled at her and very slowly got to my feet. I walked to the bed and sat down.

"Isabella, may I ask you a question?" she nodded slowly and very cautiously took a step towards where I was sitting. I smiled in encouragement and patted a place at arms length from me on the bed. She glanced nervously at my hand and swallowed while shaking her head slightly. "Please Bella, come sit with me, I'll keep away I promise." Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip again. I moved closer to the head of the bed slightly and patted the bed again. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Sit, I will never come closer to you than you will be comfortable with, or our fathers demand." She complied and some of the nervousness left her face at my promise to keep away. When she was settled I turned to face her more. Bella also turned her knees to face me. "How come you did not recognize me the first night here?" I asked folding my hands in my lap. Her scent was very powerful when she was this close and I wanted so badly to take her hands in mine and bring her wrists to my face so I could bask in it more. I stared down at her petite hands that were nervously twitching and playing with the hem of her skirt. Something inside me made me reach for her and I covered it by straightening the blankets on the bed. "Bella?"

"I-...I blocked out a lot of the memories from that time in my life. It was easier to pretend it didn't happen for a while... I-" she cut off and I saw tears well in her eyes.

"Bella, beautiful Bella, please don't cry!" I whispered. I was using all my self control against taking her into my arms and singing the lullaby I'd sang to her in the hospital. Isabella looked at me and I smiled for her hoping to ease her pain.

"I've never really talked about it before. I-I don't want to talk about this, I just wanna go home," She'd told me that when we were in the hospital I looked back into my memory,

"_Isabella, you need to eat. You're not allowed to go with your mother if you do not eat." Bella turned her food away and stared down at her hands._

"_I just wanna go home now," I sighed and moved the oatmeal from her tray._

"_You can't go home until I'm sure you are going to eat!" Bella whimpered and turned her nose up at an apple I'd held out to her. "Okay then, I'll be right back."_

"_No, don't go." she whispered and squeaked as I turned from her. Sighing I turned back and gave her my ultimatum._

"_You eat all of what I have here, or you're getting tube fed. No compromise. Choose."_

It sounded harsh in my head, but I'd needed to get food into her after what had happened. I looked back at Bella and saw that same girl from the hospital,

"I...I am sorry you have to stay here with me. I will try to avoid this happening in the future." I whispered and tore my eyes away from her. I saw in the corner of my eyes, Bella shaking her head. Was she saying I didn't need to apologize? I would never know, as she was the single most confusing thing ever, and my primary concern right now was getting her to stop crying. "You know Bella...maybe...if you talked about it you could start to try and make a new life. Move passed it maybe?" I suggested hoping I could get her to open up to me. I knew that if I broke down this first barrier I could at least call her my friend. If friendship was all I would ever get out of her I would be satisfied. She began to shake her head furiously and a small sob escaped her lips.

My heart was ripping into pieces as I watched her come undone. Full sobs and moans of sorrow were coming from her and tears spilled down her cheeks in a never ending stream. I'd seen this image of her before, in a vision Alice had shown me that day last week in the cafeteria. I remembered it clearly and I began to shush her, and coo to her gently whispering words of encouragement for her to talk to me and tell me how to fix this. She reached up to wipe some of her tears away and then lifted her head to look into my eyes. The wide brown orbs were glassy and lost, and I made more soothing sounds trying to make her more comfortable. My father was fretting again downstairs and was thinking about sending Esme up this time.

'_God how can he upset her so much in an hour? How can she still be so sensitive after all this time? What was Charlie thinking not forcing her into counseling the minute she arrived here? Edward! Do something or your mother is coming up in ten minutes!'_

"I don't know how to talk about this...it's easier to keep it inside" Bella whispered, taking me away from my father's thoughts.

"Please, share your pain with me Bella. Just say whatever comes to your mind. I'll just listen, and you can stop and do whatever helps to make you feel better if its too much, okay? You just...do what you need to do, and I can be here for whatever you need." I looked into her eyes willing her to trust me with the hurt and scars inside her that made her hate me for being a man.

"I can't Edward, I just can't! I'm sorry!" she was shaking her head again. I was gripping the sides of the bed resisting my urges to hold her. This girl was making me feel so different...so _human._ I had not felt like this in a very long time and I had to say, it felt good. These feelings were distantly familiar. It felt right to feel this way. I continued to croon and whisper to her,

"I will not push you to talk with me Bella, but if you ever need to, _ever_...I am here. I know you said you do not trust me, and I know that you..._hate_ me...but I will always be standing behind you for whenever you need anything at all. I am to be your husband, and I promise I will always be that someone to listen to you, if you ever wanted to trust me with what happened." I looked away from her as I felt her eyes shift to my face. She was staring at me as fat tears continued to leak from her eyes. At this moment I sincerely wished I could cry. I wanted to share in her pain and express the pain that I was feeling. I rested my elbows on my knees and brought my head down to my hands and raked them through my hair. I heard Isabella sob again and I let out a small one too.

We stayed like this for what felt like a very long time. Very suddenly I felt Isabella move so I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw that she had actually slid closer to me. Her mouth opened and closed several times and she looked like a sad goldfish. Taking a large breath she inclined her head toward me. She struggled again but eventually found words.

"He seemed so nice when he approached me outside in the park you know. I feel very naive looking back on it." she whispered so low I could just barely make out the words she spoke. Nodding I glanced up at her to see her watching my face intently.

"You were young then, very innocent too Isabella." she nodded and continued to cry as she spoke.

"He, he...he said he was looking for a puppy he'd lost and...I, I actually...so stupid- I agreed to help him. I should have turned around when we started walking in the back of the park, but I didn't know! I swear I didn't know!" A groan escaped from her lips and tears began to fall faster and her breathing was becoming extremely labored as more sobs tore from her chest. I was almost pulling my hair out while going over the words she had said. She was using a tone that almost sounded like she was trying to say that it wasn't her fault. Had someone honestly not told her that already? I looked up at her and leaned my head in closer to hers, she did not pull away. "I swear to you Edward, _I swear_! That I didn't want it! He _**made me**_!" Shaking my head I held up my hand.

"Isabella I know that! What happened was not your fault! You didn't ask for it, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time! You were young and gullible. He knew what he was doing was wrong, and I promise he will never do it again! Don't you sit there for one second and tell me that you think that anything about this is your fault! I have as much blame in what happened as you do." She looked into my eyes and brought her hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle her sobs. Her big brown eyes were full of wonder and relief as she watched my face. "It is not your fault Bella Swan! Do you hear me?" I was surely going to lose control soon. I needed to comfort her, to make her see that it would be okay in time when she could heal. She just had to know that this was not her fault.

"Edward! Please say it again, _please!_" Which part did she want me to repeat? The whole thing? I looked into her eyes and they were begging me to speak words of comfort.

"It was _not_ your fault Bella, and don't you let anyone tell you different. It was not your fault at all! And that man is rotting in jail, and that is where he will stay for what he did. Bella he will never hurt you again. He won't ever hurt anybody again. I promise you that, and I don't break promises to you." Her sobs stopped and she looked momentarily comforted.

"You really mean that? Please say you mean it." she whispered clutching her hands together. I heard her heartbeat falter and miss a beat as she pleaded with me.

"Isabella Marie, what happened to you was a true crime. You were in the wrong place. I promise you I mean every word of what I have said here. It was _**not your fault**_ and I will always tell you that. I will _always_ mean it." Bella looked into my eyes and my control broke for a second. I moved my hand from the bed towards her but caught myself and laid it down on my knee. She then did something that shocked me. Very slowly Bella began to reach her hand out. She pulled it back quickly a few times but persevered until it reached its destination; my hand. Grabbing it she flipped it over. Her petite hand rested in mine and I squeezed it gently. She squeezed back and I felt her heat flood through me and touch my heart.

"Ed-Edward, I nn-nnever thought anyone w..would say that t-tt-to me."

"It is something you needed to hear, and I will say it as many times as you want to hear it. As I said before, I know you basically hate me because I am a man, and thanks to my father I'm ruining your chance at a good future. I would like to be friends though, if one day you ever feel the need to give me the gift of your friendship. We are getting married...and...I do not want my wife to hate me." Bella gave my hand another tight squeeze and I squeezed her ever so gently in return. Her other hand grabbed for me and I immediately clasped it tightly,

"I don't hate you Edward." these words were music to my ears. "You know you're the first one who ever offered to share my pain... no one ever told me it didn't have to be my fault. I just don't know how to do this Edward. I can't trust you.-...I don't know how. But we can try being friendly I guess. I still don't want you to touch me, or look at me like you did earlier." I began to pull my hands away and she grabbed them tightly, clinging on with a firm grip.. "This touching is okay I guess. It makes me feel...not so alone." I nodded my head and let her continue to hold my hands. Gently she moved her hands from mine and up onto my wrists. She pushed the sleeves of my sweater up and gently stroked my forearms. Her warmth was slowly becoming my aphrodisiac as my eyes slipped close and every muscle in my body instantly relaxed at this contact with Bella. She made a small 'hmm' noise and I opened my eyes to see she had a half smirk plastered on her face while her eyes were trained on my expression. She became a little more hesitant and she moved herself to sit flush against me. I smiled my best smile for her and she intertwined our hands together and let a few more tears slip out of her eyes. "I don't know about this stuff Edward." she murmured and I frowned.

"About what stuff Isabella?" My fingers moved up and over her cheek and Bella smiled lightly at the feathery light feeling of the touch. She moved her face against my hand pulling away only when the touch became to cold for her skin. I traced my thumb over her lip once again before she answered.

"This...stuff that your father wants us to have...it doesn't make sense for us to have that." I looked away.

"We can be friends though, you _know_ that we can be friends." She shrugged and I cupped her face more firmly. My thoughts filled with sadness, Bella too was frowning.

So I had been wrong. Having her open up to me changed almost nothing. Except that she was holding my hand and smiling down at them as they intertwined with each other. I felt her hand leave mine and I went to take my hand away when I felt her other hand grip my wrist. She very gently and slowly brought it to her face and again let me cup her cheek now with both hands. I gladly took the weight of her head and smiled as her face, overheated from crying pressed into my hand. She gently gripped my the bicep of my arm. Her touch was like nothing else against my bare skin. It was warm in such a comforting way. Her hands on me was amenity, it was like breathing after being held under water for too long. Bella seemed to be trying to remember how to breath. So slowly, in and out, in and out. Her fingertips traced over my skin again and she wrinkled her nose. "You're so cold. Are you always so cold?" I nodded. "Thank you for helping my burn."

"No problem at all."

A few more tears leaked out and her skin was hot and wet from crying and she seemed to enjoy the coolness my skin brought to her. I could feel the blood run under my hand and I breathed through my mouth to taste her scent. Venom rushed in me quickly and I closed my mouth to swallow. I let my thumb stroke her cheek gently and she closed her eyes and actually looked slightly content to be sitting here with me like this. I felt the adoration that had grown out of my curiosity of her pulse through me. This creature sitting in front of me was amazing and I thanked the lords above that she would be my wife. Even if I could never know the love a husband and wife would usually share. I could show her I could keep her safe and in time, maybe, I could teach her to trust. I grinned foolishly at the thought.

Isabella's eyes fluttered open and she lifted her head from my hand. I let my thumb trace down her cheek once more and very gently over her bottom lip before dropping my hand to my lap. She reached for my hand with hers and I could not deny her as I saw a happy look in her eye as she felt my cold fingers wrap around her tiny hand.

"Thank you," I whispered as she took my hand. She looked confused and raised one eyebrow at me.

"For what?" she asked "I didn't do anything."

"You let me in, you let me hold your hand." I brought her hand to my lips and brushed them ever so slightly across her knuckles. A shot of something that might have been pride ran through me as I saw her cheeks darken with a blush. "It gives me hope that maybe one day you will trust me" I whispered hoping this would not be a wrong thing to say. Bella looked thoughtful and laid her other hand on her lap so just her fingertips extended to brush my knee. The wheels of Bella's mind were turning and she was filled with tension and hesitance.

"Relax Bella, I know that saying everything will be okay is the wrong thing to say, but I promise I'll give you the best version of okay I can make for you."

"Thank you,"

"Do not thank me, I wish to give you the life you deserve." Bella inhaled a little sharply and I looked down at her. Those eyes I'd fallen for looked up at me and I almost got lost, but was drawn away by her words,

"Could you...you know...teach me to trust Edward? It's been so long since I've let someone it...I want to remember friends, I want to remember love. Would you teach me?"

"I'd do anything for you Isabella Marie." A smile came across her face and it wasn't just the polite smile she gave everyone at school. This was a genuine smile that even reached her deep chocolate eyes. A sparkle came into them and I had to smile back at her. She looked struck dumb as she stared up at me and had to shake her head a little bit before continuing to smile.

The look she held on her face, this bright eyed smile ignited a fire deep inside my chest. My curiosity and wonderment turned affection had just turned again. And I knew that from this moment on until the end of everything, I would love Isabella Marie Swan with everything that I was.


	7. Questions and Anger

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

**Well, here's another one guys!**

**I'm so sorry that it's so long between updates but honestly I am trying as best as I can to get things done.**

**I hope you guys like it, can't wait to hear the feedback!**

**Demon13**

Chapter 7

I had said a quick goodnight to Isabella and left the room. Bella had wanted to go to bed shorty after our little talk and her father was slightly sad and a little angry to find me walking downstairs for the night at only quarter to ten.

"Bella going to bed already?" Carlisle asked, simply making conversation. I nodded,

"She was tired after being so upset earlier." I murmured and looked to my mother and father who were sitting with Charlie.

"You'll have to forgive her Edward, she gets nervous around people. Bella is actually how I met your father as more than just the local doctor. She has panic attacks. She's...been in and out of the hospital since she got here." I nodded slowly and gave Charlie a small smile.

"My father told me she is quite sensitive."

"She'll get better." his thoughts told me he wasn't sure about this. He only wanted me to believe it. "Bella's a good girl Edward, she's just had some really hard times." I nodded. "What did you do to set her off? Was it just the mention of sharing the bed?" I nodded slowly before adding,

"I also...may have let my eyes linger over her too long." Charlie did not reprimand me as he could see how embarrassed I felt to have to tell him that. "Your daughter is _the most_ beautiful girl in the world Sir."

"That she is," he agreed and I watched my mother giggle into her hand.

We made small talk for another hour before Charlie decided it was time for him to leave. Bella who had been moving around upstairs came down to see her father off and he gave her a soft scolding. "If you were still awake you should have been with Edward."

"I was tired. When can I come home tomorrow?" I frowned and Charlie turned Bella and walked her to me. As on our first night together Chief Swan extended her hand toward me, but this time she allowed me to hold it. Charlie smiled.

"You can come home when Carlisle and Esme think you've spent a good amount of time with Edward." I smiled down at Bella and she nodded before moving back upstairs.

"I'm sorry Edward." Charlie whispered.

"There is no need for apologies." I whispered. "We'll see what tomorrow brings. If she gets upset, I will bring her home," Charlie shook his head.

"I'd rather you didn't. She needs to get used to being with you." I nodded. "Call if there is a serious issue." He paused,"I notice she took your hand, you know that's more progress she's made with anyone in the last few years." I smiled and Charlie headed out for the night.

"Are you going hunting tonight?" Carlisle asked as we watched Chief Swan pull out of the driveway.

"No, I'll stay close."

"You think she'll wake and want you?"

"Do not be absurd Father, I simply do not need to feed."

"If she panics again you should come to me immediately. I have a feeling that a lot of Bella's recent panic attacks are all part of a show. If she's threatened with the hospital, she'll smarten up." I nodded. Moving to the roof, I laid over top of my room and closed my eyes. Bella's heartbeat was steady underneath me and I let the constant thump consume me until morning.

Bella woke earlier than I thought most human teenagers did. She was supposed to be spending the day with my family and getting to know me better. Esme was also already talking about wedding plans and wanted to begin planning as soon as possible, and she had decided that 'as soon as possible' meant today.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme were already in the kitchen waiting for Bella and I to begin talking. Jingling my keys in my hand I looked up when Bella thumped her way down the stairs with her pajamas wrinkled, hair tangled into a large knot and eyes puffy. I had expected her to be dressed, bag in hand and asking to leave but instead she just stared at me and blinked slowly.

"Good morning Bella, did you sleep well?" I asked, pocketing my keys. She grumbled something unintelligible in reply and started for the kitchen. I followed her and sat down at the kitchen island with her and my family who all remained silent. Isabella rubbed the sleep from her eyes and yawned loudly. I let out a chuckle and she glowered at me. The narrow slits of her eyes cut into me and I immediately apologized,

"I'm sorry." She grumbled again and I gave her one of my crooked smiles. "Bella, there's a shower in the downstairs bathroom if you would like to freshen up. I will make you breakfast if you are hungry." I offered. She nodded her head lazily and stood up only to trip over her too long pajama pants. She reached out and grabbed my hand to steady herself and I brought my other one to rest on the small of her back until she got her balance. I saw her shiver and I noticed that three of my fingers were touching an area of exposed skin as I had accidentally pulled up her shirt. I quickly took my hand away she released the one she'd been holding on to. Bella headed on her way, I followed her just into the sitting room and whispered her name to get her attention.

"My mother and sisters would like to discuss the wedding, are you okay with that?" Bella stopped, looking hesitant. She nodded slowly before heading toward the bathroom again, nervousness emanating from her at the mention of the wedding. I quickly moved back to the kitchen to start cooking her something.

We had a small television in the kitchen and I was watching it closely following the exact instructions the person on the cooking show was giving. I was making blueberry pancakes and sauce for Bella, I just hoped it tasted right. Having never cooked before, this had the potential to go very wrong, very fast. I hoped that my mate would be impressed. She walked back into the kitchen and raised an eyebrow as I pulled the first few pancakes off the griddle and set them on a plate.

"It smells good Edward. Where did you learn how to cook?" my stomach did a back flip as she said my name.

"TV of course." I said with a small smile and gesturing to the television in the corner. She sat down and lightly began to pick at the food in front of her. I watched her expression carefully to see if they tasted right. She either did not feel my gaze or was ignoring me as she sat there and ate slowly. Her non-responsive ways to my cooking were making me feel greatly unsettled. Bella was watching Alice do her nails instead of focusing on what she was eating. I had to ask, "Do they taste good? I have not made human food...well...ever actually. Do you like them?"

"Yeah, they're fine. Thanks for making them... I can cook myself you know..." she trailed off and looked out the window. She stopped eating but still had two pancakes left. I felt unsettled. This was the most I had ever seen Bella eat, but it was still not a lot.

"Are you full?"

"No, thank you again Edward, they're very good." she said after picking up her fork. I watched her nibble on a blueberry and relief touched me. She would be fine if she could finish one more pancake.

"You're very welcome Bella," I whispered. I smiled at her and let my eyes go to Esme who I could tell wanted to start wedding discussions as soon as possible. Bella watched me instead of Esme and my mother waited for eye contact before beginning.

"So Isabella," she began "Have you thought about the wedding at all?" Bella set down her fork and wiped her mouth gently with a napkin. I watched her lips as they began to form words and shuddered. Bella's mouth was the meaning of perfection. Her bottom lip was fuller than the top, and they were a dark shade, contrasting so beautifully with her pale skin. Alice giggled lightly as she noticed where my eyes were going. Bella cleared her throat before speaking.

"Of course I've given it a _little_ thought. I mean this isn't exactly how I pictured my wedding... I still want it to be nice though. I have a general idea of how I want things to run." I smirked as Alice's face fell. She had been hoping Bella would want someone else to take care of everything since she was still very opposed to marrying me.

"I could give you a hand." she hinted to Isabella, "Since you'll be so busy with getting to know Edward and school and stuff..." she said smiling brightly. Alice was positively bouncing in her seat which was making Bella a little nervous.

"Thank you Alice, but I already know what I want. I just need to discuss it with Charlie and Edward and your parents first." I could not help but to let a barking laugh ring from me at the look on Alice's face. Bella turned to me and looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Don't be so upset Alice, you got to plan all your weddings to Jasper, let me plan mine with Bella." Alice folded her hands together in her lap and stared at them. She was thoroughly put out. I would have to go hunting with her later and try to cheer her up. "What did you have in mind Bella?"

"I want it to be an extremely small affair. I want it to be the two of us and our parents. That is if Renee will even come...She lives in Jacksonville now...and it will be hard for her to get here." Alice and Rosalie both scowled at the thought. Both were extremely offended, but Alice's thoughts soon turned sad. I saw the bubbling anger on Rose's face, and I sucked in a breath as I knew what was about to happen. "I mean, it's more just a wedding because we have to, not because we want to. So why make a big deal about it, right?" I felt my chest explode in pain, and was too distracted by it to hush Rose.

"How dare you!" Rosalie screeched "Edward is _**our brother**_ and I'll be damned if we're kept from his wedding. This family is extremely close, and I'm _not_ going to let _you_ tear it apart just because you detest marriage so much and you don't want anyone to know you're marrying him! And where do you get off rejecting him before you know him? Sure he's not perfect, but you're not either!" Isabella moved her chair slightly away from the table and she dropped her fork. There was fear in her eyes as she looked at Rosalie. Bella visibly shrank away, and looked to my mother quickly.

"I-I didn't mean to offend you –I'm really sorry. I- was just-" Rosalie cut her off with a glare

"Everyone who lives in this house is going to be there. Get used to that idea starting _**now**_!" Her thoughts continued on a rampage at Isabella and I let out a low growl. I felt the need to protect Bella from the angry thoughts of my sister. She was my mate after all, it was my duty to protect her. Isabella jumped slightly and sobbed but Rosalie's thoughts stopped with my threat. Esme intervened, reaching across the island to push lightly on my chest. Without realizing it I had leaned forward to challenge Rose.

"Rosalie, it _is_ Bella's wedding. If she only wants to do the legal part and not make a big deal then that is what we will do. If her and Edward want to do something more extravagant in the future then they may." Esme scolded Rosalie for her outburst and instantly defused the situation. My mother's eyes were sad though, and I knew she too was upset at just how much Bella seemed to detest the idea of our marriage. I tried to smile at her and let my eyes wander to Alice. I was amazed that Alice had stayed silent through this whole thing, nothing but hurt could be seen on her face. Her thoughts were hurried,

'_We were getting along well...why wouldn't she want me at the wedding? Have I offended her? I just wanted to help...'_ She was staring at Bella with a half smile on her face, attempting to put herself in Bella's shoes. In Alice's mind there was nothing wrong with me, and anyone should be happy to have me as their husband. I wanted to hug my sister to me. I listened to her thoughts again. '_Well whatever makes her and Edward happy I guess...I wish Ed would stick up for us though. Maybe he still blames this whole thing on us. Maybe he's still mad...Edward if you're listening...I love you, you're my brother and I wish you wanted us at your wedding. Please don't be mad at us for bringing Isabella into you're life. She's gonna love you one day...'_

"Alice, don't look so upset." I murmured. My sister touched my hand. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bella watched my Alice's hand slip into mine. She opened her mouth but was not given the chance to speak.

"How can you expect her to be happy?" Rosalie shrieked. "Your wife to be is sitting there saying we're not invited to your wedding and you won't even stick up for us or demand we be there! You can give her exactly what she wants but she's not going to love you anymore for it! Has she even said anything nice to you yet? God, you're like a pariah to her! That's not going to change anytime soon. Family first Edward, don't you dare forget that." My eyes pleaded with Rose to let this go,

"I just want Bella to be happy, she is already being forced into this. You are right Rose, Bella has no desire to be mine...at all..." I paused to gather myself as I let these words sink in and felt my chest cavity ache again. I forced myself not to look at Bella, and continued. "The most I could do for her is not make her have a whole black tux, white dress, party with cake and the works over it." My anger flared as Rosalie stood up and glared at me. I was about to step around the island when I felt a tug at my side. I looked down and Bella had the end of my shirt clutched tightly in her hand. Tears flooded her eyes and she tugged on me again. I instantly forgot Rosalie and I crouched down so I had to look slightly up to see Bella's face. Her hand moved to my sleeve and I shushed her gently,

"Hush now Bella, don't cry. No one is mad at you,"

"I am." Rose muttered. I growled at her again and my mother cleared her throat angrily which made Rosalie back down. Bella took her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down trying to fight back the tears. I continued to shush and smile for her.

"Don't cry Bella, I love you anyways." Alice said joining us on our side of the table. Alice put a hand on Bella's shoulders and those beautiful brown eyes left mine to look into Alice's.

"I didn't mean to upset you guys. I thought you guys didn't like me really...that you were just being polite because your brother has to marry me. And-" she paused to sniffle. "Rose doesn't like me at all I can tell. I didn't figure you'd want to be there." She said shifting her gaze to Rosalie.

"I'll be there for Edward, I would want to be there because he's my brother." Rosalie said. Bella's grip loosened and she reached down to take my hand. I lifted her hand up to lightly push my lips to her knuckles. She moved to draw her hand away but steadied her grip on me instead.

"Well, just family then..." Bella whispered and I frowned. I honestly would give this girl whatever she wanted. I would buy her a small country if she indicated it would make her happy. This tiny wedding with no formality had no appeal to me. I would do it though, for her.

My mother, who hated arguing and to see her children unhappy more than anything pressed her hands together softly. She would stop this arguing and let Bella calm down.

"You know what Bella? Why don't we leave everything undecided for now? No wedding plans at all. We have plenty of time to come up with these things, and it'll be easier when we know each other better." Bella slowly nodded, a small smile played on her lips. Alice hugged Bella from behind and pecked her cheek.

"We'll figure all this out in due time. Love ya Sis!" and she then she pranced away. Esme dismissed Rosalie and then took her leave after giving me a hug, whispering for me to stay strong.

"Are you finished with your breakfast Bella?" I asked. She nodded and I took her dish away. "I'll take you home now if you'd like." I murmured rinsing her plate. Bella sat silent for several minutes and played with the collar of the dark top she was wearing. I could hear her nails scratching at the material.

"Well...," Bella paused and I smiled at her as I turned. "Do you?...I mean, um.." Bella stumbled and watched me carefully. "Um...do you want me... to leave?"

"Not at all!" I said moving to sit back beside her.

"Maybe I could stay for a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you about some things..." My face split into a smile and I hesitantly held my hand out for her to take. Slowly she slipped it into mine and her warmth spread through my body.

"What is it you would like to talk about?" I asked and gently pulled my chair to closer hers. Bella sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat to show her discomfort. I whispered a fast apology, to which she made no reply.

"Well I just had some questions, about you, and things." I nodded encouraging her.

"Ask away, though I do reserve the right to withhold answers." she nodded. "So what are you curious about? Our future and things pertaining to that or...?"

"No, I just...was wondering..." she paused and looked into my eyes. I gently transferred her hand into my other one and placed my now free hand on top of hers

"Yes?" I prompted

"How...how old are you Edward?" she looked hesitant about asking this question my answer was quick and automatic.

"Seventeen." I'd been trained to respond to this for many years, though depending on how long we stayed somewhere I went between sixteen and nineteen.

"But...you're a...you know, _vampire_. So...I guess what I'm asking is...how long have you been seventeen?"

"A very long time." I whispered. "Too long." she raised an eyebrow, she wanted specifics. "I was changed in 1918 by Carlisle." This was a topic I was hoping we would not discuss until we were at least a month or two before the wedding, or even more preferably good friends. Bella laughed,

"Is that why you always jump to your feet when I walk into a room?" she asked with a small smile. I nodded and kept my eyes away from hers. This was not the time to be discussing the curse of vampirism. "You can stop doing that you know, it's weird." I nodded and frowned at the floor.

"I don't mean to be weird around you."

"It's okay Edward...it's just...so old school."

"Well...I was born a long time ago. Just because modern times do not encourage gentle and courteous behaviour from men does not mean I will treat you with any less respect. I was raised to treat women a certain way, I can't change that." Bella squeezed my hand a little, and began to gently play with my fingers. I let her turn my hand in hers and gently caress my skin as she stared up at me.

"Well, thank you."

"You are welcome Bella." I trained my eyes on the grains in the marble counter top counting each individual one until I heard Isabella speak again.

"Can I ask you something else?" Her voice was shy, but curiosity was strong behind it.

"Yes, but again I may not answer." I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

"What does being a vampire mean? I've run into vampires before but there were only two of them." She paused in her story and laced her fingers through mine again, feelings the unyielding stone of my flesh. "Their eyes were really red, and I know it's because they drink human blood, not animals like you. I mean do you guys have other powers or anything besides being made to kill?" I cringed at the last of her question. It was not the one I was expecting but it was still something I didn't particularly _want_ to answer. I sighed and her face shifted, wondering if she had upset me.

"Some of us have different "powers" I guess you can call them. We're all very fast, and extremely strong. Others of us have our own special unique abilities that usually tie back into our human life somehow. I was very good at reading people as a human. Now, I can read minds, and see what other people are thinking, see what they see-"

"Wait!" she cut me off. "You can actually read what I'm thinking like... right now?" Watching Bella's eyes fill up with fear unsettled me. I immediately spoke to calm her.

"No, and that's something the makes me so curious about you. I can read everybody's mind except yours." she looked very troubled after I said this. Her eyes fell from my face and Bella released my hand to begin twisting hers together in her lap.

"Is there something wrong with me?" she whispered. My hand covered Bella's and I stilled them, slipping mine in between and rubbing her back with my other one. I leaned closer to her and watched her to see if this was acceptable. We hadn't really defined boundaries on anything last night except that holding her hand was tolerable, but I didn't know if it was only okay when she initiated it. She looked up into my eyes and I saw the fear again. I began to take my hand away when hers reached out and caught it. "Edward? Is there something wrong with me?" she asked again. I smiled at her and could not help but to chuckle,

"Bella, there's nothing wrong with you at all. That's your own special ability as just a human. You have a shield around you that nothing or no one can penetrate. You're just an exception to me." I laughed again and muttered, "I tell you I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you. How absurd is that?" I was shaking my head and a light flush crept across Bella's beautiful face. She nodded her head slowly but I could still see she was upset that she was not 'normal'.

"Alice has special powers too you know." I said "One that you're not an exception too, and so does Jasper."

"Really? What are their powers?" Bella looked intrigued and finally moved her eyes back to lock with mine.

"Alice can see the future in subjective visions. She sees what will happen if we follow the course we're on."

"I bet you she saw this whole thing being arranged between us didn't she?" I avoided Bella's eyes after this question. I did not want to be the person to tell her that the only reason we are in the situation we're in is because of Alice. I let the silence hang and she cleared her throat a little. "So what does Jasper do?" she asked, I knew Bella could sense my hesitance about her last question, and I knew lying would have made her less suspicious about the fact I knew this was coming before she did, and that my family was truly behind the whole thing. That it was Carlisle who persuaded her father over her many hospital visits to give me her hand for the rest of her life.

"Jasper can influence emotions, but it comes at a strong price. When he's in a room he feels whatever is around him. Anger, hate, lust, passion. He's left wide open for any of it just by being around people."

"Wow..." was all Bella said. I gave her a small smile and gave her hand a squeeze. "Can you tell when he's influencing you?"

"I can, but that's because I'm used to it. You probably wouldn't know if it happened."

"I'll be honest, that makes me a little uncomfortable." she said and gnawed on her lip.

"Jasper doesn't do it unless it is necessary. He will not alter the way you feel unless he is trying to help you." Bella nodded thoughtfully and stared at the ceiling.

We sat in silence for several minutes, then came the question I'd been dreading. Bella said it in a soft, scared voice, and my whole body hardened. "Do I have to become like you after all this...wedding business and whatnot?" I snatched my hand away from hers and completely averted me eyes. I did not want to talk about this. "I mean...so you keep me forever like your brothers and sisters?"

I _would_ find a way around it. Isabella Marie Swan would not be a vampire. Volturi be damned.

Her words from our first night came back to me and echoed through my head. She did not trust _'our kind'._

"Not a chance in heaven or hell." I said. Anger reared inside me and I immediately stood up. I knew it was rude but I turned my back to her and grabbed the counter top. The marble easily gave way under the concrete strength of my fingers. Bella trembled behind me.

"Well that's good I suppose. When I was bitten before it _hurt_. I don't think I could live through it."

"When one is bitten Isabella, the point is not to _live _through it." I snapped. My anger intensified and I could feel it contorting my face into the features of the monster I was deep down. Turning back to Bella I watched her quake in fear. She attempted to touch my hand but I shook my head. "You will live out your years as a human would Bella." She nodded. I continued to speak, "I may be a monster, but there is no way I would share this curse with you. Of course it is Carlisle that wishes you changed. Not me. Should you ever change your mind you can just ask him."

"Why would I ever change my mind?" Bella asked, her tone chiding and as if she were talking to a child.

"Precisely." I whispered. "The one thing you hate most, with the exclusion of men of course. Vampires. Why would you ever want to be one?" Bella easily sensed my anger and turned away from me slightly. "You should not ask me about such things ever again Bella."

"Edward I'm-"

"Ever again, I mean it." her soft brown eyes hardened as I cut her off but she would not challenge me. Bella was afraid because I was upset. It was easy to sense that off of her. She held her back stiff and dug her nails down into her palms.

"May I ask another question?" I eyes her suspiciously and rubbed some of the crumbled counter top away and onto the floor. My mother would not be pleased.

"I would rather you didn't."

"It's not like you _have_ to answer me Edward." she murmured. I nodded.

"Fine, ask your question." Bella shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"What do I have to do...as your wife...?" she spoke these words with the greatest hesitation and would not look at me. My anger grew instantly but I waited for a more thorough question before answering. "I mean...what are you going to make me do? Do I have to clean and cook? Can I work? Do I have to...sleep with you? Like...let you use me as you wish? I don't...understand what this contract means really..." these last words were whispered and Bella looked mortally terrified at the thought. Being my wife would be the unraveling of all that was left of herself, in her mind. Bella believed me to be barbaric, and that I would demand of her when we were married.

My head felt as if it was being stomped on. The stomping quickly made its' way into my chest and settled over my heart where it stayed. What was _wrong_ with this woman? When had I given her this impression of me? I may be old fashioned but I understood how to properly treat a lady, not marry one to become my slave. My muscles tensed and I felt my vision sharpen as my eyes faded from a butterscotch amber to the deepest midnight black. Bella may have been hurt but she had no right to make assumptions about the way I would treat her. I had only treated her like a gentleman would so far. I opened doors, pulled out chairs, stood upon her entrance into a room, said please and thank you. I did not demand of her, I did not insist she do anything except be nice to the other people in my family which should not have been a hard thing to do.

Bella looked up at me and I stared blankly at her fighting internally. Part of me knew I was going to lash out and it was going to happen very soon. I could not contain myself.

"How dare you?" I yelled. "How dare you even begin to imply that my marrying you would begin my treating of you as an object! I am not the person you are trying to create me to be in your head!" My chest heaved and I let my exasperation with her flood out of me even more, "You know nothing about me Bella! By your own choice you separate yourself from me unless I am needed to keep other men away from you! Don't you dare begin to think such horrid things of me when you know nothing of my thoughts on the subject of how a man treats his wife, or even on how one person should treat another!"

Bella's face lost all colour and she attempted to stutter out something but I interrupted her and then cut myself off. I was losing control on myself. My fist his the counter once more and Bella shrieked in shock. I took many deep breaths but her scent filling the air only seemed to fuel the fire of my beast who was angry at her implied accusations.

I needed to be away from Bella. There was no way I could calm down while I was so close to her. Sure Bella hated me, but the fact was, I _loved_ her. It would destory me if I hurt her in anger. I left the kitchen to make an attempt at composing myself.

"Edward wait, please" I heard her say and she slowly followed after me. Each of her footfalls echoed in my head and I held in a deep snarl. I forced myself onto the couch willing her not to come any closer. Her scent would only fuel my animal instincts that took over when my anger outstripped the rest of my emotions. Her floral scent became stronger and I felt a growl start deep down inside of me. The predator had been prodded from his slumber. Bella was in danger because of me. I just had to make her realize it.

"Bella just go back to the kitchen, now!" I snarled. I could tell she had flinched at my words but she made no moves to return to the kitchen. I got up off the couch at inhuman speed and approached her and stopped two feet away. Her scent consumed my senses and I knew my eyes were simply pulsing with the beast within. Hunger cropped up inside to join my anger, She saw this and began to quiver. "Get out of here! Now!"

"Please, please no. Please" she began to whisper. Her eyes stared into mine focusing only on the sight she remembered from years ago. She grabbed her wrist subconsciously. She had not been lying, the pain had affected her greatly after her bite. It was easy to see.

"What do you think I'm going to do? I have told you I will not hurt you but you're just pushing this way further than it needs to go. I told you to go back into the kitchen. Now go!"

"Please Edward." she mumbled "I didn't mean to upset you-" I cut her off with an involuntary growl. Bella's whole body trembled and I found myself focusing on her increasing pulse rate. Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap. Oh she was just taunting me now. I forced words out,

"Well you did Isabella. Every word you've said to me up until last night was a personal attack. Those words cut me, left wounds. You think I want to be this monster? I was supposed to die in 1918 with my parents. Yet here I am, stuck with you! Stuck with a girl who _**hates**_ me, who will _never look at __me as more than a monster_." I paused and felt my anger overtake my monster for a moment. I whispered. "Never before have I wished so deeply that Carlisle would've let me die." Bella's eyes filled with tears, and I knew I had gone to far with what I said. She tried to speak again but I growled. Fear flooded from her, I could taste it in the air. I had to get away. The animal inside me wanted her so badly that venom was filling my mouth and my body was going rigid, getting ready to pounce. I stopped breathing willing her scent to stop assaulting me. It helped and I shook my head. I felt a calming presence begin to mask my anger,

"Edward, back up now!" I whipped around and hissed as my monster fought the forcing calm. Jasper was walking towards me his hand outstretched. It found my shoulder and I gave into the soothing sensations he was sending out. His forced calms were beautifully overwhelming when he touched me and it brought me to my nears momentarily. "Stay here. Do. Not. Move" he punctuated each word and left my side.

"Isabella? Hi. Remember me? I'm Jasper. Let's get back to the kitchen. Edward needs to-" I heard Isabella whimper in response and a scream left her when Jasper reached for her. I turned to her immediately wishing to soothe her but Jasper yelled. "EDWARD KEEP AWAY!" He sent out calming vibes to Bella but it was too late, she had screamed again and fainted. Carlisle was now coming down the stairs with a very serious look on his face.

"_I'll have words with you later son."_ he thought to me and gave me a piercing look. I lay my eyes on Bella's limp body which Jasper was holding on to with ease. He walked down and laid her on the couch and Carlisle began to check her vitals.

Alice was now skipping down the stairs. She grabbed my elbow and dragged me over to the couch. She released me when we reached Jasper who took her hand the minute she was in range.

"She'll open her eyes in four minutes. She'll be quite upset. It would be best if you weren't here Edward. You're what's fueling her fear." I hung my head in deep shame. All my careful practice and control had almost slipped because I'd been over sensitive about the criticism of a human..._my human_. No, I couldn't think like that because Isabella was right not to trust me. My hands clenched into tight fists.

"Don't start this again Ed," came Jaspers voice

"She'll forgive you!" Alice added.

"Alice, Jasper you both stay with Bella and keep her calm, get her talking about what happened. Edward, I think we should talk. Possibly on the way to the hospital."

"Hospital?" Jasper asked.

"I want to talk Bella there. If she fainted as a panic response then it is where she needs to be."

"Just leave her here Dad," I murmured. "The hospital will only make her more anxious." My father watched me closely and then gave a nod. "I'm not saying that she won't need to go all the time, but this time she should be fine."

"Then I think we will have words in my office Son." Carlisle said leading the way up to his office. I followed him up and tried to listen to his thoughts. He was shielding them from me. We reached his office and both sat down on the day bed that was against the far wall.

"Well Edward?" he said, anger evident. I truly felt like a teenager being scolded by a parent. This was a scolding I probably deserved though. I tried to explain,

"I did not mean for all that to happen. You know I will regret it forever. Do you really feel the need to make me feel worse about it?" I asked averting my eyes from Carlisle.

"I just want to know what happened. Making your fiancée scream and faint in the living room on your fourth visiting day is _not_ a good way to go about getting her to love you. You need to be so gentle with her Edward!"

"It was Jasper who made her scream. He touched her, and she doesn't like to be touched." Carlisle nodded and sighed.

"Tell me what happened before Jasper came into the equation." His always calm demeanor was broken only by the tone of his voice and I sighed, almost wishing he would really let loose and let me have what I deserved.

"She was asking questions about vampires and wanted to know if she had to become one of us after our wedding. I let my emotions get the best of me. All I could think about were her words of hatred and disgust at our kind. Everything she says hurts me on a whole level I've never experienced before. She implied to me that she believed that with our marriage would come my enslavement of her." I paused here, these thoughts still eating away at my chest, leaving a raw wound." "Father," I tried again, "She actually asked me if I would _allow_ her to work, or if I would require, well more than require her to have intimate relations with me. How can she think that of me? I just...couldn't control myself so I walked away and tried to get to clear air. She would not let me be though and that's when Jasper came in, I guess he could taste the tension and loss of control I was feeling." Carlisle said nothing for a long time and I became nervous. He was still shielding his real thoughts from me by translating his new medical text into Italian.

Finally he spoke and his words were ones I should have been expecting. It had not been my intention to hurt Carlisle, but I had.

"I heard that remark about your parents Edward. Was that really necessary? Do you truly wish I'd have let you die?" I sighed and stared at my feet. I knew that Carlisle was more than hurt by this, we had been together the longest. Carlisle and his son Edward. The Volturi recognized us as a coven when it had just been the two of us together. Two vampires of the same gender usually did not live together. Most vampires lived only with their mates and then migrated wherever they needed to for food. Looking up to Carlisle I watched the pain swim in his eyes. I was honest,

"I've never truly wished it until Bella came into my life." I mumbled. This hurt my father more.

"Oh...you do not like her...not at all?" my father sounded sad and I whispered,

"She's a beautiful human Father, I am so drawn to her. But she hates me so...I've never felt so rejected in my life, so cast aside, brushed off as nothing. I have never actually hated what we were this much...I just want to be friends, to laugh, and maybe...just have someone to talk to..." I ran a hand through my hair and gripped it tightly, while my father rested a hand on my back. "I could love her Father, god I could love her. I could be such a good husband to her. I would take care of her, and I'd do anything to make her happy. I try so hard but she's pushing every limit I have ever had."

Silence filled the room and Carlisle thought only of Bella and I, his thoughts were sad, but still hopeful and I pulled myself away from them. Finally he spoke,

"Edward, you realize you need to apologize?"

"Of course, Father." Her nodded and I went to stand but he held me down.

"Now there's something else I've been wanting to talk to you about Edward, and as your father figure I'm expecting you to listen." I nodded and let him continue. "Alice tells me you've been blocking her visions of yours and Isabella's future." I grimaced and looked away. Of course, I should have known that Alice would run to Carlisle to make sure she got her way when it came to me and Bella. I growled.

"It is my choice to listen to whatever thoughts I want. Father you know you cannot make me listen to her. I'm trying, that should be enough for you and the rest of the family, especially since this girl hates not only me, but the ground I walk on as well as the air I breathe."

"But has any progress been made?"

"Yes" I replied thinking of her hand finding mine and the comfort it seemed to bring her. "She holds my hand now, it's got to mean something."

"Well I'll leave you to your own ways for now, but you have less than a year. Remember Son, she is the other half you've been searching for. She'll care for you one day." I stood showing Carlisle that I wished to leave the conversation where it was for now. He nodded with a sigh and let me leave his office.

I walked downstairs and Bella was sitting up on the couch. Jasper was sending out a calming aura that filled the whole room and Alice was seated beside Isabella talking to her quietly. I approached cautiously and stopped when I was several feet behind Jasper.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked me getting to her feet.

"I am in control." I paused and let my eyes rest on Isabella. "Bella..." I whispered, just waiting for the hate.

"Alice explained to me about why you acted how you did." she mumbled. "It's only human to get upset Edward."

"Which is something you have pointed out several times that I am _not._" I said keeping my tone even. She let her head hang slightly at this. Was she regretting what she said to me? No, she couldn't be, I was just deluding myself with images of her caring for me like I cared for her. After last night everything I had thought I'd known about her was changing. Slowly very slowly of course, but it was changing none the less. She was still hostile, rude, and very blunt about everything. Today though she seemed...more open to being around me and she acted shamed when she knew she had said things that were deliberately hurtful. I sighed,

"I owe you an apology Isabella. I should not have let your words get the best of me. I hope in time you can forgive me and we can move past it." She looked back up at me and stood slowly. She reached a hand forward and held it palm up, her fingers curled only slightly. It looked expectant, I was shocked. After all this she still wanted this small contact with me. I looked skeptical.

"I told you last night it makes me feel not so alone. I'm just trying to understand you a little better I guess." She said in response to my look. She took one more step towards me and I extended my hand. She slipped hers into mine and I wanted to dance at the feeling of the contact. We stood smiling at each other and then. Bella lifted our hands up between us and switched them around so her fingers fell between mine and laced with my fingers. My hand almost completely surrounded hers and Bella smiled. As I was expecting this perfect, time stand still moment was ruined by a blinding flash and Alice giggling. She was holding a Polaroid camera and was taking out a photo. She shook it and glanced at it

"Perfect!" she whispered.. She showed Jasper and then ran upstairs. He chased after her and I was left alone with Bella. We were still holding each others hands out in front of us, both waiting for the other to say something.

"You're scary when you're angry." she said at last. I let my hand fall from hers and slid it into my pocket.

"Yes...I'm usually better about keeping it it check...I...can't explain what happened." She nodded and walked to the couch to sit down. I sat in a chair across the room and I could feel her gaze on me. Her expression was thoughtful,like she was concentrating really hard on something. I left her to her thoughts and turned to my own. To sum up my morning I had just almost completely lost it and then the all angry, man hating Isabella Swan seemed to have forgiven me without a second thought on the subject. Bella was getting fidgety.

"There is something bothering you Bella?" she nodded and choked out her next words.

"Edward," her small voice came, "Do you really wish you'd have died...because...because of me? Because I'm here with you?"

"Let's not talk about that anymore." I muttered and I could tell she was upset, but she said nothing else. I glanced up at her quickly and she was giving me a small smile. She was being down right pleasant today and my dead heart was swelling with each thought of her, wanting everything about the last twenty minutes to go away. I longed to be sitting beside her with her hand in mine, her head on my shoulder, her lips against mine...

_"STOP IT EDWARD!"_ I mentally kicked myself and flew out of my seat. She flinched at my sudden movement and I immediately slowed to a human pace. Things were barely moving along as it was, and I had to take this slow. I let my gaze rest on her and I felt my love for her consume my body.

"Edward, stop looking at me like that!" she whispered. I snapped my eyes closed

"I just seem to mess up every time I turn around today, don't I?" I growled more to myself than to her. Bella looked hesitant and anxious. I tried to give her a smile which she returned with very little enthusiasm.

"Look...maybe you should just take me home."

"It's only 11:30am. Your father will be very upset with me if I bring you home this early."

"I'll call him with some excuse." Bella stood and went over to the phone kept close to the kitchen door. She dialed her home number and I listened in to her conversation.

"Swan Residence,"

"Hey Dad!"

"Good morning Bella." there was a pause and Charlie sighed. "You better not be calling to come home yet."

"But Daddy, I'm ready to come home!" I smirked as Bella used 'Daddy' instead of 'Dad' to get her way.

"Tell me, what have you done with Edward today?"

"We fought." Bella said almost cheerfully, but the expression on her face was contradictory to her tone.

"What did you do Bella?"

"It was just a misunderstanding! I didn't do anything wrong!" Charlie sighed and I could just picture him rubbing his temples.

"Let me talk to him."

"But Daddy! He's getting ready to leave!"

"Isabella Marie Swan, put your fiancé on the phone, right now." I already had my hand out and waiting when Bella turned to face me. She handed me the phone and wrung her hands while watching me carefully.

"Chief," I greeted and Bella's father cleared his throat.

"Edward, Bella tells me you're taking her home, and that you had an argument."

"Yes Sir, that is correct." Charlie sighed on the other end.

"I'd prefer you kept her there. You two need to learn to work through arguments and not just send her home when things get rough."

"I know Sir, Bella is just ready to come home. We are not in much of a talking mood anymore. We'll be back together at school on Monday. I did not think it would be that much of an issue."

"What did you argue about?" I bit my lip and looked at Bella. She frowned and nodded knowing that I would tell her father the truth.

"Well, Sir, Bella was asking some general questions about my life and what our life together may look like one day. I think that because of the contract she thought that I had some actual type of ownership over her. She implied that I would be so cruel as to treat her like a slave and use her for what I saw fit when I needed it. I became offended because I personally believe that I have never not treated her with the utmost respect. I felt like she was jumping on board to judge me too quickly."

Charlie thought for a long time.

"Bella needs a little work Edward. She's a complex girl, and to be honest I haven't gone over the finer points of the contract with her. She may have just been confused. I understand if you feel offended but you two are just going to have to get along. You'll grow on her, and eventually you're going to be all she talks about."

"Did my father tell you that?" I asked, a condescending tone in my voice, of course Carlisle would say that. Anything to make Charlie agree.

"Edward Cullen! Don't take that tone with Charlie!" Esme called from the music room. I laughed.

"Yes, your father did tell me that and I believe him. I'm hoping you'll be the same with Bella."

"No doubts there." I said. Charlie's mood lifted instantly.

"Bring her home if she must come, but I'd like you to stop by the house tomorrow for a visit. Bella will be expecting you. I'll make sure of it."

"Of course Chief."

"See you then." and we hung up the phone.

"You can go home now, but I'll be seeing you tomorrow. I'm to stop at your house for a visit."

"Whatever keeps him happy." Bella said with a sigh. "Prepare to be bored. There's nothing to do at my place."

"I'll just talk to you, it is what your father would want." Bella nodded and we moved upstairs. We packed up her things and I told Carlisle where I was going. We got into my car and I had to force myself to drive so slowly it was killing me. Bella was silent and her body tensed. She had seemed fine when I had been on the phone with Charlie but now she was upset again and I was determined for her to be happy before she went home.

Her arms were folded over her chest and she had huddled herself against the door leaning away from me. The tension was tangible in the air and I had to break it.

"Bella?"

"Yeah Edward?"

"What's wrong? You look so upset,"

"I don't want you to want to die because of me." I glanced at her and she looked hurt.

"Oh Bella, please don't focus on that. People say things they don't mean when they are angry." She bit her lip and shook her head. I could tell she didn't believe me. "I...I don't Bella...I just..miss my parents. I can barely remember a single thing about them, and when times get tough it is easier to wish for death than deal with something that could be worth it in the end." Bella smirked and fell silent.

"You mean me?" she whispered.

"Yes, I mean you are worth it."

"I'm not. I promise." My eyebrows furrowed. "Run Edward, run. That's all I can say." These words unsettled me greatly. Did Bella not want me to try and be her friend? I thought we were getting past that. We were holding hands now, and talking like civilized people. I decided to press forward with conversation. Silence after a statement like that was killing me.

"Bella, can I ask something?" I saw her nod her head out of the corner of my eye.

"What happens at school?"

"Well Edward, it's a learning facility. We take classes to prepare ourselves for our post secondary education" Her tone was ripped with sarcasm and I wasn't in the mood for it. Sighing loudly I ran my hand through my hair viciously and groaned,

"I believe you know what I meant. Do you _always_ have to make things _so hard_?" she looked shocked and hurt by this. "I'm...-I'm sorry Bella."

"What do you mean 'what happens at school?' then?"

"Like us, now that we're closer, holding hands...that type of thing..." Bella thought for the next several minutes and I listened carefully to her answer.

"Well Edward...school will be the same as its been for the past week. You stay with your life, I with mine. You and I both know that this arrangement only really exists on the weekends" The silence that echoed in the car after this was deafening. My heart convulsed in confusion as searing white pain almost blinded me. My love for her burned through my veins and instead of the warm pleasant feeling I associated with it, an ache of loneliness never known by anyone else raked through me. My face tightened and I willed myself to not let out a sob. She noticed the change in my expression and spoke.

"Maybe one day Edward you and I can work something out...I told you already I don't know how to trust you. I'm so good at pushing people away. It's my natural instinct now."

"I don't understand Bella. You'll be nice to me at my house but you still don't want me to talk with you or go near you at school? What justification do you have for that?" she did not answer me. I pulled into her driveway and she made to get out but I touched her hand. "Answer me Bella, I deserve an explanation" She took her hand away.

"You don't '_deserve'_ anything from me. Edward...you seem like you could be a nice man. I'm not sure there's such thing as a nice man, but if there is, you're one of them. Under different circumstances maybe we could've been friends. This is different. I shared something special with you last night, you have been the only person anywhere to ask me to actually talk. Everyone always just told me I didn't have to so I didn't, but Edward...it's got to be obvious to you that I _don't_ want to marry you. I would do _**anything**_ to not be forced to marry you. I've got probably just under eleven months to figure out a way out of this and..." she trailed off and looked into my eyes.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No! I didn't want to hear this. One person can only take so much rejection. Was this my limit? Because I was already sure that Bella had tonnes more to dish out. I growled and whispered to her.

"Make up your mind Bella. You cannot hold my hand and say it helps on weekends and then act like I'm the most vile thing you've ever met Monday to Friday. I will not allow you to abuse me that way." I whispered this to her and acid covered every word. "You've pointed our many times that I'm not human. I know that, I hate myself for it more than you ever could but just because I'm not human does not mean I cannot feel as you do!" Bella looked taken aback, I continued, "Did you ever consider that I might care for you? That it might hurt me when you are so hot and cold like this? Isabella, I know you're hurting on the inside. I know you were broken and beaten and torn. I just wanted to help...I wanted you to care too. _You are my mate,_ Bella..." I softened my tone on these last words and tore my eyes from hers.

"I'm not your mate Edward."

"Yes, you are. It is my job to take care of you and I will do just that. Please don't play with my heart as you have been."

Without another word she got out of the car and slammed the door.

Sitting in the driveway for a minute I leaned my head forward and onto the steering wheel. Life was certainly a mess right now, how did one fix this, fix her? Bella was so twisted in her perceptions of me, what I wanted for us, and how to go about being friends and then into being more. Where did Carlisle find somebody like this?

Tapping on my window made her look up to see her father staring at me with sympathetic eyes. I rolled it down and he leaned in to talk to me.

"Everything okay Edward?"

"No Sir, " I replied softly. "Your daughter is killing me." he frowned.

"She's confused."

"She's confus_ing_." I countered. "She doesn't want me to care for her at all. She just wants to cry on my shoulder, talk to me about everything and then put me out with the rest of the trash. I'm just like an old diary to her. Fill it up with past thoughts and then toss it away and never think about it again."

"You've made more progress with her than anyone Edward. She's just going to take convincing."

"I don't know how you and Carlisle thought this would work." I admitted softly. "Sometimes it does not make sense that I'm getting married to someone I do not know, and who openly admits that being my bride is probably the worst things that's ever happened to her, and that's saying something."

"She said that?" Charlie seemed outraged.

"She implies it with every action, every word. I cannot get past that she thought I would use her as an empty body, and simply make her cook and clean my house when she is my wife." Charlie rubbed his temples.

"What do you want out of her as your wife?" I thought about it for a long time and leaned back in my seat.

"Just the simple things. Mostly I just want her to be happy, and not to resent me as her husband. Chief, Sir, your daughter is beautiful, to pretend I do not want to be romantic with her would be lying to you, but I just wish I could make her happy, even as her friend. If we could be the closest of friends by the wedding date then I would be happy."

"You're a strange kid Edward, a good one, but a strange one." Charlie and I shared a smile. He stood up straighter. "Go home, get some rest. Wait until you see Bella at school and then try again.

"Our visitation tomorrow is canceled?"

"She has some explaining to do." I nodded. "See you Edward."

"Chief," I said and backed out of the driveway.

As I drove home I could think only of Bella's words for her. I deserved nothing from her, she owed me nothing. Bella still loathed me inside, I could feel it. The hate from her cloaked me and I wondered what I could do make happy. All I wanted was for her to be happy. More than anything I wished I could that Bella could find some way to be happy with me. But if this was not at all possible, what was I to do?

I loved her, I knew that much. I loved Bella so very much that I would do anything for her. I love her so much that I would die for her.

The thought was unsettling, as the thought of true death always is, but it instantly formed an idea in my head,

I had played with these thoughts before. What if I did just leave? I know I would be killed by the Volturi, and Bella too would be at risk, but there would be a way around her death. Carlisle would not let her be harmed, I knew that much.

The road slipped under me and I smiled as I thought. Bella was everything, and if this was how things had to work then so be it. I hauled into my driveway and stared at my house. I would try one more day at school with Isabella, and if she did not want me around I would give her any amount of happiness I could.

Bella did not want to marry me, and she could not marry what did not exist.


	8. Unexpected Apology

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

Chapter 8

Monday morning dawned crisp and cold. The sky was silver and completely covered when I looked out the window. I stood looking at myself in the mirror for a long time. I traced over every muscle on my chest and thought I should be able to see each wound Bella left on me, but my skin was as always...cold, hard and as white as snow. I had no blood to bleed for her words that hurt me. There was no human component in me that could show my hurting beyond the storm I watched in my own eyes. Lifting my hand I rested it over the place where my heart should be beating back at me. I could almost feel Bella's heart pulsing through me. My face fell into a frown and I looked to the floor and away from myself. It would not do to dwell on the fact that I was not human. I was here, as a vampire. It was only for being a vampire that I had ever met Bella, my curse was my savior and I would try to focus on what kept Bella and I together, not what set us apart.

My siblings were reading or playing video games and as usual I had no desire to join them. All my desire had been channeled into this girl, this beautiful creature who was so wonderful, yet so poisonous. I felt under a spell...and though I hated to admit it, I loved it. I loved having this feeling of want of one particular being. I liked having my focus on her. She was so...Bella, and when she was nice she was great, and when she was angry or in public with me, she was a little she-devil, set only on breaking my still heart.

Alice had to call up to me to tell me that it was time to go to school. Her eyes studied me with too much scrutiny. Her hand slipped into mine as I got to the bottom of the stairs. Bella was on my mind and I wanted to see her and engulf her in my arms.

"Edward!"

"Sorry?" I murmured.

"Since when do you not hear everything?" Alice whispered.

"Since today."

"Jasper says you're sadness is devastating." she was worried. I touched my sister's forehead to smooth the wrinkle of unease away.

"Don't you think on it Alice. I have a lot on my mind but things will set themselves straight."

"We're here for you."

"Yes, I know Ali." We made our way to the car and I was happy I had the road memorized. My mind was still thinking of Bella and my plan for today. Her hostility broke every piece of my heart and I knew she did it only because she too was miserable. Her hurting was entirely my fault these days and I was sick of hurting her. So today if she could still not stand me, I would leave. Forever. Only by some small miracle would Bella be nice to me, and if she was I would stay and work through everything. As I wanted to, I would dedicate every waking moment I had to making her want me and to her happiness.

I noticed Alice was staring out of the window in a far off dazed look. She turned to me, her eyes sad and lost. She was keeping her thoughts to herself so I did not know if she knew what I was planning or not. I couldn't focus on that now. I breathed in slowly, trying to let a calm fill me but I could not shake the feeling that today would go badly.

_"Just get through this day Edward. If you love her, you'll get through this day."_ I thought this to myself the entire drive to school. I drove way too fast and like every other day we were there early. My brothers and sisters headed inside while I leaned on the car. I was waiting for Isabella to arrive. I changed my plan so I would approach her in the parking lot, giving myself an early escape in case Alice realized what was going on. If she reacted with hostility then I would just run, and she would never have to see my face again, whatever would put her out of her misery. I waited and waited, the first bell rang and there was still no sign of Bella. Growling in frustration, I headed to my class feeling worry creep up to engulf my frustrations.. Why wasn't she here? Had she fallen ill since I'd seen her the day before yesterday? Should I call Charlie? Or Carlisle to see if she was in the hospital? I was at the door of my classroom when I heard a thunderous roar that could only be the engine of Bella's old beat up Chevy. I walked into my class knowing I would not have time to see her before lunch now.

I watched Isabella all through her lessons. Angela was in her morning classes and I heard her concerned thoughts for Isabella. Bella looked more worn than her usual this morning. Dark shadows were under her eyes, her hair was not brushed but thrown into a messy bun at the back of her head. Bella yawned continually, and her eyes slipped close every now and again. She was staring at her page without writing anything down. My heart broke into small pieces at the sight.

Humans were subject to all sort of ailment and I begged God to not let Bella become sick. If she would not let me be near to take care of her I would surely lose touch with my sanity. Seeing her weakened and worn as she was today made a longing need to comfort her awaken within me. I dreamed of folding my arms around her and singing to her while she looked up at me with something resembling care and affection. The thoughts brought me comfort and forced me to have some hope. I let my heart feel lighter, after feeling so glum all morning I needed the bit of happiness.

It was halfway through the lesson leading up to lunch when the secretary to the school knocked on our class door and asked if I could accompany her to the office. Followed behind her I blocked out her thoughts and searched for the principals. I was wondering what this was about, since I was overly cautious to never ever break a school rule. I was jumping from mind to mind in the main office building and found exactly what I was looking for. It was not the principal who requested my presence, it was Carlisle still in his doctor scrubs.

I entered the office and grimaced at my father. I saw Alice peek out from behind him and shot her a glare. So she _had _known what I was planning. I sighed and Carlisle and Alice walked to meet me. We moved back to the entrance way of the building and he turned to me. There was a large silence passing between us but I knew what was coming from the trail of his thoughts.

"So you're planning to leave are you Edward?" he folded his arms across his chest and instead of looking angry like I suspected he looked sad. I tried to come up with the words that would better justify my decision. Carlisle was sensible, more so than most, and I hoped he would understand. Shuffling my feet, we locked eyes.

'_I cannot read your mind Son, talk to me.' _The words fell from my mouth quickly and they were the only way I could describe what I was feeling.

"If I can make her happy by walking out of her life then it's what I must do. We have brought Bella into a world where nothing is truly hers anymore. I cannot do this to her. Just ask Jasper...she is so broken...there is nothing in her for me but hatred. I want nothing else but her Father, you were right about how I would feel...I just...I will not hurt her. If leaving works to make her life better, even if only marginally...then...there is not really a choice in the matter." I looked into his eyes and what I saw there made my decision slip from being final. He swallowed, pain still evident on his face. His hand reached up to rub his jaw and he rested his other on the top of my head.

'_Losing my oldest Son is not something I want Edward, but I cannot even express how proud I am of you._' His thoughts made a knot form in my stomach, he attempted to voice his praise.

"If it's what you have to do..." he whispered pinching the bridge of his nose. This was very shocking to see. Carlisle usually remained serene and calm in all circumstances. He usually looked void of emotion. To see this raw pain expressed from him made me reconsider. He locked our eyes together and pushed my head into his before turning his gaze to the ground. "Edward I love you, and I wish you did not think you had to leave. I will not stand in your way, but I will ask you to stay. If you say no, then know that if we can work around the Volturi, you will always be part of our family."

"If I stayed I would have to be with Bella, I can't do this to her." I whispered. My will to leave was worn and only more worn by Alice who shrieked.

"Dad...no you can't just-NO! Edward you can't go! Dad _make_ him stay!" Alice's words were followed by a small whimper. "They'll kill you," she whispered. I nodded my head. I'd accepted this, but being the selfish creature I was, I had not stopped to think of the effect it would have on my family. I was sad to know it was I who had taken Alice's almost permanent smile off her face, to cause Carlisle so much pain he actually let it show. If it evoked this reaction out of these two, what would Esme do? Would she be angry with me for going? Would she even carry on with her eternal life? I couldn't think about it. My love for my mate and for my family was tearing me in two. Emotions I had not experienced for years were coming out of nowhere, some were completely new. For the second time in my vampire life I wished I could cry to express what I was feeling. There was no way for me to leave but at the same time I _had_ to so Bella would be happy. Alice stepped toward me and sniffled.

"Edward," her hand found mine and a vision filled my head

_**The Volturi were pulling me apart. Loud rips as my flesh was broken filled the air. Alice and Rose were screaming in the background. Carlisle was sitting in his study hands tangled in his hair. Esme was laying on the daybed refusing to move or speak. Outside the sun rose and set, they remained the same. Isabella was sitting in my room holding the picture Alice had taken of us. She was crying. Her lips formed my name silently. Bella being held down by cold hard hands. Someone whispering her name, lips on her neck and then a scream. Her lifeless body crumpled.**_

"No!" I said and gripped my head and ran my hands through my hair. "Alice! No!"

"They'll kill her too." I shook my head. "They will Edward!"

The thought of Bella dying made every part of my body flood with a painful throbbing ache. She could not die. I could not do anything that would endanger her this way.. Running away from this would tear my family apart and kill the woman I loved. "She will miss you before they come for her. She was crying for your death you know, not hers."

"How can you tell that?"

"She doesn't know she has to die if decide not to marry. She knows the human consequences, not ours." I nodded. Bella's crying for my death was confusing but oddly comforting. I wanted her to want me, and if this vision was correct then part of Bella wanted me around. Smiling, my mind immediately changed. I would not run. _But_, I would not marry Bella until she _wanted_ me. I watched as the vision in Alice's head began to fade. She threw her arms around me and I smiled down at her returning her hug.

"I won't leave..." I said to Carlisle smiling up at up. My smile was returned, but I could tell Carlisle was still upset, he was perceptive to the point where it was as if he too could read minds. He smirked,

"But you are still going to fight this aren't you?" he asked

"Only as long as she does. I really do love her Father...when she lets me in it is like really living all over again. You were right when you said there was something to her, to us... but...I think you're wrong about her loving me. At least...anytime soon." Carlisle only nodded.

"_He'll be eating those words soon enough..._" he though and I shook my head.

"The bell's going to ring in five minutes, we might as well head to the cafeteria." Alice said happily I nodded and turned to walk away. Carlisle gripped my arm and leaned his head into me.

"Edward Anthony, you're a big part of this family, never doubt that. Please. It would kill us all if you left you know. We wouldn't be a family anymore. Never give up on her, never give up on us. We _all_ love you." I smiled and rested a hand on his shoulder and he smiled back He leaned his forehead into mine. "I would not have done this to you if it was not in your best interest. Stay, trust us."

"I'm here Dad,"

"And it needs to stay that way." Carlisle left the office building heading back to the hospital while Alice and I made for the cafeteria.

We grabbed a small plate of food each and sat at our usual table. I wished the cafeteria was like this, silent and tranquil...but in a few minutes the bell would ring, and an angry mob of students would come raging through. On que, the bell rang and students began piling into the building all talking very loudly. I turned my back to everybody and grimaced at Alice, who shook her head at me. I heard Mike Newton's thoughts and bent my head knowing that if I saw Bella near Mike I would lose it entirely. Hell if I just saw Bella I'd lose it at this point. I wanted to make her talk to me, let everyone around see that I had a claim on her. I resisted. Keeping my head bent low and blocking out all conversation was helping me cope with the stress of knowing Bella was near but not here with me. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie soon joined our table and they began talking amongst themselves while I focused on the buzzing of the lights, the sound of feet tapping on the floor and the crashes and clanks coming from the kitchen.

Ten minutes into lunch I picked my head up from the table, feeling a tingling sensation run down my spine. Someone in this room was staring at me, I could feel their eyes. I began searching through minds quickly. No ones thoughts were lingering on me but I could still feel the eyes burning a hole into the back of my head. This feeling unnerved me like most other things couldn't. I was used to knowing exactly what everybody was thinking at all times. There was only one explanation to a silent minded stare. Bella. It was then that I felt warmth on the back of my neck and I smelled the tantalizing, flowery scent that I could never forget. Turning in my seat, I found myself looking up into the face of the beautiful Isabella Swan. She was standing directly behind me with an apple in one hand and a small milk in the other. Heat was radiating off of her and I welcomed the warmth. It crept under my skin and flowed straight into my heart. Bella's eyes bore down into mine and a hesitant and slightly anxious look was on her face. I slowly rose to my feet making it so I was looking down at her. Purposefully I left the expression on my face blank. I was confused inside, Bella had approached me, but with what motive?

"Hello Edward," she said keeping her focus on my eyes. There was something different about her today. Her sweet voice was softer, and not laced with the usual bitterness and anger I was so accustomed to.

"Good afternoon Bella. How are you today?" I asked making sure to keep my face blank and tone dead even. I did not want to give anything away to her until she let something give with me. She gave me a bit of a crooked grin,

"I'm...well... I've been better to be honest Edward...I didn't sleep, and I missed breakfast...anyways... I was wondering if we could talk." I frowned deeply. She had missed breakfast and she was only eating an apple and a milk? I was going to have to ask Charlie about her diet and see if there was someway I could fix it. I removed my frown and went back to my cool, aloof look.

"We are talking Isabella, or is there something you wished to say to me privately?"

"It doesn't matter really _I guess_..." she muttered and sighed. I stepped back and turned my chair to face her slightly.

"Sit please, I'll stand." she slowly eased herself into my chair and smiled at my family before twisting around and craning her neck to look me in the eye again. I stared back down at her, waiting for her to speak. I was carefully memorizing the change in her features today. Up close, through my own eyes she looked very ill.

"You look sick Bella, you should eat." She brought the apple to her face and took a bite. She chewed slowly, and swallowed continuing to stare at me. "More Bella, if you missed breakfast you should be eating more." She took another bite and chewed it slowly, my eyes were glued to her lips momentarily as they moved softly while she chewed. Their movement was so sensual that I felt myself grow warm with arousal for Bella. My mind pushed this thought away as best as I could. Emmett slid his tray toward Bella but it went unnoticed. She set her apple on the table and opened her mouth. "No, more." I whispered picking her apple up and putting it back in her hand.

"I'll finish it, I promise." her words eased my worry for her health. "Edward?" she said her eyes growing sad.

"Yes?"

"I owe you an apology." My eyebrows climbed my forehead. Bella watched them and it was easy to see she was hurt by my surprise. My fingertips touched the inside of her wrist gently. Her lips folded into a small smile. I traced small circles on her soft skin and was more than surprised when she did not tear her hand away. "I talked to Charlie and-"

"I do not want you to apologize to me simply because your father wants you to."

"I _am_ sorry Edward. I _really_ am." I was not expecting this at all. Where was the anger? The hatred? The hostility that radiated from her pores? It was odd that Bella was sitting her letting me touch her and apologizing...but I liked it. I gave her a nod and she grimaced before continuing, "I'm not quite sure how to say it to be honest. I know what I have to be sorry for, and I am sorry for it. At the time though I thought it was right. Sometimes I still do, I'm very confused. I...I- thought you know...a lot about what you said to me before I got out of your car and I just wanted you to know that I'm trying and Edward. I'm very sorry for hurting you. I just you know...I don't-." she paused and tore her eyes from mine.

"You can talk to me," I whispered. "Just say whatever you need to." Bella drew a long breath,

"Edward I honestly _mean_ it when I say I_ don't know_ how to trust you. I throw those mean words at you so you can't get close enough to hurt me...I'm...I'm broken. I'm not willing to let you break me more. I don't really feel like I owe you anything, all I can do is just...act how I feel. I like that you let me talk to you, but I don't know about being your 'mate' Edward. Please, you just have to forgive me. I feel awful."

Tears were welling in her eyes and she was pleading with me silently. I smiled down at her and nodded my head. Her words had been sincere and gentle. Her apology had been beautiful compared to all other words she had spoken to me.

"Let me fix you, you don't have to be broken Bella." I whispered so only she could hear. I cautiously, slowly, took my right hand and placed it under her chin. I made her meet my eyes and gave her my best smile. The love I had for her pulsed through me again and I wondered if she could feel it emanating from my hand where I touched her. Could she see it swimming in my eyes? The ache and loneliness had left me for this moment and right now, there was only the two of us, sitting here having a real conversation, no yelling, no fighting, just words.

"I don't know how to make this work." Bella's fingers slowly wrapped around my hand that was holding her head up. In the corner of my thoughts I noticed that many were staring at what appeared to be a very odd exchange between us. I removed my hand from her chin and crouched down in front of her so we were on the same level. Bella seemed to want to have some form of contact with me and her hand tentatively reached out and rested on my upper arm. She squeezed it gently and I brushed my knuckles against her knee.

"I'll show you, I can fix your trust. I know I can, you just have to let me, and you have to help yourself too." she grimaced. "This is a team effort. We...we are together for a reason. I can be the person to make all of this hurting stop."

"What if I can't be fixed?"she whispered. There was real fear in her eyes. Bella honestly believed she was too far gone to be brought back into a world where trusting was not a scary thing to do. I smiled at her and tried to whisper words of comfort. My face was soft and I tried to show Bella that I was sincere.

"I will never stop trying Bella. Remember what I said...you are my mate now. I'll take care of you above all others." There was a long pause in which Bella stared at her hand that was laid on my arm. Gently, she flexed each finger and I felt the slightest pressure at her feathery touch. She took a deep breath and finally met my eyes again. My hand fell in to rest over hers on my arm and Bella gave me another smile. My heart tweaked to life with joy.

"I guess this makes us friends doesn't it?" she asked

"Yes Bella. Yes it does make us friends."

"I haven't had a real friend in a long time." A tear fell from her eye and without thinking I wiped it away quickly. Her body stiffened as usual but relaxed when I took my hand away again. Bella gave me a small smile and I was overwhelmed by her beauty momentarily. Even as sick as she looked, I felt like she was lighting up the whole room. After several minutes I tore my eyes away before their wandering could offend her. "Edward?"

"Yes Bell?"

"Thank you."

"Never thank me." I murmured and she looked confused. I did not need her thanks because I did everything for her out of love. Alice then struck up conversation with Bella. My whole family was welcoming her into their midst with open arms. Conversation continued until somehow her last day at my house had been brought up, Bella shifted in her seat and I could tell she felt awkward. A blush climbed up onto her cheeks and she murmured to Jasper as she looked at the floor,

"I'm sorry I fainted and screamed at you Jasper, you caught me off guard. I...I don't really like it when people touch me."

"There is nothing to apologize for. I knew you didn't like to be touched, I just wanted to keep Edward away until he was in proper control of his emotions. None of us want to see you get hurt you know." Jasper gave Bella a tentative smile, she looked up and returned it.

"Yeah you'll be a Cullen soon Bella!" said Emmett enthusiastically.

"Oh! Bella! Can I help plan the wedding? Have you changed your mind?" whispered Alice, excitement pooling in her eyes. Bella shifted in her seat so her knees were slightly toward me. I brushed my knuckles against her again and gave her a nudge. Bella was tugging gently on her hair and pretending to be overly interested in her apple. I gently placed a hand on her shoulder,

"Alice, I think we can all talk about that later!" I said. I nudged Bella gently and gave her a smile. "Come on Bella, let's head to class." I suggested. We both rose slowly and I held out my arm for her to take. Her eyes locked onto my arm and her pupils dilated in fear. She took a half step away from me and slightly shook her head. My smile dropped off my face and I stuffed my hands in my pockets, turning my gaze from her to the floor. As we left the cafeteria I heard Mike Newton's thoughts,

_"Ha! Cullen got snubbed, I knew it! She wants me not him, and I'll have her soon enough, if he'll ever leave her alone that is."_ I growled at this and knew there was no chance I'd leave Bella alone at school. Bella put more distance between us and flinched at my angry noise.

"That was not at you, it's involuntary sometimes. I am sorry if it upsets you Bella." I whispered. She nodded and she walked into the Biology building, with me following closely behind.

All through class Isabella chatted lightly with Mike Newton who was laying heavy hints that he was free Friday night. I felt a little better that when he leaned into the aisle to talk to her she took one step towards me and actually gave me a glance. In her eyes I saw fear even greater than when she usually looked at me. I was clenching my hands into the desk so I would not get up and accidentally shatter some of Mike's bones as I walked by. Since Bella and I were now acting like friends we were actually doing our lab together, so I moved to the other side of her for a moment, effectively cutting off Mike mid sentence. I began to talk to Bella and plagued her with questions, to find out some small details about her. She was shy about answering some of the questions first but I gave her my answers to, and reminded her that we had to get to know each other. When I felt Mike was no longer interested for the day I moved back to the other side of her, and he immediately came to stand at the end of our lab table.

"So Bella, what do you think of Forks so far?" Mike asked, again drawing her attention from me. She shrugged and replied quietly.

"There's not much to do here, but it's quiet and that's nice."

"There's lots to do if you're with the _right people_." Bella missed Newton's snide remark that implied I was a freak.

"I spend most of my time with Edward." Bella said. "I enjoy that." My heart did three back flips in my body and jumped into my throat The grimace on Bella's face told me that this was not entirely true, but that she was using me as a scapegoat from Newton. I was entirely okay with this, because I did not want him anywhere near her. Mike opened his mouth to say something else but I interrupted with a question I hoped would deter his efforts to take Bella out this weekend.

"Are you going to come stay at my place again this Friday Bell?" I asked making sure I said it loud enough for Mike to hear. His face twisted in anger as she answered.

"Yes, Charlie said you could just take me there right after school. He said that he wants me to stay all weekend actually, but I might go home for a while if that's okay."

"Of course, I'll come visit at your house if you are okay with that, though I do not mean to invite myself."

"That will be fine. Charlie likes you a lot." Mike's face was turning beet red. I laughed. Bella flashed her eyes up at me as she too noticed how angry Mike was at how close we were. I smiled. Again I shifted slightly closer to her and was pleased to see that she did not push herself further away.

"Um, Mike...we uh need to finish up here, maybe we'll talk later or something." Bella whispered and Mike turned back to his work and did not speak to Bella again. This did not seem to bother her at all and I allowed myself a smug smile. The rest of the day passed much the same as it usually did. I sat on the opposite side of our last class as Bella and I saw her again talking to Newton. I sighed but continued on with my work. The weekend could not come fast enough for me. I couldn't wait until Bella and I could be alone in the comfort of my home.

Luckily for me the rest of the week flew by quickly. School was mostly a repeat of Monday except that Bella usually sat with Angela at lunch instead of my family, though she did stop by our table to say a quick 'hello' everyday. Her hand continually strayed to my shoulder and once she ever brushed my hair out of my eyes gently. We talked continually in biology and I had learned as much about her as I could force out of her. She always tried to get me to talk more, and I did most of the time. It was on Thursday she revealed the most to me. I learned about her life in Arizona, and how her mom had now moved to Jacksonville, though she'd never been there. Bella spoke almost in a constant stream about her old school with three thousand kids, and where some teachers didn't even know her name, where the sun was warm and blinding almost everyday of the year, and her love for the long hot deserts that went for miles there.

When she spoke about these things my heart went out to her. Things were so different for her here. She had people constantly invading her life, and was forced to be part of mine. It was rainy, cold, and green here which she was far from used to.

"I do like the way things are here though. The quiet of the town is amazing. It's easier to sleep sometimes."

"Sometimes?" I had whispered when she said this to me. Bella had given me a long look for an answer. "Is there anything I can do?" my mate looked taken aback.

"That's an odd question. What could you do to make me sleep?"

"Would you like a more comfortable bed at my house? Music to be played while you sleep? A warmer room? Would...would you like me to speak to your father and make sure you no longer sleep at my house at all?" Bella had reached over and touched my arm softly after I had said this

"No," she paused. "I like it at your place sometimes." We had fallen silent after this, but it had been truly comfortable. Bella touched my hand several times again throughout the week and sometimes when we had rare moment alone together she even allowed me to link her arm through mine if I was walking her somewhere.

I was very slowly pushing her boundaries for very selfish reasons. I couldn't stand to be away from her anymore. I liked the warmth I felt when she was close and the pull I felt towards her grew stronger with each passing hour. The sweet flowery scent that left an angry burn in the back of my throat was missed when she was away, I needed to be with Bella now, and I was very overwhelmed by all of this. I'd tried to hold her hand several times while we sat together in biology, in front of all the other students but after my third attempt she made it very clear that she did not want that in school. I stopped trying after this but it made me upset that she would not want people to see me be affectionate towards her. I think that from this moment on I would probably spend my life wondering if she was ashamed of me...what would Bella be like when she was actually by my side as my wife? Would she still shy from my love and touch? I pulled myself from these negative thoughts and tried to focus on progressing our relationship.

On Friday I was waiting for her by the door of our last class. She was spending the whole weekend with me and I could not wait to get started. I had made plans to take her to a special place tomorrow, one I had discovered when we lived in Washington state many years ago. I only hoped Bella would agree to go alone with me. I found from our week in school together that she was more friendly and accepting of me when we were in a group of people, even more so around Mike Newton. Our physical contact was limited, barely existent but I would live with it for now.

She was the last out of the classroom and she gave me a small smile as she walked toward me. Together we headed towards my car. I noticed Mike Newton staring at us when we came out the doors of our building. I smirked at him and he glared back. When we reached the car I opened the door for Bella and slid in myself, calling to Rosalie whose car was parked beside mine that I would see her at home.

"Alice and them aren't coming with us?" Bella asked as I started the engine.

"No...there's not enough room for all of us in one car... I-I guess I understand if you'd rather go with them. I'll ask Emmett to drive with me..." She must have noticed the sad look on my face because she shook her head and gave me a half smile. I was halfway out of the car and she reached over and grabbed my sleeve.

"Edward!"

"Bell?"

"This is okay. I was only wondering...I like Alice. She's been so good to me. I just wanted to spend time with her." The last part sounded like she only threw it in to spare my feelings. Bella was smiling though, which made me feel a bit better. I nodded at her and began to pull out of the lot. I drew a long breath before letting myself speak again,

"She's very fond of you Bella. She looks forward to being your sister. She loves you..." I told her, referring to Alice. I saw Bella smile again out of the corner of my eye. The grin was contagious and my own came through the hurt expression that was on my face.

"She's not just being nice to me because of our situation?" I shook my head.

"My whole family wants to be close with you, Esme and Alice especially."

"I wonder why." she whispered furrowing her brow. I chuckled.

"Because Bella, you are wonderful." Bella flushed.

We were riding in silence and I reached to turn down the stereo so I could replace to music with conversation. Isabella grabbed my hand when I went to move it back to the steering wheel. Her eyes searched me to see if this was okay and I clutched her hand tightly and reveled in the warmth that spread in my hand and up into my heart. This contact that she'd denied me all week was amazing, and _very_ wanted. My hand tingled slightly it tickled a little and I laughed, Bella looked at me like I was losing touch with my mind and one of her eyebrows quirked upwards.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing at all dear Bella, nothing at all." I'd taken to using small terms of endearment with her name in the past week, and so far she hadn't asked me to stop. Everyday I could feel my heart slip into her clutches and everyday I felt my feelings for her intensify. I wanted more than anything to just hold her, and receive affection in return. I wanted to taste her lips so badly. I'd been trying to push our boundaries slightly, but she wasn't letting any fall at all. This bothered me a lot, I was so used to being in control of everything in my life, and now it was all Bella's call. I hated not being able to have some sort of say in how we should run things since we were getting married in nine months. What did she even think of us? I wondered. Surely Bella realized that holding hands the way we did made us more than friends...but then again some friends did hold hands...but Bella was so much more to me, even if she did hate the ground I walked on fifty percent of the time. I needed Bella to just...let some of her guard down and just be with me.

We reached the house and before Isabella could even think to get out of the car I was opening her door for her. She was shocked to see me in front of her but quickly recovered from it and gave me a small smile before turning her eyes to the ground. I offered her my hand, but she either did not see or ignored it. I placed it in my pocket as we walked to the house. I took her jacket when we got inside and ran her bags up to my room, going as fast as I possibly could. When I came back down she was in the sitting room with Alice and Jasper. They were all about to begin a card game.

"Would you like to play?" Alice asked.

"No thanks Al, I'd rather watch." I sat down around the coffee table with the rest of the family and shimmied as close to Bella as I dared. My head was about three inches from her upper arm as I was leaning on my side keeping myself up with one elbow. I turned my head slightly and inhaled, her sweet scent was pounding off of her, and it stirred my feelings inside of me, and made my stomach feel light like there was butterflies in it. I knew Bella was watching me so I tried to make it look like I had not leaned close to her on purpose. She avoided my eyes and examined the cards she'd been dealt carefully.

"_You're making her really nervous Ed, lean away from her a little bit, it might help._" Jasper thought to me. I did as suggested and he told me that her tension had eased greatly. I smiled at him and settled in to watch them play cards. Round after round Alice won and Bella was doing terrible. She had maybe half the deck in her hand now, and Alice was positively beaming.

"You know these games aren't so fun when you're playing a psychic." Bella told Alice, who just continued to smile.

"So Edward told you about me?" she asked. Bella nodded and Alice gave me a sly smile. "Well I think we should call it quits for the day. I'm sure you can only stand to lose at so many games. Maybe soon you can watch Edward and I play chess, it's quite something." Alice said with a giggle.

"Why's that?" Isabella asked and Jasper answered her.

"Well Edward can read Alice's mind but Alice can see the future moves of Edward." Bella chuckled and gave a rare genuine smile.

"I'm sure that is quite something. I'd like to watch you play sometime." She turned to me and I nodded, letting her know that she would be present at the next chess game we would have.

"We're gonna head out on a small hunt Ed, can you tell Dad when he gets home?" Alice asked. I nodded and the two said goodbyes to Bella and I. When they were gone Bella stood and stretched. I forced myself to look away as her every muscle in her body eased itself. I was sure if I watched she'd feel uncomfortable, or worse I would end up acting on the desires I had for her.

"I'm going to get some supper now, is that okay?" she asked, her voice soft and hesitant. I nodded and hopped to my feet. following her into the kitchen.

"What would you like? I've been practicing my cooking for you. I can make all sorts of things now..well I think I can. No ones been around to taste any of it." I said moving to look into the fridge we kept stocked for her.

"Just a sandwich or something. I can make my own food you know, I'm not completely useless." She chuckled and joined me at the fridge. Her hair was swept into my face as she leaned down and I couldn't help but to smile as I was overpowered by the scent of strawberries. I shook myself and spoke,

"I'm sorry Bell, I just like to cook for you, I like to feel like I'm...hmm how do I say this?" I wondered out loud. I felt an unbreakable grin come onto my face and I was sure I would be blushing if I could.

"Yes Edward?" she prompted me looking curious.

"I like to feel like I'm helping you, like I am taking care of you...because I do care for you...I-I like you...a lot Bella." I muttered these last words and threw my eyes to the floor. I was extremely embarrassed right now. Why? Oh why did I have to say that to her? I knew she didn't return these feelings, and was uncomfortable with these types of admissions. They made her uncomfortable, and uptight, not the way I wanted her feeling around me.

"Edward...you do help me. I have a friend now, I actually like Alice, I want to know her. Angela's really great too...and you're my friend?" the last part of her admission sounded more like a question. I moved my eyes upwards to lock into hers,

"Of course I'm your friend dear Bella. We established that at school, remember?" she smiled hesitantly at me. Yes we were friends, but we should be so much more. I could love you dear Bella, I could treat you like no other man would, I thought to myself. Sitting at the island, I let her fix her sandwich and she sat across from me and began to eat. I focused my eyes on her and did everything that was in my power to keep my desire for her out of them. She noticed I was staring and put her food down.

"Something interesting Edward?" she asked

"Yes, you." I replied without thinking. This made her look slightly uncomfortable. I grimaced as a form of apology and she reached a hand out to gently pat the top of mine signaling I had been forgiven. I smiled at her as she picked up her sandwich and finished it.

"Well, what would you like to do this evening?" I asked taking her plate to lay it in the sink. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella shrug and glance around the house.

"Well...what do you do around here for fun?" she asked me as she stood from her stool. I turn to face her right away, my next words came out muffled and I chuckled nervously as I paused.

"Mostly I am outside...I do not stay in the house a lot when you are not here. Carlisle has Esme...Jazz has Alice and Em has Rose so I'm kind of ...alone... _a lot..._ so I just leave." I finally turned to her, she nodded slowly a look of comprehension coming on to her face.

"You feel like you're alone because other people don't understand you, don't you?" she asked. I gave a quick nod and turned away from her again so she would not see my face. "You...you have friends, don't you Edward?" I smirked

"Just...just you Isabella. As I think you've been able to see the school does not take to kindly to us. They call us freaks. We are more like you than any others of our kind, but alas we will always be so separate from you. Our pale skin stands out so much, sometimes people notice we don't eat...we lack all the wonderful things that come with humanity, and mortality." I felt her hand on my shoulder and I turned around to face her. This was the closest Bella had ever stood to me voluntarily and I drank in her scent and stared into her eyes.

"You know...I guess it's kind of right that you and I spend time together. You're lonely...I'm broken. Maybe we can mend each others wounds a little...? I don't know...you make me nervous, but I like you I think Edward..." She trailed off looking apprehensive about her own suggestions and thoughts.

My heart soared with the clouds and I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to badly to take her in my arms and twirl her around, hear her laugh and giggle lightly. I had never heard Bella laugh with joy, and it was something I wanted, and wanted soon. She must have noticed the happiness her words brought me because she smiled and blushed while rolling her eyes to look at the ceiling.

When her blush faded she took my hand and pressed it to her cheek. A small shiver hit her but . "You bring me comfort in such an odd way Edward...I want to thank you for that...I've been thinking...I want to _talk_ a little more maybe..." Bella paused and took a deep breath, her voice dropped into a whisper, "It's been boiling to the surface. It's all coming back so clear...I-" Her voice broke entirely and she sniffled slightly. I ran my thumb over her cheek and smiled at her sadly.

"It's okay to cry Isabella. Share your pain with me. Just say what you need to say okay? I will listen to whatever you need to get out." she nodded and I took her hand in mine and led her back to the sitting room. We sat on the couch and I gave her more space than I usually would, wanting her to feel more comfortable so it would be easier to open up. She kept a tight hold on my hand and stared at it, like at this moment it was her lifeline.

"When you asked me about it last week...I could only remember pieces...I'd pushed a lot of it away. It's so much easier to pretend- I...I don't want to be...used up like I am now, so I pretended it didn't happen, but at night, or when men are around... he always comes back." she stopped and hung her head. She took her hand from mine and I heard her inhale deeply. Her whole chest shook as she forced herself to hold in a sob. I leaned forward slightly and whispered to her, keeping my voice as low and soothing as I could.

"Bella, if this is too much...do not force yourself." She brought her eyes up to mine and a single tear spilled over and trailed down her thin cheek.

"You don't want to hear this do you? I'll just stop." her voice was wobbly. She stood and made for the staircase, her movements even less coordinated than usual. She tripped and my arms brought her back to her feet before she hit the ground. I released her immediately but stood with her, begging

"Bella! NO! Wait! I just... hate to see you in pain. I care about you Bell, it hurts to see you like this. I'm just trying to help...please?"

"No Edward, it's okay you don't need to lie to me. I just thought that since you were my friend you'd want to listen like you did last week-" I cut her off, feeling a tinge of anger flare inside of me.

"Isabella Swan I would _never_ lie to you. Please, sit with me. Say what needs to be said...Please." She turned her head up to me slowly and I could see the tears welling in her eyes, threatening to stain her perfect face like her one from before had. I laid my hand against her cheek again and gave her a small smile, "Talk to me, you know that you can Bella."

"Edward...do you really care?" she whispered.

"More than I think you care to know Isabella." she looked into my eyes and I could see something that was not quite trust, it was on the borderline of it though. It almost looked like acceptance, maybe she was comprehending the unspoken words of how I felt about her deep inside. I let the feelings I had for her consume me hoping it would show in my face so she could see. She closed her eyes and let her head rest in my hand. I cautiously, and very slowly took her other hand in my free one and was shocked when she gave it a squeeze. "Come Bella, sit, speak. Let it out."

I took her back to the couch and we resumed our previous positions. She was holding both of my hands in hers. She looked like she didn't know where to begin now, her eyes lost and scared. I let her sit in silence until she was ready. I felt her turn one of my hands palm up and her small fingers were tracing patterns in my palm. I smiled at her. After about ten more minutes I decided maybe I should prompt her to start her talking again.

"Bella, is there anything else you'd like to say?" she nodded and I felt her grip tighten around my hand. Another small period of silence was followed by a low rush of words from her,

"It-it hurt so bad Edward...I begged him to stop...no one would come help me. It wasn't even dark out, I know there were people around. I just...I-I want to know what I did to deserve this. Why me? I don't wanna be used up! I don't!" loud sobs came from Bella and I did the only thing I really could do. I whispered small words of encouragement again. It was just like last Friday night. I shushed her gently and cooed sweet nothings at her. Her chest heaved and she hiccuped and squeaked as she tried to contain herself, but couldn't quite get a hold. "Why Edward? Why?" she kept repeating this. It broke my heart and I had to say something to soothe her.

"Bella, my dear Bella you did nothing to deserve this! He was a bad person, he hurt a lot of other people too. Remember last week?" Bella nodded, "What did I say?" I whispered

"You- you." she sobbed but I nodded my head encouraging her to remind herself of the words I'd said that seemed to bring the most comfort. "You said it wasn't my fault." she whispered

"Yes Isabella. Nothing about this was your fault. It's true and deep down, you know it is. I'll say it however many times you need to hear it." Tears were now streaming down Bella's face I reached up to wipe them away but seconds later they were replaced with more. I was honestly at a loss at what I should do for her now. I'd never really comforted a crying human until Bella came along, and all my human instincts told me to take her in my arms but I knew that would only upset her even more.

"No matter how loud I screamed he wouldn't stop. He hit me and it hurt so badly..." she whispered. I leaned in closer to her and shimmied my body forward a little bit. Bella didn't even seem to notice. I took her face in my hands and stared into her eyes. Undiluted pain was the only thing that could be seen. Her hands came to mine and she took one from her face and held it tight.

"Squeeze as hard as you need to Bell. You cannot hurt me." I felt her grip double. "It's not your fault my Bell. None of this is your fault." I kept whispering this to her for what seemed like a long time. It was another hour before she was able to stop crying. She was still clinging to my hand, her eyes shut tight and her heart racing. She looked completely worn out and I stood up, letting her keep my hand with her. "You need to rest Bella, your body is tired now." She took a deep breath and viciously wiped a tear away from her face. I touched my fingertips to her cheek where her sweater had left and angry mark from the force she had used. Oddly, she leaned into my touch and sniffled. Her lips pressed against my palm in not exactly a kiss, but the feeling was electric.

"No, Edward please. I don't want to sleep yet. I'll see things I don't want to see." I nodded and sat back down with her, though it was a lot closer than I had been before.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I asked moving to lace our fingers together instead of me simply holding her hand in mine. Bella wrapped her whole hand around my ring and middle finger, holding on as tight as she could. This seemed to comfort her and I smiled instead of trying to lace our hands together again.

"Just sit with me like you last time. I actually don't want to face this alone anymore."

"I'll be here as long as you ask me to be." I murmured, bending my thumbs in to rub soothing circles on her hand. Bella shifted closer to me and I inhaled sharply, loving that her scent was so near. Our noses were millimeters from touching. I felt her hands leave mine and soon her arms were wrapped around my neck, her cheek pressed against mine. Hot breath tickled the back of my neck and a feeling of giddiness washed over me. My Bella was hugging me, by her own choice! I let my arms snake around her and pulled her tightly against me. I felt her let out a deep breath and take in another long one. I turned my head slightly so my face was buried in her hair and I reveled in the feeling of her small warm body against mine. I let this moment consume me. I could float, fly, _anything_ as long as this never had to end. I was sure my heart had actually sprung to life and started beating again. I felt her fingers creep up into my hair and I sighed happily. Lightly, I kissed her hair while grabbing some of it to caress between my fingers. My hopes were that it would not bother her. But I knew I had crossed a line when I felt her tense.

"Relax Bella, please? I did not mean to upset you with that. I am trying to help. I'm sorry, do not be frightened of me." I felt her muscles ease and she nodded her head gently, still sniffling. I smiled and buried my face into her hair a little more.

"Edward, please." she whispered her tone almost scolding me, but too gently to show any real anger. I ran a hand over her back and she pulled her head from resting off of my shoulder only enough to glance at the side of my face.

"Forgive me Bella." I felt her grab a fistful of my hair again and I smiled. The feeling of her fingers twisting and playing with my hair sent tingles up my spine and all through my neck. This was something I could definitely get used to. Bella sat hugging me for a long time. She allowed me the pleasure of rubbing her back and turning into her several times. Every so often I would remove an arm from around her to wipe away a stray tear from her face and could feel a small smile form against my hand when I did.

"Oh, Carlisle! Look at them!" I heard Esme whisper too low for Bella to hear. I pulled back from Bella and intertwined our fingers while smiling at her.

"Hello Mom." I whispered, keeping my eyes on Bella. Bella immediately turned red when she noticed Carlisle and Esme had been looking at us. She hung her head slightly and I pushed her chin up slowly with one finger. Curling my hand around her face again, I leaned into her,

"Chin up Bella, hugs are not anything to be ashamed of." I whispered. "And thank you very much for that." Bella smiled a wide smile for me, my breathing hitched. She noticed and her blush touched her cheeks again.

"Why would you thank me for a hug?" she asked. Her smile turned playful and I wondered if she was making the connection that my sharp inhales and breathing hitches were from the strong effect her beauty had on me. She gladly rested her chin back into the palm of my hand and looked up at me through thick eyelashes.

"I think we both know the answer to that Bella." My thumb caressed her cheek. Bella's eyebrow arched slightly in confusion but did not push her question. Did she really not know that her hug had been the highlight of the last six decades of my life? Was I not making it obvious enough for her that she was the only amount of brilliance I saw in this world?

"Don't let us interrupt Edward. Please go back to whatever it is you were doing." said Carlisle as he placed and arm around Esme.

"No need to worry Father, you didn't interrupt anything. We were just talking." I said with a smile. Bella and I looked to my parents and smiled as they exited the room. I stood and brought Bella up with me

"I would like to show you something Bella." She smiled.

"Yes?"

"Do you like music at all?" I asked leading her into the room just off the sitting room that held my piano.

"I guess so, I mean I dabble in guitar, I haven't played all that much recently but...I do really like to." she said with a small blush. I let my hand fall from hers as I sat down on my piano bench. Bella stood watching me and her face twisted slightly as she grasped one hand with the other.

"Will you sit with me?" I asked. She planted herself beside me and I placed my hand on the keys. "I wrote this song two years ago." I whispered and began to play. I let my hands fly over the familiar keys, playing a tune I had written for the love Jasper had for Alice. It was light and floaty, like Alice and winded down into something slower and calming, like Jasper. When I finished I let it lead into an old classical piece by Brahms.

"Wow, you're so amazing." These words from Bella made me almost choke and falter on a note. Bella thought I was amazing.

"T-thank you." I whispered and then cleared my throat. "Do you have any favourites?"

"Can you play Nocturne in G minor by Chopin?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You impress me." I murmured. Not only with her knowledge of classical music, but everything about Bella seemed to impress me. Starting into the piece Bella gently leaned her head against my shoulder. I actually faltered when she did this.

"I'm sorry-"

"Please do not apologize to me."

"I didn't mean to bother you by doing that-"

"You could never _bother_ me Bella. I was just...shocked at how nice you have been with me tonight. You and I are so different and after what you said to me...I was very hurt. I thought you hated me."

"No, I don't hate you at all." Bella touched her head back to my shoulder as I continued to work my way through her song. "You've been so nice to me..." she whispered.

"It is not in me to be horrid to you Isabella. You will be my wife, that is the only thing that is certain for me now." Bella opened her mouth slightly and I smiled at her as she tried to say something.

"If you tell anyone I said this I'll deny it." she laughed. "But you could be a good husband Edward. You're a good friend." I could see the joking in her eyes and joined in laughing with her.

I played through several more songs of Chopin's compositions while Bella's head rested gently against my shoulder. When I looked to Bella and saw her eyes were fluttering closed every thirty seconds or so, I finished my song and turned to her.

"Okay, it is now definitely time for you to get some sleep. " I said with a smile. She yawned and nodded. "Again, I promise I will stay down here tonight. Goodnight Isabella."

"Goodnight Edward." She grabbed my hand and gave it a small squeeze before getting up. My hand kept a hold on hers and I brought it to my lips to barely skim over her knuckles. Bella smiled and moved upstairs. I turned back to my piano and played a soft lullaby in case she could hear it. Today had been amazing with Isabella. I only hoped tomorrow would be just as good.


	9. Hoping for Our Future

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended

Chapter 9

"Edward Stop! I've told you not to do that a thousand times, just leave me alone okay?" Bella spat at me in a whisper, her tone menacing. I hung my head and clenched my jaw tightly.

It had been two months, _**two full months**_ and Isabella and I had been getting along quite well. We had spent all our weekends together and I went to visit at her place on school nights. Each weekend now on Saturdays Esme would insist on spending time starting to form wedding plans with Bella so I had not been able to show her the special place like I had planned to. Things had settled smoothly for us, though every day I was left with a deeper wanting of Bella. She sat with me for what seemed like endless hours while I played my piano for her. The feeling of her head resting on my shoulder was one of the greatest comforts I had known. Sometimes she would stop me and just sit with her hand held tightly in mine. Jasper and Alice liked to sit with us when we were silent together.

'_She is still torn apart inside but the pain recedes when her hand is in yours.'_ Jasper thought this and many other observations about Bella to me. On another night when she had been crying Bella had sat with me on my front step, wrapped in my heaviest jacket so she would not catch cold. Tears were flowing down her face like never before, she was not even able to form words. My arm had wrapped around her gently, resting on her should. I remembered whispering sweet nothings of comfort, offering everything I thought I could to make her hurting go away.

"Edward." she eventually whispered. "I'm scared."

"What are you afraid of Bell?" my chest felt constricted with the need I had to make her fear disappear.

"I'm afraid that things are changing." Softly I had pushed Bella's bangs away from her face and rubbed her cheek.

"Life is ever changing. Nothing is constant..." 'except my love for you' I added as my own personal afterthought.

"That scares me."

"Is...is it because...am I part of the change that you are afraid of?" Her lip quivered and she nodded.

"It's not what you think." I raised an eyebrow. "I'm scared because I _like_ your friendship. You're a _good_ friend Edward." I was confused by this but it made me happy. "I don't want things to change anymore. Not right now anyways." Bella leaned her head down onto me and sobbed. She brought her hand to the back of my head and pushed my cheek to rest against her hair. My breathing increased as small amounts of pain shot through my throat. This was blissful agony. The next words she whispered were so low I could barely here them. "I'm scared of you and what you're doing to me."

These memories flooded back to me as I hurried after Bella. We were walking down toward the cafeteria now and she was stalking ahead of me, her anger obvious to everyone around her, her hips swaying deliciously. I had been trying to take her hand in mine as we'd met up after last class but her rule was _no_ physical contact at school whatsoever. About once a week I would try to push these boundaries to see if she would let them fall. Every time I did though, she would let me down easy and tell me that she just did not feel comfortable with other people seeing us be together that way. I had played it off as nothing but deep down this infuriated me, it shook me to the very core, and brought up feelings of worthlessness and loneliness inside of me.

_Why_ would she not want people at school to know that we were technically together? As much as Bella still denied it to herself she was my fiancée, and we were spending _the rest of her life together_. I could not understand her actions, was she ashamed to be seen with me? I knew Bella was different from other people, but I'd hoped that like most girls maybe she would find me attractive... and want to show me off a bit. I had let myself hope that she would_ want_ to parade me around, like I so wanted to do with her. I wanted very badly to know what she truly thought about me because I was having a hard time reading the signals she was giving me. At my house her hand was rarely seen out of mine, she had been smiling more, laughing even at some of my jokes. Bella hugged me before she went to bed, and one night she even laid with her head in my lap as we watched TV with the family. She was starting to really open up with my siblings and allowed me to stand behind her with my hands on her waist. Bella let me cook meals for her and we washed dishes together like I had seen couples do countless times in romance films.

We were also very close when we were at her place, her father seemed very happy that we were starting to act a little more like a couple. Bella sometimes stood behind me and squeezed my shoulders, or played with pieces of my hair while I talked nervously with her father. The chief's thoughts were beyond thrilled when Bella touched my cheek once before moving to the kitchen for a drink, and he almost became choked up when I lifted Bella's hand and pressed it to my face, simply seeking closeness from her. He felt as if he was watching his daughter take me of her own choosing now instead of his insistence. He did not know that Bella was still a snow cold queen most days, and I was happy to let him think that all was well. One night, Charlie even encouraged me to stay the night in Bella's room with her if I desired, something I never thought I'd hear a dad say.

"I know you're a responsible young man Edward. Carlisle told me you understand proper relationship behavior for before and uh..._after_ marriage. Bella's bed is plenty big enough for the two of you." He had beckoned me upstairs after Bella, and she shook with fear. Every step she took was heavy. When her eyes met mine over her shoulder she visibly flinched. Charlie had insisted, so I could not just go back downstairs. When we reached Bella's room I stood quietly in her doorway. Her body reeked of discomfort and her hands twisted in front of her. Grabbing one, I patted it softly and tried to ease her mind,

"I will leave and come back in the morning Bella," I'd whispered. "Leave the bathroom window open for me. Charlie will think I have been here all night." Bella had squeezed my hand in thanks before hesitating and throwing her arms around me before I left. The rest of my night was spent in the woods outside her house, listening to her heart beat and remembering the soft warm touch of her hands.

School was a totally different situation with Isabella though. Sure, we talked and walked to classes together, sometimes she even ate with my family at lunch but she was quite withdrawn. She refused to be close to me, and I was not allowed to hug her, hold her hand, or use any of my pet names I had given her at my house. The most contact we ever had was if I accidentally brushed her hand against mine as we walked, which I did more than once between every class. Sometimes she would place a hand on my shoulder as she stood behind me in the cafeteria when she stopped to say hello to us on the days she chose to eat with Angela Webber. It was absolute torture to be around something so tantalizing, and yet not be allowed to touch. Bella did not want people to know about our engagement, and she had gone so far as to say she would never even look at me again if it got out.

"I'm asking you to just keep it quiet Edward. It's not their business, so shut up about it."

Every single day I longed for more contact, a kiss, maybe some cuddling. _Anything_ that would let me know that she was even beginning to feel for me what I felt for her. My longing and hoping did nothing though. _Everyday_ she would say the same thing. _Everyday_ she would pull her hand away, step away from me when I reached for a hug, lean away from me as we sat together...it was killing me. I watched other couples cuddle on the steps before class, or sneak off in between the math and English buildings for a heavy make out session during recess. Some didn't even bother to hide it, but not a soul knew that Isabella Swan was my fiancée. No one knew how I longed to hold her in my arms and press my lips against hers. No one knew that Edward Cullen, the lonely Cullen, the freak, could love like they could..._more_ than they could. Loneliness swelled my heart once again, and I began to breathe in and out, focusing on the unnecessary oxygen I was taking in.

I was supposed to be going to Bella's after school again today...and for once, I really did not want to. Today, I wanted to go home and be angry with her. I knew why we were slow to progress with contact. It was understandable that she still would not trust me as a man, especially as _her_ man. Some people never fully recover from what she had been through. I was prepared for her never getting passed kissing, if _that_ ever even happened. What I could not understand was _why not_ in front of the other kids at school. If Bella could hug me, and rest her face near mine, and feel my hands on her at home she should be able to allow it here too. I sighed to myself and entered the cafeteria, more frustration billowing up inside of me. I felt like I was about to snap. My whole world was turning even more upside-down than it already had been, and I couldn't think of anything to make us progress.

"So Bella's upset." Alice said as I plopped down in my usual chair across from her.

"Yes, thank you for pointing out the obvious Alice, as usual having you around has proved useful." I spat, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Alice shook her head and looked to the ground, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts to really notice or apologize.

"Eddie, don't take it out on Alice just cuz your girlfriend doesn't know how to treat a man." said Emmett with a chuckle. Rosalie smacked Emmett in the back of the head and I shot to my feet, ready to murder Emmett for joking around about why Bella acted the way she did. Jasper stood and put a hand on my chest.

"Calm yourself Edward, try to have some hope," he whispered. "Bella's watching you," he murmured. I turned my head to see her lips pursed in confusion and disapproval.

"Don't antagonize Emmett, you know why she is the way she is." Rosalie hissed at him and she turned away from him slightly. I smirked and was happy to see that I wasn't going to be the only one getting a cold shoulder. Emmett frowned and began to try and win Rosalie over, I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling. Why hadn't I just run away? I could be dead now. Yes, dead would be nice. It was impossible to feel this damn miserable when you're dead...then again, I _was_ dead. I _did _feel miserable.

"It's odd that you feel suicidal." Jasper whispered. I smirked.

"Yes, I suppose it must feel weird to you."

"Quit brooding Ed." Emmett said with a sigh. I sighed and counted ceiling tiles to pass the time when Bella came into my vision.

"Hey everybody" she said with a small smile. I sat up straight so my back was to her and I leaned forward on the table resting my hands on it lightly. Bella took up a conversation with my siblings and I remained silent, doing my best to ignore her words, her scent, everything about her. Their conversation flowed so easily, the voices twisted in my head as I tried to push them away. I could still smell her and I felt Bella's hand move gently to my shoulder and I turned my head slightly.

"Yes?" I hissed. She looked taken aback and she squeezed my shoulder a little, letting her thumb rub circles on it. I wanted the motion to be soothing, I wanted it to bring me comfort, but it only made me remember and feel my anger.

"I said I was sorry for stalking away earlier, I just...I've made myself clear." I turned away from her again and shrugged her hand off of my shoulder. Alice gave me a look that told me I shouldn't have done that. I just raised an eyebrow at her in question as to why I shouldn't have. If Bella did not want to be seen touching me in public I was just helping her out. She could not set a double standard of her being able to touch me if she wanted, but I could never touch her. I stood up and moved to walk out of the building, determined to not let my anger get the best of me.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Isabella?" I stopped myself and spoke through gritted teeth.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head a little and laughed. Jasper gripped Alice as a flush of pain shot through me.

"Do you really not know?" my voice was light, the question almost a whisper.

"I wouldn't have asked if I knew, I'd try and make it right...I would Edward." her voice was soft and I could feel myself getting more upset at her blatant disregard to how I truly felt. My breathing became deep as I tried to remain calm,

"I am so tired of this Bella, I really am. All I wanted was for you to show the school that you are not ashamed of being with me. What's the big problem? Why is it such an issue? You are always so nice at home, but here you just push me away more and more. I _know_ we need to go slow, I _know_ you still don't trust me, but you could at least show me the same affection here as you do at my house. We are _engaged_ Bella! There is _nothing_ we can do about it. So why can you not get the idea that I want to be your _real_ boyfriend, your _real_ fiancé into your head? I have told you before, I may not be human, but _I have feelings_. You seem to forget that every single day. You hurt me and you shove me away from you. What have I done? All I've done is be nice, all I have done is care for you! But for some reason you just cannot let me in..." Bella's face remained blank and unmoving so I moved around her and stormed out of the cafeteria, aware that many people had stopped and looked at us.

It had felt good to finally say it all at once, to finally put my real feelings out into the air as a whole, but I was instantly regretting it. The progress I had made with Bella was about to be blown backward and this thought upset me greatly. There goes two months hard work, lost in...about ten seconds I think it was. I growled to myself and it simmered into a hiss. Upset as I was for hurting her, I was still very angry with her. I know to her this relationship was not real. She was still living under the impression that she was going to wake up and this was all going to be a dream, a nightmare for her really...

I sat on the steps outside our biology building waiting for the bell to ring. I kept up my constant streams of bitter thoughts and brooding inside my head but was interrupted when I heard footsteps approaching and looked up. It was Jasper, he was walking slower than human pace and I knew he was tasting my mood. Once he knew I was calm enough to not blow up at whatever he would say to me, he sped up and came to sit beside me, a look of sympathy on his face. We sat, me reading his thoughts, and him feeding off of my emotions. Finally he spoke,

"You know, she's even more upset now."

"Good!" I spat at him. He just shook his head and nudged me, trying to bring me back to the regular caring Edward I knew I could be. I pushed him back and he messed up my hair and slapped me with the back of his hand. I laughed.

"You don't mean that Ed. I can see why you're upset. I don't know what I'd do if Alice didn't let me lay my hands on her outside of our home." The very thought of this seemed to cause him great pain. I half smiled at him.

"Good thing you'll never have to worry about that. Your mate isn't..." I wanted to say broken, but I did not think that was the right word for Isabella. "Your mate is not Isabella Swan," I finished. He nodded and turned slightly to lock his eyes into mine.

"She'll come around Edward. You've already helped her so much. Don't be like the rest of the world and give up on her."

"She is barely changed at all." I mumbled. "She does not want me to be around, so why would she care if I gave up trying?" Jasper looked exasperated with me. I raised my eyebrows seeking some kind of answer.

"I can taste it in the air around her." he explained "The pain she felt when she first came into our house was..._unimaginable_ Edward. Nothing I could ever say could describe to you the magnitude of her wounds. She is so full of anger, and hate, and bitterness, and fear...the fear Edward...it is...horrific." Jasper paused and I heard his thoughts echo Bella's feelings. Chills ran through my body, and it was not just my usual cold, it was from the flash into Bella's pain. "Now, after hearing whatever it was you've said, and having you by her side it's receded into a dull thud. A bad bruise really. At our house, when she's holding your hand or when you're hugging her she feels quite happy. Her ache is still there but you help a lot. I've told you that!" I nodded and swallowed some of my guilt. Jasper continued, "Her pain right now is tremendous though, it always comes back when she's at school, and what you just said intensified it. I had to get out of there. You can't blame her for this Edward you know you can't." I felt another wave of guilt, but I needed to articulate my feelings to Jasper, so he could understand my thoughts, and not just the raw emotion he felt from me.

"That's what I cannot stand Jazz." I said running a hand through my hair. "When we're here she treats me like I am just another person, not her fiancé, not her mate-" I cut off and heard myself growl as anger filled me again. "I care about her more than I have _ever _cared about anything. I _love her_ Jasper, but it is just not enough for her. I am just someone who will hurt her in her mind. She is never going to let me in. I wish I wouldn't have let you all talk me into this... I wish I would have left her." I felt Jasper's hand rest on my shoulder and he gripped it tightly.

"You and I both know it wouldn't have helped, it would've made things so much worse Ed. Don't give up hope. Chin up bro, here she comes." I let my hand fall out of my hair and I looked up. Isabella was walking towards our building in all her breathtaking glory. She looked hesitant in her steps but smiled when Jasper walked past her and touched her arm gently. Bella waved at me shyly and I stood, turned, and walked into the class building to take my seat. My stomach felt sick when I faintly heard Bella sniffle outside. I felt anxious not knowing what I would do or say when she came near. I only knew that I was still angry.

"You're here early today Mr. Cullen." my teacher, Mr. Banner commented. I chose not to reply. Getting my books out, I waited for the lesson to begin. Bella took her seat beside me her face uneasy, her heartbeat erratic.

"Um...Edward?" I heard her voice break a little and knew she was holding back tears, but why had what I said been able to make her cry? My heart cracked a little at the knowledge that I was responsible for these tears. I turned to face her.

"Yes Isabella?" I kept my tone even. I was still angry, even though I knew I did not have much of a right to be, not when my mate was in tears.

"I-I've told you before Edward. I'm just not comfortable with all this." She stared at me with pleading eyes. I turned my gaze back to the front of the room. I had heard this a million times, I wasn't going to just sit here and listen to it all over again. It was always the same old song and dance from Bella. Well here was a new one from me. I was done being shunted off to one side at school, I wondered how she would like it.

"Just...don't say anything Bella. I know your need to take it slow as I said, but you not being 'comfortable' with it is something I happen to find ridiculous. You are perfectly comfortable with me at my house. It is quite obvious you just don't want the public to know you are with a monster, I understand you're ashamed of me. You could have just said that instead of lying Isabella. You would have saved me a large deal of hurt." She looked scandalized by my words but I kept my expression blank. Her hands gripped each other and she sucked in a low breath,

"Edward? How-"

"Don't say anything Bella. The lesson is about to start." I picked up my pencil and all through the lesson copied notes on Mr. Banner's lecture on cell organelles. Bella was staring at the table and I made sure to copy the lecture word for word. I would slip this into her backpack later so she would have the notes for the unit test. The lesson was a long one as I took in Bella's thumping heartbeat and heard her uneven breathing. Twice I almost reached out and brushed her cheek with my hand, but I resisted the temptation. Glancing at the clock I saw we only had ten minutes left. Time was playing its evil game of being slow when I needed it to move quickly. Taking in a deep breath, I realized the air had changed. I could smell something...salty and I immediately knew what it was. I looked to my right and sure enough Bella had let a tear fall from each eye.

"Ms. Swan, are you okay?" the teacher asked and she nodded silently. My heart shattered and before I could stop myself I reached over and wiped the tears away. Bella smiled at me lightly and did not flinch as I touched her. No more tears fell from her eyes but I could tell she was still very upset. The bell rang and I stood to walk to class, Bella walking beside me. Neither of us looked at each other or spoke on our way there.

For the first time I was glad Bella did not sit by me in our calculus class which we had last everyday. I did not even let her stray into my thoughts as I worked on my problems and talked to Emmett who had apologized for his comment in the cafeteria, hoping he'd get back into Rose's good books by doing so.

'_Miss Bella Swan is attempting to burn holes in you with her eyes'_ Emmett thought.

"I have noticed."

"Ed, just look up and give her a smile, or something."

"What will that accomplish?" Emmett reached across the aisle and smacked me.

"Mr. Cullen! Stop harassing your brother!" our teacher spat.

"It will accomplish Bella smiling, something you should work for you idiot!" Sighing I looked up at Bella and she was staring at me. Her eyes fell when I met them but she glanced up again. I gave her a soft smile and she sat up straighter and returned it.

"There," I murmured looking at my brother.

_'You're an ass.'_ he thought and laughed. The class dragged, and never in my long years had an hour taken its' time like this. I just wished I could go home to my piano, just another five minutes...

Instead of waiting for Bella when the bell rang as I usually would, I went straight to my car and started it. Slowly she approached it and got in. Hesitance was written all over her face, and it was obvious that during calculus she'd rubbed her eyes to make sure no more tears would leak out. Before I even moved the car Bella opened her mouth to speak, but then changed her mind and closed it. Her teeth nibbled at her lips and I groaned almost silently, wishing it were my lips that were nibbling at hers. I drove very slowly to her house debating in my head about whether I should stay as I was supposed to or if I would go home and hunt. I'd only been hunting yesterday but I knew that if I used thirst as an excuse Carlisle and Esme would accept it, no questions asked.

When we arrived I put the car in park but left it running, forcing myself to stare straight out of the windshield instead of looking to the beautiful girl beside me. Bella slowly removed her seatbelt and had her hand on the door handle when she turned to me.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bell."

"But-"

"I need to go home."

"Edward...please?"

"Love-" I hissed at myself and Bella pulled up half of her mouth into a smile. "Bella," I corrected. "Look, after today I think that-"

"Carlisle said you were coming over...Edward?" her voice trailed off..it almost sounded as if she were hopeful that I would stay. I pushed the thought from my head and sighed as I turned off the car and got out. This seemed to make Bella happy since she was smiling when she got out after me. She saw the look on my face and her smile immediately fell, her head moving to look at her feet. I held the door to her small two story house open for her and she walked in with her head hung lower it seemed, she sniffled lightly, and I wondered if I had driven her to tears again somehow. I followed maintaining my silence. I had no desire to be here, it felt strange to still care for Bella, still love her but to be angry at her enough to want to be separated for a small time. This new feeling was not settling well with me and I was still debating on whether I should leave or not.

"Well, what would you like to do today?" she asked twisting her hands together. I shrugged and leaned against the counter in her kitchen. "Maybe we should talk...?" she suggested. Again I just shrugged. Bella grabbed a fistful of her hair in frustration. "Please... say something Edward!... Anything!"

"What is it you want to hear Isabella?" I found out that this was the wrong this to say because after the last word left my mouth her eyes filled with tears and she didn't even try to fight them. They slid down her cheeks, staining the perfect skin. I gestured towards the living room and she followed me. I sat down on the couch and she sat down beside me. I slid away slightly but shushed her and tried to comfort her with words.

"Hush, there is no need to cry Bell. What's upsetting you?" I asked

"Why...why are you being so mean? I've been trying my hardest to be your friend and you told me I was doing good! I told you! I hold your hand for comfort and the same thing with your hugs! I don't touch you at school and you know why! We're _not_ a couple Edward! Even though you insist we are!" My head swam with anger and pain as my heart fell down into my stomach. Not a _real couple_? What did she mean not a _real couple_? We were engaged for crying out loud! I growled and Bella flinched.

"We are going to be _married_ Isabella! How can you say we are not a real couple?" I waited for an answer but she said nothing. "Bella?"

"I told you, we're _**friends**_." Taking in a deep breath I whispered.

"You...you are not going to even think about giving me a chance are you?" I lifted my hands to my hair and raked them through it pulling hard on the strands to try and ease my own tension. I could not let this get the best of me, I had to control my emotions and I had to remain calm. Control, control, control. The last thing I could do was lose my control while Bella was near and no one was here to save her. I heard Bella speak again.

"I don't understand _how_ to be in a relationship Edward! I don't know _how_ to be with a man!"

"You were doing a fine job of it last week when you laid with your head in my lap and held one of my hands while I rubbed your back. Or when you let me hold you on the steps, or when you let me wrap my arms around you simply because I was standing near you! Touching, Bella! Being affectionate like we almost are, that is how to be with a man. Do you not feel anything for me, am I just nothing?" My mate was hesitant in answering. Pain and confusion swam in her eyes. Bella moved her hand to touch mine softly and I slowly slipped myself away from her grasp. Her face hardened.

"But...I thought teenage guys only wanted one thing out of a relationship. I thought I'd made it clear that I didn't want to marry you. I said you were a nice man Edward, because I didn't think you wanted me like that." she whispered. My heart broke and I shook my head sadly, but gave her a small smile anyways.

"Bella, my sweet Bella, what am I going to do with you?" She looked confused and I clarified for her. "With every look I give you, every time I touch you, I am willing you to see how I feel. Bella...I want to be _more_ than your friend. You really _are_ my fiancée, you must wake up and see this. You are going to be my wife Bell...all your long years spent by my side...I know I am not exactly deserving of it but I need you to trust me. Do you really think I would touch you like he did? Do you really think me as low as Lonnie? Have I...have I hurt you that much just by trying to be your friend? By trying to care for you like no one else does? Like no one else _**can**_." Bella frowned deeply and continued to let a tear leak out every now and again. "Bella...I know in my heart that I can a good husband to you. I care for you Bella. You are beautiful, you are sweet, you are to be my wife. I can be everything you have ever needed. I can provide for you and I can keep you safe. I can love you Bella, I promise to treat you like a queen! You would be the center around which my everything would revolve. Believe me, trust me...please?"

I felt waves of nausea after pouring my heart out. This all was only leaving me open to more wound and more heartache. Bella could take everything I had just said and throw it back in my face, or stomp on it just to watch me break.

"Oh Edward," She whispered. Her voice saying my name was the greatest comfort I had known. I touched the back of her hand and rubbed small circles on it with my fingertips. "I-" she started.

"You...?"

"I know you're not Lonnie. Nobody could ever be as bad as him... I just don't want that Edward. You're my friend now, you let me talk and you listen and we share special things. I don't want to ruin it because I only know how to push relationships away. I don't know romance very well." Bella was watching my face crumple and it seemed to cause her some form of pain. Her small hand wrapped around mine as best it could. "We're good as friends Edward, I don't like the thought of..._intimacy_ with you..." Bella stood up from the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked half pained half embarrassed by what she just said. "I don't want you to look at me like a man who wants a woman. I want you to be my friend. We don't need intimacy Edward. We don't need to you know...have...well...there are certain things we don't need to share."

"We are engaged Bella, we should share everything."

"Not _that_ Edward." she snapped. "We don't need to know each other that way."

"I've told you before! The day we are intimate, the day I touch you like that, you'll want it as much as I do now. You can love me Bella, if you let yourself. You have such a big heart, I _know_ you do!" Bella's eyes softened.

I did not fully believe of course that Bella actually could _love_ me, but I hoped saying it might give her something to think about. "I want to share everything with you Isabella. A life, our families, everything that a marriage can hold for two people, including the intimacies between those people." Bella's eyes went wide, she backed up away from me into a wall and slid herself down to the floor, this scene was all too familiar.

"So you admit that's what you want from me? I thought you were different Edward!" She was shaking with fear now I stood and took two steps toward her. "No! Stop! Don't come any closer. Stay away from me Edward." I ignored her and took two more steps. Bella grabbed fistfuls of her hair and tried to push herself further into the wall with her feet. One more step, there was only about three feet in between us...three feet and all of her fears, all of her hate from me, all her distaste. I dropped to my knees and she opened her mouth to scream. I hushed her and Bella seemed to be soothed by my soft noises of comfort.

"Hush now Bella, Shhhh." she sighed and pushed her lips together, still crying.

"Don't hurt me,"

"Isabella Marie, I. Will. Not. Hurt. You." I punctuated each word and shushed her as she opened her mouth again after, "I _do_ want to be intimate with you, but _not_ like he was." Isabella looked confused. She seemed to not understand the concept of intimacy without the physical, mechanical part of sex. I smiled and explained, "I want kisses, and long nights of cuddling. I want hugs, and to dance with you, and for you to run into my arms no matter who's watching. We could go out on dates, and spend days just talking because we are happy just to be with each other. I wish to hold you close to me when you are scared, or sad, or happy, or asleep. I want us to have family birthday parties and beautiful Christmases together." I stopped and drew a long slow breath. Bella did not say anything so I continued to tell her of the life I dreamed of for us. "I want to build you the house you've always wanted to live in, and travel with you, and feel at home no matter where we are just because we are together. I want to _make love_ with you Isabella Swan. Not rip your body apart like he did, but be equals in the act of physical love. We can give our bodies and hearts to each other if only you would give me some kind chance."

"I can't." She whispered. After laying out my dreams to her all she could tell me was that she could not, _would not,_ even try. "Edward I can't give you these things."

"How do you know?" I argued, "Have you ever tried? Have you ever had a boyfriend Isabella?" I leaned forward and crawled a little closer toward her. I wanted so badly to reach out for her, but knew she would draw away from me.

"No, I don't want that with you, it will ruin our friendship. I like our friendship. Don't make me Edward please don't!" she cried. Unable to resist I reached my hand out and and touched her face lightly. She stiffened and pulled away from the cold touch of my skin. My head fell. I tried once more and whispered

"Please?" My pleading was so soft I was sure Bella would not hear it, but she leaned her cheek against my hand lightly and her muscles relaxed slowly.

"Don't make me..." she repeated.

"I would never _make_ you do anything. I care about you Bella, and I could never hurt you, I couldn't. I never want to see you in any pain Bell. If you believe nothing I have said tonight at least believe this." I stroked my thumb back and forth across her face gently and then swept it over her lips. I tried to smile at her but it only lasted several seconds. As I took a deep breath as I felt my heart break into smaller pieces and die again, "It really was silly of me to think you would ever care for me...I-I'll leave you be now Bella, I promise." I withdrew my hand and rose slowly to my feet. I looked down at her and smiled, but I could tell it did not come across as a proper one, just another one of my crooked grins. "You know Bella, I have been searching for you for ninety years, and after all this time I find out that you do not want me as I want you...huh...it is a cruel world where we live." I shook my head and turned around, prepared to walk out. I was puzzled by how unfair life was, or maybe it was only cruel in this one instance. This whole thing was too complicated, too confusing, Bella too beautiful...too perfect...too lost in herself for a monster like me. Her voice stopped me,

"What're you saying? Ninety years? Edward- I..?" she whispered. I sighed and turned back. Her features were twisted in confusion and this only upset me more. How blind could one human be? Her ignorance hurt, but I again tried to smile.

"If you were unable to figure it out by now, then what is the point in telling you Isabella?" she just looked more confused my fingers raked through my hair with frustration. "I will see you at school tomorrow. You need not bother coming over for the weekend after class. Must be torture for you having to spend so much time around a guy who wants to hold your hand and hug you close to him, to make you feel safe...terrible really.." Bella sobbed and shook her head. "I-I guess the next time we hang out it will be at the wedding. I...I'll always be your friend Bella." I muttered, knowing it was something she would want to hear. I turned to walk out but I heard her sob and had to stop, no matter how much this woman hurt me I loved her all the same.

"Edward please don't leave! Don't walk away!" I kept my back turned to her and gritted my teeth. This seemed unreasonable. How could she ask me to stay with her when all she could do was hurt me? In an attempt to calm myself I drew deep breaths.

"Tell me why I should stay. Give me one reason."

"I want a hug." she said simply. I willed my body to not go to her, to not let my suffering only grow by feeling her warm body pressed so tight against mine. "Please Edward. We're friends, you told me we were. Friends can hug each other. Don't walk away from your friend."

"We're supposed to be more! Bella, _again_ I will tell you! We are engaged!" I whispered a new harshness creeping into my tone. She whimpered and I turned back to her. She had her face buried in her knees and all my resolve was gone as she gave one big sob. In less than a second I was in front of her with my arms pulling her tightly to my chest. I let her go only long enough to take her arms and wrap them around my neck. Cradling her against me I whispered in her ear softly.

"Hold on tight dear Bella. Come on." I made her lock her arms tightly around my neck. "Come on Bella, do not cry anymore. Save your tears for later." I stood with her in my arms, and carried her to her room. Laying her down on the bed I moved to pull away but her grip on me only tightened. I tried to pry her arms off me but she shook her head.

"Edward-no." I gave into her again and stood her up to hug her properly. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her scent deeply. Bella was fresh like flowers, and salt like the sea, sweetness and spice like cinnamon and cloves. Perfectly delicious. I was truly a masochist, because as much as this hurt knowing she didn't even want to give me a chance with her heart, I was reveling in every minute of it. I figured this would be the last time I would let myself hold her so I decided to break all the rules.

My hands slid down her back to rest on her hips and I pulled her as close as she could get. Isabella had her face pressed into the crook of my neck. The sound of her breathing was an amazing calming agent. I was grounded and totally in tune with my animal. Bella whispered my name softly, I smiled. My thumb caressed all along her jawbone and reveled in the soft skin.

"Shh," I attempted to soothe Bella's worry with sounds of comfort. Her arms clung to me and I leaned my face against hers. My lips touched her skin and I pressed them against the top of her head, happy that I was just able to kiss some part of her. I kissed her hair softly several times and whispered to her words she could not hear. I told her of my true love for her and how this moment meant the world to me, even though it was a mere sign of friendship to her. My lips traveled the length of her jaw and Bella gasped and squirmed in my arms. "It's okay, I will not hurt you Bella."

"You're-"

"I'm kissing you."

"Why?" I sighed and kissed her cheek.

"Because I want to, because you are my fiancée Bella." Bella let a hand creep into the back of my hair as my lips pressed against her cheek. "Am I too cold?" she shook her head.

My hands continued to wander her back and soon I took them from around her and held her face in between them. Her bright brown eyes fluttered open. As I looked into them, I was startled. For the first time I did not find fear. I found confusion and uncertainty. I gave her a smile trying to reassure her, wanting to let my mate know that my lips against her skin, that my hands crawling over her body was _right_. She pulled up the corners of her lips only slightly in return, and let one of her hands slip up over mine. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers feeling her breathing get deeper and her heart rate increase greatly.

This was heaven right here, I needed nothing else than to stay wrapped up in this moment forever. I felt her try to move her head from my grip but I needed her to stay. It was selfish but I had to have her close. This one night was all I had it seemed. I kept my eyes closed and tilted my head back from her slightly. Bowing her head, I pressed my cold lips to the burning skin on her forehead. She gasped and I held onto her. My lips pressed into her softly over and over. Her heart rate finally seemed to settle and I spoke.

"Bella." I whispered against her, dragging my lips over her skin. "I am so sorry." Her arms snaked tighter around my neck and this surprised me. I released her face and reached behind my head to unlock her arms. Stepping back I opened my eyes. She looked up at me with a bewildered expression. My eyelids felt heavy with my want for her and I touched my lips to her forehead again, happy that she was not squirming away. The feeling made me want to weep with happiness. My lips dancing over her skin was right. It was the proper order of things. We belonged together, this moment showed it. The whole world should be able to see it.

Isabella stood before me with tears in her eyes, her arms still held out waiting for me to come back to them. I took another step back as I remembered the words she had spoken to me earlier. My defenses fell down and I let her see the pain she had caused me, _was_ causing me. My face crumpled and I longed for tears I could not shed. I wanted to really show her the pain inside of me when she told me she did not want me like I did her. I sat down on her floor and I heard her drop her arms to her sides. My forehead creased and I closed my eyes again as I let a dry sob shake my body. Bella got to her knees in front of me and took my hands, squeezing them in between hers. Warmth rushed through me and I looked up into her eyes,

"Why do you want me?" she asked. "I'm used and broken and all I ever do is hurt you. I'm no good for someone like you Edward Anthony Cullen. You're not supposed to want me." I sighed, poor Bella must not see herself properly. My eyes looked deeply into hers as I tried to see how she felt about what she was saying to me. It was obvious to my that Isabella believed herself worthless, and that I _should not_ want her. I made my voice soft, and looked her over,

"I want you because you are an angel to me Isabella Swan. You are the epitome of strength. You are compassionate when you let your guard down. You are sweet and feisty and unpredictable to me. You're _not_ used and broken. You have the capability of being so gentle, and so lovely Bella. Only you can let your heart grow cold. I want you because last week you told me you were scared of what I was doing to you. I know that I am changing you." I paused and glanced at my hands before continuing. "You deserve so much more than the life I can give you Bella. You know this, I know this. But alas, you are stuck with me... I liked to think you were perfect for me, but that is a lost hope now. I told you I would leave you alone, and I will. I will always keep my word to you Bella. If I cannot have your care and your affection I will at least have you know that I am an honest man." I scooted back from her and stood up. I needed to leave now, before Charlie came home to see that all the progress we had made had gone backward and would not go forward again. That we would forever be..._**just friends**_. "I am sorry that the way I feel upsets you, but I will never apologize for feeling the way I do." I whispered. Bella's face twisted in pain and I shushed her lightly. "Bye Bell."

"Edward, please stop trying to leave, stay!" No, I had to leave. It would be best for both of us in the end. "You stood by me when you barely knew me. Stand by me now." Bella got to her feet and took a step towards me. Her body was trembling and I wondered if I was doing something that made her scared. I was not growling and my eyes had not gone black with rage, thirst, or desire. Another step toward me, and now she was mere inches away. I could feel her warmth flushing through her and creating an aura around her. Her scent swirled between us and I tried to focus on my words instead of her body.

"I cannot Isabella. I am sorry but I just cannot stay. It hurts more than you can imagine to care for someone like I care for you and not have the feelings returned at all...to not even have that person begin to _pretend_ to want you." I pushed a stray piece of hair away from Bella's forehead and she sighed,

"I don't mean to hurt you."

"It would appear otherwise." she inhaled sharply and I winced.

"I don't Edward! I told you I was broken...I'm wrong on the inside. If I was anyone else I could be good for you."

"If you were anyone else I would not feel the way I feel." Bella blushed a lovely pink and I pushed my hand to her face.

"I hate that I hurt you."

"I know you don't mean to hurt me my sweet Bella, I know." A silence surrounded us and we did not move. Her eyes were bloodshot and still watering, I had to say something to comfort her. "You are not 'wrong on the inside' Bella, you just need some help to get to where you want to be, wherever that is." I stared down at the little human in front of me and put all my control and energy into not reaching for her.

"Do you think we're close friends Edward?" Biting my lip I tried to carefully think out my answer. It would not do anybody any good to upset Isabella more.

"I am not sure we are much of anything right now Bell. Friends should not hurt each other like this. I told you though that I would always be your friend Bella. You will always have me to fall back on. I will be staying away from you from now on, but should you need me you can just ask." Her face crumpled as I said this and I gave into my need to comfort her. "I am so sorry Bella. Forgive me, I am being unforgivably selfish. I'll be whatever you want me to be okay? Just tell me what it is that you want, okay? We are friends Bella, whatever you want, whatever makes you happy okay my Bell? Hush, don't cry." I pulled her close and placed another small kiss on her forehead. My arms went around her and she looked up into my eyes. One of Bella's hands came to rest on my cheek and she pulled my head down a little closer. I gave her the warmest smile I could muster.

"I want you to be my teacher Edward." My eyebrows slowly crept up my forehead as I was dragging one of my hands up her back to gently push her head into my chest. I rested my chin on her head remembering to only put a small fraction of the actual weight on it, for fear of crushing her skull. My fingers danced back down over her spine and she shivered.

"Bella my Dear, I am not quite sure I understand that." I whispered. I gently raked my hand through her hair and her scent flooded me. My throat constricted as I was not expecting it. Not having my guard up I could feel the animal inside me rear his head and take in the heavenly scent. I pushed her away lightly and turned from her. A small growl cropped up in my chest and I forced it away, knowing that this was not the time to upset Bella, or make her scared of me.

"Edward?" she asked placing a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off and a small snarl left me even with my efforts to contain my sounds. My monster inside me had not at all been prepared for that, I tried to calm myself as she whispered, "What have I done?" I turned to look at her and knew my eyes were blackened with the thirst that had come over me. She took a step back but then stopped herself. "You're not like them, you won't bite me Edward." The confidence that she said this with shocked me. I smiled and and beat back my little monster. The thirst moved more to the back of my mind and I knew my eyes would go back to a shiny topaz soon. As I watched Bella's features relax and she made herself look certain. "You won't bite me," she repeated.

"Just give me a moment Bella." she nodded.

This was the first time I had seen Bella approach anything with confidence and it was almost...empowering to see it. "I am okay now,"

"You were always fine. You weren't going to hurt me." I felt so proud of her, and gave her a smile as I ran my fingertips up her forearms and back down to grab her hands. "I want you to teach me things." she said bringing us back to the conversation before my lapse in control. I squeezed Bella's hands and she stepped closer to rest her head against my chest. She looked up at me,

"I am already trying to teach you how to trust. You are doing well Isabella. You haven't flinched once when I have tried to touch you tonight. Can you not see that you are already changing? Give this some time, you may find you like me Bella." I squeezed her hands again and she smiled.

"Sometimes I'm sure you're the good man I know Edward. Sometimes I...see Lonnie and not you when I look at you...I...it's very hard." she paused and slid one of her hands up my arm. "I do like you Edward, it's just-"

"I understand Bella. You don't have to explain. Try to be strong." she nodded and I continued. "So what am I supposed to be teaching you now?"

"How to be your fiancée, I guess." My face hardened and I sighed. I could not believe I was going to say what I was about to say. It was the only way to make her choose what she really wanted, so it had to be done.

"No Isabella, you are only saying that because it is what I want. You told me less than twenty minutes ago that you are opposed to marrying me and that is not sufficient time to change your mind. I will not make you uncomfortable to make myself happy. I may be selfish, but you are vastly more important. I just want you to be happy, and that's what I am going for now." Bella began to plead as a line of worry creased her forehead,

"Wait...Edward...no...please I-"

"Bella, my Dear Bella, be silent." My arms wound around her again and she buried her face into my chest.

"You need time to think about these things. We need to keep healing your old scars before I accidentally create a new one. Please do not fight with me about this, I cannot say no to you anymore. We both know I am right though. We _both_ know that you just don't trust me enough."

"If you can't say no then don't! I'm trying to be what you need me to be Edward!" Bella huffed and took her hands from me. "Things are so confusing, I just...don't understand what I feel...and how to do all of this...I don't know how to tell you...I just want us to be friends...I don't want you to turn on me too. I'll be what you need...if I can-" I cut her off and touched her cheek lightly.

"Isabella I need you to be happy, and safe and healthy. I have lived through a century alone like this, spent eternity in a state of constant unhappiness. I can survive my Bell. It is what I do. I hold your happiness over mine." I was screaming at myself inside to give into her wishes and start teaching her how to be more than just my friend right now. I smiled, thinking about how she now considered us close. But I knew the logic of my last words to her. She was only trying to please me right now, and for some reason she did not want me to walk away from her. I could not tell her no, not after all of this.

Tonight I had discovered that my love for Bella ran deeper than I could know or understand., now _she_ was all that mattered. All my selfish thoughts and anger from earlier seemed inexcusable. I would have to live with whatever she was comfortable with. It would not make me desire her less, no, but it was what it was. I would still long to feel her lips against mine everyday, to be allowed to lay with her as she slept with my arms around her. Always I would want her to love me, to live only for me. But if I could not have it, I would be okay...eventually.

"I don't want you to be sad though. I'm just confused Edward. How can I be sure that you won't hurt me?"

"Because Bella, it would destroy me to hurt you. Thinking about what Lonnie did to you makes me sick. I want nothing but the best for you, except me. I want to be for you, but not if you do not want me."

"But I said I wanted to try!"

"You need to wait to make a decision as important as that Bella. I am a forever type of man, if you choose to be mine, then you will be mine for all the days of your life." Bella seemed to take a long time to think about this, but was content for me to hold onto her while she thought.

"When am I allowed to make up my mind?" she asked. I smiled.

"When you are _sure_ about what you want. You have to be willing to trust me, willing to try and relearn your reactions to my touch..." I ran my fingertips from her temple to her chin. "You have to _try_ and be affectionate with me, and I have to try and be less forceful with you, and let you see why I want to be with you like I do. We will do this together if you decide it is what you want." Bella nodded. "What do you want right now Bell?"

"I want you to stay, and not walk away." I sighed and looked down into her eyes.

"That is not a good idea, I think I should go hunting..." I trailed off and she nodded but her expression told me that this saddened her greatly. "I will come back to you later, if you would like..."

"I'll probably be in bed, will you be at school tomorrow?" she asked. In the past two months she had gotten used to my frequent absences from school when the sun was shinning.

"If it's cloudy I will pick you up." She smiled. "If it is sunny you can come over when the sun goes down, okay?" Bella pulled me tighter to her and breathed in deeply. I raised a hand to bring it to her face and she flinched.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting that."

"You have no reason to apologize for anything my Bell." I rested my hand against hers and touched my lips to her forehead again. She allowed me this pleasure of tapping my lips against her softly. She was like silk underneath me and I wished it to be her lips pressing back against mine. Maybe one day it would be, for now I would take this. Bella was inhaling deeply as she rested against me. She moved her head down to bury in my chest and kept taking long slow breaths. I moved my lips to her cheek and she blushed hot underneath them. Bella stood more onto her toes, forcing my kisses down closer to her pulse point. I shivered with desire,

"What are you doing Bella?"

"You...just...feel good against me...I guess? I'm trying not to cry anymore. I don't want to be sad." I tangled my hand in her hair and ran the other up her back to hold her against me. In a bold move I pressed my lips directly against her neck and Bella shivered violently as some of my ice cold venom spilled onto her skin. She giggled. "That feels odd, it's so cold." She pulled me closer and I sighed in content.

"You feel good against me too Bell," I murmured. Finally, I felt peaceful and did not resent my tiny human for not wanting me...because maybe...just maybe she did want me. I could only hope that she would stick with her decision about us tomorrow, and the day after that, and the week after that.


	10. A Decision Worth Waiting For

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Wow, okay so I know it's been forever and I swear I actually have been working on the story! (Though it's been minimal. I'm adjusting to University life. I'm not in a great place to write. University = worst decision ever….just for me though ****) So I was reading a message from my beta today and she told me that chapters 10 and 11 were not posted yet. I damn near flipped. These chapters have been ready for a really long time! And I seriously thought I'd posted them! I guess not, but here they are!**

**I am so sorry for those of you who waited. I hope you like!**

Chapter 10

The following weekend at my house with Isabella was a long one. I was determined to let her think about what she really wanted. As much as it pained me to do it, I did not have any physical contact with her except a hug before she went to sleep on Saturday night. I could see the contemplation in her face whenever she looked at me. She scrutinized my every move, slowly digested my every word to her. Even though I could not read her thoughts I found myself sometimes knowing what she was thinking from her overly expressive face. I knew she wondered if she could have faith in me when we had only known each other for a couple of months. This of course was a legitimate fear, but I hoped with all of my heart that she would choose yes. I was so drawn to her. As always I watched her when she watched me. Nothing she did or said ever escaped me.

There was one thing that Bella was sure about and that one thing was she seemed sure that she did not want to hurt me. On Friday evening after a long silence had fallen between us she turned to me and caught my eye.

"You wish to say something?" I had asked her, giving her a small smile of encouragement. One day I hoped she would never hesitate in saying anything to me. One day Bella would simply blurt out what was on her mind because she would trust me, and want me to know.

"I'm still thinking, I just keep fighting with myself. No, yes, no, yes, no, yes. Yes I want to learn to trust again and have the things you think would be wonderful for us. But at the same time, no, I do not want to be with you and risk hurting you more. You were so right about my fronts and my behavior from before, I don't want those things to hurt you because they just won't go away instantly. I'm just like that." I nodded and before I could even try to process this Bella started up again. "And you know Edward, things may never get passed a certain point with us and you just have to understand that..." Words had flooded from her lips that night like never before and they were honest, and filled with so many emotions I could not identify. I examined every shift of her voice, and every change in tone to pick out what she felt most strongly about with me and how she really felt at this moment. I had smiled and not trusted myself to say anything in reply, because I knew it would just sway her decision to the one I hoped it to be.

On Sunday when I had gone to drop Bella of at her house she had made me stay and spend some time with her father while she did her homework.

"If I have to get to know Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett _and_ Rosalie I'm sure you can handle getting to know my father." She'd said and dragged me inside. Charlie as always, had been quite welcoming and asked how things between Bella and myself were progressing. I was shy about answering some of his questions but he just kept prying when I tried to give vague answers. He asked many questions about just me as well. Where was I planning to go to school? Was I willing to settle for less than Ivy League? Was I willing to live off campus in a house with Bella? How often did I want to come home? Was my family planning to move to be closer when we were all away in University?

Some of the harder questions came later in the night and he took the answers very well.

"So Edward, are you gonna hold off on the grandkids until your done med school or can I expect one nine months after the honeymoon?" I bit my lip and looked away from him. Something else I envied about humans...the ability to raise a child that was their own. I wanted it, so badly I wanted it. But I could not,

"Sir...I guess my father may not have mentioned to you. I am not able to have children-" he held up a hand.

"I'm sorry I mentioned it. I hope I didn't bring up something upsetting."

"To be honest Sir, I would love to have a family of my own. Esme tells me I would make a good father, and I hope I would live up to her idea of me. I love children, to have one of my own would be wonderful."

"Well, there are...you know...other options for you and Bella should you, you know... _seriously_ want a family." I nodded and he smiled, "Think about it," once again I nodded and Charlie steered his questions away from children.

The most interesting question came near the end of the night when I had told him I should probably be on my way soon since I had school the next day.

"Will you be swinging by next weekend to help Bella move her stuff to your house?" he'd asked. I swallowed and chuckled to myself lightly and then heard a loud thump from upstairs. I knew it was Bella falling off the bed in shock. I knew she'd been listening to every word I'd said all night. I also knew that she had forgotten about having to move in with me so soon. I could almost feel the arguments start to build up in her. For me this was the decision. If living with me was so damn terrifying then how could she try and be romantic with me? But I would wait for her reasoning and decision which I felt were coming sooner rather than later.

Bella came down the stairs then before I could answer Charlie. She was looking as beautiful and breathtaking as ever. Her long baggy clothes that she slept in were hanging off of her but still made her look like an angelic creature that did not belong to this earth. I had smiled at her warmly and she returned it with a little less feeling. The idea of moving in so quickly has obviously sparked a fear inside of her. I'd bid her goodnight and before she could ask for another hug I was out the door

"Edward!" I heard and stopped, Charlie would not be impressed with me if I took off while Bella was calling for me. Turning I stood on her doorstep. "Come back!" I walked into the sitting room and arms folded around my stomach. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes Bella, I'll pick you up for school if you want." Bella smiled and I rubbed her back softly.

"Please," I lifted one of her hands and barely touched my lips to her knuckles. Charlie smiled from his chair and I touched Bella's cheek softly.

"Until tomorrow." Turning from her once again I ran to my Volvo, and drove like a mad man to get back to my house.

Now, I rolled over and glanced at my clock, it read 4:37am. My beautiful human creature would be sleeping soundly in her little bed. Her frail body was probably twisted up in the sheets, or maybe all her blankets had been kicked of onto the floor. It was quite warm for a November night. My heart felt jolted to life as I thought of her peacefully sleeping, silently wishing her pleasant dreams which Charlie had told me were infrequent as Bella routinely had nightmares. I found this odd considering she never had them here as far as I could tell...then again I couldn't read her dreams like every other human, and I'd never actually watched her sleep.

This was something I longed to do, to see Bella with her guard completely gone. Just laying there without conscious thought or emotion. The last two nights she had stayed at my house I almost broke my promise. I wished to see her so bad that I stood at the bottom of the steps all night wanting to go to her, something inside of me needed to be there. She was so vulnerable in sleep. In my head she looked perfect. Sometimes she would sigh in her sleep, or groan, which made me whine and croon, wishing I could be with her. Emmett had laughed and called me pathetic. Growling, I crouched and threatened him

"Leave it alone Emmett. I love her enough to leave her be if she wishes. No matter how much it hurts I will do it for her. I don't take kindly to your judgment on what I do. It is far from pathetic if it is out of love.". I heard Emmett say in his mind that it made no sense to not be with someone you loved and I just shook my head. "You should understand it better than most." I quipped and he growled.

"Don't bring that up! Things are different!" I nodded and he whispered a quick apology before leaving to find his wife. The relationship he shared with Rose was _intensely_ physical, and it might be hard for him to separate that physical aspect from thoughts of love now. How lovely that must be...

Pulling away from my memories once again, I rolled over on my couch and looked at the book I'd been attempting to read. It did not seem as appealing now that my thoughts had strayed to by mate. Laying it down I smiled and continued with my thoughts. With Bella in my life I no longer could complain that things were monotonous . She made everything seem so interesting, daily I found myself wanting to be at school simply so we could be together. All last week I had been trying to make Bella see that we were engaged and I was almost sure we were overheard when I'd said it in the cafeteria. A blond girl sitting one table away from us had heard part of my angry blow up.

_"If they're engaged then where's the diamond?"_ I'd heard in her thoughts. Since then I was contemplating asking Bella to wear a ring, my mother's ring to be more precise. I kept it in my pocket and fingered it whenever she smiled at me or whenever she touched my hand. I had to wait for her decision now though, everything about us was dependent upon whether or not she wanted to give a real relationship with me a try. I was becoming nervous with waiting everyday to see if she brought it up again, but I had told her to take her time. Why did I always do this to myself? I don't think I will ever know the answer to the question. It seemed like every time I turned around I was just doing everything to make myself more miserable. Maybe I was too used to miserable... I had been that way for many years now.

Any other night I would be content to lay here and think of Bella. Dreaming about all the possibilities of the life we had the potential to lead together was more than enough to make me smile, play my piano and be happy and joking with my family. My mother was upstairs thinking about me and my new attitude right now. She was so thrilled that I was happy to be with Bella. My mind wandered through the house for a few moments and I stood to go find someone to interact with.

_"EDWARD! EDWARD! COME HERE!"_ Alice's thoughts screamed at me. It caught me off guard slightly to be addressed directly in her head, and the fact that she was screaming her thoughts had been unpleasant. I shook my head and wondered how something so tiny could make a noise that loud with thought. Alice would never cease to amaze me.

"No need to yell Alice," I said walking into her room on the opposite end of the hallway. Alice was sitting in a small chair with her legs crossed in something that could barely pass for clothing.

"Wow Alice!...This is something I _did not_ need to see." I yelled, she laughed.

"I'm waiting for Jazz idiot, now I had a vision-" I opened my mouth to cut her off but she held up a finger. "Let me finish Edward. I just wanted to say that maybe it's best you called Bella and didn't go to school today. They're blood typing in biology for one and for another I foresee you getting quite angry about something, and it'll all be a misunderstanding anyways." My mouth fell open and I was shocked. How could I just _not_ see Bella? I could not go an extra twenty-four hours without being with her. The thought was ludicrous, ridiculous, absurd even!

"Alice! I can't just not see Bella. It is like you just not seeing Jazz. What can happen that would be so bad?"

"Your funeral, trust me." she chirped and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just the psychic one...but...since when do I know anything?" I smirked at her sarcasm and looked around the room

"Show me." I murmured with a sigh, giving into her.

"Sorry?" Alice asked "What did you say?"

"Alice, don't push this, let me see the vision!" it came out as a snap. I calmed myself

"Let me see the vision what?" she asked cupping her hand to her ear,

"Let me see the vision..._please_" I growled at her. Alice stuck out her tongue at me and I narrowed my eyes into a glare but I broke it with a smile. We both laughed. "Please Alice?"

"That's the word I was looking for." She let the vision fill her mind and I watched carefully.

_**Bella and I were walking to her first class, she reached for my hand and I smiled and took hers. When we reached the door of her class we parted ways after I brushed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Bella was sitting beside me at lunch her hand resting on my leg I had my hand in my pocket. The word ring left my mouth and I took it out and showed it to her. She stood up and said she didn't want it and walked out. I was screaming at Bella in the parking lot, she was cowering on the ground.-**_

__I pulled myself away from Alice's thoughts unable to watch myself cause Bella anymore pain.

"No more Alice, I will not go." Alice nodded with a small grimace on her face. Her thoughts turned sympathetic. I felt a rush of warmth and love towards my sister. It seemed she cared about me being with Bella more than anybody did.

"I just wanted to warn you. I want her to love you too Edward, and it'll happen faster if you spend a day apart." I nodded.

"Alice...when is all of this going to stop?" I hated that I was so out of control and easily let my anger take hold of me when it came to my mate.

"I honestly don't know that Edward." she smiled. "Things can only go up from here, right?" I nodded.

"Thanks,"

"You don't need to thank me. We all want you to be happy." Alice gave me one final smile and I walked out without another word. Isabella's beautiful face kept flashing into my head, it was disfigured with fear and...guilt? Maybe she was sorry for rejecting me? I groaned to myself and tried to not think about her hurting. I replayed Alice's vision in my mind focusing mainly on the first happy parts. Mostly I let myself see my lips gently pressed to her forehead and I remembered how it felt last week. I longed so much to do that again, to touch my lips to all of her and worship her body. It would be amazing to feel her soft lips against mine, to see her writhe in pure pleasure under my touch, hear her ask for more as my hands skimmed over her body...I shuddered with desire for her. My beautiful Bella...who I couldn't see today. I had to distract myself if I hoped to get through the day with my sanity.

I made my way down to my piano and thought of my music. I ran my fingers up and down several scales, instantly relaxing. The tone of each key soothed me in a way that nothing else could. My music held my love more than anything, except for Bella. Again there I go thinking about Bella. I had to stop, but I found myself not able to. I let my memories of her consume me as a new tune began to form in my mind. It was slow, mournful even but it had a peaceful feeling floating in the background, a calming aura that I could associate with Bella's beauty. Beginning to play it slowly, I let it progress, only stopping to write down the notes on a fresh supply of staff paper I had sitting in front of me. The song captivated me, it was so very _her_, so very everything I could feel when we were together. I inhaled deeply, wishing that I was able to smell her somewhere in my house. I longed for her to be close, but her potent scent was not there. I let out a small growl that sounded expectant and full of longing.

'_Oh, he misses her...'_ I heard my mother upstairs. I did miss Bella. I wanted her close to me at all times. I wondered what we would be doing if we were together right now. It would probably be another day of awkward stiff hugs and longing looks from me, curious ones from her. Even so, it would be enough just to be near to her. Another growl left me but this time it was low and pining. Sighing I looked over my notes again and played. Images of Bella continued to dance around my head as I found the ending I wanted for the song. I pictured Bella watching me play this for her, would she like it? I hoped. Finishing the last of the notation, I stood. Wasn't I suppose to be _distracting_ myself? This clearly was not helping.

It was now 7:15 and I was basically finished my new song. I gathered the pages in order and took my pencil and placed the title over it. 'A song for Isabella'. I placed the pages upstairs in my room before grabbing my cell phone to call my Bella and inform her that I would not see her today. My mind wandered a little before I dialed the phone. How would Bella react to not seeing me today? Would she be sad? Would she want to see me? Probably not, I decided. As much as I could fantasize and will Bella to love me, the simple fact was that at this moment, she did not. Maybe she would never. I pinched my nose. She was thinking about it, she was considering a life with me. That was all I could ask of her. Glancing at the clock again I dialed her number, hoping she would already be up.

"Hello." Bella's voice said from the other end of the phone. My whole body shook, and I felt...relief. It was wonderful to hear her. I swallowed and closed my eyes as I felt soothed. "Hello?" she said more insistently.

"Hi, Isabella, It's Edward." I said. I wondered if she would be able to hear my smile in my voice.

"Hi Edward, how are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. Bell I just called to say I'm not going into school today. Do you still have a way there?" Maybe I could just drive her to school? Would that still spark the fight between us?

"Yes, I've got my truck. Why aren't you coming? It's not sunny..." she answered, there was sadness in her voice, and I felt triumphant. Bella _wanted _to see me.

"You'll see in biology class Bell." I said skipping over Alice's vision in my head. Shuffling on the other end told me Bella had switched to hold the phone on the other side of her head. She was chewing her lip softly.

"Well...can-...maybe I could come visit after class?" she sounded hesitant at her own suggestion. I didn't say anything, wondering if Alice just meant we should not see each other at school. Surely it would be safe to bring her here...I could just be sure to not bring up wearing an engagement ring. "Never mind Edward, I'm sorry it was rude of me to invite myself over like that..." she began,

"No, Bella. Please do not apologize. I would love to see you after school today. " I let my selfish Bella-wanting side come through. I wanted to be with her now, but waiting eight hours wasn't _so_ bad.

"See you then Edward." her voice was light, and maybe cheerful. I hoped she was wanting to see me. I opened my mouth to ask her but stopped myself. Instead I said,

"Have a good day my Bell. I'll be waiting for you."

We both hung up the phone and I went to find something to distract myself for the day. Maybe I would go hunting...

Eight hours had never been so long. I spent the day in my special meadow laying under the clouds watching them pass by, and singing to myself softly. As usual, I was completely unsuccessful at taking my thoughts away from the tiny human that was given to me, but it had been amazing to lay there and think of Isabella. I remembered her soft smile, and the warmth that radiated from her skin. She was so beautiful, sublime, the picture of perfection that I had longed for, and yet she was so imperfect. Most importantly, she was mine, completely, wholly pledged to be only and forever _mine_. This thought brought me the comfort and persuasion it took to keep me from running to the school to watch her through the thoughts of others. All day I missed her and was now ready to be near her again. She was just minutes away.

I was running as fast as I could to make it back to my place on time before Bella would arrive there. When I could hear the river rushing by I knew I was close. A crooning noise of want left me as the house came into my line of sight. There she was, here because she had _asked_ to be.

"He's just stepped out, he'll be home soon." I heard Esme saying to Bella. I could already smell her. I jumped the river and seconds later walked into the back door of the house. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were sitting with Bella in the kitchen I joined them and my Bella smiled at me.

"Hey," she whispered when I took a seat across from her. I gave her a one sided grin and turned my attention to Alice who was jabbering on about wedding plans. Would this never end? I thought Bella had made it pretty clear that she wanted to plan her own wedding, yet Alice insisted on bringing it up at every chance.

"Well Bella, are you sure you want to get married in June? We stand so much of a risk of sunlight if you do, and considering the whole town is going to come, we can't really risk it. You can't have a wedding if the groom can't be there." She was saying. Bella looked horrified and clenched her two hands together. I touched her arm softly as my brow creased with concern.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked. She moved her arms from my touch and I forced myself not to reach for her again. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I was under the impression that since I'm the one getting married I would have some sort of control over these types of things." she said her gaze turning to Alice.

"What types of things?" I pushed

"The guest list for one. I don't want too much of anyone there really... Shouldn't I get to choose who gets an invite...and you should choose too Edward. I thought I told you Alice, this is _just for family._ Meaning the people living in this house and Charlie. That's it, I don't want anyone else there." Bella explained, and it was true. She'd told us all that her wedding was to be a small family affair.

"Bella, my dear Bella. You do whatever you want for that day. Hell, I'll take you to Vegas, just the two of us if you'd like." I knew she would like this idea, and I'd do whatever it took to make her happy. Her eyes found mine again and there was a gleam dancing around the deep brown.

"_Really?_" she paused and a look of joy overcame her "That would be great Edward!" her smile was contagious but mine faded as something very loud, piercing and scary was happening in my head, it took me about three seconds to realize it was Alice thinking. I brought a hand to my head.

"Alice! God! Stop!" I yelled. She then vocalized her thoughts,

"Absolutely NOT! I WILL NOT be _robbed_ of the chance to plan this wedding." Bella sighed a little and looked sad. I glared at my sister, and she smirked right back at me."Vegas Edward? Come on, You've told me for at least four decades that you wanted the whole tux and white dress scene, with a big dance and honeymoon, and all the traditions in the book." I sighed, knowing that her words were true but it wasn't up to me.

"I want what Isabella wants, it's her special day. You want to plan a wedding so bad Alice? Re-marry Jasper." Jasper shot me a look that told me if he had to get remarried, he'd rip me to shreds. I shrugged at him, Bella would have what she wanted, regardless of the consequences. Bella was now squirming in her seat with her teeth tugging at her lip. Her hand strayed toward mine momentarily but she seemed to think better of it. I frowned and touched her arm gently again.

"Bella! I thought we were friends!" Alice turned on Bella now. I immediately knew this was going to hurt Bella a lot and make her cave giving Alice exactly what she wanted. Bella considered Alice her best friend. They spent more time together than even Isabella and myself did.

"I hardly think that's fair Ali." came Emmett's voice. I was surprised but grateful he said something,

"Thank you," I said looking at him. "Alice, don't manipulate. You know perfectly well that Bella considers you her best friend. She likes you better than she likes me! Let her have her day Alice, she deserves it to be how she wants it to be. Nothing more or nothing less. Bella is the bride this time so let it go." I moved to stand behind Bella's chair when I said this. I placed one hand on her shoulder and rubbed the pad of my thumb over it hoping to soothe the pain I knew Bella was feeling.

"Fine go to Vegas, have some tacky wedding with no pictures, no memories and don't worry you'll regret it! I've already seen that much! Just don't expect me to help when you guys decide to do another one in 18 months here!" Alice stood and actually shot Bella a glare and I swear I could hear Bella's heart break. Alice left shortly followed by Jasper who stopped to tell Bella that it didn't matter to him either way.

"I'll bring Ali around Bella. Don't you worry about a thing." Bella gave him a soft smile without meeting his eyes. "Chin up," he whispered and bumped her chin with his fist. She looked Jasper in the eyes and flinched away. They were deeply black for his lack of hunting but his thoughts did not hold the idea of thirst toward her right now. "Don't be afraid." My brother whispered. "I would not hurt you. I may be newest vampire here, but I am stable." Bella nodded and very gently laid a hand on Jasper's shoulder. She was visibly shaking. '_I'll give it time. Rome wasn't built in a day, I suppose her fear won't just disappear__ that fast either,' _ Jasper thought. He bumped her chin once more and smoothed her hair before moving upstairs after his wife.

The briny smell of tears permeated the air and I sighed. I must admit I was unaware humans could cry so much. Bella had cried almost every time I had seen her, most of the time it was actually my fault. This time however it wasn't and as good as it felt to not be causing her pain, it still hurt just as much to see her want to cry. I continued to rub her shoulder and then gently ran my knuckles down the back of her arm. I was not very good at this physical comfort thing, but I just let my human instincts take over as much as they could. If all went well I would learn quickly about how to take care of Bella's emotional well being when she needed someone. I tried to be subtle in case she did not want my comfort at this moment, but the feeling of her skin against mine was amazing, so I continued to rub the back of her arm.

"Come on Bella, chin up! Just like Jazzy said." Emmett said coming over to her. Bella visibly flinched as he addressed her. "Alice is just being annoying. She still loves you all the same and she'll forgive you...eventually." Bella just nodded but would not meet Emmett's eyes. I had a feeling the sheer size of him was extremely intimidating to her. She was less comfortable with my brother's than anybody I had ever seen her interact with. Emmett saw that she was scared and sighed a little. His thoughts were sad.

"_It's so wrong when someone's so down they're scared __of __**me.**_" Emmett was big, but he was a softy. His large body moved closer. He made a very bold move and scooped Bella up into one arm where she froze.

"It's okay." I whispered and she unfroze slightly. Her heartbeat was going into overdrive and a long ragged breath left her.

"Edward?" she murmured,

"He wouldn't hurt you. No one here would.". Emmett then wrapped his arms around her small frame and gave her a hug. "It's okay Bell."

"I'm not letting you go until I get a hug back!" Emmett sang. Bella lifted her arms and laid them around his neck. Emmett smirked. "Pitiful Bella, you call that a hug?" He moved his hold on her so he could dig his fingers into her ribs and tickle her. Bella shrieked and clung onto him tightly, begging him to stop. "There, was that so hard?" His arms held her back so he could look her in the eyes. Bella smiled brilliantly and hugged my brother again. The hug lingered and Emmett's thoughts were starting to become silly as he planned several situations to make Bella smile and feel more welcomed in our home. I whispered my thanks to my brother so low that Bella would not be able to hear me.

"For something so big and scary Emmett you're kinda like a teddy bear you know?" she asked as he set her back on her feet. They shared a smile,

"You've got nothing to be frightened of Izzy. I'm here to protect you just as much as Eddie is. You'll be the favorite of my sisters. I like you best already." he gave her a large goofy Emmett grin and Bella laughed a little.

"Izzy? Eddie?" she asked while still chuckling.

"Everyone gets a unique nickname from me. Now you're Izzy and Eddie...Perfect."

"I like it." Bella said. My face fell a little. If there was anything I couldn't stand in this world it was being called 'Eddie'. Emmett mussed up Bella's hair a little, flashed her another grin and then walked out of the kitchen leaving us alone. She turned to me and before I could protest her arms were around me. I gave her a small hug in return and gently pried her off of me. I hated to have to do this, but it was necessary.

"I never thought you'd turn down a big hug from me." she looked defeated as she said this and clasped her hands together.

"I'm sorry Bell, I am just trying to save myself a little pain." she nodded but still looked upset. It was easy to tell from her expression that she didn't understand why I would be in pain, or why I thought hugging her could make it worse. I sighed to myself and tried to distract her. "You know that I love to hold you in my arms," I murmured softly. Her eyes flew up to mine and she leaned into me ever so gently. Her arms moved to hang around my body. I leaned down and pressed my forehead gently to the top of hers.

"This isn't bad." she said.

"No, no it's not." I replied. When we fell away from the hug a silence filled in the distance between us. My feet shuffled slightly and I had to break this awkwardness between us. "So...Vegas? To hell with all this planning nonsense and we'll head down after prom?" I watched Bella's face fold into a smile.

"We can before prom actually. Since I'm not going...I mean...that is if you're not going to. If you're planning to go we can head down to Vegas the weekend after." I nodded and frowned a little. I had been hoping to give Bella a chance to go to prom. I was looking forward to finally having someone to go with. I wanted to take Bella to dance the night away with me, and give her that important right of passage out of high school...but I guess I could not give her that. My heart cracked a little but I swallowed the pain. It would not do me any good to argue with her about it, I could always ask questions though. Maybe she would want to go with me one day...

"Are you saying you would not go with me if I asked you to accompany me?" It was a harmless question, and it would be good to know the answer,

"I'd be really upset the entire night, but I would never say no to you."

"Never?" I grinned and reached out to touch her arm softly again, I simply could not resist.

"You're my fiancé Edward, like you said. I couldn't go with anyone else. Even if they asked me." I nodded my head and tried to fight my hopes down as she said this. She'd just admitted I was her fiancé! If I could drink it I would be popping champagne right now! YES! My beautiful tiny little darling human creature admitted that she was to be my wife, that she was my fiancée. I stopped my thoughts there and then reprimanded myself for using the word 'darling'. I then pulled myself out of my self scolding because I heard Bella say my name.

"You still with me Edward?" her eyes were laughing at my momentary space out.

"I'll never be anywhere else." I whispered back. Bella was pulling me in with her eyes, I so desperately wanted to touch her, to hold her. I had to get nearer to her. Taking a step towards her so there was no distance between our bodies I inhaled her scent. She looked slightly uncomfortable with this but she wiped it from her face quickly while locking our eyes together.

"So are you going to teach me how to do all this stuff?" I became overjoyed with her question and all I could do was nod and snake my arms around her tightly.

"Please tell me this isn't some sick joke, my heart simply cannot take much more." I whispered as I brought one hand up and tangled it in her hair. My other hand grabbed Bella's and made her hold it to my cheek and I turned my face into her hair and got lost in the scent. This smell was so thrilling to me, it calmed me and excited me all at the same time. I felt relaxed, aroused, loved and rejected. My heart grew and I could not hold back a smile. I knew my eyes were black with thirst _and_ desire but I was in control, and I did not want to step away from the treat I was holding in my arms. I brought my face out of her hair and nuzzled her jaw and cheek with my nose growling to myself so low that Bella could not hear. I felt her skin run fiery hot with a blush and I sighed in contentment at the even stronger burst of smell.

"Edward, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing." She whispered very low, trying to pull her head away so she could look into my eyes. I closed them so she would not see the blackness and hunger for her swimming in them. I needed to feel more, I wanted everything with this girl and I pressed her more against me, and rested my hand over hers as it laid against my face.

"Holding me is all you need to do for now my Love." I knew Bella wanted to protest, but I could not let go yet. I wanted to get lost in her scent again.

I took her hand off my face and brought her wrist to my nose and inhaled deeply. She tried to free her hand but I tightened my grip. "No, please. Trust me." I whispered. She continued to try and pull away but I_ had_ to have this. I inhaled deeply over and over drinking her in, putting her scent to memory. Finally I released her arm and was disappointed when she chose not to snake it around my neck with the other one. Pulling her closer so she was completely pressed to me I ran my nose down her jawline and crooned lightly to myself reveling in the release of my love for her in this physical manner. It felt so right to hold her, it felt too good to nuzzle against her. I heard her whimper and pressed my forehead to hers so I could look into her eyes and try to ease her again.

"Ed-Edward..."

"Are you afraid Bella?" I knew she was and Bella frowned,

"Too fast...I don't..." she began, scrambling to find words and explain herself.

"Shhhh" I hushed her and watched her throat move as she gulped. I moved my head up and pressed my lips to her forehead like I had that night last week. I held them there for several minutes and finally pulled away from her, letting my arms fall back to my sides. Bella had an unreadable look on her face and I now realized that I'd let my desires get way too ahead of everything in the past few minutes. I let my head hang and whispered my apologies.

"Don't apologize Edward...it's just scary...not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing...and you're eyes were so black...I'm not used to people being so close. Hugs are one thing but that was..."

"Yes?" I prompted.

"It was different, but nice...I liked it but it was just...new, you know?" I nodded my head and offered her my hand. She took it and stepped in closer to me again. "Can I just...?" she murmured. I nodded, not knowing what she would do but trusted her. Her free hand pulled my head down to rest my cheek against hers. Fingers trailed fire up my arm and Bella hugged me to her. Her face turned into mine and I smiled as I lifted a hand to tangle it in her hair. She leaned the weight of her head back into my hand and smiled softly. "I can do this..." she murmured so low I was sure she thought I would not hear her.

"Yes, yes you can." I said lifting my head to touch my lips to her temple. Pulling away from her I again took her hand and we walked out into the sitting room where I sat down on the couch. Bella plopped down ungracefully beside me and I dropped her hand to throw my arm over her shoulders and lean her into me.

"So...Vegas?" I said steering our conversation back to our wedding. Bella seemed to hesitate and then shrugged while resting her head on my shoulder.

"Alice said we'll regret it though...maybe we could do something really small here. I don't like crowds Edward, just your family maybe and my Dad, and Angela, I wouldn't want her to miss this."

"Isabella my sweet, you do whatever makes you happy and I'll be happy too." I took her hand and placed it on my leg and I settled mine over it. Bella looked up at me and I turned to brush my lips against her hair. I sighed lightly in content and Bella cheeks blushed hot.

"I want you to like it too though Edward." One of her fingers gently moved against my thigh. Her teeth sank into her lip and I nudged her head to make her look up at me. "You really want a whole big affair like Alice was describing?" I nodded

"I'd only want it to be big so I could show as many people as I could that you're mine, and that you'll be mine til death do us part." Bella frowned at something. "What's wrong my love?" I asked. Bella just shook her head and I tried to pry into her mind. Of course only silence followed.

"Why do you call me all those pet names Edward? I don't have one for you."

"I only do it because it comes natural to me. If you do not like it I will stop Bella..."

"I didn't say it was a problem, they're cute. I think it's funny when you call me 'your Bell'" I smiled and nuzzled my face into hers again. Bella pulled away suddenly and I frowned.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and Bella sat up a little straighter.

"No, I wasn't expecting it. Just give me time." I nodded and she rested her head back on my shoulder.

"You are okay? Truly?" I whispered.

"Yes, I promise." I removed my hand from the top of hers and grabbed the remote. My eyes looked down at her and took in her expression. Determined, yet still slightly unsettled. I let her be with her thoughts and she lifted a hand to rest against my chest. "I promise that I will work on this Edward." I smiled. "You believe me right?"

"Of course. Time will work only in our favor." her fingers closed into a fist around my shirt.

"Thank you." I moved my hand to fold around hers and she watched with happy eyes as my large pale hand engulfed hers. I too watched our hands and felt an overwhelming comfort take me. This was right, more right than anything I had known.

Bella was now stretched out on the couch with her feet propped up in my lap. My hand rested gently over her ankles. It was around nine-thirty and she was completely absorbed in the program I had turned on the TV earlier. Just as things were beginning to fold together Bella gave me a glance and a smile. Lifting a hand from her stomach she offered it to me shyly and I laced our fingers together. My eyes wandered over her body freely as she again became captivated by the television.

Minutes later Bella let out a yawn and stretched her body. I help back the compliment I wanted to give her about her body as it was stretched out with every curve so perfectly on displayed. Surely it would make her uncomfortable.

"You are tired?" I murmured. Bella sat up and moved to sit back beside me again while nodding. Her head fell onto my shoulder.

"I didn't sleep well last night."

"Oh?" I waited for her to elaborate, she was quiet. "Why not Bella?"

"Dreams and things." she said evasively. I decided to let it go and maybe bring it up at another time.

"I'll take you home now if you like. It would be good for you to go to bed early." Bella shook her head and let her eyes close as she rested against me.

"No," she whispered.

"Charlie will wonder where you are. Plus we have school in the morning Bell." Bella gave me a hesitant look. "What?" she blushed. "Bella, talk to me." Her eyes stared at our laced fingers.

"Do you...not want me to stay?" she asked. I didn't answer. She looked up at me and saw my raised eyebrow that said 'don't ask stupid questions.' A warm smile graced her features.

"Of course I want you to stay." Bella then stood up and stretched and I heard her bones creek and crack. She got back onto the couch but when she did it was with her head in my lap. I gently began to rub her back which she did not seem to mind. I moved my hand slowly down her back until it was just above a two inch strip of exposed skin from her shirt being slightly hiked up. I decided I would be bold and I let a single finger fall onto her hip and trace small circles there. Her expression became fixed and her body registered my cold and she tensed. It was when I flicked the edge of her jeans with my finger and dipped one into the waist of them that I felt her stiffen completely and sharply inhale.

"Edward! What are you doing?" she scolded and sat bolt up. She hurried away from me and I turned to her with pleading eyes. I had not meant to be over baring with affection by doing that. It was meant as a gesture of simple caring, "What are you doing? Just because we're trying this couple thing doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. I'd like you to keep your hands in respectable areas." I nodded and whispered several apologies, receiving no response. I wanted to be angry with her, how were her hips inappropriate? But I would not speak, if it made her uncomfortable that was all I needed to know not to do it again. Bella did not return to my side but stayed on the far end of the couch. I rested my head in my hand and then pinched the bridge of my nose with the other.

_"Bad, stupid, idiot, moronic Edward! Why did you do that? You knew it was too bold you knew it!" _I thought this to myself for the best part of the next twenty minutes while she stayed curled on the edge of the couch. I contemplated going to play my piano and trying to let things settle out, but I didn't know if she'd get upset with me for just walking away without an explanation like I'd done before. Allowing myself to glance at her I noticed that her beautiful lips were pressed into a hard line. Her forehead was creased with discomfort and I longed to smooth the anger away. Bella would not look at me and I stood thinking to leave, but sat back down when I noticed Bella glare at the opposite wall. I looked away. It was my fault she was mad at me and I would just have to accept the consequences.

"What'd you do to induce the self hating?" came Jasper's voice from behind me. I turned slightly in my seat to see him standing behind the sofa with Alice behind him. She was glowering at Bella who was shying away from her gaze. I growled at my sister and for once Bella did not flinch at my primal sound. I wondered if she understood that it was in her defense. Alice, on instinct growled back and Jasper grabbed her hand.

"Calm yourselves." he said, and immediately forced us to simmer down. Alice's glare was still on Bella even through Jasper's calm.

"Alice, if you don't stop giving Bella that look you won't even be at the wedding let alone planning it." I threatened she turned her narrowed eyes to me. We stared into each other down, a silent competition, a battle of wills nobody could win. Alice's face moved into a smirk,

"So I see you're not going to Vegas anymore." she said after a small pause. Bella and I nodded and I smiled at my mate, she did not notice however as her eyes were still with Jasper and Alice.

"Want a ride home Bella?" Alice asked, glancing between the two of us. The tension was obvious and Jasper was slowly trying to ease it out of us.

"No, I'm staying the night."

"I know, but you seem upset with Edward. I figured I'd offer all the same." Bella smiled and Alice turned to Jasper. I felt weird waves coming off him and I knew they were directed at Bella. His eyes were scrutinizing her and then he flashed them at me,

"_I'm sure you're getting the cold shoulder for something ridiculous. Mind if I give you a hand?_" Bella then looked over at me and very suddenly moved closer to me on the couch. Her warm hand closed around several of my fingers and she leaned her head on my shoulder. Jasper sent me a wink as he and Alice turned away to head back to their room. Isabella then looked very confused and dropped my hand.

"That was odd, I just had a very sudden urge to forgive you for moving too fast...now I feel like I did before." She must have forgotten about Jasper's empathic influence abilities. Fear of her becoming more upset stopped me from reminding her at this particular moment. I frowned at her.

"So you don't forgive me? You know I am sorry. I think that because I have had to hold back for so long it's harder to keep things in check. I mean...all I have really done is hug you, nuzzle and snuggle into you a little bit. I didn't think you would mind me touching your hips... they are beautiful you know...just like the rest of you." Bella blushed, but gave me a sad look. "Is it so inappropriate to touch you there?" No answer followed and I bit my lip. "I did not want you to be upset with me."

"Slow and steady wins the race Edward." she whispered and let me pull her closer . We sat in silence and Bella lifted her hand to rest over where my heart should have been beating. Turning my head into her I let my lips rest against her hair and tried to enjoy the quiet time I had to simply take in her scent. It was easy to give into the power of her smell and I found myself shifting to better move my nose down to her jugular. Bella giggled as I inhaled and let out small sighs. "Edward?"

"Mhmm?" I pushed out. My mind was filling up with the thought of ravishing her skin with open mouth kisses. I wanted to be able to taste the scent that flowed off of her.

"What do I smell like?" I shrugged, my mind too fuzzy with lust and wanting to properly describe it. Bella pushed my head from her gently and I bit back a growl just before I was about to let it out. I wanted to be closer to her. Not pushed away. I ran the tip of my nose along her jawline and planted a gentle kiss against her cheek. "Tell me." she said.

"Like, Esme's garden, but more...heavenly." I inhaled deeply again and smiled. "You smell like beauty, like a clean spring lake, or rain." Bella was laughing and I tried to pull more words out of my head. "Sometimes you smell like an ocean, and warmth, like cinnamon, but that is mostly when you are crying."

"So, in short, I smell like fresh, wet, salty flowers with cinnamon on top?"

"It is so much more than that Bella,"

"Is it?"

"You smell like home." I whispered without even meaning to. This admission did not seem to make her uncomfortable. I smiled. "Yes, like home."

"And home is good I assume?" I nodded and then cupped her cheek with one hand. My thumb ran over her lips and a need to push my lips onto hers rose in me. No, now was not the time I thought. But the time for it would be soon.

"Home is very good Bella. Better than anything." Her eyes looked into mine and I knew she would see herself reflected back in the eyes of an animal. "You are beautiful," I whispered simply because I needed to tell her.

"Thank you," blood rushed in her body and stained her cheeks. Leaning back I turned lightly on the couch and moved my hands to her waist.

"Will you...curl up with me here on the couch?" I asked hoping she would crawl onto my lap and snuggle with me. Bella drew her lip in between her teeth and I knew her answer before she even said it. A twinge of hurt flickered in me but I pushed it away. We would not fight about this.

"I'm not so sure Edward. Maybe I should go call Charlie and head to bed. You said it yourself, we have school tomorrow." The animal inside me who wanted to curl up with his mate did not bother to hide the hurt on my face as I nodded my head and dropped my hands from her.

"Edward, don't be sad." Bella pushed my hair out of my eyes and gently trailed the back of her hand down my cheek. I turned my head and kissed her hand before she let it fall,

"I'm not trying to be my beautiful Bell. I can't help it." she nodded and stood up.

"Let me call my father. I'll go to bed after, okay?" I nodded.

I handed Bella my phone from my pocket and she dialed the number in slowly and turned from me to speak.. I could hear Charlie was quite pleased that she had chosen to stay over. I shoved my hands in my pocket as they continued talking and I felt the small box that contained the ring I hoped to put on Bella's finger as soon as possible. I slid the box out and glanced and it, trying to gather courage to talk to her about it tomorrow. I shoved it back into my pocket before Bella turned around and handed me my phone. Smiling, I brushed my hand against hers as I took it back, it was wonderful to feel her warmth against my fingers.

I stood and wished her a goodnight and began to make for my piano room to play the song she did not know I had written for her. It would soothe me through the night and give me something other to do than stand at the bottom of the stairs and wish deeply to have her in my arms. It would be another long night, but we would be together again in the morning, and that prospect was more wonderful than anything I'd ever been able to look forward to. I heard a huff from behind me and turned back to look at her,

"What? So now we're a real couple and I don't get a goodnight hug? For shame Edward, I thought you said you understood this romance stuff." Bella was wearing a smirk and I had to laugh at her.

"That my Darling, is where you are wrong. You are my first love...I just let my human instincts take over as much as they can. I try to do what feels good. What feels...right." I explained to her while walking toward her. "The last thing you need is me loving you with my wild side." I chuckled at the thought and Bella looked up at me.

"Almost a century alive and I'm the first girl?" it was obvious she did not believe me.

"I'm quite particular." I smirked to myself. Yes I was particular. The girl I wanted had to be human, beautiful, emotionally unavailable to some extent and hateful towards me at least half the time. She was the only person around who fulfilled all of those criteria.

"And you're being forced." she reminded. I sighed and decided I would be honest with her about the subject of our arranged status.

"Not at all actually. I'm glad to be marrying you Bella. If the contract broke today I'd still want to be your husband." I took several steps towards Bella and opened my arms to hug her. She was mulling over my admission, for now she wasn't saying anything. I waited and then closed the distance between us when it seemed she would not say anything at all.

My arms wound around her and I buried my face into the crook of her neck, which was almost difficult considering how much shorter she was than me but the scent was so powerful from there that I couldn't resist. I slipped my hands down and accidentally brushed her exposed skin again and I felt her shiver and whimper at the cold. She did not scold me this time, maybe she did not mind my touch as much as she previously thought.

"I wish I could be warm for you." I mumbled into her neck. For my second bold move of the night I let my lips touch her pulse point in a long, drawn out kiss full of my passion. She gasped. "Too much my Love?" I asked and she shook her head. I smiled and traced my lips down her neck and back up. She shivered and giggled a little. I felt pride run through me when I realized that she was giggling with delight as my lips touched her. _I_ was making her feel like this, _I_ had taught her to trust me. She was enjoying this, and hopefully one day we would enjoy everything together. I lifted my head up and pressed my forehead to hers and smiled down at her.

Bella's eyes seemed to be lost as they looked me over, focusing intently on different features of my face. She brought one hand up to trace her fingers across my cheek and along my jawbone. Again she shifted my hair to one side of my forehead and touched the skin that was usually hidden beneath it. Her thumb ran over my eyebrow and I closed my eyes only to feel her fingertips dance over the lids. When I opened my eyes again Bella was blushing, the light pink making her even more lovely to look at. I retraced the pattern she had drawn over my face on her and as she drew over the outline of my bottom lip with her thumb.

"You know Edward for a man, you're kind of beautiful." she whispered after some silence. I allowed myself a cocky grin that fell into a smirk and she sent electricity through my body with another giggle. Her deep chocolate orbs were staring up into my onyx ones. Onyx again with pure desire. My lips were millimeters from hers and I wanted to badly to be bold again and to press my lips against hers. An argument started up inside my head and I tried to reason with myself. Yes, I wanted to feel her lips on mine, but I wouldn't be able to handle any rejection at all if she stopped it and got upset.

Her eyes were now swiveling between my eyes and my lips. Was she thinking what I was thinking? I inhaled deeply and was about to close the distance between our lips when someone cleared their throat.

Carlisle was standing in the doorway to the sitting room an arm around Esme, they both looked amused and pleased. I was cursing my father in every way and in every language I knew in my head. I had been mere _seconds_ from locking lips with my Bella, but no. _**He just had to interrupt**_.

"Edward I think it's time Isabella went to bed. It's close to eleven and you both have school." Bella moved her head down to hide her face in my chest. Cradling her head against me I ducked to rest my cheek against her. Esme actually stood up straighter and seemed to buzz with elation. She looked to her husband and he gave her a smug and knowing look. '_In this instance, I won't bother with the ''I told you so'' Edward. You deserve this.'_ I released Bella from my grip and nodded to my parents. I stepped out of her way so she could move to the stairs but she did not. Instead she was still staring at my face and smiling. I reached out and touched her cheek lightly her eyes fell relaxed at the contact and drooped momentarily.

"Bella, it's time for bed. The human has to sleep." I said with a chuckle. She took my hand from her face and squeezed it before closing the distance between us and standing up on her toes slightly. A moment of hesitance, and pressed her lips lightly to my cheek. She blushed furiously and hurried up the stairs. My eyes followed her as she ran to my room and shut the door.

"Well, that was quite something Son," Carlisle said.

"Yes, it was definitely something." I agreed. "She is so odd. Okay with some things and not with others. I will have to walk on egg shells for now."

"We're so happy for you," My mother said moving toward me to give me a hug. I laughed as arms folded around me. Never, not once could I remember being happy like this. A thump came from upstairs and I heard Bella laugh.

'_She tripped'_ Jasper's thoughts reached me. I let out another chuckle and picked up my mother to swing her around.

"Things are wonderful," I said. "Will it always feel like this?" I asked my parents. I hoped this feeling of love that burst through me was one I never wanted to forget.

"It will be more than what it is now Edward. Your love for her will only increase, will only get deeper than what it is now." The thought of being more in love with Bella seemed impossible, but I knew myself that there would never be a time when I would not love her.

"Goodnight Son, we will see you tomorrow." Carlisle said stepping up to take Esme back from my arms.

"Until then," I said and gripped his shoulder. A big goofy grin was plastered on my face and I walked past my parents and out the front door. My smile lasted throughout the night as I climbed to the roof of the house and watched the clouds part and the stars come out. Tomorrow I was going to kiss Bella, and she wasn't going to push me away, I could feel it. I closed my eyes and let her soft laugh and features run through my mind. For the rest of the night I went over what had turned out to be a perfect day for us.


	11. A Step in the Right Direction

Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 11

Today was the day I was going to kiss Isabella Swan.

...or at least..I hoped it was.

As I sat beside her outside her first class waiting for the bell to ring, I tried to find an opportunity but one never came. She seemed to have reverted back to her old ways which inside was ripping me apart. The lovely Bella was sitting over a foot away from me and kept her eyes focused on the ground while we talked. I glanced at my watch and saw that we still had ten minutes to class. I was staring at her trying to make her meet my gaze but she never looked up.

"See something you like on the ground Bell?" I asked shifting closer to her in what I hoped was an inconspicuous way. Bella shook her head and her eyes narrowed slightly, was I bothering her? "Are you okay?"

"Yes." She finally lifted her eyes to lock with mine and I gave her a small smile. She returned it with great effort and false happiness. It seemed obvious to me that Bella was lying. How could she be okay when she seemed so down? All morning she had been near silent, and her eyes held no trace of a sparkle. Sighing, I bit my lip and touched her knee so softly she may not have felt it. There had to be someway to make her happy, I was determined to find it.

"Penny for your thoughts Dear," I shifted closer to her again and smiled inwardly when she did not reprimand me for calling her dear or pull away from me. I moved down so I was sitting one step below her threw my arm behind her body while leaning back slightly on the steps. This would normally be very uncomfortable, but being this close to Bella in front of the other students who were walking by made it all worth it. I moved my hand to rest gently against her hip, being sure that my cold was not touching her. Bella glanced down at my hand, raised an eyebrow and turned back to scrutinizing the ground. Watching her face I tried to figure out if my hand being there bothered her. Soon she shifted from it slightly but in the process brought herself closer to my body. I smiled. "Are you going to answer me?" Bella was unresponsive. More students walked by us and I smirked while looking some of them in the eyes,

"_Wow, Cullen seems cozy with the new girl,_"

"_That Bella does __**not**__ realize how lucky she is,_"

"_Wish he'd get that close to __**me**_." Their thoughts made me want to laugh, no one could hold my attention like the girl sitting beside me. I nudged Bella's knee looking for the answer to my question.

"It's nothing really Edward, I'm just trying to figure some things out." her eyes flickered to my face for only a few moments before she turned away. I held back a sigh and continued to watch her as she thought. Her answer was vague and that frustrated me to no end. Was is so hard to talk things out? Her features shifted from pensive to concerned and then to amused. She smirked to herself, shook her head and then I saw her grimace. I'd given up trying to force my way into Bella's mind, but it was growing more and more annoying to not be able to hear her like I heard the others. I wanted Bella to really talk to me. I let out the sigh I had held back. Bella was driving me mad.

"Isabella Marie, if you don't tell me what you're thinking this _instant_ I'm going to pull my hair out." Her nose wrinkled in delight and she shook her head.

"That would be awful Edward. I... I really like your hair. It's beautiful..." she said with a grin. I laughed and smiled my most dazzling smile for her. It was hard to charm Isabella but I tried whenever I was given the opportunity. Bella's brown eyes raked over my features and I winked at her, making her giggle. The sound went right down into my heart and an urge built up inside me to lunge forward and capture her lips at this instant. I held back, this moment was not quite right, no matter how much I wanted the kiss it would have to wait. For Bella, I wanted it to be perfect.

"Please Love, what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Bella blushed and I leaned my head into her side only applying the lightest pressure. "Talk to me you silly girl," I nudged her again and was very shocked when I felt Bella lift her hand and run it through my hair gently. My eyes closed as I enjoyed the sensation.

"I'm just wondering about romance, and how the physical aspects work. I don't want to be very showy at school still." My eyes immediately opened. She paused and looked away from me, "...but I didn't want to tell you that because I thought you'd be upset..." I nodded and frowned. "I don't want you to be upset with me Edward,"

"Is there a problem with people seeing Bella?" She didn't answer me. I pressed, "Are you... ashamed...of being my girlfriend? My fiancée?" My smile was gone and I sighed to myself knowing that silence after that could only mean one thing. Looking away for a few seconds I gathered myself for the blow I expected. I should have seen this coming, Bella was not used to these types of things, she did not see them as I did. I found myself unable to look back into her eyes. Bella finally spoke,

"It's difficult to explain, give me some time to think. I'll talk to you at lunch?" she asked.

"I'm taking that as a yes." I muttered. I heard her sigh and she continued to ruffle my hair with her hand. She gently grabbed a fistful and tugged slightly. Pleasure shot through my body and I forced myself to keep the growl I wanted to let out inside. Bella surprised me by bringing my head to lean back into her side and holding it there, moving her hand down to touch my cheek lightly.

"I'm not ashamed of you Edward, you're a nice man, my b-boyfriend." she tripped over the word and my frown only increased. "My fiancé." Oddly this was said with more confidence. She was strangely more comfortable with this word, I liked that she was. "I've nothing to be ashamed of. I'm just unsure of how to proceed... this all is no new and so strange...do you understand?" I shrugged and looked up at her while half nodding. I wanted to be more understanding, but it was hard.

"I'll think about it during class. I do not really mean to push you my Bell...I just want to be like a normal couple...I want these people to know that you belong to me." I said gesturing to the students who were walking by. Their thoughts were still much the same as before which made me push up the corner of my mouth into something between a smirk and a smile.

"Belong to you?" Bella asked her face slightly scrunched. I smirked realizing how bad that might sound to her. The animal part of me did see her as _mine_ and mine only. Bella did belong to me in a sense. Not as property of course, but her body was mine, and one day I hoped her heart and spirit would be mine as well. I pushed those thoughts away, it would not be good to voice those things to Bella. Not at this stage in our relationship anyways,

"That I have a romantic claim on you, obviously you are not a possession." I explained. She smiled after I said this moved her hand back to my hair. I opened my mouth to speak with her again but was interrupted by the ringing of the first class warning bell...so much for a kiss. We both stood and even standing one step below her she was still slightly shorter than me. I raised my hand and brushed it lightly from her temple to her chin. A brilliant scarlet blush came onto her cheek as Lauren and Jessica walked by and scoffed at my affection towards her. Bella leaned in and barely brushed her lips against my cheek, I cupped her face in my hand and turned my head to whisper to her, "Until lunch time Bell," I brushed my fingertips down her face, onto her shoulder and down her arm to take her hand. Bringing it to my lips I kissed her knuckles several times.

'_This cannot be happening, how can he do that with __**her**__?'. _I turned in the direction of the voice and kissed Bella's wrist softly. Her cheeks only glowed a deeper scarlet after this, and she flew into the open door of her first class.

During my first class I watched Bella through the minds of those around her. Several girls were outraged that Bella, who they called plain and unattractive could receive affection from me when they had been hitting on me since day one. Their words against my stunning Isabella made me angry and I had to fight back a growl when I heard them. The thoughts of Angela were much more pleasant to watch Bella through. She was genuinely happy that Bella had found some interest in someone. During some independent work time in the class she brought it up,

"_I knew you and Edward were friends, and __**that**__ was odd because he never gets to know anybody, but how did you two start dating?_"

"_Oh,_" Bella had replied worrying her lip, "_Our parents introduced us after I moved here and...it just seemed to fit I guess. He's sweet, and he just...wanted to be with me so badly. He's wanted to be very close ever since we met._" I almost laughed as I listened to Bella weave the truth in with little white lies. Angela was extremely happy for Bella, but noticed her hesitance in talking about it. Her mind was very curious about me so she shyly asked another question,

'_What's he like? Like, really like? Nobody knows him.' _Bella blushed and shrugged a little.

'_He's sweet, like I said. He's very affectionate, very articulate...he's grounding to be around, he seems to know what he wants. He's not like other guys. Edward is patient and kind. He's very gentle and protective. He wants to show the world that he cares about me, even though it makes me a little uncomfortable at times.'_

_ 'But I mean...what do you talk about? He seems to purposefully put himself out of touch. I've..' _Angela stuttered, _'I've always wanted to just talk to him. Never date him __though, he's too...not Ben.'_ I liked this, because it was true. Though Angela thought I was attractive she had never even began the thought process of pursuing something with me. She was content with Ben.

_'We talk about everything I suppose. Mostly about each other. He loves to talk about how much he likes me. Edward is just a regular person I suppose. We talk about us, books, music, TV, school.'_ Angela and Bella shared a giggle. I loved listening to Bella say these nice things about me.

'_He sounds nice.'_

_ 'He cares about me, I suppose that's all that's important.'_ My heart burst. I could not think of anything else but this conversation for a long time.

In third period I resumed my watching of Bella, and began to plan out situations in lunch where I could kiss her. The last half of the class was spent on me focusing entirely on the shape and color of Bella's lips. I wondered to myself whether she would taste like she smelled. God, I hoped. Even if she only tasted a fraction of as good as she smelled she would be the most amazing flavor I'd savor on my tongue. I was grinning like an idiot again but no one seemed to notice.

Bella was again chatting happily with Angela as they worked on a project that allowed them to have more conversation.

'_So what do you and Edward do on the weekends? Nobody ever sees you in Port Angeles, or Olympia.'_

_ 'I've got the whole Cullen crew plus the Hale twins to keep me entertained.' _Bella was shifting and becoming more uncomfortable with the conversation. When she folded her arms over her chest Angela touched her shoulder softly,

'_I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm used to most girls going on and on about their boyfriends. I mean...I could talk your ear off about Ben, but you seem so hesitant.' _Bella nodded.

_'I'm just private, and I like to keep things low key between Edward and I. I'm not big into the relationship scene, but he dotes on me so much that it bothers me for him to feel rejected by me.'_ I held my breath, Angela's questions were getting awfully personal. It bothered me that Bella would talk to her and not me,

_'Oh, so you aren't really interested in being his girlfriend? You just don't want to hurt him?'_ Angela's face was actually stern and she was preparing to tell Bella off for playing with my feelings.

'_No I don't mean that at all. What I mean is that...I'm very new to this relationship thing. Edward's kind of leading and sometimes he can get a head of himself, but never in a way that's harmful to me. He never forces me to do anything...I just...I guess what I mean is that Edward is happy to let others watch him shower me with attention and affection. I am just attempting to get used to being affectionate with just us, let alone with everyone else being involved.' _ Angela's thoughts immediately settled and she was sympathetic toward Bella's situation. '_You weren't making me uncomfortable. Back in Arizona I didn't have a good girlfriend to talk to about this stuff...'_

The girls continued on with their conversation that was steered away from me. I looked around the room, dreaming of deep brown eyes until the bell rang, signaling the return of my mate to my arms.

When Bella left her building I was standing right outside waiting for her. She looked into my eyes and gave me a soft smile as she stepped beside me. New found confidence touched me, yes today I would get that kiss, that smile proved it. Smiling to myself I moved to replace all space between us. My arm touched hers, she did not seemed bothered. As she started to descend the steps I placed my arm around her waist, needing to pull her closer but immediately she twisted out of my grip. I stopped dead in my tracks. Bella noticed and stopped one step ahead of me. Nothing but pain could be read in my expression. She knew it hurt me to be so outwardly disapproving of my touches. What I had done had not been at all inappropriate, I simply wished to be close with her. I looked down to the ground, waiting for her to say something,

"I'm sorry Edward, it's just a reflex I guess...please don't be mad, slow and steady remember? Give me time, I promise I can be better for you." Bella held out a hand. I took it slowly making my grip on her firm, but not enough to hurt her. Her warmth immediately flooded my body and I inhaled long slow breaths to draw in as much of her scent as possible. My hand clutched onto her with a little more strength. I loved the touch of Bella's hand, and I so desperately _needed_ her to not pull away from me.

"No need for the death grip, I'm not gonna pull away Edward." Bella tried to soothe my worried mind, I guess it showed on my face. I nodded but did not loosen my grasp on her. Leading her into the cafeteria, people turned to stare at us and our locked hands. Bella blushed and I could smell the blood pooling in her cheeks. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and could see she looked awkward and upset. I wanted to do something to reassure her about being affectionate with me in public. Turning to her slightly I leaned to press my lips to the top of her head. She bit her lip and moved her hair from behind her ear to fall across her face. She gently tried to let her hand fall from mine so again I added strength to my hold. A small whimper left her throat as we moved through the room. I pulled her as close to me as I could get her and leaned my head down to her ear.

"Ignore the stares my Bell. It should not matter to you what they think, this is about the two of us, not them. Let's get you some lunch my Lovely." I led her over to the lunch line and smiled down at her, reveling in the jealous thoughts I heard from the other males. "What would you like?" I whispered to Bella, leaning so close to her that my lips brushed against her temple as I spoke,

"Just a milk and a veggie platter." she murmured blushing and staring at the floor as a few senior girls walked passed us not bothering to lower their voices as they talked about how the "new girl" had snatched up the last Cullen. I cleared my throat and the girls shot me a look, which I returned. They were both bitter since I'd turned them both down after my first three months here. Bella was visibly upset now by the reactions of others to our relationship. I tried to distract her.

"Love, you're tiny enough as it is, you and I both know you should have some protein," Bella reluctantly agreed with me. Her eyes were still trained on the people obviously still discussing us. I hated small towns for this reason, _everything_ was gossiped about. "Remember, pay them no mind, we're displaying our affection because we _want _to. They don't matter at all, okay?" Bella nodded her head but her expression betrayed that she thought different. She tried once again to let her hand fall out of mine again and I let it go, not able to help it when my anger showed on my face.

"Edward-" Bella whispered but I cut her off by holding up my hand.

"Don't Isabella, don't even bother." I grabbed her a veggie plate and milk but also got her a small chicken wrap which I would make sure she finished. I paid for her food and began to head to my family's table. Bella trailed behind me for a few steps but caught up to me and settled her hand on the inside of my elbow. She murmured an apology with her head still hanging. I pulled out her chair for her which she settled into. Grabbing an extra chair for myself I leaned on the table lightly. "Eat Isabella, you ought to be hungry considering you only had a slice of toast for breakfast." Bella gently laid one of her hands on my arm and squeezed it softly before picking up her veggies and beginning to munch away.

While Bella was eating I made small talk with Rosalie and silently fumed over Bella dropping my hand just because people were talking about us. I wanted to understand why, but I could not. It didn't matter to me so much that we needed to move slowly. Bella should _want_ to hold my hand. She should _want_ me to kiss her like I wanted her to kiss me. Jasper was trying to calm me down and I growled at him very quietly. Bella looked startled and I frowned.

"That wasn't at you Bell," she nodded and pulled her chair in closer to the table and closer to mine.

"It scares me when you do that sometimes." I whispered a soft apology and Bella gave me another small smile.

Soon she finished her food and leaned her body slightly towards me to nudge me and then sat up straight again. "Yes Bella?" I asked breaking off in mid sentence from what I'd been saying to Rose.

"Are you mad at me?" Bella's voice was soft, I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

"Not so much mad as...disappointed I guess." She frowned and mumbled,

"I think that's worse...you know I'm trying my best?" I nodded and shrugged a little. I knew I had to have more tolerance for her hesitance but it was very hard considering she'd let me push limits at my house the day before. I felt her warmth get closer to me and turned my head to see she was moving her body to the side of the chair that was touching mine. She then leaned her head on my shoulder and linked her arm though mine. She intertwined our fingers and I felt my goofy grin come back onto my face. Leaning my head down on hers, I slowly wrapped my other arm across her and pulled her into me. I let out a sigh of contentment.

"This really makes you that happy?" she asked in a whisper. I turned my head and nodded and then brushed my lips against her forehead.

"It is hard for me to understand how you can not like this Bella."

"This isn't that bad. It kind of makes me feel like...safe around all these people. When you're close like this it's like no one's watching me but you." The smile that came onto my face was the biggest I had ever worn. Jasper straightened up beside me as he felt the happiness radiate from my body. "I mean, I hate how everyone is looking at us when I look away from you for just a second Edward, but I _really_ am trying." I nodded and pressed my lips to her forehead again. I adjusted my head to kiss her temple and then down on her cheek. Her blush was creeping back over her face and I chuckled. This was how things were supposed to be between us. Bella was giggling lightly and staring up at me.

"Am I embarrassing you my Bell?" she shook her head slightly but continued to go a deeper red. I turned in my chair to face her a little more and ran my nose down her jaw line and she giggled louder. The coldness of my skin skimming over her was tickling her softly. Bringing her hand to my face I ran my lips over her knuckles.

"Get a room you two." Emmett said with a chuckle but I ignored him. I placed another kiss on Bella's cheek and the burning of her blush left my lips tingling in a most pleasant way. I pressed my forehead to hers. Now, just like last night our lips were only three centimeters apart.

This was it! I was going to get my kiss. Taking a quick breath I pressed in further but Bella's face was gone. My eyes opened in surprise, I hadn't even realized I had closed them in my excitement. Bella had lowered her head down into the crook of my neck and was resting there gently. I closed my eyes again and let a long breath out through my nose. Was this rejection? Had she sensed what I was about to do? Or did she just move her head down because she hadn't seen it coming? I rubbed my cheek against hers gently and turned my head to place another kiss there. She responded with a kiss on my neck and I shivered slightly. She then nipped at me gently and I wrinkled my nose in delight. My arms wrapped around her and I rested my chin on top of head.

"Edward?"

"Mhmm?"

"Was that right?"

"Yes it was, just do what feels natural, let your body do the thinking, not your mind." Bella nodded her head at me and fell silent. She broke that silence soon.

"Edward?"

"Yes Love?"

"You smell really good." she whispered and I couldn't help but to laugh.

"You do too my love, you're more exquisite than anything I've ever smelled." Her blush actually increased at this and I figured I should stop with the compliments for an hour so she wouldn't explode.

For the rest of lunch she stayed with her body leaned into mine and I turned silent, letting her strong scent confound my senses. Every so often I would touch my lips to her temple or squeeze her closer to me. Only once did she ever show discomfort with my affection. Angela stopped by to ask Bella about some work from one of their morning classes and she tried to pull away and I let her go, turning my eyes to the floor. I was hoping that she'd be comfortable enough with both Angela and myself to stay cuddled up to me, but I was wrong. Angela registered my dejection and gently reached out to pat my shoulder. Her eyes swam with soft sympathy. Bella noticed this small exchange and her and Angela shared a smile. I gave a small nod her way before she left. Bella turned back into me and grabbed my hand. The bell rang signaling the end of lunch and we stood. I dropped Bella's hand and slipped both of mine into my pockets.

"Tired of holding my hand already?" she asked.

"You ask a lot of stupid questions Bell."

"There's no such thing as a stupid question Edward. Only stupid people." I chuckled and we continued on our way to biology Bella taking two small steps to keep up with my long leisurely stride. When we got into the building we settled at our desk and I watched Bella pull her books and notes from her bag.

"Alright class, one partner from each pair come up around the desk and collect the samples for today's work." Mr. Banner called,

"I'll get it Bell." I whispered as she looked up at the crowded table and grimaced. She gave me a smile and touched my hand gently as a sign of appreciation, I tapped my lips to her temple and moved my way forward only to pause when I heard Mike Newton address Bella.

"Hey Arizona!" he whispered. I began to slow my movements greatly so I could hear what he was saying to her. Looking over my shoulder slightly I saw that he was standing at the end of our table.

"My name is Bella, Mike." she whispered defiantly. I smiled.

"Everyone needs a nickname." Bella wrinkled her nose with distaste and sighed. She glanced up toward me and I pulled up the corners of my mouth. Mike noticed her eyes wander from him and he assumed they went to me, he spoke again. "So you and Cullen huh?"

"Yes. Edward is a very nice man." she whispered back simply,

"I gotta say Arizona, I don't like it...there's something... you know... _wrong_ with him. Haven't you noticed? He's not...normal...you'd be much better off with someone _else_ you know. He's not all he's cracked up to be that Cullen," Bella remained silent and I grabbed our samples and turned toward our desk. I stopped though when I saw her look up at Mike.

"And what makes you say that?" she whispered. Bella's face was completely blank, but she held Mike's gaze.

"Just look at him!" I quickly turned my back to appear to not be listening, and then slowly turned to see Bella and Mike looking my way. I gave Bella a wink and she gave me a small wave.

"I see nothing wrong with him." Bella said with a smile. She held my gaze and I turned my eyes only to Mr. Banner who was explaining to us what we were doing but puckered my lips and blew Bella a kiss across the room. Pink touched her cheeks. Mike sneered.

"Of course you wouldn't! Just because he's good looking-" Bella cut Mike off with her harsh tone that was usually reserved for me,

"I hardly think you have the right to judge him Mike. Edward's lovely, and he understands me. It doesn't matter if you don't like it...he-Edward likes me..._a lot_. That's what counts...so..you can just butt out!"

I could see she was trying to be strong and appear confident but her look faltered slightly. Mike seemed so taken aback at her defense of me he just shook his head and shot me a glare before looking to his partner who had returned. I walked back to Bella and sat on my stool beside her. Before I could stop myself I reached out and placed my hand on the small of her back and brought her close. Bella rested a hand on my neck. I smiled.

"Thank you for defending us, I understand it was hard for you." I whispered to her and brushed my lips against her cheek. She looked up at me, my breathing increased slightly at her closeness.

"You heard all that?"

"Super senses Bell, it's all part of being what I am." I lowered my voice even more and pulled Bella against me completely. Mike shot us another look and I could see in his minds eye that he was still determined to have Bella by his side and away from mine. Standing, I leaned in to kiss her head gently making eye contact with Mike the entire time. He grimaced at me and then looked even more horrified when Bella lifted her face up to meet mine and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. I buried my face into her hair a little and she giggled for me again.

"That's quite enough Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan. Anymore of that and you can talk it out with the principal." Mr. Banner said coming over to our table. I pulled my face from Bella's beautiful brown locks and turned a hardened expression onto Mr. Banner. Isabella's blush was so deep her scent was reaching out and beginning to overwhelm me, but I was distracted when I saw the smug look on Mike's face. A small growl rumbled in my chest that I was sure only Bella could hear.

"Don't be mad Edward, we shouldn't be doing that in class anyways." she whispered thinking my growl was at Banner, not Mike. "Please stop growling." she rubbed my forearm gently wishing to ease me. When it did not work Bella's hand slowly moved over my neck and she lifted it up to rub her thumb across my cheek. This attempt to soothe me nearly brought my to my knees. She smiled up at me as I looked down at her with all the love I had swimming in my eyes. There was a small silence between us. " You know...it wasn't hard to defend us against Mike...not as hard as I thought it would be..." she said in a hushed voice. "You _are_ a nice man Edward...I think so anyways."

I smiled and slid my hand down her arm and rested it near the crook of her elbow.

"Thank you," I stared down into my Bella's eyes and gripped her waist in my free hand. Her perfect pink lips were smiling up at me and I leaned down to claim them as mine, to claim _her_ as mine.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan! None of that. Do not make me tell you again! Work. Now." Mr. Banner said and I opened my eyes. Bella was hiding her face in my chest. I grimaced and squeezed her hand in mine before turning away. She nudged me with her elbow and gave me a soft smile.

"Why do you look so down? Am I doing all this wrong?" I shook my head while laughing. Bella was doing nothing at all wrong. It was everyone else who was getting in our way that was bothering me.

"Very far from wrong Bell. You're perfect." she bumped me gently and we turned to our lab.

"Then smile for me." I complied.

We got to work and were the first to finish the lab. Mr. Banner offered us an extra credit assignment to consume our time, or let us use the free time to work on assignments from another class. Bella pulled out her English essay and began working on it. I leaned closer to her and placed my hand on her thigh, rubbing my thumb is slow small circles. The pulse from the major artery in her leg made it a tempting spot to touch. Feeling Bella's life pump through her was exhilarating. It brought me comfort like nothing ever had. The steady thump of her pulse was the rhythm I walked to, the starting point of my new compositions, it was _everything_. As I was thinking I did not notice my hand climb steadily higher in her leg and move to rub the inside of it sensually. Bella's whole body tensed and I saw her knuckles go white from gripping her pen so hard. Her teeth took hostage of her bottom lip and I put my lips to her ear,

"Relax Bella, does this make you uncomfortable?" I tried to pacify her by adding a soothing low tone into my voice. She nodded stiffly and I withdrew my hand slowly and set it in my own lap with a frown. Bella's eyes followed it and then trailed up my body and to my face.

"Are you going to get mad at me every time I'm uncomfortable?" she asked her voice quavering slightly.

"I'm not mad at all Bella, I...I know it's insensitive but I just get frustrated. I like to touch you, I like your warmth...it's like nothing else to me. I like the way you giggle when I kiss your cheek or your neck...I just...want it all the time. I know it's wrong and I really am trying to restrain myself. I don't mean to scare you. I never do." Bella gave me a small smile and patted my hand gently. She spoke to me again and her words came out slow and broken up.

"Look Edward can we just...stay where we are...for a while at least? I really need a lot of time to getused to this... I think we should just keep the physical stuff to what we've already done so far...okay?" I looked up at her. No! She couldn't! I was supposed to get my kiss today! Her eyes were sad, I frowned even more.

"No further? Not even a _tiny_ bit?" I pleaded. A kiss was just a little baby step, not even a baby step. It was the natural way for us to go. She kissed my cheek, and I kissed her neck and forehead all the time. I stared down at her lips longingly. "Bell, I won't hurt you, I'll go slower I just-" She cut me off by looking away and letting her hand fall from mine. I wanted to taste those lips so bad it almost seemed like they were mocking me whenever they moved to form a word. I _**had**_ to kiss her, and it _**had**_ to be today.

"No Edward, please don't push things like this. Please." I nodded and my heart fell down to hang around with my stomach.

So I wasn't going to get my kiss...and for a very long time. I felt like cursing the gods. Would anything ever be fair in this life for me? I just wanted _**one**_ kiss, I wanted it to be slow and filled with romance. Something so perfect and representing of the affection I felt for Isabella Swan. But she did not want it that all. I felt defeated, but knew that I could not push Bella to kiss me. I wanted her to want it too. One day she would be affectionate with me that way. A horrifying thought struck me at that moment and I wondered if our first kiss would end up being on our wedding day after our vows, in front of our families. How terrible would it be if in front our of families there was only the awkward fumbling usually associated with the first kiss? Cringing, I bit my lip. I would have to kiss her before June, it would just have to happen. Leaning my head onto one of my hands I let my expression show my misery. I couldn't wait that long, there was no way. Bella noticed the look of sadness on my face and she reached out and took my hand again. "Please, please don't do that Edward." she whispered.

"What am I doing?"

"Sulking." I scoffed,

"I do not _sulk_ Isabella Marie." Bella smirked at me.

"You're doing it right now. I don't want to have to put you through pain anymore. When I'm ready to take another step, _I'll_ make the move okay?" I nodded and gave her hand a squeeze. She tightened her grip on my hand too and I pulled up the corners of my mouth.

"Whatever makes you happy my Lovely." I paused. "But I can still do everything I've done before?" I wanted clarification so I would not be pushing her or upsetting her.

"Yes you can, just not in front of Mr. Banner." We both laughed and the bell rang drowning out the sound. I stood, gathered mine and Bella's books in one of my arms and kept her hand securely in my free one. She was smiling up at me brightly and I had to smile back. As we walked to our final class she kept her head down and moved her body closer to mine when she heard our names being whispered amongst the other students. I shot glares to several people and leaned down to whisper an encouraging word to Bella. We were waiting outside of our other building for the students to pile into the classroom and I heard a girl lean over to whisper to Bella,

"He's too good for you, you know that right? How do you think _you_ can compare to him?" Bella said nothing and turned into me. I kissed her forehead and just as Newton was trying to get her attention she fully turned away into my chest. Her arms wrapped around one of mine and she hugged it tightly. Leaning my head down onto hers I kissed her hair. The girl glared at us and I narrowed my eyes,

"Do not tear Bella down because she succeeded where you failed. It was I who begged and cajoled her for a date. If I was too good for her, why would that be?" The girl looked struck dumb, she could not believe I was speaking to her. This made me angrier. "Stay away from both of us." I held Bella even closer to me, "Don't listen to that girl, she knows nothing. Let's get inside my Bell."

"Hey Bella- you okay?" I 'accidentally' knocked into Mike, cutting him off and gave him smug glance as we walked passed him and into the building. Bella held me back just inside the door and looked up at me.

"How do we do this when no one wants us together Edward?" My arms folded around Bella for a moment and I looked down into her eyes, trying to impress the seriousness of what I wanted to say to her.

"We do this just as we are. We are affectionate because it makes us feel good. These people are nothing Bella. You will see it eventually. Soon all that will matter will be the two of us." It was obvious by her expression that Bella did not fully believe what I said. Moving her hand into mine we walked to my desk. I let go of Bella's hand and stroked her cheek with the back of mine. "I'll be waiting for you outside after." I whispered and sat in my seat.

"I don't know if I can do this," Bella whispered softly. The teacher asked her to move to her seat but Bella stood looking at me. "It's too hard."

"No it's not!" I whispered. "You just have to want it to work Bella."

"I...I do want it to. I guess I just need more time."

"And time is something you have plenty of." I said, wanting her to feel secure and not rushed by our relationship. As much as I wanted more I would make myself wait. I loved Bella and we would work out how to easily be together in time. My eyes followed her as she walked to her seat and sat down. The ever persistent Mike came and sat on her desk. Emmett who had joined me turned to watch the two of them closely with me.

"So...Arizona...are you two exclusive then?"

"Leave it alone Mike. I told you already that Edward's a nice man and that I like him."

"You told me he liked you, not that you liked him..." Mike's eyes glanced at me for a moment and we shot each other a glare.

"Well I do...he's...he's quite a gentleman. In fact he's been nicer than anyone else at the school. I'm with him because I want to be." Bella flashed her eyes in my direction and I gave a quick nod to let her know I was listening. Quickly I started rifling through excuses in my head to get up and go get her from her seat, but none of them would go over with our teacher.

"Well, I still don't like it, and I think instead of spending all your weekends with _him_ you should come to the movies with _me_ sometime." Mike said.

"No Mike, I spend weekends with Edward because I like too, and our parents are good friends. You know this isn't really any of your business..." Bella was trying to be firm with him again, but as he got closer to her and leaned further into her desk she lost more of her confidence.

"Well what about Angela and Jessica? They're your friends. I'm your friend, you should spend time with us too. It's only fair."

"It's not like that."

"Then explain it to me."

"I don't owe you an explanation!" Bella spat. I smiled and she looked to me again. Her eyes moved to the seat in front of me with a wanting stare.

"Well I think you should tell me anyways."

"Look-" but Bella was cut off by our teacher telling her that the conversation had to end, and that class had started. The teacher, Mrs. Frasier was writing today's problems on the board. Just more practice of last weeks lesson. I copied them down and began to work on them while watching Isabella out of the corner of my eye. I saw her glance my way every minute or so and gave her a reassuring smile whenever we locked eyes.

"She won't get kidnapped if you're not looking at her for more than thirty seconds Ed," Emmett whispered to me while keeping his eyes on his work.

"If Newton doesn't leave her alone soon, I'm going to snap his neck." I whispered too fast for the humans around me to hear. Emmett glanced at Bella and sure enough Mike was still trying to get her attention. I saw Bella become more and more uncomfortable as he leaned out of his chair and closer to her. I could see the fear building in her eyes. Watching her be afraid and not being able to do anything about it was driving me wild. I felt something building inside of me. An instinct, to claim, to hurt Mike, but most of all to protect the thing that was most precious to me. Bella looked over at me and her eyes were flooded with tears she was holding in, pleading with me to do something, anything to make Mike leave her alone. My hands gripped the desk and I tried to breath through the instinctual rage that was filling me. Mike grabbed the back of Bella's chair and shimmied himself closer. I began to growl and rise from my chair.

How dare Newton get that close to my mate! How dare he continually try and force himself upon her!

"Mrs. Fraser? Can I have a bathroom pass please?" Bella whispered, her hand held high in the air.

"No Miss Swan, the lesson will be out in twenty minutes." Bella bit her lip and her chest rose and fell with more speed as her breathing became laboured. Mike was still reaching out to get her attention. I watched tears well in her eyes and made to stand.

"Don't get out of your chair Edward. Control yourself." Emmett whispered to me. Venom was pooling in my mouth from my desire to make Newton squeal. I'd make him suffer so much he wouldn't ever think of _my_ girl again. I didn't even know I was truly _this_ possessive about Isabella until this very second. Monster Edward inside my head was screaming 'Mine! Mine! Mine!' over and over again. I wanted nothing more than to get up and claim Bella as my own in front of this whole classroom. If his hand that was reaching out touched her, I would kill him, and let the rest of the world know that no hands were to touch her except mine. "_Edward, stop now!"_ I heard Emmett's thoughts but I wasn't listening. Mike's hand was now resting on Bella's and the fear I'd grown so used to and saw recede when she was with me was back full force. Emmett was now standing beside me and had his hands on my shoulders holding me back.

"Mr. And Mr. Cullen? May I ask why you are standing?" Mrs. Frasier snapped

"Edward's unwell, I need to take him for some air," Emmett said.

"I'll take him Emmett!" Bella said standing. The teacher smirked and shook her head.

"Not a chance. Take him out but hurry up." Emmett took me forced me from the room but I was fighting him to go back in.

"Edward. Relax. Now." Emmett's grip on my forearms tightened so much I thought they were going to burst. I inhaled and held the breath willing myself to calm down. I had to get back inside to her, I had to protect her. "Welcome to the world of jealousy my friend. Not a very good place is it?" he asked with a chuckle. I stopped straining against him. Bella was all I could think about and I needed to go back inside.

"I want his hand off of her, _**now**_. She's mine, he shouldn't be touching her Emmett!" I said letting my held breath out slowly.

"If we go back in, you gonna keep your head?"

"No promises Em, did you see how scared she was? You have to let me protect her, I don't want her to go back into her shell. Emmett, let me go, please. You don't know what he's thinking about her. He wants her, and she's mine Emmett. Let me get back to her." He released me and I led the way back into our class. His hand moved back to my shoulder and my eyes looked to the other side of the room. Bella's seat was empty.

My mind instantly went into panic mode, but I could smell her in the room. I turned to my seat and there she was, in the previously empty desk in front of mine. A warm smile came onto my face and I walk toward her. My hand gently swept her hair off of her shoulder as I passed, needing to touch her to put myself at ease. I sat back down in my chair. Leaning forward I rubbed her back gently, trying to get her attention so I could ask how she was feeling. The moment my hand made contact with her she jumped in her chair and Emmett laughed at her.

"Calm down Love, it's me." I whispered. She shrank down in her seat and shuffled forward. I opened my mouth to speak again but thought better of it. I'd let her get over the shock of being in such close proximity to Mike. I would approach her after class since I had to drive her home anyway. It seemed to take forever for the rest of class to go by and my restlessness only made things worse. I wanted to get up and leave, taking Bella with me so I could talk to her and make her feel better. I I longed to see smile up at me and let me know that she was not afraid of me, even after her encounter with Newton.

When the bell finally rang I stood and headed for the door. Bella made no sign of recognition as I walked by, and when she walked out her eyes were on her feet and she did not see me waiting for her. Her shoulders were hunched and she as she clutched her calculus book to her chest. I followed her outside and she parted from the crowd to go to the side of the building and rest her back against it. Bella slid down the wall and I knew from the new salty sweet smell that was twisted with her own floral one that tears were beginning to run down her face. My heart seemed to split into a million pieces at the knowledge that there might have been a way for me to prevent this.

I walked to her and crouched down. Emmett had stopped about eight feet from us and I waved him on. Bella had her eyes closed and she had one hand fisting her hair and the other still clutching desperately at her book.

"Just go away." she mumbled sensing my presence. I reached my hand forward and rested it on her knee, gently rubbing it over her leg trying to calm her and soothe her fears. "Go away." My hand moved to the one of hers that was buried in her hair. "Stop." I ran my fingertips down her arm. "Please. Just stop."

"Talk to me Bella, did Mike scare you? Did he say something after Emmett took me outside?" Bella wiped away her tears and opened her eyes but she kept them on the ground. She pulled her arm away from me and I retracted mine slowly.

"Why won't people just not touch me? Why does he have to get so close? He's going to hurt me! I hate to be touched. Just go away!" Bella sobbed.

"What did he say to you?" I moved forward to touch her face but she flinched away from me. My heart ached but I shoved the pain away. This was about Bella, and I had to find some way to help. "Bella?" I asked taking my hand back again. She didn't respond, or move at all. "Bella, I need you to do something for me okay? I need you to look at me." I knew that she would not flinch if she could pull herself out of her thoughts and see that it was really me in front of her. She'd told me before that sometimes she saw Lonnie on the face of others when she gets scared. I had to remind her that it was just me here. 'She likes you.' I told myself, 'She said you were lovely, don't let her down now.' "Isabella Marie, open your eyes and look at me, please."

Isabella continued her silence but I kept trying to break it. I repeated her name several times with no result. I looked back into my memory trying to find something that would being her out of her silence. She was now shaking and silently crying. Think...think There had to be something I could say to make her meet my eyes, anything at all...wait, her pet name! That was the key! She loved it when I called her my bell. If this didn't work, nothing would.

"Beautiful Bella...my beautiful Bell. Please look at me. Come on Bell, you know you don't need to be afraid of me. Talk to me, let me make your hurting go away my Love." She sobbed and lifted her head. Her eyes fluttered open and I could see the left over fear swimming around in the deep brown pools. I made her look directly into my eyes and I leaned in closer to her. Her breath came out in a rush over my face and I smiled at her intoxicating smell. "My Bell, tell me how to fix this." I watched her fear recede slowly. Her eyes searched my face and then she was reaching out to me, seeming desperate for some kind of comfort. I immediately leaned in and wrapped both my arms around her. She shuddered and I wasn't sure if it was fear or my cold arms.

"Now please my Bell, what did he say to you?" I caressed her hair gently as I pushed her body into mine. She was shaking from trying to hold in her tears. I let her cry for several long moments and then asked her again. "What happened Bella? What did he say? Did he do something to you?" Bella grabbed a fistful of my hair tightly and squeezed me to her. "Hold onto me as hard as you want Bell." Her grip doubled and I pressed my lips to her hair. She let out a soft wail, one that was almost not there.

"He...he told me that if I couldn't see reason...that he'd _make_ me see reason." A growl ripped from my chest and Bella whimpered in fright. I hushed her but she was already trying to pull away from me, already too frightened to understand that my aggression was not for her.

"Love I'm sorry it is part of my nature to do that when I'm angry. Stay here in my arms, let me help you my Love. Please? Just let me make this better. Tell me what to do." She relaxed into my arms and I rocked her gently as I let her cry and get Mike out of her system. His words penetrated my head and I could almost hear them in his threatening tone. He would _make_ her see reason...The thought of what I knew he meant by this made my head boil with anger.

When Bella was considerably more calm I pulled her up to her feet and kept my arms around her. "Bella my Love, do you want me to take you home?" Bella shook her head and buried her face into my chest. One of my hands came up to cradle her head as it rested against me. "No more tears Bella, you're safe now. You're here with me. I'm not going to let him hurt you." Bella nodded but did not bring her face out of my chest. A group of stragglers were staring at us and were whispering amongst themselves. I just wrapped my arms around Isabella tighter and put my lips to her ear.

"As long as you are by my side Mike Newton will not touch you, I promise." I felt one of her hands creep up into my hair again and she looked me in the eyes. I pressed my forehead down onto hers. "Do you believe me my Bell?" She smiled and I moved my arms from around her and brought my hands to her face. I wiped away the remaining tears.

"Oh, Edward." she whispered.

"Mhmm?" I answered

"You're a good man." My eyes smoldered and I firmed up my grip on her. In this moment I could not get enough of this woman.

"I'm glad you think so." I stared down into her eyes. They were finally back to how they'd been this morning when we'd arrived at school together. I let one hand fall from her face down onto her neck and then slip around to hold her to me again. I noticed her lack of flinching and pushing me away which brought an even larger grin onto my face, but I decided to check her comfort level."Is this too much?" She shook her head and smiled up at me.

"Thank you, for helping me. I think I...kind of really trust you now. You really are a good man Edward." I removed an arm from around her to lace our hands together on one side. Bella gave me a winning smile and leaned her head against my chest. "Even though Alice told me you think you're a monster." My smile faltered and I tore my gaze away from hers. I hated thinking about the differences between us. Bella's smile faded away at my new expression of disgust with myself.

"I _am_ a monster. It was not so long ago that you too thought I was nothing but a monster." Bella 's eyes narrowed and her hand grabbed my jaw. I humored her and let her hold me still. Her gaze soon became too intense and I looked away.

"Hey!" she said turning my face back towards her. "You're not a monster Edward Cullen." I released her hand but she snatched mine back and held it in a fierce grip. "Monsters can't comfort like you can." she bit her lip and then whispered, "Mike is the monster, not you."

"I am Bella,"

"Fine then Edward,...but..." she blushed and stood up on her toes so she was closer to my height. Smiling down at her I leaned my forehead against hers, "But you're _my_ monster." and then it was happening.

Bella leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. I was shell shocked and for two seconds and didn't even respond. Finally I tore myself out of my shocked state and gently moved my lips against hers. The kiss from her was chaste but I poured all of my passion into it. I could feel her heat tingling through me and I thought my heart would burst with love.

Isabella Marie Swan was kissing me.

It seemed to last forever, and yet when I felt her pull away gently I was disappointed. I inhaled deeply and smiling to myself, pushed my face back to hers wishing to feel her lips against mine for a second time. It was just as amazing this time as it was the first. I committed this sweet taste to memory like I had with her scent and groaned lightly to myself. This was heaven, this was bliss, this was _right_. Bella and I were made to be locked at the lips.

When she pulled away again I moved my kisses to her cheek and up to her temple. They trailed back down and when I reached her mouth again, I just gave her a quick peck that left me craving more. My eyes fluttered open, I had not even realized I'd closed them. The most genuine of all smiles was spread across my face. I could not imagine a single thing that could ruin this moment. It was amazing, it was wonderful. My eyes found Bella and instantly the balloon of happiness that had been swelling inside of me was popped and gone. She had her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth and looked so upset. I choked on nothing. She regretted it... Bella hadn't liked kissing me. My heart jumped up into my throat and then fell down into my stomach. I dropped my hold on her and took a step back.

"What...what did I do? Was it that bad?" she asked tears coming back into her eyes. "Edward-"

"No it was amazing...you look like you regret it...please...tell me you didn't." She stepped towards me and snaked her arms around my middle cloaking me in her delicious scent. A sigh of relief and contentment left me as I rested my chin on top of her head and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"It was good? I did it right?" she asked. I laughed and it came out melodic and high for me. I was swelling with happiness again and couldn't help but to feel giddy. My Bell had enjoyed our kiss.

"Bella, kissing could never be a bad thing." I smiled down at her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Ever. You're a wonderful kisser, and I'll always want to kiss you. Given the chance I would kiss you forever Bell. There is no treat as sweet, no wine as fine as the taste from your lips." I began to nuzzle and kiss her neck gently, inhaling deeply to let her scent wash over me. "What no giggles this time Bell?" she shook her head but squirmed against me. "Does this tickle love? Huh? Huh?" I continued work on her neck as well as moved my hands down to her ribs and gently dug them in and she shrieked with laughter. I stopped and laughed with her, picking her up and twirling her around several times then setting her back down. She threw her arms around my neck and continued to laugh as I hugged her to me again. I nibbled her neck once more and growled playfully into her. She squirmed which made her nuzzle her head against mine. A deep satisfaction erupted inside my body.

"So this is what it's like to have a boyfriend?" she mumbled after her laughter slowly died away. I wasn't sure if it was a question for me, but I decided to answer it anyways.

"Yes, I guess it is. I hope I'm doing a good job for you. You don't deserve anything less than perfect you know." Bella looked up at me with her big brown eyes and smiled. We stayed standing together this way for a long time, not noticing the people around us all leave. Soon it was just the two of us, and Emmett leaning against my car waiting patiently. Leaning down into Bella I stole another long kiss, almost drowning myself in the love I felt for her as our lips locked. We shared several small kisses and I sighed with contentment as she didn't freeze up in my arms or push me away. Bella's soft voice penetrated my foggy love filled state of mind and I forced myself to focus on her words,

"You know Edward...I was really wrong about you before...thank you." Bella lifted a hand to my face and I held her closer to me,

"You don't have anything to thank me for."

"You're not like everyone else you know, not everyone can be bothered to try as hard as you do." My lips pressed into hers and nibbled them softly.

"You're so worth it." I whispered more to myself, but I was pretty sure she'd heard me.

"Kiss me again?" her voice was soft in her request.

"You never have to ask Bell." Bella smiled happily as I picked her up in my arms and twirled her around before capturing her lips for another soft kiss. Bella's lips were gentle against mine but she was enthusiastic and skilled for someone who had not kissed anyone before.

When she pulled away to breath I smiled and let her back down onto her feet. "Let's go home Bella," I released her from my arms but took her hand and led her over to my car. When we got closer Emmett gave me a knowing smile and small punch on the arm. I was surprised he wasn't making some sarcastic comments about us, or bugging me about making him wait so long.

"_Even I know when to keep my mouth closed, don't give me that look Eddie. That was an important moment for you two. I have tact._" I laughed and Emmett joined in.

"No you don't Em, thanks anyways." I slid into my seat and Bella gave me a look. "It's nothing important Bell, let's go." We drove home in a comfortable silence, my mate's hand rested gently in mine. I looked forward to what this evening would bring us. Whatever it was, it could only be good after our near perfect day together.


End file.
